Heir, page 19
part #5 of Ressaline Series
I didn't move until Halliahta rolled me to face her. She caressed my cheek. “I need to know if you’re all right.”
“I’m not,” I whispered. I rolled away again. She let me, and she cuddled from behind. “It’s over, isn’t it?”
“Yes, darling,” she said.
I said nothing further. Eventually, she slipped from the bed. I began sobbing immediately, but she knelt on the other side, directly in front of me, holding my hands. “I’m just seeing to things,” she said. “We’re going to need food. I’ll be right back. I promise, I’ll be right back.”
I threw my arms around her and sobbed into her neck, and it was a long time before she could coax me into letting her go. “I promise, Ahlianna,” she whispered. “Just a few minutes.”
I nodded, but I curled up into a tight ball.
It seemed like she was gone forever, but when she came back, she had food. She climbed back into bed, and I rolled over to clutch at her. She held me for a while, then she fed us from her hand, a little at a time, and held a glass as I drank.
“You’re going to be very needy for a few days,” she said. “You’ll be ready to be out in public when you can say ‘no’ to me about anything more than whether you can be left alone.”
“Please don’t leave me!” I wailed.
“Oh, darling. I’m right here with you.”
I leaned up and kissed her. It may have been the first action I initiated, other than clutching at her, in a month. She kissed me back, and when I began touching further, she let me.
I made love to her. I’m sure it was clumsy, and instead of joy, I think I brought desperation into the mix. But she called out my name, and then she invited me to cuddle with her, whispering and stroking me.
* * * *
It was several days before I could stand to be away from her for more than a few minutes, and several more yet before I was remotely sane.
I think it was the morning, a week after Holliahta released me, that we shared breakfast at the table. I ate quietly then looked up at her. “Now what happens?”
“Touch your nose.
The compulsion to obey was strong. Instead, I clutched my hands. But then I looked away and touched my nose as she ordered. I felt a lot better after that, but at the same time, I thought I had disappointed her. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Darling,” she said. “You haven’t done a single thing wrong.”
“You wanted me to resist.”
“You’ll resist when you’re ready. Even if you could disobey me, the compulsion to obey me is very strong, and if I made any real effort, you would still do anything I tell you to do.”
“I know,” I whispered. I looked up. “I’m making you miss work.”
“Work is doing just fine,” she said. “And I know how this works, Ahlianna.”
“Is it always like this?”
“For your first few, yes, but then things calm down. Most women remain needy for a few hours after being released, or maybe less than that if it wasn’t very long. But your First is the hardest. Do you know who you are?”
“Ahlianna, Crown Princess of Flarvor. But we’re in Ressaline.”
“Very good,” she said. Let’s finish breakfast and go for a walk.
* * * *
It was three more days when Holliahta said, “Someone is coming over.”
“Who?”
“Olivia and Allium.”
I said nothing for a long time. It was when they were nearly due that I asked, “Holliahta, did you like owning me?”
“Oh, Ahlianna,” she said. “Absolutely.”
“You had to give me so much attention.”
“I had a month of fabulous pleasures,” she replied. “I had a month of a warm, loving companion in my bed.”
“I wasn’t very good.”
“I enjoyed teaching you,” she said. “You have given me such a gift, Ahlianna, such a gift. Thank you so much.”
I laid my head in her lap, and I said nothing further. I was still there when one of the house slaves led Allium and Olivia to us. They came to a stop, and Olivia said, “Told her we were coming, did you?”
“Yes,” Holliahta said. “Ahlianna.”
“I know,” I whispered. “They came to take me away.”
“Yes, darling.”
I nodded then lifted my head. “I love you.”
“I know,” she said. She gave me a sweet kiss. “And I love you. We can’t see each other for a while now. It isn’t healthy for you.”
“You don’t want me,” I whispered.
“Did you just offer to abdicate, Princess?” Olivia asked.
I said nothing at first, but I pushed away from Holliahta and then stood. I turned slowly and stepped over to Olivia. She and Allium had approached but were still standing. I looked the duchess in the eye.
I turned and walked back to Holliahta, taking her hands and pulling her to her feet. She smiled and caressed my cheek. “Darling.”
I pressed into her arms. We hugged tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re so welcome, darling. Thank you for this honor.”
Trying not to cry, I pushed away and ran from the room.
Chapter Eleven
Allium kept someone with me full time for another week, either herself or someone else from her household. I shared beds, although I was forbidden from touches more intimate than spooning as we slept.
It was several days before I realized I didn’t actually have to obey, but by then, we had broken the worst of my need, and so I didn’t make a greater fool of myself.
It was after breakfast that I stepped into Allium’s office. She was at her desk, reading something. I sat down opposite her, and she smiled at me. “What can I do for you, Ahlianna?”
“Give me an order.”
She understood entirely. “Kneel to me!” she said in a commanding tone. I felt some pressure to obey, but instead, I leaned back a little and smiled. “I mean it, Ah-ah! Kneel! Now!”
“I don’t think so.”
She smiled and nodded. “Done that way, when you’re not on guard, someone you recognize as an authority figure could still probably catch you.”
“For how much longer?”
“From what I understand, you’ll always be a little susceptible to Holliahta. But if you put your Crown Princess attitude back on, probably not very long.”
“So, I’m safe in public.”
“I’d rather you not be in public alone, not for another week or so.”
“All right. I have drafted a thank you note to Holliahta. I’d like you to read it.”
I set it on her desk. She picked it up, slipped the letter from the unsealed envelope, and read it. Then she refolded it and returned it to the envelope. “This is good, Princess Ahlianna.”
“Thank you. Lady Ambassador Cuprite, are there official or personal reasons I should delay my return to Barrish?”
“Only if you wish.”
“I would like you to make arrangements. I would prefer a little time, at least a few more days. Why hasn’t Gionna been to visit? Is she recovering like I have been?”
“No, no. Once you’ve done this enough times, recovery is anywhere from a few minutes to one or two days. It’s longer if the duration was longer, but I released her the evening before Holliahta released you, and she was fine by morning.”
“Then why hasn’t she visited?”
“Because of what we just discussed: you would be vulnerable to her.”
“All right. I would have liked her here, but I can appreciate caution. Ambassador, I would like you to arrange a dinner party with this as the guest list.” I set a sheet of paper on her desk. “I would appreciate your opinion.”
She picked up the list and read it.
“I do not recommend you see Holliahta for several months,” she said. “The rest of the list seems good.”
“It would be rude to invite her daughter and exclude her.”
She looked up. “I won’t pretend to be a greater authority of the rules of polite society than you, Ahlianna. I’m not. However, in this particular case, what is best for you is more important than polite rules. Holliahta would understand entirely, especially after receiving your very gracious thank you letter. Should we consult with Olivia?”
“No.” I considered demanding my list be unaltered, but I realized I was only putting my back up to prove I could, and that was a poor reason to override someone who probably understood the situation better than I did. “I would be a fool to ignore your experience, Allium.”
“How soon would you like this engagement?”
“Not tonight,” I said, “but otherwise as soon as can be politely arranged. It may be that not everyone can attend, but the list is ordered in priority.”
“Of course. I will see to this immediately.”
“Thank you. I have a few more things to discuss. When I return to Barrish, I would prefer if you came with. Do you have duties here that are more pressing?”
“No. I would be pleased to travel with you.”
“When you make arrangements, I would prefer if Darfelsa waited in Barrish and returned here with you. I would like to spend time with my sister upon my return. If she or Father make other arrangements, and we pass on the road, then do what you feel is best, but I assume that means you would join Darfelsa’s group and send me on my way.”
“I’d rather accompany you the entire way.”
“Thank you. That is my preference, but I don’t want Darfelsa traveling alone.”
She nodded.
“I am not suggesting months,” I said. “It’s not fair to keep her in Barrish when she’d rather be here.” I paused. “Allium, is she going to be upset that Holliahta was my First?”
“She shouldn’t be.”
I nodded. “Do you feel the likelihood of her being upset is reduced if we invite Gretchena to travel to Barrish with us?”
She smiled. “Quite likely.”
“I would like to invite her myself, unless you have objections.”
“I have no objections, Princess.”
“Thank you.”
“But you will invite her here to do so,” she continued. “You will not go see her at their shop.”
I almost instantly agreed, and I had my mouth open to do so, then closed it. Finally, though, I nodded. “Probably best. Was that a test?”
“It was good advice phrased in a commanding tone.”
I smiled. “And you’re right. I nearly accepted without even considering.”
“I’m a little surprised you didn’t,” she said.
“Is there any reason I can’t see Gionna?”
“Not if you mind that you’ll probably obey her if she wants you to.”
“She might use that playfully, but she must know it would damage our relationship if she used it to embarrassment.”
“The entire society seems to be very nurturing to people who have recently been through their First,” Allium replied. “But at the same time, people are people.”
“True. Ambassador, do you believe we should invite Gionna to travel with us?”
“We can invite her, but the negotiations last time were extensive. Did you want to wait sufficiently long for word to travel to Ressaline City and back?”
“Not particularly.”
“Then we can invite her, but she will probably be forced to decline. She may travel to the border, but I doubt Olivia will let her step one foot across the river.”
“Should that invitation come from you or me?”
“Either.”
“Then I will invite her informally. Do I have that authority, Ambassador?”
“You know how much authority your father gives you, and better than I do. My guess: your parents would be delighted. But perhaps Leander is more easily offended by surprises than I believe.”
“I’ll offer an informal invitation,” I said. “Thank you, Ambassador. Please keep me apprised.
“I will. What is your immediate plan?”
“I am going to send a messenger inviting Gretchena to lunch. I am going to invite myself to visit with Gionna afterwards.”
“All right.”
“Thank you, Ambassador.”
I stood. She also stood and smiled, but then she walked around, and I walked into the hug. We held each other tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered again.
“Did you want to talk about it?”
“Not yet. We’ll have time during our travels.”
“All right.”
Then I slipped away.
* * * *
We met at the Baby Blanket. Gretchena and I hugged before sitting down. “How are you doing?” she asked.
“Good.”
“Was Mother a good First?”
“Best I’ve ever had,” I said. She laughed. “I’m glad it was her. I was hesitant, as I was worried it would interfere with your relationship with my sister. You may not understand.”
“I do, actually,” she said. “It won’t.”
“You’re going to receive an invitation to a dinner party at the embassy. It will be some time in the next few days. When I presented the guest list to the ambassador, she removed one name.”
“Mother’s,” Gretchena replied. “Yeah. Bad idea. Did you want me to tell her, though?”
“I think I would. Thank you.” She nodded. “You’ll come, right?”
“Of course I’ll come.”
“Good. The ambassador is also arranging for my return to Barrish.”
“I’m sorry to see you go.”
“Yes, but Darfelsa can’t return until I’m back in Flarvor,” I pointed out. “If you have your choice of sisters, which would you rather have here?”
“I don’t think I should answer that.”
I laughed. “We are now to the reason why I asked you to meet with me. Would you care to travel to Barrish with us?”
“Yes!” she said. “Really?”
“Really.”
“I’d have to talk to Mother and make sure she can afford to let me leave. Will it be expensive?”
“No. You would be traveling with us, so you will have no expenses along the way. You will return with Allium and, presumably, Darfelsa, so no expenses. You would stay in the palace.”
“So, no expenses.”
“You might want shopping money and around the town money. I don’t know how long you would be gone. I want to spend a few days with my sister. She may be anxious to return. On the other hand, Mother may be anxious to keep both of us together for a while. This could be a longer trip than we realize. Money shouldn’t be the reason you decline. You can be quite frugal if necessary.”
“I’ll talk to Mother and let you know.”
“Barrish is hot this time of year. You wouldn’t care for that part. And we might find they have gone to the coast, which would make your trip longer, if we travel south to meet with them.” I explained how the sea moderated the weather along our southern coast. “Or it could be that Darfelsa is so anxious to return here that she’ll be standing on the bridge telling me to hurry.”
She laughed. “I’ll make sure Mother understands.”
“Good.”
“So, let’s talk about you. How was it?”
I told her.
* * * *
I took hugs from Bee and Dee, and then they led me to Olivia and Gionna. There were more hugs, and at a gesture, I sat. I kept a hand on Bee and Dee, so they sat down on the floor at my feet, leaning against me. I looked down at them for a minute. “I have a few things, Lady Olivia. The ambassador is arranging a dinner.”
“She’s already been by,” Olivia said. “Two nights from tonight. Everyone on your list will be in attendance, I believe.”
“Minus the one Allium suggested we remove.”
She nodded. “Minus the one.”
“Did she also tell you she is arranging my departure?”
“Yes. We’ll be sorry to see you go. Do you think you’ll return?”
“I suppose we’ll see. It’s not something done casually, especially as Father will insist Darfelsa return to Barrish first. Who knows? Perhaps you’ll see a delegation ride in from Flarvor, and it won’t be Darfelsa returning from a visit home, but her older sister, come to stay for a while.”
“While that would be nice,” Gionna said, “I hope you realize that I’d rather we had advance warning.”
“Oh,” I said.
“So that I can be here,” she said.
“Oh,” I said, my tone happier. “I didn’t think of that. You don’t actually live here.”
“I live with Mother. I go where she sends me.”
I nodded. “Speaking about that, Gionna. Would you care to accompany me to Barrish?”
She smiled but then looked away. “I would, but unless you delay your departure, I probably can’t.”
“She can’t,” Olivia said. “Queen Lisdee would be exceedingly displeased if Gionna were to cross the river without adequate preparations.”
“I understand,” I said. “Then perhaps you will understand you have a permanent invitation to visit as frequently as you may.”
“I’d like that. It may be a while. Mother is going to want me to return to Ressaline City. We haven’t seen each other in some time.”
“I understand,” I said. “Gionna, do you have duties?”
“Do you mean in general, or right now.”
“Between now and when I leave?”
“My only duties are to see to the care and feeding of the Flarvorian Crown Princess.”
I smiled. “Good. So, if I suggested I would like to spend as much time with you as possible before I go, can that be arranged?”
“I could find some time here and there for you,” she said with a grin.
“Good. Care to go for a walk?”
“That sounds lovely.”
I turned to the duchess. “Did you have more, Lady Olivia?”
“You are well?”
“Yes. I’m fine. I still have more to absorb, Duchess, but Queen Lisdee’s policy is proper.” She inclined her head.
“I want to ask you something. Was it a mistake to have you gagged?”
I looked away. It wasn’t the sort of question I wanted to answer. “No,” I finally whispered.
“I’m sorry for that part.”
“Don’t be,” I said, turning back. “There was a period, before I really began feeling the magic, that I would have made everything stop if I could have.”
