Chasmfall (The Weirkey Chronicles Book 4), page 21
"You're really going to ask just after I listened to your first choice reject you?" Unknown Nauda's face contorted into controlled anger and Fiyu realized that she had made a terrible mistake. Even if she didn't fully understand, her insides twisted into a knot and all of the positive emotions became a horrible flood of confusion and distress.
"Nauda... please do not misunderstand me. I have never asked these questions before. I do not know how. I care for both of you deeply, so I was very confused. I only wanted to be sure I did not make a mistake and-"
"I think it's clear enough." Unknown Nauda rubbed her forehead, her entire body tense, and the negative emotions within her pierced Fiyu's heart. "I care about you too, Fiyu, but don't do this to me. Maybe I don't understand the Ichili way of thinking after all."
"Then... then you decline?"
"It obviously wouldn't work."
This refusal made Fiyu's entire heart ache, but more than that, it made her fear for her companion. "But... we are still friends?"
"We're still friends, Fiyu, but please just leave me alone for now."
Fiyu sat helplessly, drowning in the mix of her own terrible emotions and Friend Nauda's troubling response. This was the sort of confusing reaction that had so terrified her that she almost didn't speak. She believed that Friend Nauda was offended to be asked second, and though it had not occurred to her before, now it seemed obvious that something like that would offend a Tatian.
Causing Friend Nauda pain hurt Fiyu as well, especially because it had been so needless. Perhaps that was her answer. Even with the best of intentions, she could end up causing the woman she wanted as a lifemate great pain. If so, then perhaps she was unsuited for such a relationship, as she might only cause it to crumble as Friend Theo had described.
Just when Fiyu thought she could not be more miserable and humiliated, a voice spoke up from the other side of the island. "No, no, please continue." Warden Tythes sat up in his hammock, sweeping them all with a caustic glare. "We're in the middle of a dying world, floating on a death river, surrounded on all sides by enemies, with time running out along multiple axes. This is definitely the time for a lot of relationship drama."
A soft cry escaped Fiyu's lips and she retreated to the tent. Though Friend Theo looked toward her, offering support, she turned away from him and burrowed into her bed roll. At the moment, she needed no one else, or perhaps could tolerate no one else.
If her new emotions had only caused so much distress, she would cease to feel them. Fiyu stilled her mind and then shoved that part of herself deep within until she could sleep.
Chapter 22
Theo had expected to be angrier about the whole mess, but mostly he just felt bad for Fiyu. He could easily see how her mind had approached what she saw as a simple dilemma, only to fall directly into a social abyss. Ever since that night, she seemed to have suppressed all hint of attraction, and though he wasn't sure how Ichili worked hormonally, he thought that they could do so far more effectively than anyone on Earth.
His emotions quickly morphed into anger at himself for not having seen any of it coming. Now that he thought about it critically, it seemed obvious that a young Ichili woman traveling with people her own age might have entered this stage in life. In some way, he'd expected those matters to simply never come up, Fiyu and Nauda operating purely as soulcrafting allies. That was how it had gone during his first life, flirtation and awkwardness if anything. At least, until the end.
Within his soulhome, Theo froze at the uncomfortable thought. For the first time, when he thought about Brigana's final confession before her death, it struck him as immature instead of nostalgic.
If they'd survived, or if he'd returned in time to find her again, what would have happened? He forced himself to think through the idea that he might have ruined that relationship too. Though it might not have been the Nine Worlds, as it had been with Mary, he could easily have destroyed their bond with some other obsession. Maybe his ex was right after all.
Refusing had been a simple decision, for the reasons he'd given, but it surprised him how easy it had been. Again, he wondered just what his body was. He'd thought of it as returning to a young body, but he'd yet to experience any of the hormonal swings he remembered from Earth. Given that Ichili bodies worked so differently and his current body had been created when he arrived... perhaps it was wrong to make assumptions about what he actually was.
Not that it was relevant, with Nauda aggressively training in one direction and Fiyu quietly soulcrafting in the other.
Since he doubted that Fiyu would react positively to further engagement, he considered Nauda instead. Any attempt at explanation would likely go even worse with her, and it wasn't really his place to get involved. Still, as he watched Nauda... he had been oblivious to physical realities for so long, he'd almost missed a detail. The roots of her hair were coming in darker than her usual white blond. It might mean nothing, but given recent affairs, he tucked the observation away.
Part of him wished that he had some way of smoothing over the disturbance, while another part of him insisted that it was all irrelevant. Cold as it seemed, what really mattered for the time being was their ability to work as a team. Regardless of the argument, he believed that Fiyu and Nauda had the emotional maturity to work things out, given time.
Just as Theo was about ready to push the whole matter out of his mind, he saw Tythes walking across the island with his hammock over his head. He slammed the posts into the rock just behind Fiyu, then hopped up to perch behind her. Theo groaned and headed to intercept the conversation.
"So, you're experiencing your first little tingles of love." Tythes dropped his head into his cupped hands and sighed theatrically. "And such a heartbreaking way to begin! Shot down twice in a row... truly, your luck is even worse than mine."
"I cannot make you leave," Fiyu said evenly, "but I wish that you would."
"Oh, but I was coming to help you! Believe me, I am quite experienced in these matters. I may not be a worthy lifemate, but if you would like to practice on me, I-"
"Go away. I am not attracted to you and never will be."
"Cut to the quick!" Tythes placed a hand on his chest in feigned shock. "My confidence in my stunning good looks is utterly unshakable, but I'm offended that you didn't at least look me over first."
Though Fiyu had been uncomfortable with the entire conversation, now she stared at him in honest confusion. "I do not see how that is relevant. I do not know you well. You appear to be an unkind person. There are no grounds for any attraction to develop. Please go away."
To Theo's surprise, that actually worked, Tythes pulling up his hammock posts with minimal fuss and departing. Theo had been prepared to do what he could to shield Fiyu socially, but her cold exterior appeared to have been defense enough. She noted his presence and nodded with a slight smile, though he could see that her mood remained muted.
Understanding that she wanted to be alone, Theo instead followed Tythes. "Did you really think that teasing an Ichili was going to work?"
"Yeah, I actually did." Tythes stopped at the other end of the island to set up his hammock, then hopped into it with his hands behind his head. "The local Ichili are actually pretty easy to fluster if you bring up any sort of sexual subject. But I guess she's not from the Greater Dark. A pity, because I had a lot of lines planned to make this situation deeply, revoltingly awkward for everyone. It would have been wonderful."
Not having expected such a frank reply, Theo stared at Tythes longer than he'd intended. The Authority clearly delighted in causing chaos, but none of this interaction felt truly malicious. It was impossible to believe that he was truly as apathetic as he pretended to be, which suggested that he knew something important about the contents of the triangular building.
"My, you're certainly staring at me a long time." Tythes wiggled his eyebrows at him. "I'm much older than the Ichili girl, so maybe you're more interested?"
"Fine, I'll get back to soulcrafting." Theo turned away with a roll of his eyes, but the entire movement was forced. He hadn't realized that Tythes had been able to hear the entire conversation, even piercing the walls of Fiyu's tent.
Quickly going back over their conversation, Theo tried to calculate how much of a problem that could be. He hadn't mentioned Earth by name, but he'd identified himself as being from outside the Nine Worlds. His comment about his age might be inexplicable, unless Tythes knew more about that than he was letting on. In fact, the ostensible joke might well have been a threat.
Then again, the implication of being an outsider already hung over him thanks to Esaire's accusations. He wasn't sure if that could potentially be fatal, especially if someone like Tythes might contact organizations manipulated by Vistgil. But it hadn't been a problem yet, and the House of the Lost was supposedly formed entirely by people from outside the Nine Worlds. He didn't want to leave Norro Yorthin while it could still be useful to him, but if the risk increased...
Theo decided that this was all his own distraction. None of it mattered unless they escaped the Chasm of Lamentations alive.
~ ~ ~
Numerous different thoughts clamored to be the most irritating thing in Nauda's mind. The fact that they were trapped in the chasm and making little progress, of course. The incident with Fiyu. Tythes in general.
But the one she hadn't expected was the way that Theo and Fiyu seemed to simply leave the problems behind them. Theo arguably had justification, since he'd done nothing wrong and came out in roughly the same position. But Fiyu... it was downright strange how she simply seemed to revert to who she had been before, polite but cool. As if none of the confessions had ever happened.
Nauda's emotions had never been that tidy. It had been torture to listen to Fiyu expressing her feelings, then she'd been irrationally angry at Theo for his infuriatingly patient response, even if it was for the best. Overall, she had managed to convince herself that she could set aside her conflicted feelings... and then Fiyu had walked right out and asked her.
With time to think, Nauda thought she could understand it from Fiyu's perspective, it just didn't take away any of the sting. As if Fiyu had just wanted a fungible companion and intended to keep asking until she found someone willing to agree. Nauda knew better, trying to summon up memories of how long it had taken Fiyu to warm up to them, but the thought still ached.
The worst of it was that her own feelings crystallized just in time to cause her pain and do no one any good. If that night had gone a little differently, maybe she would have agreed. When she saw Fiyu brushing out her silky hair in the mornings, sitting so calmly and peacefully...
And Nauda had ruined that. Perhaps it was even for the best. The most basic expectations for relationships were so different between Tatian and Ichil that a relationship might have been doomed from the start. Even if they both had the best of intentions, they'd just end up constantly stumbling over the other's expectations. Given how utterly seriously Ichili seemed to take relationships, Nauda might not be able to live up to those standards and just end up causing Fiyu pain.
So she did her best not to think about it, futile as it was. Nauda stared down at the bricks in her hands, suddenly realizing that she had been mindlessly soulcrafting for some time. Thankfully, she was just lining a wall and her ingrained habits had served her well.
Her progress was a small comfort. Throwing herself into furious soulcrafting for so long, she'd nearly completed her third floor. Though Tythes taunted her endlessly when they went anywhere, he'd actually helped her find a number of useful materials. In particular a sublime rock he called lifestone, which emanated a warm strength that suited her soulhome well. There had been no time to integrate them deeply, but they filled her Ruler tier with more than generic cantae.
"Alright, once more!" Tythes called from outside her soul and Nauda left her work behind. He was gesturing for them all to approach the door again, which had become a familiar routine. "Get through it this time!"
Despite all her conflicted feelings, Nauda was able to step alongside Theo and Fiyu to attempt to open the door. The inscriptions lit up more quickly as they grew increasingly familiar with the door, but she felt their progress slow and knew that they'd fail. Yet again, a large portion of the pattern remained unlit. They'd never finished the remaining portion unless Theo stopped messing around and just ascended to Ruler.
That irrational anger again. Nauda did her best to swallow it and refocus.
"Ugh, why does this involve so much work?" Tythes dropped down to his knees, then slammed his forehead down into the ground with alarming force. The island itself actually shook and she'd have sworn that she heard something crack. When he rose up, only mildly irritated, it didn't seem to have been his skull.
"Your head looks pretty hard," Nauda said before she could stop herself. "Why don't you just break down the door with it?"
"That's a great idea!" Tythes ran head-first into the door, which gave a great metallic ring, and then fell back clutching his head. "No, it was a terrible idea! Curse your tricks, vile harridan!"
While he stormed off, angrily moving his hammock to the opposite end of the island, the three of them lingered. At first Nauda had wondered if Theo would find some trick to get around the entrance, but he'd said that it was a perfectly built lock. A large enough organization could open it easily, but in a dangerous space that only appeared once a decade, it was near impenetrable.
Fiyu walked away from the two of them to return to her soulcrafting. That hurt to think about, so Nauda focused on Theo instead. "I can't believe that the situation outside the chasm has held this long. It has to end soon, doesn't it?"
"That depends what the House of the Lost is trying to do." He stared upward, his eyes unfocusing as they tended to do when he used his new sense. "The darkness has been creeping north, and I don't think they had more strength to spare, so they're probably moving too. There are also more Strongholds making attempts, so they're getting impatient. They must have harvested all the sublime materials on the plain."
"Then our window to move forward with any kind of advantage is disappearing quickly, isn't it?"
"Yeah. I don't think we can escape Tythes, but... well, you can guess." Ever since the Authority had eavesdropped on them, Theo had been more circumspect, even inside their soulhomes. But she understood: Tythes could well turn on them as soon as he had what he wanted, so pushing forward might not benefit them.
As they returned to their work, Nauda glanced back at Theo again. The story he'd told Fiyu about his former wife sounded authentic, and it certainly made sense. Yet even then, when he'd sounded so much older than normal, she thought he was several people competing over one body. Most Tatians would have said he needed someone warm and caring to take care of him, but Nauda wondered if his match wouldn't be someone just as contorted as himself.
Or maybe all of them should forget about relationships, since they were obviously terrible at them. When their group was attacked the following day, Nauda was almost relieved.
Chapter 23
Theo was just contemplating whether it was time to ascend when he felt the surge of cantae. Not Rulers this time, and not soulcrafters waging war far in the distance: it was an Authority burning in the chasm. To their south, but not for long at their speed.
By the time he opened his eyes back in the real world, he saw Mattan bounding toward them. His armor from the House of Burning Leaves had been dented, but he didn't look injured, and he'd been careful enough not to bring down any more chaos on them. Though the river would have harmed him, he didn't seem concerned, leaping from wall to wall as he rapidly approached the island.
All at once, he was overhead, hurling a javelin of solid cantae. Tythes moved faster than he had in days, vaulting out of his hammock and using the posts to knock the javelin out of the air. The cantae hissed into the river with only a mild spray, but it was enough for the enemy Authority to land on the island.
Mattan rolled his shoulders and neck, more cantae crackling in his hands. This time, he definitely wasn't running, but he didn't strike quite yet. "Tythes! Your father can't protect you any longer."
"This is kind of a bad time for me," Tythes said, flipping up the hammock posts as if he intended to use them like swords. "Can you come back? In, say, two or three days?"
As soon as they had noticed the invader, Nauda and Fiyu had wisely converged on Theo's position. Nauda took point with her staff, Fiyu was prepared to use her stealth technique, and Theo was ready with a gravitational field. None of that was particularly comforting when Mattan turned to look at them.
"Do you realize just how pathetic your protector really is?" Mattan sneered broadly enough to encompass the entire island. "You used to be the scion of House Crimson, but you've lived up to all the worst rumors. You're washed up, if your soulhome is even stable. You'd already have died if your father wasn't the leader of your House. There's nothing left of your promise but a pitiful cautionary tale."
"Hey!" Tythes thrust a post in his direction. "I resent the implication that I have a father!"
Mattan hurled another javelin, and though Tythes deflected it, he didn't look as confident as before. Though Theo hadn't heard those rumors, he immediately credited them as more than insults. There was something strange about the way Tythes fought, and certainly with his behavior. A severely damaged soulhome could explain that as well as hidden strength.
"I'm going to kill him, then I'm tearing the three of you apart." Mattan lifted his arm to shoulder height, a brighter javelin forming. "Just sit there and watch a real Authority fight."
"Nah." Tythes waved a hand in their direction and a wall of cantae swept them aside.
Theo felt a surge of panic as they flew out over the river, but they hadn't been knocked in. Instead they struck the chasm wall near a narrow ledge, large enough for them to land on. In midair, Fiyu wrapped them all in her cantae, so he helped redirect them to a different landing point, just in case Mattan targeted them after all. But neither Authority was looking away, instead facing off on the island.
