Murder in the Dark, page 18
There was a sudden blast of light and sound, blinding and dazzling. All my senses were suddenly back and working overtime, filling my head like a crowd of people all shouting at once. When the clamour finally died down to manageable levels, I realized I was standing on my feet, perfectly steadily. Somewhere else. I had arrived without any sudden stop or impact. I looked slowly around me. And to my surprise, and even shock, I found I recognized my new setting. I had seen this place before in glimpses: in my dreams, and scraps of memory. This was my old world. Where I originally came from; where I began before I was me.
It looked alien, and strange beyond bearing.
I was standing on a beach made up of stones that shone like diamonds. They were all moving slowly, churning and seething, swirling in complex patterns; as if they were dreaming and stirring in their sleep. The ocean before me was a deep rich purple, its mountainous waves rising up and up like skyscrapers, only to fall slowly back, taking their time; more like some impossibly thick syrup than water. The heavy waves pounded the shore like close-up thunder. Strange lights detonated in the depths, flaring up and then gone in a moment, like phosphorescent stars. I could see huge shapes moving in the languorous ocean, distorted things with hides like diseased metal. I could make out just enough of them to be grateful I couldn’t see more. They looked like the kind of things that pursue us in the kind of nightmares we are grateful to wake from.
I looked behind me. There was no sign anywhere of the hole that had brought me here. Just a massive cliff face. A sickly grey surface shot through with dark pulsing veins, it bulged out here and there in smooth almost organic shapes. They reminded me of rotting fruit or fruiting bodies. On top of the cliff I could just make out a huge artificial structure composed of brightly shining metal plates, interrupted by jutting spikes and unnatural projections that came and went in constant motion as the whole structure cycled through endless strange iterations.
And all of this against a bottle-green sky, under a fierce white sun. Three small moons, wrinkled like evil faces, shot across the cloudless sky as if chasing each other in some desperate race for survival. Somehow, I knew they were alive and hungry.
I realized I was instinctively holding my breath and made myself let it out, then I drew in a slow steady breath and relaxed a little as the air turned out to be breathable. It was thick with heavy scents, like poisoned meats and rotting metals, burned bones and the perfumes of corrupt flowers.
There was a sound to my right: the very familiar sound of someone clearing their throat politely. I looked round sharply, and there was Paul; standing not far away, down the beach. I was positive he hadn’t been there just a moment before. He was standing quite casually, entirely at his ease in this alien setting. He smiled at me cheerfully; as if I was an expected guest who’d finally shown up for a party. I didn’t smile back.
Penny was lying unconscious at Paul’s feet. Breathing steadily, eyes closed, her face calm and apparently unaffected by her experience in passing through the hole. That was a relief, after what had happened to Terry. I wondered if he’d been here and seen this world; or something that lived in it. Perhaps this world showed him something it was holding back from me, for now. I started towards Paul, but he stopped me with a raised hand.
‘No closer, Ishmael. Penny’s fine. And she’ll stay that way as long as you keep your distance. Let’s both be civilized about this, until we’ve had our little chat. I knew the transition would be too much for her, so I shut her mind down when we entered the hole, to protect her. You see the circle in the beach, surrounding us? That line marks the boundary of the Earth-style conditions I’m maintaining. Because she wouldn’t survive the local conditions for one moment. And neither would you, in that body.’ He stopped and looked down at himself, seeming both amused and contemptuous. ‘I don’t know how you can stand living in something so small. And only five senses? How do you keep from bumping into things?’
‘Who are you?’ I said.
‘I would have thought that was obvious,’ he said, still smiling his easy smile. ‘I’m an alien passing for human, just like you. Except I’m not a castaway or beachcomber. I was made human and sent to Earth through the hole to find out what happened to your starship. It’s been missing for some time now, and we wanted to know why it never reported in.’
‘You made the hole?’ I said.
‘Hardly. We just took advantage of a recurring phenomenon. They do make for such wonderful shortcuts.’
‘A tunnel between the worlds …’ I said.
‘Must you take things so literally?’ said Paul, a pained look on his face. ‘There was a time you understood such things better than I do. But then you’ve forgotten so much, haven’t you?’
‘How did you find me?’ I said. I was still measuring the distance between Penny and me, trying to work out whether I could get to her before Paul could stop me. But every time I so much as tensed a muscle, he caught my eye and I had to stop.
‘You weren’t exactly difficult to find,’ said Paul. ‘Even in that body, you stand out for those who know what to look for. But you’d been gone so long, been human for so long, it was decided I should approach you cautiously. We weren’t exactly sure what your reaction might be.’
‘What happened to the real Paul?’
‘He’s gone. It’s not like he had much personality. I doubt anyone will miss him. We just took him out of the world and inserted me into what was happening. To look you over, and decide how best to make contact.’
‘When did you replace Paul?’ I said. ‘After he arrived at the campsite, or before? Did I ever meet the real Paul?’
‘You can work that out for yourself later,’ said Paul, entirely unmoved by the anger in my voice. ‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s move on, and talk about the things that do matter. Starting with what happened to you.’
‘The ship crashed,’ I said. ‘I think something attacked us. The ship fell to Earth like a shooting star, screaming all the way down. And when it hit, it hit hard. The ship was badly damaged, which is probably why it never sent out a distress signal. The rest of the crew died on impact. The transformation machines made me human so I could survive on Earth. But the machines had been damaged in the crash, and they wiped all my memories. Of who and what I was, before I was me. I don’t even remember where the ship buried itself.’
‘Shame,’ said Paul. ‘Still, not to worry. I’m sure we’ll find it eventually. What matters is that we found you. Your ordeal is finally over. You can come home now.’
‘I was home,’ I said.
He looked at me for a long moment. He seemed honestly shocked.
‘You can’t mean that … You don’t belong there! On that awful place! I don’t know how you were able to stand it so long. I was only there a short while, to rescue you, and I was going out of my mind with frustration.’
‘It’s all I’ve ever known,’ I said. ‘And it’s all I want to know. I made a life for myself on Earth. I belong there now.’
‘No you don’t,’ Paul said sternly. ‘This is that body talking, not you. It’s time for you to stop slumming, come home, and take up your responsibilities.’
‘My only responsibility is to Penny,’ I said.
‘Forget her! She doesn’t matter. It’s vitally important that you stop this nonsense and come back to us!’
‘Why?’ I said.
‘You really have forgotten everything, haven’t you?’
‘Why did you bring Penny here?’ I said.
‘To make sure you’d follow me,’ said Paul. ‘I could see you’d been human for so long that you were lost in it, and realized what she meant to you. I kept expecting you to recognize who I was, and gave you every opportunity. But when it became clear you honestly didn’t have a clue, I had no choice but to do something dramatic to ensure you’d have no choice but to follow me home.’
‘You could have grabbed Penny at any time,’ I said. ‘It couldn’t have taken you long to realize I didn’t know you. But you didn’t … Because you were having fun, playing games with us.’
‘Maybe,’ said Paul. ‘Just for a while. You must admit, the thing with the car engine was hilarious. But none of that matters. You’re home now. Don’t concern yourself over Penny. Once we’ve changed you back to who you really are, you won’t care about her any more. I can always dispose of the body for you.’
I took a step forward, and Paul’s voice broke off as he took in the look on my face. When I spoke, my voice sounded dangerously cold. Even to me.
‘Touch her and I’ll kill you.’
For the first time, Paul seemed honestly taken aback. He had to struggle to find the right words.
‘You’d attack one of your own kind, over one of them?’
‘Her life is more important to me than my own,’ I said. ‘I’d fight for her. I’d die for her.’
Paul smiled suddenly. ‘You really have gone native, haven’t you?’
‘You could have killed Penny the moment you arrived in this place,’ I said. ‘Just by exposing her to the local conditions. But instead, you kept her safe till I got here. Because you knew that if you let her die, you’d no longer have any hold over me. And I would be your enemy till the day I die.
‘You could have just grabbed me and jumped into the hole, but I don’t think you were allowed to do that. All this time you’ve been talking, trying to persuade me, instead of just turning me back into what I used to be. You can’t make me do anything, can you? You need to convince me to do this of my own free will … Why? What makes me so important that you went to all this trouble to come after the single survivor of a crashed starship on a backwater world?’
‘You’re right,’ said Paul. ‘I can’t force you to come home. But I’m not allowed to tell you why. You have no idea how frustrating all of this is. Can’t you just trust me? You used to. Would I really have gone to all this effort if your return wasn’t so important?’
‘Important to you,’ I said. ‘Not to me.’
Paul sighed dramatically. ‘Oh, very well … If you’re determined not to listen to reason, then we’ll just have to do this the hard way. Take Penny and go back to your little world. She’s yours, for as long as she lasts. We can wait. Let her live out her small human life, and when it’s over we’ll talk again. You and I have golden blood, we walk in eternity. And when you no longer have her to tie you to that pitiful place, we’ll come and find you again and bring you home. Back to where you belong.’
‘Tell me,’ I said. ‘Why did the starship go to Earth? If it’s such an unimportant place? What was I supposed to do there?’
‘Sorry,’ said Paul. ‘No clues. You wouldn’t understand anyway, with your limited human thinking.’
‘There’s a war going on among the stars, isn’t there?’
He looked at me curiously. ‘You remember that?’
‘I learned that,’ I said.
Paul looked at me expectantly, wanting to know who could have told me. But I just smiled back at him. It pleased me, to know something he didn’t.
‘I suppose you could call it a war,’ Paul said finally. ‘That’s part of why we went to such trouble to find you. Please, come home. You’re needed. I could send Penny back safely. Just say the word and you can be restored to your proper self. Then you’ll remember everything, and it will all make sense to you.’
‘I think … that would be like dying,’ I said. ‘And I’m not ready to do that, just yet.’
Paul shrugged. A surprisingly human gesture in such an inhuman setting. ‘Then I’ll be off.’
He turned to leave.
‘Wait!’ I said. ‘Why did you kill all those people? Were you just playing games because you were bored?’
He looked back at me, as though I was being very slow. ‘I didn’t kill anyone. I was only there for you.’
He stepped across the circle’s boundary line, and immediately became something else. A shape so alien I had to turn my head away, rather than look at it directly. The new shape sprouted wide membranous wings and flew away, flapping unhurriedly across the purple sea into the green heavens.
I didn’t even try to follow where it was going. Just the shape made my head hurt. I ran forward across the shifting stones to kneel beside Penny. She was still breathing steadily, her eyes still closed. I didn’t try to wake her. I didn’t want her to see any of this, and think of what it meant to the thing I was before I was Ishmael Jones.
I felt a sudden presence behind me. I looked round. And there was the hole, set into the cliff face. The same flat circle, full of an impenetrable darkness, that seemed only to tunnel deep into the cliff. I was relieved to see it, not just because it was our way home but because it was the only truly familiar sight in this alien setting. I suddenly realized that the circle surrounding Penny and me was moving steadily forward, as the Earth conditions shut themselves down. I picked up Penny, and took one last look at the alien world. To my relief, I wasn’t at all tempted to stay. Paul was wrong, I didn’t belong here. I belonged with Penny.
I held her tightly to me, and jumped back into the hole.
SIX
All Kinds of Mercy
I travelled a lot faster on my return than on my way in. There was no sense of motion, though I was conscious that we were travelling. The same way I could feel Penny in my arms, pressed tight against my chest. The darkness was just as complete as before, but I had no doubt we were making fast progress through it. As if the dark between the worlds couldn’t wait to be rid of me.
At least there weren’t any cobwebs this time.
It came as something of a surprise when I sensed another presence in the dark with us. Close enough that when it spoke to me I could hear its voice quite distinctly. The Voice sounded cool and calm, but it had an artificial precision that suggested Human wasn’t its usual language.
‘You are not what you seem,’ said the Voice. Not an accusation, more just … interested.
‘I’m exactly what I seem,’ I said politely. ‘It’s just that I’m something else as well.’
‘Something we know, and recognize.’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘that’s nice for you.’
‘Not really,’ said the Voice. ‘Why are you here?’
‘Just passing through,’ I said.
‘Travelling to Earth.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Given that both of us are currently inside a hole that has been used to spy on the Earth and its people, would I be correct in assuming you’re the ones responsible for doing that?’
‘Yes,’ said the Voice. ‘We’ve been watching Humanity for some time, observing them as they grew and developed.’
‘You really need to stop that,’ I said, doing my best to sound firm and severe. ‘Leave the Earth alone. It’s protected.’
I carefully didn’t add anything more to that statement. I thought it would be more impressive if the Voice didn’t know I was the only one protecting all of Humanity.
‘We do it because it is necessary,’ said the Voice. ‘We watch the humans because we are afraid of them. We have seen what they do to each other, and we are concerned that they will find a way to come where we are and do these things to us.’
‘If you shut down the holes, they won’t be able to get to you,’ I said carefully. ‘They lack the technology to produce such things themselves. Right now they have no idea you exist, so without the spy holes they’d have no reason to come looking for you.’
‘You won’t tell them?’ said the Voice.
‘If I was convinced you were no longer a threat, I wouldn’t have any reason to,’ I said.
‘Very well,’ said the Voice. ‘No more observation. No contact of any kind. Now please leave this area as soon as possible. We find your presence … disturbing.’
The Voice stopped speaking, and I could feel whatever was behind it moving away, in a direction I could sense but not put a name to. In a few moments it was gone, leaving only Penny and me in the dark. I had to wonder just who or what I’d been negotiating with, and who or what it thought I was.
I couldn’t help but smile. The conversations you get into that you never thought would happen …
A light appeared, up ahead. Sharp and fierce, as though someone had smashed a hole in the universe and let in the light from outside. The light at the end of the tunnel. It didn’t grow any larger or brighter as I shot towards it, but it seemed to fill my eyes and my head to overflowing. And then I hit it, hard, and broke through to the other side.
I was standing on the open hillside, under a night sky full of stars and a reassuringly bright half-moon, with the hole behind me and Mike and the Professor before me, looking shocked and startled. They both started speaking at once, demanding to know where I’d been and what I’d been doing. I ignored them, and looked down at Penny in my arms. They quickly fell silent as they realized something was wrong.
‘Is she dead?’ said Mike, blunt as always.
‘No,’ I said.
‘Is she all right?’ asked the Professor.
‘Yes,’ I said. Because I needed that to be true.
Penny was breathing steadily, her eyes closed, her face calm and composed. She looked as she always did when she slept in my arms. I lowered her carefully to the ground, and checked her pulse. It seemed strong and regular. I didn’t understand why she hadn’t woken up, now we were out of the hole. The other Paul said he only shut her mind down to protect her from the strain of passing from one world to another. Or perhaps he simply didn’t want her to see his world. My world. But I assumed she’d wake up the moment we were out of the hole and safely back on Earth. I was starting to worry the other Paul might have done something to her.
