Memories, page 16
“She’s a snob. Of the worst kind,” Araminta said huffily. “Talk about pedigree indeed. She’s nothing but an encroaching mushroom. Holbrook was far above her touch. She must have seduced him.”
Dearne laughed again. There had been something at the time of Holbrook’s marriage in that his choice of bride was held to be beneath him socially. But Dearne had believed Holbrook and Eleanor to be in love.
“Holbrook loves her,” he said with a conciliatory smile.
“Well, that boy never did have a ha’porth of sense,” Araminta said, and then rounded on him. “What have you done to Mr. Marsden? He was looking quite pinched when he went out for a walk.”
“Nothing,” Dearne declared. “He needs regular fresh air or he becomes crabby.”
“Oh, I do sympathise then. I need regular air,” she said with a knowing nod.
Dearne was seized with a sudden rush of emotion. He pulled his sister gently to him and kissed her temple. “I do love you, Minty.”
“Oh,” she said and clasped his hand. “Oh, darling. I love you, too.”
Dearne squeezed her. Well, at least someone loves me.
The uncharitable thought made him pause. Had there ever been anyone in Will’s life to love him? Care for him? He somehow doubted it. Dearne didn’t see Will for the rest of the evening. He gave his excuses for dinner.
* * * *
Will lay in his bed. It was well after midnight. He had spent the entire day and the evening pondering Dearne’s unexpected declaration and had come to the conclusion it was because of his memory. It was the only explanation which really made sense. Without that solid foundation, Dearne was struggling to work out who he was, what had happened, and Will was the one thing he could count on and rely on. The thought calmed him. He knew there had to be a rational, reasonable explanation for his outburst. He settled his head more comfortably on the pillow. Realising this made him feel less like running. It surprised him Dearne had noticed was what he did given the fact it was only when Dearne had pointed it out to him he realised it was true. Every time they had been physically close he had needed to get away. The possibility Dearne wanted to be somehow emotionally close scared him almost more than the physicality of the relationship. And that scared him. A lot.
He closed his eyes and waited to see if Dearne would arrive. He didn’t like to think of him alone with the nightmares. Alone in the dark. Will turned over and pulled the sheet up around his ears, then he lay on his back staring up at the canopy. If Dearne didn’t hurry up and arrive he was never going to get to sleep.
He tossed and turned for another hour and then was forced to accept Dearne wasn’t going to come to him. Will rubbed his forehead. Had he hurt him so badly? Had he…There was the tiniest of taps on the door, and it opened slowly. Will held his breath as Dearne slid inside and stood hesitantly.
“I know you probably don’t want to see me but…”
Will’s heart soared. “Get in,” he said gruffly, and held back the coverlet.
“Oh, thank God.” Dearne said, pulled his nightshirt over his head, dropped it on the floor, and crawled in beside him.
“Take yours off, too,” he demanded as he settled himself.
Will pulled his nightshirt off, too, and then lay back so Dearne could settle himself. When he had him safely in his arms, Will sighed and buried his face in Dearne’s hair. The weight of his body against his, the feel of his skin was almost too much. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut.
“I’m sorry,” Dearne said, and dropped a soft kiss on his chest. “Didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I am fine now. I know you didn’t really mean it.”
Dearne looked up. His eyes were unreadable in the dark. “I didn’t?”
Will stroked his face. “No. I think you are under a considerable amount of pressure at the moment and whilst your memory remains elusive, I am the one thing which has been constant since you awoke.”
“So you think I imagined my feelings for you? Because you were the first thing I saw when I awoke?”
“Possibly,” Will said, feeling quite pleased the conversation was going well.
“Rather like a duckling?”
Will’s thumb paused in its stroking of Dearne’s face. “A duckling?”
“Yes. I’m told when they are born they imprint on the first thing they see.”
Will wasn’t sure if Dearne was joking, angry, or what.
Dearne sighed and ran his hand down Will’s chest and then paused on his stomach, letting his fingers drift around his navel.
“I…”
“How tired are you?” Dearne asked, running his hand a little lower and then curling around his already hard cock.
“Well…”
“I think you are right.” Dearne said as he dropped kisses on Will’s chest and slid a little lower. “I am well and truly imprinted.”
Will gasped and his eyes fluttered closed when Dearne took him into his mouth.
* * * *
Will seemed to have reverted back to his normal self again, although he did keep sending him odd glances from time to time. Duckling indeed. What the hell did he think he was? Although there was part of Dearne which had to admit he had a point. Will was his one constant. He sat in the library drinking tea with his sister and Miss Rose. Araminta was tense and anxious.
“Perhaps we should just confront Holbrook with what we know?” she said.
Dearne dragged his attention back to the conversation and frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Tell him what we know. Tell him we know he sold Denton and we know he tried to have you killed when you arrived back in England.”
Dearne gave her his full attention. “My love, that might be inadvisable.”
Miss Rose put down her cup and sat forward. “My lady, you must proceed with the utmost caution. If your brother is to blame, and he knows you are aware of it, then you would be in the most terrible danger.”
Dearne wondered briefly if they had both read too many romantic novels.
“Araminta, dearest, please don’t do anything rash. If my memory returns we will know for sure what happened. Until then I think we need to aim for calm.”
“But what if he tries again? What if he succeeds this time?” She reached out blindly and clasped Miss Rose’s hand. “I cannot lose you.”
Dearne knelt by his sister’s chair and took her remaining cold hand in his. “Darling, please. You will make yourself ill.”
Araminta pressed his hand. “I don’t think you quite realise what it is like living under our brother’s roof. Beholden to him for everything.”
“I think I might do at the moment,” Dearne said, giving her a smile.
“But you don’t. You don’t, because when this is all over you will be able to leave here and find somewhere to live. Set up a household of your own and be safe and happy, be the…the master of your life. You will be able to marry and have children; live. I can do none of those things. I am stuck here with him. Forever. And if anything happens to him I will be at Eleanor’s mercy.” Her voice was becoming increasingly shrill.
Dearne ran a thumb over the back of her knuckles, and then raised them to his lips. “Forgive me.” His sister was right. She was entirely dependent and if correct, and Holbrook was behind the things which had been going on, then it was for him to protect her. He’d never really thought about what life might be like for a woman who didn’t marry. She had no source of income, no protection, other than that afforded by her family. “You have my word I will never leave you at Holbrook and Eleanor’s mercy.” She squeezed his hand and smiled at him. Dearne had the most uncomfortable feeling when he realised even if he did save Araminta from Holbrook, she would then be beholden to him. He frowned and kissed her fingers again. “Holbrook has some crony of his visiting for dinner tonight so I don’t think anything untoward is going to happen immediately. Tomorrow, I think the three of us should talk with Will and decide what to do for the best.”
“Oh yes.” Araminta closed her eyes in relief. “Yes. Mr. Marsden and Miss Rose are such sensible sorts. I am sure if we put our heads together we will be able to decide how best to deal with this dreadful situation.”
“I am sure we will,” Dearne said with a smile at his sister and Miss Rose. He just hoped they could come up with something.
* * * *
Dearne’s clothes fit him surprisingly well. Will turned this way and that and examined himself in the mirror. It had been a long time since he had dressed for dinner. The jacket was not as snug as it should have been, but this was the country, so he doubted it would be noted or commented on. As he adjusted his cravat and pulled the gold brocade waistcoat straight, he turned to look at Dearne who had walked in through the door, and his mouth went dry.
“My word, you brush up nicely,” Dearne said as he came into the room and gave Will an admiring, top to toe glance.
“You look…” Will had no words. Dearne was in full regimental dress. His Hussar’s red clung to every inch of his torso, the white sash, the gold brocade…“You look splendid,” he whispered.
Dearne’s answering smile was definitely smug. “Something about a man in uniform?”
Will laughed and came to stand before him. “Most certainly.”
“If you are lucky, you might be the one to undress me tonight.”
Will was instantly erect and aching. The thought of peeling him out of those clothes was unbearably arousing. The thought of revealing his skin, inch by inch and exposing those freckles which demanded to be licked, almost undid him.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Dearne said and came closer. “We will be late for dinner.”
Will couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face.
“We should go down.”
They stared at each other for a long moment.
“We should.”
Dearne growled and grabbed the back of Will’s neck and dragged him close for a kiss and Will lost himself completely in Dearne’s mouth as they moved together, breathed together in perfect rhythm.
So perfect neither of them heard the door open.
It was the sharp intake of breath which dragged them apart.
Chapter 19
Dearne wrenched himself away from Will, a hand going to his mouth. In the doorway stood Araminta and Miss Rose, both of them with eyes on stalks. Araminta gasped, and Miss Rose slammed the door shut behind them.
“Captain Dearne, I am so sorry…I…we…you…” Miss Rose stammered. Dearne looked helplessly at Will who was as shocked as he. For the first time in his life Dearne was utterly speechless, completely at a loss and embarrassed beyond belief.
“Lady Araminta, Miss Rose, please accept my apologies. The fault is entirely mine,” Will said, stepping forward as if to shield Dearne.
Araminta and Miss Rose turned to him, both still silent. Will continued. “The fault lies with me. Something I have tried to…” He swallowed. “I pressed my attentions upon Captain Dearne. He was too shocked to respond and push me away. Captain, you have my humble apology. Ladies, I will of course leave immediately.”
Dearne’s heart was hammering like a drum. What the hell was he talking about? He turned to speak, but Will gave him a ferocious glare.
“Maxie? You and Mr. Marsden are…” She pointed a finger back and forth between them and glanced at Miss Rose.
Dearne opened his mouth to reply, but Will jumped in again.
“Lady Araminta, I assure you, the fault was all mine. Your brother is the very best of men he would never, ever stoop…I should have realised…”
“Will, stop it,” Dearne said quietly, having finally gathered his stampeding wits. He moved closer to him and tried to take his hand, but Will dragged it away with a fierce glare. Dearne was deeply moved at his attempts to protect him from his sister’s scorn. So moved it was difficult to speak for a moment.
“Oh Maxie, I had no idea,” Araminta said, coming and putting a hand on his arm. Miss Rose seemed rooted to the spot, her gaze flicking back and forth between them.
“To answer your question, yes, we are. Will is being incredibly gallant attempting to take the blame, but…” He glanced at Will who stood like a statue. Eyes wide and unblinking, face pale. “I will not allow him to make it seem as though he was pushing himself on me. He wasn’t.” Dearne rubbed his face. He would not be ashamed of his love. He would not allow anyone to make him feel ashamed, but he wished he could say the same for Will who looked as though he was waiting for the fires of hell to open up and consume him.
“Minty,” he said, softly, quietly. “I’m sorry if I have shocked you, or disappointed you.”
Araminta was looking at him with wide eyes. “So that is why you didn’t marry Charlotte Henderson?”
“It wouldn’t have been fair to her.”
“My dearest love,” Araminta said, head on one side. “My dearest, dearest love.” She held out her arms and Dearne gathered her up with a rush of relief so profound it swamped his senses for a moment. He held his sister tightly as he swallowed several times.
“Thank you,” he whispered and kissed her cheek.
“We should dine now,” Miss Rose said from the door. “Your brother’s guests have arrived. They will be waiting.”
“Shall we?” Dearne said, and held out his arm. His sister smiled at him and took it. Dearne glanced worriedly over at Will who was holding out his arm for Miss Rose in a slightly dazed fashion.
* * * *
They walked into the parlour where Holbrook and Eleanor stood chatting with their guests. Dinner was to be an informal affair; given they were all supposed to be grieving for him. Dearne vaguely recollected George Kendall and his wife, though he couldn’t remember the wife’s name. They had been firm friends with Holbrook and Eleanor for a number of years. Holbrook had obviously appraised him of the situation as Kendall came straight over to pump his hand and offer warmest congratulations on his survival.
“Dashed good to see you. I was horrified when I saw the notice of your death. Horrified.”
“Well, I am pleased to say I am alive and well.” Dearne smiled and submitted to a bracing handshake and clasp of the shoulder. “Allow me to introduce a good friend of mine,” he said, turning to Will who was bringing up the rear with Miss Rose. But before he could begin the pleasantries, Kendall gaped and spluttered.
“Allardyce? Allardyce, is that you?” he said, staring at Will as if he had seen a ghost. Dearne looked at Will who was rooted to the spot. “Katherine, look, It’s Allardyce. Good God, man. Where on earth have you been this last, what? Ten, eleven years. You look damned well.”
For a moment, Dearne thought Will was going to deny it, but then his shoulders squared resolutely, and he took the proffered hand. Minty’s hand closed tightly over Dearne’s arm as he watched and waited.
“What the…I thought your name was Marsden?” Holbrook blustered.
“It is,” Will said to Holbrook. “It used to be James Allardyce.” He cleared his throat and cast a wary glance at Dearne.
“Allardyce?” Holbrook repeated and shook his head. “Not Sutton’s boy?” When everyone looked blank, Holbrook elaborate. “Godfrey Allardyce’s boy, Earl of Sutton. His only son and heir who went missing.”
Dearne’s head was spinning. Will was Sutton’s heir.
“But didn’t he go mad? The missing son, I mean, I thought they put him in an asylum,” Holbrook said to Kendall, as though neither Will nor the rest of his dinner guests were in attendance.
“I think so, but didn’t he get out and disappear?”
“Why don’t you ask him?” Dearne said through slightly gritted teeth, and both men shot him startled glances and then looked at Will who still stood with Miss Rose.
Dearne was fairly sure Will was seething, but it was hard to tell. Those dark eyes were inscrutable.
Will cleared his throat. “I did not disappear. My father and I had a disagreement and I chose to leave. Simply put, have not been back since. And, no. I did not go mad.”
Kendall had the grace to flush. “Allardyce, my dear boy. I am dreadfully sorry. That was shockingly rude. May I say, I am exceedingly glad to see you looking so hale and hearty?”
Will nodded. “Thank you. Very kind.” He gestured to the dining room. “Should we?” he said to his host.
Holbrook nodded and held out his arm for his wife. They processed into the dining room as though nothing untoward had happened. Dearne looked down at his sister who looked back and shrugged and then glanced back at Will and Miss Rose who were bringing up the rear. Will looked grim, Miss Rose, stunned.
* * * *
Will forced food into his mouth which tasted like ash. His head thudded in time with his heart as he listened to Kendall prattle on about nothing. The man always did love the sound of his own voice. He could feel Dearne’s gaze burning into him from the opposite side of the table. He risked a glance, and Dearne raised an eyebrow but didn’t smile. A small, cold hand touched his beneath the table, and he turned to Miss Rose at his side.
“Tell me, Mr. Marsden. Have you read anything interesting of late? I confess I am searching for something new.”
Will blinked at her. She was smiling kindly. Why she was smiling at him after what she had just witnessed in the bedchamber, and what she had just seen with Kendall, he had no idea. Breeding, or something, took over and he managed to smile back.
“I am afraid I have read very little of late, but if you have any recommendations I should be very glad to receive them,” he said. He suspected his gratitude leaked into his face somehow because she beamed at him and he was sure she dropped a barely noticeable wink.
“Well, since you ask…” She launched off into an animated account of a book she had read and required nothing more from him than to nod at appropriate moments. He could have kissed her.
When she paused for breath, and to take a bite of the partridge, Kendall pounced. Never a subtle man, he called over the table. Will had thought he might be a safe distance away, but apparently nothing was going to deter him.
“So, Allardyce. What made you change your name?”
