Key Change, page 21
“Can I go with him?” Piper asked. “Charles might not let him back in without someone he recognizes.”
“Because I’m brown?” Shawn said with a knowing nod.
“What? No.” Piper shook her head, her nose scrunched.
Shawn rolled his eyes but lifted his chin at Johnny. “We’ll be right back.”
The door closed behind them, and Hannah could hear Piper chattering all the way down the hall.
“Thanks for having us over,” Johnny said. “The food was very good.”
“Surprised?” she asked.
He held her gaze for a beat and it felt like the floor dropped out from beneath her. “No. You have many undiscovered talents.”
Those were words she said about herself a few days ago.
Something about him remembering it made her stomach swirl with confusing emotions.
“I’m glad you guys stopped by,” she said, deciding to hand that disarming honesty right back to him. “It’s good for Piper to be around other people.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “My life choices have had the adverse effect of keeping her fairly isolated.”
“Can’t you just vet them through whatever agency you used for me?”
She stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out what he was referring to. “Agency?”
He shrugged like it was all the same. “You didn’t walk into the studio a week ago without having all the information you needed to get me over a barrel.”
She laughed. “Is that how you saw it?”
“Tell me I’m lying.”
“I can’t. I did my due diligence.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “But I didn’t use an agency. Too risky.”
“Oh yeah?” He reached for his beverage.
“I went the less conventional route.” She waited for him to take a sip of his drink. “I used my landlord.”
He lurched forward, trying to prevent the beverage from shooting out of his mouth. He wrestled the liquid back under control and laughed out loud at her. “You’re kidding.”
“Sort of. Not really. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.”
“I hope so. It sounds like a heck of a story.”
“You don’t swear, do you?” she asked, noticing it again and deciding to just ask about it.
“Not really.” He shook his head. “Maybe if the situation called for it I would. It’s not like I don’t know how.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I can swear in two languages.”
“Oh, fancy.”
He smiled and his eyes lost focus as he got lost in thought. She liked watching him when he was like this. Quiet, still, like a Renaissance painting. So much happening behind those dark eyes. She was tempted to push his hair back and feel the strands between her fingers. She’d bet it was as healthy as it looked, and probably twice as thick.
Whatever was on his mind came to the surface and he pinned her with his gaze.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asked softly.
“Oh boy.” Hannah made a face. “I know that tone. It’s about something from before, isn’t it?”
Johnny nodded, watching her carefully.
“You can ask. Doesn’t mean you’ll like the answer,” she warned.
This was cautious territory.
They were getting along, friendly even. But she wasn’t going to lie about the past to keep him content in her presence. She’d learned from experience that ambiguity or glossing over uncomfortable aspects of a person only led to a more damaging outcome.
Clarity was kinder.
“Was it Piper who changed everything? I mean, was finding out about her what made you change everything?”
She’d not anticipated that direction. And found she was delighted by it, scarily enough.
Hannah frowned as she thought back to that foggy time in her life, wanting to be as precise as possible. “Yes and no. But mostly no.”
Johnny’s confused expression mirrored the one Piper had given her when she’d tried to explain the same thing to her. Except Johnny was an adult, so maybe he’d be able to understand the nuances of what she was about to tell him.
If he really wanted to know it.
“I can give you the long version if you really want to know,” she offered. “But it’s a lot. And it won’t make you like me.”
The silence between them was filled with thoughts. Both his and hers. Did he realize what she was saying? That by offering to tell him these private moments of her past and the catalyst for her change, she was giving him more ammo to use against her if he chose? Did she really want to do that? Was she willing to risk her safety and privacy for this man?
She already knew the answer to that question before she had finished asking it.
Yes.
She trusted him.
And that was both an exhilarating and terrifying realization.
He rubbed his hand along his jaw. The slow motion thoughtful and sexy all at once.
“I would really like to know,” he said finally.
The pause in between her question and his reply let her know the honesty in his response. He had weighed the risks and was willing to hear it.
What did that mean for their burgeoning camaraderie? She couldn’t say.
But it felt like faith and sounded like friendship.
“The details of what I’m about to tell you have to stay between us. Piper isn’t old enough to hear them. Not yet. I will tell her someday. When I feel she’s ready.”
“Okay.” He sat up and draped his forearms over his knees.
She liked the way he leaned in toward her, preparing to listen. To learn something new.
Something new about her.
“Things began to really shift for me after my ex got married. It was…” She took a stabilizing breath and shook her head. “Weird. There was a lot behind our situation, but the truth of it was I knew Luke Casey was too good for me. I thought if I could hitch myself to him, he could…I don’t know, save me, I guess? Which sounds ridiculous now, but I was in a chemically induced delusion for a lot of our relationship. After that, seeing him grow and find love and be happy, I spiraled.
“I think I was trying to prove that I could still get what I wanted without changing anything. I slept with anyone I thought could get me something. I drank constantly. I don’t remember even half the people I…” She rolled her eyes and didn’t finish that sentence. Because it was obvious.
“I don’t know if you remember a couple of years ago, a producer was accused of drugging and raping a young female artist.” Hannah clenched her jaw as the young woman’s face floated through her memory. “Everyone came out of the woodwork, declaring his professionalism and innocence.” She pursed her lips. “But I knew better.”
He sat up a little straighter and she knew he was aware of what she was referring to.
“It was the weekend of the NMAs. I had gotten into an argument with my manager because I wanted to get involved in the case. I wanted to stand by her side. Let her know she wasn’t alone. And he told me it wasn’t financially responsible. Said that doing that would end my career. The record company could punish me. That my word could actually hurt her case because of my reputation.”
She chewed on her bottom lip and smiled bitterly.
“He wasn’t wrong. The producer accused of sexual assault? I’d slept with him willingly. It was part of my brand at that point. But I chose to do that. I wasn’t tricked or drugged—” She tilted her head and corrected herself sardonically. “I mean, I wasn’t drugged by him. But I knew him. A man with a need to control and own the people around him.”
Her stomach twisted with the memory. She hated that was part of her past. That it existed.
“I was so disgusted by it all. By him, by myself, by the life I had created for myself. I had painted myself into a corner that they were more than happy to keep me in. I’d weakened my word and my name. I confronted Riley backstage. Decided that if the courts weren’t going to do anything about it, I would.”
“The news said you were drunk and incoherent. That you stripped naked and attacked someone unprovoked.”
Her lips twitched.
“It was the first time in a long time I was actually proud of the fact that I’m pretty fucking fearless.”
Johnny chuckled.
“I was drunk, that part was true. But I knew what I was doing. Somewhere there’s a video of me breaking his nose.” She closed her eyes and smiled wistfully, reliving it. “I’ll never forget the crunch it made when I crushed it with my fist. My tiny woman hands, tits out, no fear.” She opened her eyes. “I have a lot of regrets. But that isn’t one of them.”
He shook his head, incredulous. “I had no idea. None of that was in the news.”
Her lips twitched. “You were checking up on me?”
“I may have hate-Googled you a few times.” He rubbed his jaw again, a slight smile on his full lips.
She really liked it when he smiled.
“Anyway, I knew in that moment everything had to change. I had to get sober. I had to be better. I had to get out of a life that let pieces of shit like him get away with that kind of evil.”
She wasn’t apologetic with her next words.
“I’m not nice. I’m selfish and cruel and a liar. But I’m better than him. And some days, that’s all the consolation I need.”
She licked her lips. This was the part of the story where things got tricky.
“I was in rehab and I started to make this plan. I was going to use all the power I had, and whatever power I could steal, to create something new in the industry. I wanted to start my own label, sign real talent. A new generation of artists free from having to fuck someone ugly just to get featured on a B-side.
“Fucking should only be done for the fun of it,” she said seriously. Because it was true. And it deserved to be said. Life was too short and the fuck should be worth it.
His ears turned bright red and she almost pointed it out but decided to keep it to herself for now.
So adorable.
And good.
“But then I found out about Piper and my priorities changed.”
“You’re half sisters?”
“Same mom. I never met my dad. I don’t think my mom actually knew who he was. I hadn’t spoken to her in fifteen years. I didn’t even know Piper existed until my lawyer called.”
“But you were already sober by then?”
Hmm. The timing and motivation of all this seemed very important to him.
“I was two months sober when I met Piper.” On a hunch, she leaned toward him, catching his eye. “I got sober for me. I stay sober for me. Piper isn’t the reason or motivation. That’s too heavy a burden for a kid. She’s my gift.”
Johnny stared at her, and his eyes, dark storms of conflict, started to gloss over.
“What’s going on, babe?” she asked gently.
The door opened, causing both of them to jump slightly.
“I told you I would beat you,” Piper gasped, red-faced, her ponytail askew. “You owe me ten bucks.”
“I let you win.” Shawn bent over, putting his hands on his knees.
Piper humphed and marched into the living room. “He tried to tell me that because his legs are longer, he’s faster.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So we raced up the stairs.”
“The stairs,” Hannah repeated. “From the car park”—she pointed to the floor—“to here?”
Piper nodded smugly.
“Are you trying to kill him?” Hannah got up and headed Shawn’s way. “You need some water, kid? Paper bag? A defibrillator?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He waved her away, but his face was taking on a purple hue. His thick hair was matted to his scalp with sweat, which also poured down his face and soaked the collar of his shirt.
“She hustled you.” Hannah placed a comforting hand on Shawn’s bent back. “She runs those stairs every day.” She shook her head in disbelief. “My crazy little athlete.”
Shawn straightened and pointed a finger at Piper. “You,” he gasped. “Are mean.”
Oh.
Well.
Maybe it ran in their blood.
“I was carrying this and everything!” Shawn removed the strap to the guitar case and set the instrument down.
“I offered,” Piper said, annoyed.
Hannah’s mouth drew up on one side in a half smile, half smirk.
She hadn’t been witness to this side of Piper before.
Ballsy, bright-eyed little troublemaker.
Her eyes met Johnny’s and they shared a secret smile.
Yeah, she really liked it when he smiled.
JOHNNY
* * *
Unexpected complications.
That’s the only thing he could think as he watched Shawn try to show Piper how to hold down guitar strings.
They were laughing.
And he was full and happy.
He couldn’t remember being this comfortable in a long time.
How had this gotten so far from what he’d thought it would be?
He’d been so intent and focused on getting her out of his world. Never letting her near Shawn. Ignoring the magnetic pull of her.
And now…
Now all he wanted was to have enough excuses to see her every single day.
He liked talking to her.
She answered his questions with thoughtfulness and honesty. Even the hard stuff that anyone else would shy away from. She was bold and deliberate in her pursuit of better.
“What do you think? Am I corrupting her? Or have we both been cursed with bad in our blood?” Hannah asked, also watching the younger kids.
Piper was giving Shawn a hard time and loving it.
Johnny faced Hannah and regarded her carefully. Taking time to think about his words before voicing them.
“I think that she sees you being brave and that gives her the courage to be brave.”
Hannah’s lips parted slightly and she swallowed hard. “I’m not.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “I’m not all that.”
“You are, though. And it’s okay to admit that.”
She held his gaze for a beat and then stood up quickly.
“Who wants ice cream?”
Chapter Fifteen
Now That I Found You
HANNAH
* * *
“Anything else I can help you with today?”
They didn’t respond, just hung up.
Which was a response all on its own.
Hannah signed out to take her lunch break. She leaned back in her chair and stretched her hands over her head.
Back to the daily grind. Her day job. The most unremarkable job that never had anything exciting or unpredictable happen ever. Never.
She sighed.
That was the way she’d wanted it, right?
She rolled her neck, trying to stretch out the tightness that had been building since she’d put her headset on that morning.
She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this tired. Which was saying something.
But it was a different kind of a fatigue.
It was the kind that came with dissatisfaction. And that was a dangerous notion.
She grabbed her coffee cup and headed to the break room. In the fridge, there should be the lunch she’d made for herself this morning. She’d been in a rush, since she’d been up late last night and had accidentally slept in that morning. Good thing Piper didn’t have school because the kid was sawing logs when Hannah ran out the door.
She sat down at an empty table in the corner of the break room and unpacked her sandwich. The real crime was that it wasn’t tacos from La Morena.
She wondered what Nikki and Johnny were having for lunch.
Last night had been…
Maybe there wasn’t a word to describe last night. Maybe it was a just one of those magical moments that happened, and if you blinked, you missed it.
She hadn’t blinked.
In a rare show of presence, she had spent the evening with both eyes open. Cataloging small details she wanted to remember.
Piper’s laugh. Shawn’s frustration with how small Piper’s hands were. Johnny’s calm presence. The snow and the music. The warmth. The peace.
Johnny calling her brave.
She pulled out her phone and went to her last text thread. It was from Johnny, telling her they had made it home safe.
It was an odd feeling she’d had when she’d asked him to be careful on the icy streets. Genuine worry had gripped her and she’d nearly offered to let Johnny and Shawn stay in the living room.
But she’d resisted and he’d texted when they’d gotten home.
Her response had lacked any kind of warmth. It was just the thumbs-up emoji.
If he knew her true relief that they were safe, he’d probably call her therapist himself.
Was this…?
She chewed thoughtfully, not sure if she wanted to pull that layer back and ask the question.
Was this what it felt like to have friends?
Did people think about them throughout the day with smiles and concern? Did people just wander around with thoughts full of people they cared about?
Or was she behaving obsessively? Perhaps she needed to curb these thoughts and notions.
It was tricky business being an addict. One minute you think you have a handle on your vices, and the next you’ve discovered a brand new one.
Relationships of any kind were too dicey for her. She had Piper and she knew that her feelings for Piper were healthy and right. Anything outside of that had the potential to be just another escape tactic.
She deleted her text thread with Johnny.
No reason to tempt herself.
“Did you finish your homework?”
Piper sighed loudly, like a disgruntled old man. She shut the TV off and slouched further into the couch.
“I’m tired.”
“From all the nothing you did all day?” Hannah snickered.
“Yes.”
Hannah leaned against the doorway and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll let you in on a secret. Snow days are mostly hype.”
Piper rolled her eyes. “Or maybe it’s only fun for people who are allowed to have friends,” she retorted with enough sass to take the varnish off the coffee table.
“Because I’m brown?” Shawn said with a knowing nod.
“What? No.” Piper shook her head, her nose scrunched.
Shawn rolled his eyes but lifted his chin at Johnny. “We’ll be right back.”
The door closed behind them, and Hannah could hear Piper chattering all the way down the hall.
“Thanks for having us over,” Johnny said. “The food was very good.”
“Surprised?” she asked.
He held her gaze for a beat and it felt like the floor dropped out from beneath her. “No. You have many undiscovered talents.”
Those were words she said about herself a few days ago.
Something about him remembering it made her stomach swirl with confusing emotions.
“I’m glad you guys stopped by,” she said, deciding to hand that disarming honesty right back to him. “It’s good for Piper to be around other people.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “My life choices have had the adverse effect of keeping her fairly isolated.”
“Can’t you just vet them through whatever agency you used for me?”
She stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out what he was referring to. “Agency?”
He shrugged like it was all the same. “You didn’t walk into the studio a week ago without having all the information you needed to get me over a barrel.”
She laughed. “Is that how you saw it?”
“Tell me I’m lying.”
“I can’t. I did my due diligence.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “But I didn’t use an agency. Too risky.”
“Oh yeah?” He reached for his beverage.
“I went the less conventional route.” She waited for him to take a sip of his drink. “I used my landlord.”
He lurched forward, trying to prevent the beverage from shooting out of his mouth. He wrestled the liquid back under control and laughed out loud at her. “You’re kidding.”
“Sort of. Not really. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.”
“I hope so. It sounds like a heck of a story.”
“You don’t swear, do you?” she asked, noticing it again and deciding to just ask about it.
“Not really.” He shook his head. “Maybe if the situation called for it I would. It’s not like I don’t know how.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I can swear in two languages.”
“Oh, fancy.”
He smiled and his eyes lost focus as he got lost in thought. She liked watching him when he was like this. Quiet, still, like a Renaissance painting. So much happening behind those dark eyes. She was tempted to push his hair back and feel the strands between her fingers. She’d bet it was as healthy as it looked, and probably twice as thick.
Whatever was on his mind came to the surface and he pinned her with his gaze.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asked softly.
“Oh boy.” Hannah made a face. “I know that tone. It’s about something from before, isn’t it?”
Johnny nodded, watching her carefully.
“You can ask. Doesn’t mean you’ll like the answer,” she warned.
This was cautious territory.
They were getting along, friendly even. But she wasn’t going to lie about the past to keep him content in her presence. She’d learned from experience that ambiguity or glossing over uncomfortable aspects of a person only led to a more damaging outcome.
Clarity was kinder.
“Was it Piper who changed everything? I mean, was finding out about her what made you change everything?”
She’d not anticipated that direction. And found she was delighted by it, scarily enough.
Hannah frowned as she thought back to that foggy time in her life, wanting to be as precise as possible. “Yes and no. But mostly no.”
Johnny’s confused expression mirrored the one Piper had given her when she’d tried to explain the same thing to her. Except Johnny was an adult, so maybe he’d be able to understand the nuances of what she was about to tell him.
If he really wanted to know it.
“I can give you the long version if you really want to know,” she offered. “But it’s a lot. And it won’t make you like me.”
The silence between them was filled with thoughts. Both his and hers. Did he realize what she was saying? That by offering to tell him these private moments of her past and the catalyst for her change, she was giving him more ammo to use against her if he chose? Did she really want to do that? Was she willing to risk her safety and privacy for this man?
She already knew the answer to that question before she had finished asking it.
Yes.
She trusted him.
And that was both an exhilarating and terrifying realization.
He rubbed his hand along his jaw. The slow motion thoughtful and sexy all at once.
“I would really like to know,” he said finally.
The pause in between her question and his reply let her know the honesty in his response. He had weighed the risks and was willing to hear it.
What did that mean for their burgeoning camaraderie? She couldn’t say.
But it felt like faith and sounded like friendship.
“The details of what I’m about to tell you have to stay between us. Piper isn’t old enough to hear them. Not yet. I will tell her someday. When I feel she’s ready.”
“Okay.” He sat up and draped his forearms over his knees.
She liked the way he leaned in toward her, preparing to listen. To learn something new.
Something new about her.
“Things began to really shift for me after my ex got married. It was…” She took a stabilizing breath and shook her head. “Weird. There was a lot behind our situation, but the truth of it was I knew Luke Casey was too good for me. I thought if I could hitch myself to him, he could…I don’t know, save me, I guess? Which sounds ridiculous now, but I was in a chemically induced delusion for a lot of our relationship. After that, seeing him grow and find love and be happy, I spiraled.
“I think I was trying to prove that I could still get what I wanted without changing anything. I slept with anyone I thought could get me something. I drank constantly. I don’t remember even half the people I…” She rolled her eyes and didn’t finish that sentence. Because it was obvious.
“I don’t know if you remember a couple of years ago, a producer was accused of drugging and raping a young female artist.” Hannah clenched her jaw as the young woman’s face floated through her memory. “Everyone came out of the woodwork, declaring his professionalism and innocence.” She pursed her lips. “But I knew better.”
He sat up a little straighter and she knew he was aware of what she was referring to.
“It was the weekend of the NMAs. I had gotten into an argument with my manager because I wanted to get involved in the case. I wanted to stand by her side. Let her know she wasn’t alone. And he told me it wasn’t financially responsible. Said that doing that would end my career. The record company could punish me. That my word could actually hurt her case because of my reputation.”
She chewed on her bottom lip and smiled bitterly.
“He wasn’t wrong. The producer accused of sexual assault? I’d slept with him willingly. It was part of my brand at that point. But I chose to do that. I wasn’t tricked or drugged—” She tilted her head and corrected herself sardonically. “I mean, I wasn’t drugged by him. But I knew him. A man with a need to control and own the people around him.”
Her stomach twisted with the memory. She hated that was part of her past. That it existed.
“I was so disgusted by it all. By him, by myself, by the life I had created for myself. I had painted myself into a corner that they were more than happy to keep me in. I’d weakened my word and my name. I confronted Riley backstage. Decided that if the courts weren’t going to do anything about it, I would.”
“The news said you were drunk and incoherent. That you stripped naked and attacked someone unprovoked.”
Her lips twitched.
“It was the first time in a long time I was actually proud of the fact that I’m pretty fucking fearless.”
Johnny chuckled.
“I was drunk, that part was true. But I knew what I was doing. Somewhere there’s a video of me breaking his nose.” She closed her eyes and smiled wistfully, reliving it. “I’ll never forget the crunch it made when I crushed it with my fist. My tiny woman hands, tits out, no fear.” She opened her eyes. “I have a lot of regrets. But that isn’t one of them.”
He shook his head, incredulous. “I had no idea. None of that was in the news.”
Her lips twitched. “You were checking up on me?”
“I may have hate-Googled you a few times.” He rubbed his jaw again, a slight smile on his full lips.
She really liked it when he smiled.
“Anyway, I knew in that moment everything had to change. I had to get sober. I had to be better. I had to get out of a life that let pieces of shit like him get away with that kind of evil.”
She wasn’t apologetic with her next words.
“I’m not nice. I’m selfish and cruel and a liar. But I’m better than him. And some days, that’s all the consolation I need.”
She licked her lips. This was the part of the story where things got tricky.
“I was in rehab and I started to make this plan. I was going to use all the power I had, and whatever power I could steal, to create something new in the industry. I wanted to start my own label, sign real talent. A new generation of artists free from having to fuck someone ugly just to get featured on a B-side.
“Fucking should only be done for the fun of it,” she said seriously. Because it was true. And it deserved to be said. Life was too short and the fuck should be worth it.
His ears turned bright red and she almost pointed it out but decided to keep it to herself for now.
So adorable.
And good.
“But then I found out about Piper and my priorities changed.”
“You’re half sisters?”
“Same mom. I never met my dad. I don’t think my mom actually knew who he was. I hadn’t spoken to her in fifteen years. I didn’t even know Piper existed until my lawyer called.”
“But you were already sober by then?”
Hmm. The timing and motivation of all this seemed very important to him.
“I was two months sober when I met Piper.” On a hunch, she leaned toward him, catching his eye. “I got sober for me. I stay sober for me. Piper isn’t the reason or motivation. That’s too heavy a burden for a kid. She’s my gift.”
Johnny stared at her, and his eyes, dark storms of conflict, started to gloss over.
“What’s going on, babe?” she asked gently.
The door opened, causing both of them to jump slightly.
“I told you I would beat you,” Piper gasped, red-faced, her ponytail askew. “You owe me ten bucks.”
“I let you win.” Shawn bent over, putting his hands on his knees.
Piper humphed and marched into the living room. “He tried to tell me that because his legs are longer, he’s faster.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So we raced up the stairs.”
“The stairs,” Hannah repeated. “From the car park”—she pointed to the floor—“to here?”
Piper nodded smugly.
“Are you trying to kill him?” Hannah got up and headed Shawn’s way. “You need some water, kid? Paper bag? A defibrillator?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He waved her away, but his face was taking on a purple hue. His thick hair was matted to his scalp with sweat, which also poured down his face and soaked the collar of his shirt.
“She hustled you.” Hannah placed a comforting hand on Shawn’s bent back. “She runs those stairs every day.” She shook her head in disbelief. “My crazy little athlete.”
Shawn straightened and pointed a finger at Piper. “You,” he gasped. “Are mean.”
Oh.
Well.
Maybe it ran in their blood.
“I was carrying this and everything!” Shawn removed the strap to the guitar case and set the instrument down.
“I offered,” Piper said, annoyed.
Hannah’s mouth drew up on one side in a half smile, half smirk.
She hadn’t been witness to this side of Piper before.
Ballsy, bright-eyed little troublemaker.
Her eyes met Johnny’s and they shared a secret smile.
Yeah, she really liked it when he smiled.
JOHNNY
* * *
Unexpected complications.
That’s the only thing he could think as he watched Shawn try to show Piper how to hold down guitar strings.
They were laughing.
And he was full and happy.
He couldn’t remember being this comfortable in a long time.
How had this gotten so far from what he’d thought it would be?
He’d been so intent and focused on getting her out of his world. Never letting her near Shawn. Ignoring the magnetic pull of her.
And now…
Now all he wanted was to have enough excuses to see her every single day.
He liked talking to her.
She answered his questions with thoughtfulness and honesty. Even the hard stuff that anyone else would shy away from. She was bold and deliberate in her pursuit of better.
“What do you think? Am I corrupting her? Or have we both been cursed with bad in our blood?” Hannah asked, also watching the younger kids.
Piper was giving Shawn a hard time and loving it.
Johnny faced Hannah and regarded her carefully. Taking time to think about his words before voicing them.
“I think that she sees you being brave and that gives her the courage to be brave.”
Hannah’s lips parted slightly and she swallowed hard. “I’m not.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “I’m not all that.”
“You are, though. And it’s okay to admit that.”
She held his gaze for a beat and then stood up quickly.
“Who wants ice cream?”
Chapter Fifteen
Now That I Found You
HANNAH
* * *
“Anything else I can help you with today?”
They didn’t respond, just hung up.
Which was a response all on its own.
Hannah signed out to take her lunch break. She leaned back in her chair and stretched her hands over her head.
Back to the daily grind. Her day job. The most unremarkable job that never had anything exciting or unpredictable happen ever. Never.
She sighed.
That was the way she’d wanted it, right?
She rolled her neck, trying to stretch out the tightness that had been building since she’d put her headset on that morning.
She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this tired. Which was saying something.
But it was a different kind of a fatigue.
It was the kind that came with dissatisfaction. And that was a dangerous notion.
She grabbed her coffee cup and headed to the break room. In the fridge, there should be the lunch she’d made for herself this morning. She’d been in a rush, since she’d been up late last night and had accidentally slept in that morning. Good thing Piper didn’t have school because the kid was sawing logs when Hannah ran out the door.
She sat down at an empty table in the corner of the break room and unpacked her sandwich. The real crime was that it wasn’t tacos from La Morena.
She wondered what Nikki and Johnny were having for lunch.
Last night had been…
Maybe there wasn’t a word to describe last night. Maybe it was a just one of those magical moments that happened, and if you blinked, you missed it.
She hadn’t blinked.
In a rare show of presence, she had spent the evening with both eyes open. Cataloging small details she wanted to remember.
Piper’s laugh. Shawn’s frustration with how small Piper’s hands were. Johnny’s calm presence. The snow and the music. The warmth. The peace.
Johnny calling her brave.
She pulled out her phone and went to her last text thread. It was from Johnny, telling her they had made it home safe.
It was an odd feeling she’d had when she’d asked him to be careful on the icy streets. Genuine worry had gripped her and she’d nearly offered to let Johnny and Shawn stay in the living room.
But she’d resisted and he’d texted when they’d gotten home.
Her response had lacked any kind of warmth. It was just the thumbs-up emoji.
If he knew her true relief that they were safe, he’d probably call her therapist himself.
Was this…?
She chewed thoughtfully, not sure if she wanted to pull that layer back and ask the question.
Was this what it felt like to have friends?
Did people think about them throughout the day with smiles and concern? Did people just wander around with thoughts full of people they cared about?
Or was she behaving obsessively? Perhaps she needed to curb these thoughts and notions.
It was tricky business being an addict. One minute you think you have a handle on your vices, and the next you’ve discovered a brand new one.
Relationships of any kind were too dicey for her. She had Piper and she knew that her feelings for Piper were healthy and right. Anything outside of that had the potential to be just another escape tactic.
She deleted her text thread with Johnny.
No reason to tempt herself.
“Did you finish your homework?”
Piper sighed loudly, like a disgruntled old man. She shut the TV off and slouched further into the couch.
“I’m tired.”
“From all the nothing you did all day?” Hannah snickered.
“Yes.”
Hannah leaned against the doorway and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll let you in on a secret. Snow days are mostly hype.”
Piper rolled her eyes. “Or maybe it’s only fun for people who are allowed to have friends,” she retorted with enough sass to take the varnish off the coffee table.
