The Shadow Princess, page 26
I’m boneless.
Satiated.
But Bastien is by no means done with me. With strong arms and determination, he has me astride him once again. A thrill races up my spine that he’s going to pass the reins to me, so to speak.
He wants me to ride him, and I waste no time taking him in hand and guiding myself onto his thick length.
“Nothing should feel this good,” he grits through his teeth as he holds me in place, his hands spanning my hips.
I struggle to rise, but he doesn’t let me. I try to rotate my hips, but I can’t break his hold.
It’s a power struggle I’ve never won, and only after I still does he release his grip to let me move. I press my palms into his chest and swing my hair so it falls over one shoulder as I lean over him. I lift my hips, feel the slide of him against my flesh, and enjoy watching true and unrelenting pleasure take hold.
Ever so slowly, I ride Bastien, and I enjoy every second he gives me, for I know it won’t last long. I know this man well, and he’ll be the one to finish it for us both.
But for right now, I have him captive. He’s focused on me and what I’m doing to his body. It’s a rare opportunity, one I can’t ignore as our eyes hold on to each other through every stroke.
“I love you,” I say, and so he knows I’m not expecting anything back from him, I bend down to kiss him so silence is mandatory.
Promise lies within the kiss as my tongue slips into his mouth and I flex my hips to take him deeper.
But that’s all I get, and whether I’ve had control too long, or he doesn’t want to confront any feelings my words might have stoked, Bastien moves me off him and turns me around on my hands and knees.
There’s no hesitation as he spreads my legs from behind and slams back into me.
“Oh gods,” I gasp from the invasion, this angle making him feel impossibly bigger but certainly deeper in penetration. “Oh… Bastien.”
He grunts in reply as he drives into me, one hand pressed down on the blanket and the other diving in between my legs to pleasure me further.
I’m not a stranger to this brand of loving from my warrior. He can be so very gentle and tender when he wants, but Bastien has always had a rougher side, and I love it about him. It’s almost brutal in the way he takes me now.
It’s a claim that might even have frustration in it, but his words fill me with so much hope.
“Missed this.”
“Nothing compares.”
“I could spend eternity inside you.”
I don’t even know if he’s aware of the torrent of words that flow from his mouth as he thrusts into me, but I know our connection is through the heart as well as the body. The minute my body starts to quake with another orgasm, Bastien drives into me once more, so forceful that we both fall to the blanket. His hips buck against me as he releases with a growl, and then with a fist in my hair, he forces my head to the side so he can lay a punishing kiss on my mouth.
When he pulls back, his body still pinning me to the ground, the hard length of him still filling me completely, his eyes burn with a million emotions.
For a moment, I dare hope that he might tell me he loves me, but instead he rolls off.
Going right to his back, he sighs heavily and rests his forearm over his eyes.
Concerned, I place my hand on his chest. “What’s wrong?”
Bastien’s arm falls away, and his head turns to meet my gaze. “Amell told me that all I had to offer you were crumbs… nothing that would ever amount to enough to make you happy.”
My eyebrows knit in confusion. “He said this to you? Why?”
“Because he wants me to leave you alone. He knows I don’t have much to give, and he knows in the end, you’ll get hurt because it won’t be what it was. So he thinks the best thing is to remove myself from your life.”
While I’ve enjoyed getting to know my father, I’m not pleased with his interference. “And what do you think?” I ask hesitantly.
“I think your father makes a point. If this is all I can ever give you… just small pieces of me… you’ll end up hating me at some point.”
“I could never hate you,” I reply, moving my hand to his cheek.
Bastien doesn’t argue. Instead, he says, “I’m thinking about leaving Vyronas after this is over.”
“What?” I exclaim, coming up to my elbow to look down at him. “No. This is your home.”
“If I stay, I won’t leave you alone. I’ll keep throwing down crumbs for you, and I’ll take what you offer me. But that’s all it will be, and as Amell said… you’ll starve taking my crumbs, ignoring others who might be better for you.”
“I don’t care what Amell says,” I snap. “He’s evil. What does he know, anyway?”
“I can’t stand the bastard,” Bastien grouses. “But I think we both know he’s not evil. At least not where you’re concerned. He cares for you, and he has an unbiased eye.”
My heart hurts… for Bastien.
For me.
I glance around at the beautiful little world I created with my magic and try to pull back the connection we just shared. I wasn’t imagining it, and throughout that entire encounter, Bastien was right there with me.
And now he’s fading again, pulling away because he’s too afraid to take the chance on us.
I bend over him, press my lips to his. When I lift, I say, “I do love you. As much as I ever have. I want you to stay. I want you to build a life with me. I want us to have all the things we wanted together. But I’m done trying to convince you we can have something again. I shouldn’t have to convince you of the truth of what we are. At this point, I think you might be right. I’m not sure you really have the capacity to love me the way I need.”
Bastien stares at me, his expression unreadable. I smile sadly before envisioning my bedroom in my cottage back in Clairmont, and I bend distance there, leaving Bastien behind in the field.
It’s time to get back to work on winning my country’s freedom, and then move forward with my life.
CHAPTER 28
Thalia
“This looks delicious,” Heph says as I set a platter on the table. On it are three roasted quails along with carrots and potatoes. I also made a garden salad with a fresh herb dressing and a loaf of nut bread with butter.
Amell reaches for the bread while I take a seat. “Again, I’ll extend the invitation to come live with me in the Underworld. I wish I ate this good there.”
Heph’s hand freezes as he reaches for a quail. “What do you eat there?”
Amell shrugs. “Mostly the souls of the dead, but they’re filling enough, I guess.”
Mouth hanging open, Heph stares at Amell in horror. He then brings his gaze to me. “You are in no way moving to the Underworld to cook for your father, but you must at least summon him to dinner each evening.”
Amell and I laugh because of course he’s teasing Heph. I mean, I don’t know what they eat down there, but I’ll add that to the million questions I’m working my way through in the evenings to learn more about my father’s life.
Realizing that Amell was teasing, Heph laughs too, and I sigh with contentment. This is my family now, and while it’s about as imperfect and odd as a family could be, I’m grateful to have it. I’m also grateful that Heph and Amell get along so well. It’s made the last couple weeks more than bearable.
Especially since the one person I truly want to be a part of my family doesn’t want the same. Since our last time together, almost a week ago, I haven’t seen Bastien. I bent distance back to my bedroom where I took a hot shower and cried out my grief after deciding to cut him loose rather than leave it to him to struggle with.
When I came out of my room, Amell was there and looked at me knowingly, my eyes red and puffy. He made no mention of my pain, though I’m sure he knew the source.
Since then, I’ve immersed myself more fully into battle preparations. With Heph’s and Amell’s direction, I’ve added more strength to all the charms we’re creating to protect the troops from Ferelith’s blood magic. I monitor the creation of potions, charms, and amulets, testing the products as they’re made.
In the afternoons, I work with Amell on using my shadow magic offensively. This is usually hours of frustration for us both. Amell encourages me to take a risk and unleash my darker inner being, and I’m too scared to do so. We curse at each other, and he grumbles that I’m no daughter of his, and I snap back that he’s a deadbeat dad, and then we try again.
It’s truly weird how fast our relationship has progressed in the last few weeks, but I’m living in weird times. I’m also without a family, plus I lost the love of my life. Of course, I’m going to latch on to anyone who shows the faintest care, and Amell has shown—despite the fights we get into over my failure to fully use my new gifts—that he cares for me.
As we fill our plates, Amell entertains Heph and me with what we’ve come to call at dinnertime, “Tales from the Underworld.” Most of the time, it’s funny stories or interesting anecdotes. Sometimes, it’s terrifying.
Amell was second in command under Kymaris, who was the original fallen angel to rule the Underworld. She created a powerful spell that allowed her to escape her realm and later managed, for a brief time, to open the veil that separated her domain from the First Dimension. Luckily, she was defeated and the rips repaired before major damage could be done, but that left the Underworld in need of a new ruler.
I haven’t quite figured out the details as Amell is very tight-lipped about his relationship with Zora, the new god of Life, but she installed him as the king. I get the feeling they were close prior to her ascension to god status, but that there’s also some bad blood. I want to know more, but seeing as how we’re only two weeks into our newfound relationship, I’m not going to venture there yet.
When dinner is over, Heph and I clean up. While Amell is incredibly helpful in teaching me dark magics, he’s a prima donna in that he refuses to do housework.
“I’m king of the Underworld,” he’s said on more than one occasion when Heph suggested he help clear the table. “I have minions to do that for me.”
I’d snort and Heph would roll his eyes, but that’s our new dysfunctional family.
“Ready to head down to the pub?” Heph asks Amell. That has become their ritual each night, heading off together for a few beers.
I’m invited, of course, but I actually cherish the alone time. It lets me refill my well, and tonight I plan on a nice, long bubble bath.
“I’ll meet you down there,” Amell says as he slouches back in his chair. “I’d like to spend some time with Thalia.”
Both Heph and I freeze, shoot each other a glance, and then look inquiringly at Amell.
He nods as if he understands our silent request for explanation. “I’m going back to the Underworld tonight. I want a bit of time with Thalia, and then I’ll be down for a pint with you, Heph, before I leave.”
I hold my tongue, even though I want to argue against this. I’ve gotten used to having Amell here. He’s one of the most powerful creatures in the world—no matter the dimension—and knowing he’s at my back has given me courage.
But I wait until Heph leaves because I want this to remain private between us. I also have a feeling I’m going to get vulnerable, and while I’m okay showing that to Amell, I don’t want Heph to see it. He worries enough about me as it is.
I bring bottles of honey wine and whiskey to the table with cups. I pour a whiskey for Amell and a cup of honey wine for myself. Plopping down in my chair, I ignore my drink and ask him point-blank, “You haven’t taught me what I need to know, so why are you leaving?”
“I’ve taught you all you need to know,” he corrects me before lifting the glass for a sip. “You just need to utilize the knowledge I’ve given you.”
I knew he’d say that, and I also can’t argue. My fear is holding me back. “I assumed you’d be at my side during the battle.”
“You assumed wrong,” Amell says, not unkindly, but with a slightly harsh edge. “In fact, I think I might be holding you back. If you know you can’t rely on me, then maybe you’ll be forced to use your new skills.”
“That’s ridiculous—”
Amell holds up his hand. “Regardless, I am prohibited from interfering. If it were simply a matter of having me on your side, I would have killed Ferelith two weeks ago when you summoned me, and then we would’ve had a pleasant few weeks together getting acquainted.”
I frown. “Prohibited?”
“By Onyx.” Amell takes another sip and places the cup on the table. “The god of War.”
“And peace,” I mutter, disappointed by this news. “If she liked peace as much as war, she’d let you end it.”
“I cannot wield direct influence in the outcome,” he continues to explain.
“But you gave me shadow magic,” I point out.
Amell waves that off. “I also sent demons to Ferelith when she summoned them. Neither has a direct bearing on the outcome. But deep down, you knew I couldn’t get involved, or else you would have asked me to kill Ferelith when you summoned me.”
He’s right, of course. But I don’t have to like it.
“Onyx makes the calls on what type of assistance might be needed in wars, and that’s usually only in the form of sending in demigods.”
“Maddox,” I exclaim, remembering the demigod who first appeared to Bastien. “He took my protection ring, which forced Bastien to fetch me from the First Dimension.”
Amell’s eyes flash with something that borders on hate, and I frown at him. “Do you know this Maddox?”
“I’m leaving in but a few hours,” Amell says, refusing to answer my question. “I wanted you to have time to ask me about those topics you’ve been too afraid to broach yet.”
My face flushes hot as I immediately understand. “My mother,” I whisper.
“You’ve not shown a single curiosity about how you were conceived,” he points out.
“I understand the mechanics of how it happened,” I grumble.
Amell glares at me. “You know what I mean. You’ve never asked for an explanation. I suspect you don’t want to hear potential ugly truths about Selena, so I’d like to assure you that your mother did nothing wrong.”
“Coming from the king of the Underworld, I’m not sure you’re the best gauge of morality.”
Amell grins wickedly, sitting straighter. “Are you afraid your mother had a clandestine affair with me? That perhaps I was able to do things—”
“Say another word,” I growl, half rising from my seat, “and you’ll regret it.”
Slumping back in his chair, Amell gives me an exasperated glare. “I thought that might get you to pull on your dark powers. I was willing to take a face full of sinister magic so you could see what it’s like.”
My jaw drops. “You purposely baited me? So I’d throw shadow magic at you?”
Amell shrugs. “Clearly didn’t work. So, you have no questions of me about your mother?”
I shake my head. I can’t ask them because he’s right… I’m afraid it will taint my memories of her.
“In that case,” Amell says as he stands from the chair, “I’m going to make my goodbyes, have a beer with Heph, and return to my obsidian castle in the darkest of realms. It’s far too sunny here for my taste.”
The smile that graces my lips is sad. I’ve become fond of Amell.
“I have a gift for you,” he says, and with a flourishing wave of his hands, a spell book appears on the kitchen table.
And not just any spell book. This one is full of shadow magic—I can feel the pull of it, almost begging me to open it up and take a look. It’s covered in worn leather with ancient runes stitched into the hide. The corners are protected by faded brass cornices, and it has a large buckle with a keyless lock.
I’ve never studied runes or ancient languages, but when I look at the ones on the cover, I understand what they say. Not word for word, but I know the contents of this book hold seriously complex magic that I’ll be able to wield.
Reaching toward the book tentatively, I ask, “Is this yours?”
“It actually belonged to Kymaris,” he says, and I jerk my hand back in shock. “It contains all the shadow spells she created over the millennia she ruled our realm. Make no mistake, there are spells within that are insidiously evil—my favorites, by the way. But there are helpful spells, annotations, histories as well. If you want to get to know your magic, read the book. You can always decide whether to use it later.”
It’s not lost on me what a monumental gift this is. The book is an immense source of power, but more than that… it’s history.
Priceless history, and in the right hands—mine, perhaps—could change the tide of this war, if I use it properly.
In the wrong hands, it could cause total annihilation. Hesitantly, I reach out again and press my fingers to the leather as Amell watches.
“What do you feel?” he asks.
“Foreboding,” I whisper, not without a small amount of fear. “Darkness. Ill intent.” I pause briefly, open my connection a bit more, and I hate to admit, “Kinship.”
Amell nods in understanding.
“What’s the cost if I use this book?” I ask. “Will I get lost? Will I turn dark?”
“Not if you fight it,” he replies. “If you’re strong, you make it do only your bidding.”
I withdraw my hand, noting a residual tingle in my fingertips. I feel the book calling out to me to touch it again.
To open it.
To use it.
I move a few feet away, more afraid of it than the lessons Amell tried to teach me on how to cast my inherent shadow magic.
Amell steps closer and rests his hands on my shoulders. “Be well, daughter. You will allow me to check in on you from time to time, yes?”
I nod, feeling tears prickle. How in the hell have I managed to actually grow fond of this creature in such a short time?
My father pulls me in and hugs me. I don’t hesitate but wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight.
