Silver, page 32
She was able to keep to her room for a few days more before Georgina grew impatient. Elizabeth sensed that her aunt found occupying Avery by herself an arduous task. She knew that her aunt found Avery’s company unnerving and this alone almost kept Elizabeth from rising until the fourth day.
“At last Elizabeth!” Georgina called from the breakfast table. There was a look of genuine affection and enormous relief. The atmosphere into which Elizabeth had walked that morning was palpably flat. Avery had his back to her and she could not discern any such delight at her return to health.
“Have a seat, my dear. You do look very drawn; though on you it has the advantage of improving your cheek bones.”
Elizabeth gave a hollow laugh and sat in her usual seat opposite Avery and though she itched to look at him, she resisted the temptation. As she helped herself to a few morsels of food, she could see from the corner of her eye that he was looking equally as furtive. He had balled his napkin up in his fist which was now on the table. He was glancing at the door and she knew that he was wondering when it would be polite to make his escape. Georgina, however, was so delighted to have someone else to talk to, that the awkwardness between them went completely unnoticed.
“Well I must say Elizabeth, that Miss Silver and I are very pleased to see you back to health. I expect you will want to keep to the house today until you have your strength back. I imagine a spell on the terrace may do you some good. Perhaps you could arrange for some flowers to be cut from the garden so that we may arrange them, Miss Silver. Miss Silver?”
Avery had stood up and was taking his leave.
“I will ask Helen. Mrs. Fearncott. Miss Greenwood. If you’ll excuse me.”
And with that he left. Elizabeth felt her stomach fall. She had not expected much from Avery right in front of Georgina but his attitude towards her was a double blow. That he had not forgiven her for that night was one thing but his rebuttal felt like a hard kick to the stomach when she needed someone the most. Elizabeth felt teary as her aunt leaned forward to whisper loudly.
“I don’t mind telling you Elizabeth that Miss Silver is quite the most sullen and awkward woman I have ever met. I doubt whether she will ever find, let alone keep, a husband. Why she makes even you look quite appealing.”
There was no hint of apology as she said this but, far from make her sad, Georgina’s barbed comments lacked the power to hurt her and Elizabeth merely smiled at her in response.
“I am sure that Miss Silver’s life will be the richer for it.”
Unable to stomach the food or the company any longer, Elizabeth rose and left the table. Though unappealing as the flower arranging had sounded, the prospect of a morning on the terrace in the warm late summer air was quite tempting. Elizabeth sat alone for an hour or so enjoying the feel of the early morning sun upon her face. She had her face turned away from the house as the sound of someone’s approach came across the gravel. She was glad of the company as being alone only made her think of her recent troubles and she had resolved never to think of Bateman again. She was surprised that she had managed to go so long without Avery or Georgina seeking her out. The footsteps were slower and less deliberate than her aunt and she assumed, or hoped, that it would be Avery.
“It’s not too late for an apology, you know,” she called out without turning.
“Miss Greenwood?” came a thin voice.
Elizabeth spun round to face the figure of Kate looking at her with a shocked expression on her face. Elizabeth turned away from her with total indifference.
“Oh Miss Ward, what is it?” she was irritated that it was not Avery and more so, that she had been made to look foolish in front of his precious maid. There was a pause and then there came a sound like the girl had burst into tears. Elizabeth spun around to see find Kate weeping; her eyes already red rimmed and her face glistening with tears. Elizabeth was stunned, and rather than feel curious as to the cause of her tears, she found that she was disgusted.
“Miss Ward, what on earth are you doing? Will you take a hold of yourself?”
Her words were delivered sharply and without any pity and the girl managed to stifle her sobs as she delivered her message.
“It’s Mr. Silver. He’s dead, Miss.”
Elizabeth’s head swam and she glowered at her again.
“Avery?” she asked.
This made Kate laugh in a sort of relief.
“No, Miss. Toby Silver. Avery’s father. The messenger has just arrived from London. Your aunt and Avery are going back to London right away.”
Elizabeth was struck by the tears this serving maid was weeping for her employer and, though shocked by the sudden and unexpectedness of the news, it did not make Elizabeth sad. On the contrary, she was rather disappointed. She supposed that this would mean that she too would be returning to London and, where a couple of days ago she would have jumped at the chance to return to the city, she felt she could not return home just yet. She was disappointed too that Avery would be going. The young maid waited in front of Elizabeth as if she should say something and eventually she found her voice.
“What dreadful news.”
Her voice sounded flat and without any emotion. She sat back heavily in her chair as she imagined returning to London and bumping into Bateman in her father’s house; not seeing Avery ever again; being married to a man she knew she did not like let alone love. It was as if the news of Toby Silver’s had slit across her stomach and the heavy feelings of dread she had been carrying now spilled out across the terrace. Before she knew it, she too was weeping heavily. Tears entirely of self-pity but Kate, taking them to be for Toby, hurried to Elizabeth’s side and, kneeling down, began to stroke her hair and hush her. For Elizabeth, it was the worst thing the young girl could have done. Since her own mother had died, no woman had ever taken Elizabeth to her breast like that and dealt her such kindness. By the time a few minutes had passed in that position, Elizabeth was drained of all the energy her meager breakfast had provided her and she hung limply over the side of her chair and in the arms of a maid. For a few moments, she took in great gulps of air as she struggled to bring her emotions back under control and when she finally fell silent, Kate asked her.
“What happened on Tuesday night?”
Had she asked a few moments later Elizabeth would have angrily rebuked the girl for daring to ask her but as it was, she had caught her entirely off guard and she simply blurted it out.
“Though you will probably think it entirely my fault, I was taken advantage of.”
“Avery?” Kate returned immediately, a confused look upon her face.
“Bateman.” Elizabeth countered immediately. The name upon her lips caused her stomach to knot and she looked away from the intense gaze of the young girl before her.
“You mean he….”
“Yes. Bateman. Yes. He raped me,” she said, the words making her feel sick again.
Her voice cracked and though she had tried to brazen the statement out with nonchalance, she could not and instead, the words hung in the air and she found she could no longer meet the young girl’s eyes. Kate knelt in silence, waiting for Elizabeth to look up again and when at last she did Kate brought her face in close.
“Have you told anyone?” she asked. Her jaw was tightly clenched and she looked a lot older than her years and Elizabeth was glad of it. It made talking to her easier. Elizabeth shook her head.
“Of course not,” she retorted. “Whom could I tell?”
“If not your aunt, then Avery?” Kate tried to coax.
“Avery isn’t even looking at me, Miss Ward, let alone speaking with me.” Admitting it aloud made her feel twice as alone and she began to cry again.
Kate stood up and pulled Elizabeth with her.
“Come on, Miss Greenwood. It will do you no good at all for your aunt to see you like this.”
But it was too late, Georgina had emerged from the doors just as Elizabeth had got to her feet and she too looked shaken, though Elizabeth noted her aunt’s eyes were completely dry.
“Elizabeth! What on earth is wrong with you?” She eyed her niece and the young maid who was holding her up, suspiciously. “Why on earth are you crying? You never met Toby.”
Kate was quick to reply.
“Please Mrs. Fearncott but Miss Greenwood and Miss Silver have grown so close, I think Miss Greenwood feels the loss more strongly for my mistress.”
Georgina looked incredulously at her but the lie evidently was believable enough.
“Then, I suggest you go and help Miss Silver with her packing. Helen has almost finished mine and Peter has the carriage ready. The next train leaves in an hour so we must leave soon. Elizabeth, you will stay here at Juniper Hall until you are sent for. I think in the circumstances that your father will understand.”
Elizabeth was dizzy from the lack of food and, along with the release of her emotions, her energy had dwindled so that she could barely walk up the stairs. Kate, escorted her to her room and sat down beside her holding her hand. Elizabeth was unaccustomed by the kindness and she felt quite overcome. She felt raw and, afraid at being left alone, she asked quietly.
“Will you stay with me?”
Kate paused to think for only a moment and then simply said, “Yes.”
When Avery left for the station less than twenty minutes later, he seemed only to half hear what Kate was telling him when she said that she was to stay. He was distracted of course and he simply nodded as he was shepherded to the carriage. And then, he and Georgina were both gone.
~o~
It was upon Avery’s return to Amersham several weeks later, that Elizabeth noticed the first real change in him. The absence had made his features less familiar and as she watched him step down from the cab, she could see, at once, that his face was leaner and his jaw more angular. His eyes were dark, suggesting he had not been sleeping well. The change was an improvement and only enhanced his masculine face. Kate has gone to town with one of the scullery maids to collect some supplies. Although she was proving to be a blessing to Elizabeth, her positive spirit and good natured way had been beginning to get on Elizabeth’s nerves and she was only too pleased to encourage her to be gone. She was therefore able to meet Avery alone. As she watched him from the window of the bright day room to the front of the house, she hurriedly arranged herself for his arrival, fussing over her dress.
“Avery? What a surprise. You should have sent word ahead so I could have arranged for dinner. Come inside and sit down, you look dreadful.”
He shook his head and looked past her towards the window.
“Where is Kate? Is she here?”
She said nothing but watched as he stood uncomfortably and paced a little at the doorway before deciding he would stay.
“I have come to collect Kate and the rest of my belongings and to say farewell.” He glanced in her general direction and indicated towards her with a wave of the hand. “Is she here?”
He didn’t look directly at Elizabeth and his concern for Kate over herself made Elizabeth cross. So he was going? She thought. She was under no illusion that things could not simply pick up as they had left off but his admission that this were to be the end threw her current predicament into sharp relief. In the weeks that he had been gone, she had felt changes in herself she could not explain. Her breasts were swollen and tender and she felt thick headed in the morning where she normally leapt at an early start to a day. Most mornings, she had felt nauseous and she had been trying to ignore the high likelihood that she was pregnant. In less than a year, she would be wed to a man twice her age that she barely knew and had been violated by one that she had known. The only other man she held affection for was now abandoning her too. She felt an anger rise up within her, they had not spoken properly since the night when she had been raped and part of her blamed him for what happened. She had been beginning to think that if Silver had been with her, then Bateman could not have done those things to her. Silver waited for a response but where Kate’s nature was kind, Elizabeth’s was not and she took no small pleasure in replying.
“No. She isn’t and I am glad of it. Frankly, she is a pain.”
He looked at her directly and for the first time since he arrived, he took a long look at her and as he did so, his eyes narrowed questioningly.
“What is it?” she asked.
“You look different,” he said simply.
Elizabeth touched her stomach instinctively. Surely she could not be showing yet? She thought. Kate had been tying her dresses more tightly every day.
“Really? How?” she ventured.
He did not hesitate.
“You have lost a certain charm Miss Greenwood.”
She agreed that it was probably as much as she deserved but the loss of his admiration hurt her pride and tears pricked at her eyes. With that he turned his back on her and meant to leave.
“And your clothes fit more snugly,” he added.
This last comment, though childish, was of course designed to hurt and brought ready tears to her eyes. Without him, Kate or, God forbid, even Aunt Georgina, Elizabeth was utterly alone. A dozen thoughts clamoured into her mind. Could she return to London and have Agnes assist her in concealing this pregnancy? Would her father be understanding? Would Cribbs be a friend to her like Kate had been? The wretchedness of her circumstances hollowed her of all hope and she fell into a great mess of tears. The noise arrested him and he turned to look at her again, more closely.
“Just go!” she shouted through the tears. “Don’t look at me!”
He hesitated, considering whether to follow her directive, before seating himself beside her, an awkward hand upon her shoulder.
“Elizabeth?”
She tried to shrug his hand away but the gesture was halfhearted and she was relieved when he gently pulled her to him where she could collapse into silent tears.
“‘Elizabeth?”
As she lay her head against his chest, she heard the door open behind him and from her vantage beneath his arms she saw the now familiar face of Kate appear at the doorway. Kate looked surprised, confused and then embarrassed as she took in both Silver’s arrival but also their clinch. Albeit an innocent embrace, this time, Kate no doubt mistook it for something else entirely and, contrary to her usual devilry, it gave Elizabeth no pleasure in seeing the young maid look so grieved. Kate turned and left the room before she could pull herself up. Avery did not notice the intrusion and Elizabeth chose not to mention it.
“Elizabeth? What on earth is the matter? Has something happened?”
It would have been so easy to have told him everything right then. After all, she was utterly convinced that Kate would fill him in despite her assurances of secrecy. Though Kate did not yet know Elizabeth was pregnant, she was no fool and Elizabeth didn’t know exactly how long she could keep it a secret from her. In the circumstances, Elizabeth reached for the only lifeline she had available to her, escape.
“Oh Avery! Forgive me, I have missed you so very much and now you have come back only to leave me again.” She watched from the corner of her eyes as this registered with him. He said nothing but merely waited. “In less than a year, I am to be made little more than a slave. I know, I know,” she hastened to add as Avery made to interrupt her. “This is partly my own choosing. I know but I had thought that we could spend the rest of the year here in Amersham. I am quite sure Georgina would be agreeable.”
He began to shake his head and she continued to press him, almost desperately. Fear rose up within her as she considered the alternative of returning home.
“We could have a grand Christmas here. Perhaps have a party. A dance then?” she added quickly as he began to back away from her, still shaking his head.
“Elizabeth. It’s out of the question.”
His tone reminded her of her father’s and, despite her need of his alliance, she found herself petulantly arguing with him.
“Why not? What on earth is so important that could stop you from enjoying yourself here for a few months? Without Georgina to watch over us, we are at liberty to take our pleasures where we will Silver. Does that not sound diverting enough for you?”
