Simply Complicated, page 14
I was starting to fall for him all over again and I couldn’t go down that road a second time. We could go back to being friends, but I needed to protect my heart this time around.
“Did you eat?”
“I was hoping you’d save some of your sub for me, but I guess that’s not going to happen.” He bore no expression and his tone was flat. I couldn’t readily determine if he was messing with me. But when he extracted another sandwich from the bag, he smiled. “I knew better than to take food out of your mouth.”
When I was hungry, my family would often joke I turned into a different person, and when I was in the middle of consuming some of my favorite foods, they said I would growl. But they lied. I wasn’t quite that dramatic.
We sat in silence, side by side, and ate our dinners. After we’d finished, him before me even though I’d started first and was famished, I threw away the deli papers and placed my glass in the sink. When I turned around, Luke was in front of me, invading my personal space. Standing so close I could smell the sauce on his breath. Or was that mine?
“Did you need something?”
His gaze lowered to my mouth, but what he said didn’t coincide with what I thought he wanted to do. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Did you have a particular one in mind?”
“I’ll let you pick.”
He reached for my hand, and I let him take it, entwining my fingers with his as he led me toward the living room. While scrolling through Prime and Netflix for something to watch, we talked about how he was adjusting to being back in Vegas after being gone so long. Afterward, he asked me about work, sharing in my irritation when I regaled a few of the stories where male customers didn’t want to deal with me simply because I was a woman.
An hour later, we finally settled on a movie. Or should I say I did, because he didn’t care about period piece flicks, especially foreign films set in the early 1800s. But he didn’t say a word when I hit Play.
We started off sitting close on the couch, but as my dinner slowly digested, I became tired, shifting to lie down, my legs bent so I didn’t take up any of his room. But he grabbed my legs and put them over his lap. When he rubbed my feet, it was the beginning of the end of my conscious state.
His fingers were magical, as I was already all too aware.
Halfway through the movie, we’d somehow moved into a horizontal position, him spooning me from behind with his arms wrapped around me to anchor us together. Because I enjoyed this position way too much, I almost moved to sit up, but in the end decided against it.
What would be the harm in falling asleep wrapped up in Luke’s warm embrace? It was only going to happen this one time.
23
Olivia
“Where are you?” Brooke asked, the rushed tone to her voice indicating she had something to tell me.
“Luke convinced me to come to one of his practices. I’m sitting in the parking lot, deciding if this is a good idea or not.”
“We talked about this. You need to let all that stuff from the past go.”
“I know, and I am.”
Three days had passed since we fell asleep on the couch, and every day since our interactions had become much of the same. Us having dinner at my house, talking for hours, and falling asleep while watching a movie.
In the silence that followed, I contemplated leaving, but my undecisive plan was thwarted when Luke headed straight for me. He was dressed in white shorts, a blue T-shirt, and a baseball cap turned backward. I hadn’t seen him dressed like this in a long time, and while his attire was strictly for practice, there was something sexy about the way he wore it. Call me weird, but his clothes turned me on. Or maybe that was just the man in general.
“Are you still there?” More silence as I continued to devour the sight of him. “Hello?”
“Sorry. Luke just walked up. Was there a specific reason you were calling me?”
“I was going to ask you if you wanted to join me and Kate for a spa day on Friday.”
“Kate?” My eyes were still on him as he stopped to talk to one of his teammates, peering over at me every few seconds. Berating myself for not focusing on what my best friend was saying, I looked away from him and at the steering wheel instead. “Who’s Kate?”
“Someone I met at work.” There was a hint of excitement wrapped up in her voice.
“Someone you might like?”
“Maybe.” She was being coy, which wasn’t like her. “We get my employee discount, so it’ll be the full work up.”
“How could I say no?”
“You can’t. Listen, I have to go but I’ll call you later and we’ll talk more about it.”
“Can’t wait.”
The second I ended the call, Luke and his teammate separated, and he waltzed over, wearing one of his panty-dropping smiles. He opened the door and extended his hand. I could get out of my vehicle by myself, but I accepted his chivalrous gesture anyway.
Before I could say a word, his lips briefly met mine, the quick greeting one would give someone they were in a relationship with, which we were not. But I didn’t say anything, mainly because I liked his forwardness. These were the subtle changes that messed with my head, even though I willed them not to. But when he looked at me like he adored me, or kissed me hello as if he was my boyfriend, or even when he texted solely to say hi, my stomach would flip, and I’d wear an expression akin to true happiness.
“I’m glad you came,” he said, leading me toward the field.
“Are you sure it’s okay I’m here. You’re not going to get in trouble?” The only other people here were the players and the coach.
“I assure you I’m not going to get in any trouble.” He guided me toward the third row of the bleachers. “You’ll have a good view right here. We’re not doing a full practice today, so it should only be about an hour.”
“Okay. I have my phone with me in case I get bored.”
“Who are you kidding? You love to watch me play.”
A beat passed before I said, “You might be right.”
Back in the day, I used to watch him practice all the time, staying for hours on end, fascinated with how skilled he was at the game. Sometimes he knew I was there and sometimes he didn’t. Those were the times when I’d lose myself to thoughts of what it would be like to be his girlfriend, to run up to him afterward and throw my arms around him and gush about how great he was, and how he was going to make it to the big league someday. But he only ever saw me as his buddy’s little sister, and a friend as we got older. Nothing more.
So, it was surreal to be mixed up with him in this weird sex-deal thingy, not to mention inviting me to one of his professional practices. If I dissected it, though, I’d ruin the plethora of feelings swirling around inside me, the biggest one being joy.
Before he jogged off toward the field, he took off his cap and pushed his hair back, tossing the hat on the bench next to me.
The next hour flew by as I was mesmerized with every move he made. The ball seemed to be an extension of his foot, guarding it as if his life depended on it. He was fast, precise, and added in some fancy footwork to boot. The only way I knew he wasn’t showing off because I was watching was because I’d seen him play too many times in the past, and although his technique had improved since we were kids, he played with the same level of concentration and skill.
An hour and forty-five minutes later, the practice ended. Luke caught my eye and mouthed, “Sorry,” to which I waved my hand at him, letting him know it was no big deal that they were out there longer than he said they would be.
Grabbing his hat, I walked down the bleacher steps and waited by the sidelines. He was busy talking to his coach, so I pulled my phone from my back pocket and started typing out a text to Brooke. I’d gotten five words in when Ben Mathison walked up to me. I only knew who he was because he was my dad’s second favorite player, Luke being the first.
Standing a couple inches shorter than Luke’s six-one frame, the man was lean, with muscular thighs, as were most of these guys. His jet-black hair was cropped close to his head, and he sported a full, trimmed beard, much like what Luke had worn before he shaved. Remembering the reason why almost pulled me out of whatever interaction I was about to have with Ben. Thankfully, I hadn’t lost myself too long to the memory so as not to embarrass myself by blushing.
“Who are you here with?” he asked, raising the bottom half of his shirt to wipe his face. He’d played almost as eagerly as Luke had, and I had no doubt he was hot and tired. His dark brown eyes perused my face before dipping lower, resting on my chest for several seconds before looking back up.
“I’m a friend of Luke’s.”
“A friend?” The way he said, “a friend?” put me on alert. I didn’t know if it was his tone, or the way he tilted his head, or the way his gaze burned my skin, but I wasn’t enjoying this conversation so far. Peeking around him, I noticed Luke was still engaged with his coach. Ben followed my eyeline, a smirk on his face when he turned his attention back on me. “Are you her?”
What an odd question. “Her who?”
“The chick he’s helping?”
There was a moment when his question and my confusion smashed together, and the outcome of the collision was a rush of heat through my entire body, the air in my lungs being forced out in a sputter.
“Excuse me?”
“You know. The one he’s fucking. The one who can’t get off.”
His crassness shocked me, but it shouldn’t have. I knew what he was going to say before he gave life to the words. My eyes welled up in both shock and anger. I wanted to spew something back at him, but he’d rendered me speechless.
He made things worse when he stepped into me, and because I was still in a state of shock, I didn’t move back.
“If my man can’t do the job, I’d like to give it a try.” I flinched when he ran his finger down my arm, his touch succeeding in snapping me out of my disbelief.
Various responses begged to be thrown back at him, but I didn’t utter a word as I shoved Luke’s baseball cap into Ben’s chest and stormed away.
My tires squealed against the asphalt of the parking lot, and from the rearview mirror, I saw Luke rushing after me, stopping only when he knew he couldn’t catch me.
I rejected each of his calls as I drove home. Tears blurred my vision, and I was angry at myself for allowing him to weave his way back into my heart.
Whatever defenses I’d built up over the years should’ve stayed erect.
But now I was back to where I was ten years ago.
Only it was worse, because I’d been falling faster and deeper for him than I had the first time.
24
Olivia
It wasn’t bad enough my phone rang nonstop, but five minutes after I’d locked myself inside my house, Luke was at my door banging. I knew it was him because he kept yelling my name, asking me why I’d run off.
The sound of my ringtone mixed with the incessant rapping on my door made me even angrier.
“Olivia, open the door. Talk to me.” Moments passed and still he was relentless. “If you’re not going to let me in, can you at least answer the phone?” His voice took on an edge I hadn’t heard before, one of desperation. If I hadn’t been as livid as I was, pacing the living room and debating on calling Mark to come over and get Luke out of here, an option I dismissed because I’d have to explain why he was here in the first place, I might have felt bad for him. Then I remembered why he sounded as desperate as he did, and my fury stomped on the ounce of pity I had for him.
This was all his fault. He had to brag about poor Olivia, the woman who couldn’t come during sex. What else had he divulged to Ben? Did he tell him everything we’d done? All the positions? What I looked like naked? How much detail did he discuss with his friend? Did he tell any of his other teammates?
The more questions that formed in my infuriated brain, the more incensed I became.
Every time the door vibrated from the use of his fist, the more my heart sped up, and the more rage slithered through my veins, only to travel up my throat and rest inside my mouth, waiting to be unleashed.
After ten minutes of him trying to get me to open the door or answer my phone, I unclicked the lock with a shaky hand, and yanked it open. Luke had his hand raised in the air, dropping his arm to his side when I suddenly appeared.
“Fuck you, Luke. I never want to see you again.” I wanted to ask him countless questions, but those were the words my brain formed, never making it through the filtered part before they rushed from my lips.
He wedged his foot in the door when I tried to slam it shut on him, his shoulder braced against the wood to ensure I wouldn’t accomplish what I wanted.
“I don’t understand. What happened? Why are you acting like this?”
With all my weight behind me, I attempted to close the door one more time, but he used his strength to shove it open, stepping inside before I could stop him.
“Get out!”
“No. Not until you tell me why you’re acting like this.” Cautious steps brought him closer, but I backed away. If he dared to put his hands on me, I wouldn’t be held accountable for my actions. It was as if I were outside my body, watching everything unfold, helpless to predict the outcome or control any of the tornado-like emotions spiraling through me.
He said my name numerous times, pleaded with me over and over. His expression morphed from confusion to worry to fear, his movements calculated, cautious so as not to scare me away too soon. He treated me like a wounded animal about to strike out at any moment. And that was exactly how I felt.
Helpless.
Vulnerable.
Exposed.
“Goddammit, Olivia! What happened?”
Closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see his face didn’t work. I even tried holding my breath, figuring if I wasn’t taking air into my lungs, time would slow down long enough for me to figure a way out of this situation. But that didn’t work either.
My only option was to confront him. Otherwise, being the stubborn man I knew him to be, he’d stay here all night, and my emotional strength had been all but zapped.
I stood frozen in place, keeping my arms pinned to my side because I feared I’d physically lash out at him.
“Your friend Ben asked if I was the girl you were fucking. The one who can’t get off.”
“What?” His voice raised two octaves with the one-word question, his brows pinched together so tightly his eyes narrowed into slits.
“And he offered to take your place.”
All signs of strain on his face vanished. “What exactly did he say?” I’d seen Luke angry before, but never like this. The muscles in his jaw flexed continuously as his hands curled into tight fists.
“He said, and I quote, ‘If my man can’t do the job, I’d like to give it a try.’”
His head dropped and he sucked in a breath, his nostrils flaring with the action. The silence stretched between us, thick and heavy, and when I didn’t think I could take the lingering quiet any longer, he spoke.
“I’m so sorry. He never should have said anything to you. I’ll deal with him.” His last words took on a menacing tone.
“Do you know how humiliated I am? Do you tell him everything we do? Do you laugh at me?”
He reached for me, but I retreated. “Of course not. I only mentioned something to him one time. I swear. And I regretted it right after I said it. You have to believe me.”
“No, I don’t. I should’ve never let my guard down around you. I knew better, but you have this uncanny ability to twist me up so badly, all my reasoning goes out the window. I vowed to never allow myself to be hurt by you a second time. But I failed. It won’t happen again. This thing we had going is over.”
This time when he reached for me, I wasn’t quick enough to move out of the way. He grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. I struggled to get away, but it was useless. His hold was desperately strong.
“When did I hurt you the first time?”
“I’m not getting into this with you. I want you to leave.” His grip tightened when I tried to break free a second time.
“Please, tell me. How is it fair if I don’t even know what you’re talking about?” The slight grimace he wore told me he might have an inkling as to what I’d been referring to after all.
“Nothing about this is fair,” I mumbled, not wanting to dive into the past now or ever. He held my gaze until I had to look away. I could feel my heart start to splinter, and I couldn’t risk losing another part of myself to him. “Just go, Luke.”
“Don’t do this. We’re good together. And I’m not talking about the sex. Although, that’s a huge bonus. For me, at least.” The slight lilt to his voice told me to keep my eyes cast downward, otherwise I’d see the curve of his lips, and it would be so much harder to stick to my guns.
I silently repeated what Ben had said. Did I believe Luke only told him once about our deal? I hated I couldn’t answer either way.
“Go.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what I did.”
“Go,” I repeated, this time louder and with more emphasis.
“No.” While his voice was raised, his hold on me loosened, allowing me to sever the contact he’d made. “Tell me.”
I had two choices. I could refuse to enlighten him as to how he’d hurt me in the past, or I could confront him once and for all. If I chose the latter, perhaps I could release some of the anger and hurt he’d inflicted on me. Trust me, I had enough left in reserve to fuel the decision to stay away from him going forward.
“Do you remember the night of your eighteenth birthday party? The one you threw at your house when your parents went on vacation to Florida?”
“Yes.”
I held his stare, needing him to hear every word I was about to say.
“Do you remember what happened in your room? With me?” He nodded, his shoulders coming up an inch in anticipation. Or was that regret? Maybe a dash of shame? “I offered myself to you, but you rejected me. I was in love with you, and you tossed me aside like I was nothing. Did you know you were my first kiss? I thought you were special. I was ready. To be with you. I wanted you. But you didn’t want me.” He began to speak, but I cut him off, needing to expel everything before I lost the nerve and continued to keep it all bottled up inside. “I could have handled the rejection, in time, but you took Amanda Kneely to your bedroom. She was good enough for you to sleep with, but I wasn’t. And let’s not forget you ignored me for an entire week before you left. I never heard a word from you until I saw you at McConley’s.”
