Falling for Autumn, page 10
“I’m good, sweetheart, how are you? You’re not working too hard since you’re also helping Winter with the wedding, are you?”
“No, Dad, I’m not working too hard.”
“That’s not what your sisters said.”
“You’ve already talked to Summer and Winter?”
“Yes, and neither of them want you to overdo it. You and I are a lot alike, and since I know how much you dislike weddings, I’m sure now that you’re on board, you feel guilty for not being enthusiastic from the beginning.”
She smiled into her phone. Her dad always did know her well. He was one of those fathers who made sure his daughters knew how much he loved them. She had no doubt in her mind that he felt guilty for staying married to their mom for as long as he did, but they didn’t fault him. When it came to love, sometimes it was unpredictable. Just like whom you fall for can be unpredictable. Her mind wandered to Ajay, as it had a lot lately.
“Autumn, did you hear what I said?”
“Sorry, Dad. What did you say?”
“I said that I want you to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. With me being in France, I don’t see you girls as much as I’d like.”
“Dad, you do the best you can and we love that you’re living your dream.” After years of trying to be a Wall Street businessman to make their mom happy, their dad had decided to pursue a career as a painter. It was what he’d always wanted to do with his life, but he had needed to make money to support his family. When one of his paintings had won a prestigious award, he had informed their mom that he would eventually pursue a painting career, and she’d threatened to leave him if he did. He’d put the dream on hold and their mom had ended up leaving anyway. After a lot of convincing from his daughters, he’d finally moved back to France and pursued painting. Now he had a successful career in Europe, and she and her sisters couldn’t be more proud of him.
“I just want you to give that big brain of yours a rest.”
“Okay, Dad,” she said with a laugh. “I’ll take tonight off and relax.”
“That’s my girl.” She talked to her father for ten more minutes before they ended the call. She stood up from her desk chair and stretched out her aching body just as the doorbell rang.
Even before she made it to the door, she had a feeling she knew who it was. Her breasts felt heavy. Her mouth was drier than before. Her heart was beating fast and her body was warm from something other than the wine she’d just had.
She checked the peephole and confirmed her suspicions. Ever since she and Ajay had decided to work on their friendship, they’d both made an effort to text or call one another. They hadn’t randomly showed up at the other’s home yet, but she could tell in his last message to her that he was implying it.
“Hello, Ajay,” she said as she opened the door. The peephole had not done the man justice. This was her first time seeing him in lounge clothes. He was sporting dark gray jogging pants and a matching hoodie complete with some gray boots that looked similar to the beige ones he often wore. She felt a wave of awareness spread across her body and shivered at the feeling. Since the cool October night showed evidence of a rainstorm approaching, she hoped Ajay thought the chilly weather was the cause of her shiver.
“Hey, Autumn. I hope I’m not bothering you.”
“You aren’t. Come on in.” She noticed that he was wearing a backpack and had a brown paper bag from one of her favorite grocery stores.
“Do you have plans tonight?”
“According to my family, I need to relax, so my only plans tonight are trying to do that.”
He gave her a side smile that was so tempting, she almost wanted to bite her fists to keep from naughtily biting him instead. “Would you be interested in having a movie night?”
She glanced at the backpack and grocery bag, suddenly understanding the purpose of his visit. His eyes kept drifting down from her eyes, and although she could tell he was trying to be discreet, it wasn’t working. She couldn’t blame him. She hadn’t been expecting company, so her cotton shorts and T-shirt were definitely not the type of clothing she would have chosen to wear had she known he was coming over.
“It depends on what goodies you have in that bag.”
“I’m sure you’ll like it.” He walked into the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter. “First up, we have these nice healthy salads for dinner with dressing on the side. The salads are accompanied by a couple of chicken-salad sandwiches and roasted chickpeas. Next, for movie snacks we have white-cheddar popcorn and organic lemonade. Finally, for dessert we have chocolate coffee almond granola.”
She was already smiling hard before he even pulled everything out of the bag. “You went to my favorite grocery store and bought all my favorite foods? How did you even know what they were?”
He gave her a sly smile. “One of the benefits of having a soon-to-be sister-in-law who was more than willing to divulge the information.”
“Well, how can I say no to that?”
“You can’t.”
She studied his satisfied expression. “You really surprise me sometimes.” It was the truth. She was impressed. How could she not be? He’d actually gone through the trouble of asking her sister what her favorite foods were.
His eyes darted to her lips and she licked them out of nervousness. He groaned, and although it was faint, she still heard it. “Sometimes I may surprise you. But for me, my strong connection to you still catches me off guard. So you’re not just a surprise. You’re a bombshell I never saw coming.”
The actual definition of a bombshell could mean an overwhelming surprise or an overwhelming disappointment, and had it been any other man, she may have questioned the implication. Coming from Ajay, she knew what he meant and how he meant it. Their connection had completely shocked him. The feeling was undoubtedly mutual.
* * *
“That was a great movie,” Autumn said as she stood to throw out the salad and snack containers.
“Yeah, it was great.” That was a lie. Although he was sure the action movie was really good, he hadn’t been able to focus on anything but how close they were sitting on the couch. He’d purposely chosen to watch an action movie with little romance so that he wouldn’t feel inclined to slide Autumn across the couch and pull her in his arms. He was too damn old to sport an erection during a movie, yet here he was, still waiting for it to go down.
He’d excused himself twice to go to the bathroom and adjust himself so that she couldn’t see the evidence of his arousal.
“Are you ready to watch another movie you brought with you?” she asked when she returned.
“Sure. I have a couple more options in my book bag.” He stood up.
“I’ll get it,” she said, moving into the kitchen before he had a chance to fully stand. He watched her walk away, those short shorts riding up her creamy thighs ever so slowly. Shit, if I keep this up, my body will never cool off. Being around Autumn was making him test his patience in a whole new way. It had been almost half a year since he’d had sex. But the only person he wanted to make love to was the one he had told himself he would back off until she gave him a signal. Torture he wouldn’t wish on any man.
He couldn’t sit down any longer, so he decided to join her in the kitchen. When he found her, she had a serious look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
Her head quickly turned to his. “Nothing,” she said, shoving a movie aside to look at the others. “Just wondering what we should watch.”
He walked over to her and picked up the movie she’d placed on the table. “At the movie rental place, they let you pick a classic movie for every new release you rented. I figured you might like a classic horror movie.”
“I don’t like scary movies.” Her response was extremely quick.
“No worries, we don’t have to watch it. I have three other movies in there. A comedy, another action and a romance.” He watched her shuffle through the movies as if she were debating between fifteen choices rather than three.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine.” She continued to shuffle through the movies. Her eyes seemed distant and unfocused. Regardless of what she claimed, there was no way her mind was on the movies in her hand. He placed his hands over her fidgeting ones.
“How about I pick out the movie and you go back in the living room and relax until I get there. I’ll even pour you some more wine. Okay?”
She didn’t say anything, but she nodded her head and walked out of the kitchen. He’d just decided on the movie and was headed out of the kitchen when he heard footsteps going up the stairs.
“Autumn, where are you going?” he asked when he noticed her at the top of the stairs.
“I’ll be back down in ten minutes.”
He observed her behavior, still not convinced that nothing was wrong. “Was it the movie? Did seeing it upset you.”
“I hate Silence of the Lambs.”
He didn’t miss her emphasis on the word hate. Instead of abiding by her wishes and letting her be on her own for ten minutes, he walked up the stairs to her. She didn’t walk away or tell him not to come up. When he reached her, she sat down on the top step and he sat down beside her.
“What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”
Autumn sighed and looked up to the ceiling. “You must think I’m crazy acting that way over a movie, but I really hate it.”
“Why?”
“My first serious boyfriend used to love that movie. He loved all horror movies. Love isn’t even a strong enough word for how much he loved horror movies. Obsessed would be more accurate.”
“I can understand not liking something that an ex was obsessed with. How long did you two date?”
She leaned back on the palms of her hands, and he adjusted himself so that he was leaning part of his back against the wall.
“We dated seriously our junior year, but we hung out as friends for two years prior. I met him my freshman year of high school. School during that time wasn’t the best for me. Mainly because kids never understood me. I never really fit in with a particular group of friends in high school and it wasn’t until I got to college that I really began coming into my own and opening up to people. Do you remember when we were at Woodland Creek Estate near that pond and I told you that my mom is one of the most disrespectful people you could meet?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Sonya Dupree has never cared about anyone but herself. I’m not going to get into the long, drawn-out story about her cheating on my dad or the daily arguments between them that my sisters and I used to witness as kids. At one point, I don’t even think we called her mom. We called her Sonya. Mom was too endearing, and that woman was anything but. Winter had it the worst growing up. She saw herself in Winter and because of that, she would say things to Winter that she hoped would hurt her for life. She’s learned to finally let some of it go, and Taheim has been a big help with that.”
“What about you? What did she say or do to you?”
She had a faraway look in her eyes and he assumed she was thinking back to her childhood. “She definitely tried to hurt me, too. We lived in New Jersey most my life and, honestly, we couldn’t wait to leave. The best times we had as kids was visiting my aunt and uncle in Arkansas whenever we could. They had six boys of their own, but they always welcomed us with open arms. I think my aunt Cynthia never understood how her sister turned out to be such a terrible mother.
“When I was a little girl, I was the ultimate nerd. Glasses too big for my face. I loved school and I loved homework even more. Several times, they told my dad I should skip a grade, but he thought it would be beneficial for me to stay with my own age group. He also didn’t want Winter and me in the same grade since we’re only eleven months apart. Just like she hated that Winter was so beautiful and had gotten a lot of her features, Sonya was not the type of mother who liked her kids to be smarter than her, either. For years, I tried to hide how smart I was.”
“I can imagine that was hard to do. Especially for a little girl.”
“It was extremely hard. I got all As without trying. I always tested at least three grades above my class. I was able to do taxes by the time I was eleven. I’ve always been great with numbers and Sonya never let me forget it. She’d call me four eyes. Trip me up the stairs when I had my nose in a book. Tell me that smart people would never make it in the world. My hair has always been thick and curly, and although I knew deep down she was jealous of my hair, I still believed her when one day—right before high school—she said she wanted to give me a cute style. Winter had been somewhere with my dad and Summer was young at the time. All I remember is sitting in a chair in the kitchen talking about school and twenty minutes later, she had cut off all my hair.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. Who would do that to their daughter?”
“Sonya Dupree would. When I saw how I looked, I started crying hysterically, and the entire time I cried, she laughed so hard that when Winter and my dad got home, they couldn’t hear my cries over her laugh.”
“That’s so cruel to do to your child. Or do to anyone for that matter.”
“Cruel is Sonya’s middle name. The name-calling and teasing I experienced from her was worse than when I was in school. A psychological bully in the rawest form. That day, I refused to let her make me cry ever again and decided that feelings and emotions were a waste of energy. The week after I made myself that promise, I ended up meeting my first boyfriend. Since I had no choice but to go to school with my hair chopped off in an ugly boy cut, I was already on edge. The kids thought I was strange. Too different for them to understand. Winter would hang out with me, but I had wanted to find my own friends.”
She adjusted herself on the stairs. “I was in the school library one day and he sat down right next to me. We started talking and hit it off right away. At the time, he was the smartest person I’d ever met. Rumor around school was that the guy had some deep-rooted issues and people stayed clear of him, but to me, he had been the nicest person I’d met there. We understood each other. Kindred spirits is what he called it.”
She grew silent and Ajay was afraid to ask her to continue. The faraway look in her eyes was gone and replaced by a look he couldn’t quite define. Sad. Detached.
“Looking back, do you still think you were kindred spirits who understood each other?”
“No. Not at all. Not even a little.” She glanced at him before looking back at the stairwell. He wasn’t sure if he was misreading the signs or not, but in his heart, he felt as if she needed him to be prepared. Wanted him to be prepared for whatever she had to say.
Her eyes were full of angst before she voiced her next words. “Looking back, I’m angry that as smart as I am, I disregarded the signs. I hadn’t fallen for my kindred spirit. Instead, I’d fallen for a boy who was later diagnosed by the state of New Jersey as a psychopath, and on that day in the library, I’d become his latest obsession.”
He tried to keep his face neutral, but he hadn’t been prepared for that. He hadn’t been prepared at all.
Chapter 12
She knew that Ajay was trying to listen to her story without overreacting to anything she was telling him, but she could see the surprise in his eyes even as he tried to keep his face neutral.
“Not what you thought I’d say, is it?”
“I won’t demean your intelligence by lying, so no, it wasn’t what I thought you’d say. But I do want you to continue...if you want.”
She really didn’t want to continue, but she felt as if she should. She never talked about her ex. It was too humiliating. Too upsetting. How many times had she wished she could turn back time to the day she had met him and look the other way? She still couldn’t even say his name.
“I thought I loved him, when in reality, he’d given me attention that I’d never gotten before. The conversations we had where I thought he understood me were just him psychoanalyzing me. Winter couldn’t stand him. My dad couldn’t, either. But we had too much going on at home for them to focus too much on it. He was my mistake to make.”
“We all make mistakes. I told you that I did things I’m not proud of.”
“I agree—we all make mistakes. I just wished I could have seen him coming. Looking back, I see all the signs now. I think about the time we ran into one of his cousins when we’d taken a drive to New York and his cousin seemed hesitant to approach us. I think about how nervous his parents always seemed around me. As if they knew something was wrong and were wondering if I’d noticed it, too. I remember a couple kids at school told me that he’d killed his family dog when he was nine, but when I asked him about it, he said it was an accident. I’d heard other strange things and had ignored them. As a matter of fact, when I told him that I heard he was cruel to animals, he’d laugh about it. I think about how any small little thing would make him fly off the handle and how I’d found dozens of pictures of me on the wall and the floor of his room one day, but he’d told me he was in the process of putting them in a collage that he wanted to give me as a gift.”
“He was a friend and you were dating him, so why would you think anything of it?”
“It was overkill and I remember being freaked out at the time, but I ignored it.” She took a deep breath before she spoke about the moment she finally realized something was seriously wrong.
“It wasn’t until our junior year—the year we started dating—that things really started getting crazy. My bedroom was on the first floor and I was the type of person who liked feeling the breeze while I slept. I figured it was fine to sleep with the window open because my bedroom faced my backyard and we were in a relatively safe neighborhood. There were times I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and felt as if I was being watched. I’d turn to my window and no one would be there.
