Atone, page 20
DAVID/POET
I stand outside the conference room door and take a breath.
I never should have brought Charlie. This is a completely different world. She’s not used to any of it and quite frankly, I like her like that.
My stomach rumbles and I rub my aching head. I need to eat something. But I’m already late and I have a feeling this is it. My veins are tingling.
The door opens and Amy steps out carrying James Dean. He smiles that cute toothy smile, his rosy cheeks like big red apples as he chews on his finger.
For whatever reason, maybe I need the reminder. But this time, I don’t look away. I smile back. “Hey, Buddy.” I reach to ruffle his soft-as-silk curls.
“David.” Amy nods at me and brings me spiraling back to my present. “They’re waiting. This is what you came back for.” Her hand reaches for mine giving it a squeeze.
As they head to the kitchen, Amy talks animatedly to James Dean. Christ, she probably knows more than anyone including Blade.
I rap on the door and wait until Ryder opens it and looks at me from top to bottom.
“This is getting old already.” I move around him as I enter the large room. Blade sits with his boots on the table as he listens to Frosty.
Edge, Axel, and Ox are eating chips and guacamole, which Amy must have dropped off.
Beer bottles litter the beat-up conference table. Their conversation stops as soon as I enter. I don’t even bother saying anything. Instead I go right to the box of donuts. Picking out a jelly one, I lean against the wall, daring anyone to say shit.
Blade gets up and walks over to me. I’m in midbite, but it’s like we’re back to being twelve. Before I can protect myself, he punches me right in the gut.
“Fuck.” I spit the powdered donut on the floor and can’t help but sag to my knees.
“You may be my blood, but you ever talk to me or don’t give me the respect I deserve, I’ll personally put you out of your misery.”
I can’t get enough of a breath to try to defend myself. He’s pissed and he’s right—if we weren’t cousins, I’d be dead.
The door raps again. Ryder doesn’t even spare me a glance as he opens it.
Blade walks by and I try to stand but fall back on my knees, wheezing.
“Jesus Christ, he’s not using, is he?” My eyes dart over to the door as Reed enters.
“He’s white-knuckling it.” Axel walks over to greet Reed.
“Christ, David,” Reed snaps and closes his eyes as if he’s trying to get some patience. Which is a fucking joke. I essentially saved him years ago. And if I could get a breath in, I’d remind him.
“I have what you want.” He opens his eyes and lets his words sink in. “Are you in any condition to handle this? Or do you need me to step in?”
My face floods with adrenaline and shame. “Don’t you dare. You owe me this,” I hiss.
Frosty clears his throat and stands, almost stepping over me to get to Reed. “I’m Frosty, I’m the… well anyway, David got ahold of a phone that one of the officers for Satan’s Seeds left when he died.”
Reed nods as he looks at his phone.
“Well, the messages were deleted, but I got a dude who was able to get a match on their voices.”
“Perfect, because I bribed the right FBI agent. I have all the legal and illegal wiretapping they have on the Disciples for years.”
The chip eating stops. It’s like we’re all too stunned to move.
“What did you say?” Blade stands and goes over to Reed.
“It’s all in here. I had it downloaded, hours and hours of your secrets being documented. Most is parties and day-to-day shit but”—he looks from me to Blade—“I know who the rats are.”
“Motherfuckers.” Ryder stands and the whole table lifts up and slams back down as bottles of beer spill as well as the chips. “I do a thorough sweep once a week.” He rubs his buzzed head.
“Most is old, but with drones, you never know what they can pick up. You guys have a lot of interest with the resurrection of the making and selling of that drug again.”
Reed types something on the phone and hands it to Frosty.
“My gift.”
Frosty starts plugging in his shit and at last, I can breathe. It’s labored but I don’t think that’s from Blade anymore. The adrenaline’s making my head buzz and veins tingle. I lean over to Reed.
“Who’s the fucking rat?”
I sound demented because I am. My mind is not dealing well and the longer Frosty takes, the more I want to climb over the table and—
“You need to get your shit together,” he says. “This is not something you can lose your mind over. I think Blade has it all planned out.”
I hold up my hand for him to stop talking. Reed shrugs as he pulls out a chair to sit next to me.
The speakers are turned on and my dead uncle’s voice, Blade’s father, speaks clear as a bell about a certain bike he wanted painted. It’s like I’m stuck in one of my nightmares that I can’t wake up from. My body is so tight I can feel the muscles in my neck and shoulders cramping.
I look at Blade because I need him. I’ve forgotten this is his cross to bear too. Our eyes meet and he folds his arms.
“Move on,” he demands, and Frosty types in something.
And Chuck—or Chuckie is what we called him as a kid—my cousin, one of the best men I knew, talks about how he wants to pull back on Satan’s Seeds buying extra drugs. This is all a conversation he’s having with Lucky who says he’ll talk to Tank.
The next one is Axel and Chuck talking about someone named Amanda’s tits.
“Motherfucker.” Axel stands up. The usual arrogant look on his face is gone as he goes to the window to look out.
“Turn it off,” he yells and the room crackles with energy. “Do you know who the rat is?”
“Take it easy, Axel,” Blade warns.
“Play three twenty-one.” Reed looks up at the ceiling. Time stands still, like a slow-moving clock that’s almost run down its battery.
Frosty looks to Blade, awaiting his response. Blade scans the room of brothers. He leans his fist on the table, his eyes dark. “We stick to our plan. First, we take down Satan’s Seeds’ warehouse. I want it done by the morning. Then I’ll call Church and we will deal with the rat.”
“Rats,” Reed interrupts.
All of us turn to him and Blade lowers himself into the chair and starts to tap his blade on the old butcher block conference table. I stand and walk to the file cabinet in front of our safe.
“There was more than one?” Blade has always been big on loyalty. You’re either his brother and he’ll die for you, or you’re not and he’ll kill you.
I, on the other hand, have always known that there are truly bad people. Some even evil and given a chance, they strike at your weakest point. Much like a deadly snake, they can and will cause damage and take you down if they can. Moving the cabinet away, I use my thumbprint and the door swings open.
“Play it,” Blade hisses. I reach inside the safe and grab a Glock, some bullets, and a knife. I wait for the voice, need the voice.
Like the junkie I am, I want it, crave it. I’m seeing blood and I haven’t even started.
Blade wants to wait. I won’t.
I will sacrifice myself easily for them. A vision of golden eyes with inky black hair floats through my mind. This is why I never should have started with her. But regrets are pointless today…
Frosty types on his laptop and I slam the safe shut as all eyes look at me then back to Frosty. Static fills the quiet room. Then I hear a man. His voice is not clear, but he must speak more closely into the phone because I’m there, back to that day and that moment I want back so very badly. Those seconds that disappeared, that I was robbed of.
“Dude, it’s ready… Jackal says go, but we got a problem…”
“What problem? I gave you everything you need, fucking spoon-fed you guys. How can there be a fucking problem?”
“David’s not there. It’s his baby momma and she’s inside with his baby girl…”Silence…
“Take them out, take them all out. Do it now before we miss the chance…”
I’m sure there’s more conversation, but I know whose voice that is.
I’ve had him at every birthday party since the day I was born. He’s been like a second father. He mourned with me…
“David, we’re all in shock. Let’s take a moment.” Blade stands before me holding up his hands as I look down at my own. I’m gripping the Glock, and the weird sound I’m hearing is coming from me.
“It’s okay, brother. I’m going to take care of it. Put the fucking Glock down,” Blade hisses.
“Who are the others?” I spit out, my voice raw. I see nothing but red.
“Dozer and Burner,” Reed says from behind me. And that’s all I need.
My mind is fine. I’ve stopped making the noise. Either that or everything has gone mute, like a TV.
It’s quiet in my head as I pass people, no one makes a sound. The door is open and I’m looking….
I finally see the dead fucking rat. The man who sobbed at my hospital bed when I had burns covering my hands, feet, and knees. The man who stepped up to help bury my child, then tried to take over the club. But the club, much like the human heart, doesn’t beat with an evil soul.
He stands, laughing, with a fucking beer bottle in his hands. He’s gotten away with murder for ten years and now it’s time he atones.
“You die today.”
I hear nothing but see the confusion.
Then it’s in his eyes, always the eyes. A blink and he doesn’t need to say anything as I see red.
My pain that my child lost her life because he said so. My uncle and cousin and poor Debbie, who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
All of them had their own sins but not Tabatha. She was light, sunshine, and pure and this man said kill her… I don’t know when the pounding of flesh began or which fucking idiot Disciples are trying to pull me off.
The sounds of his nose breaking and his wails that he’s old are almost like a symphony I heard in Manhattan.
Ox holds me back. All I know is I don’t hear bones crushing anymore or my symphony of death.
“What the fuck, Poet?” Ox has me pinned with a hand on my throat. I bare my teeth, unable to formulate words.
“Let him go, and if anyone else moves, I’ll put a bullet in their head.” I look over at Blade walking through the group of Disciples.
“Blade,” Lucky wails as he reaches for him and coughs up blood. “It had to be done for the future of the club… I wanted the club to be big and strong.” He wheezes as he searches for sympathy.
“Like it is today. Chuck was too into pussy to do what needed to be done. But you… I did it for you.”
He vomits up blood. And that’s the last thing he ever says or does.
“You did it for Blade? You killed Tabatha for Blade?” Ox lets me go and I attack him, pounding his head into the ground as I hear myself screaming, “Why? You could have saved her… You could have…” I don’t stop pounding his head into the ground. Finally, his neck snaps and he’s nothing but a bloody rag doll.
When I hear Reed’s voice, I look up at last. “It’s over, brother.” Sweat runs down my forehead and into my eyes as I let go of the piece of shit and stand up. Everyone backs away as if they are scared of me. I smile as women scream. I take my Glock out and point the gun at Lucky’s dead body, and to be absolutely sure, I shoot him in the face and turn the gun on Dozer and Burner.
“Not these motherfuckers. They’re all mine.” Blade brings his gun out, and in one swift, graceful move, he puts a bullet into Dozer’s and Burner’s heads. They crumple to the ground, sliding to the side as women scream and Disciples quiet them.
“Ryder, take care of it,” Blade snarls.
More screams, Disciples saying, “Oh shit!” and Blade drops the gun on Lucky’s chest and walks toward the house. Axel and Ox follow.
Reed stands at my side. As I look into his green eyes, they swim with the turmoil of a storm that is projected into mine.
This is why Reed has been my best friend, my brother for years. He never judges.
He feels the need to repay my kindness when all I did was see a fellow damaged soul who was as wild and as fucked up as me.
“Take Charlie home for me, Reed.” My chest is heaving; my heart is pounding.
My brain is like an old movie that can’t quite pick whether it wants to be silent or have music. Fast or slow.
“Of course.” He turns and starts to leave.
“Reed?” He doesn’t respond. He knows what’s next, always has, but unlike me, he has a reason to go home. He has a reason to love and cherish his family and himself.
He has a reason.
“Don’t do this, man. You’re free. It’s time to start forgiving yourself.”
“Would you?”
“No, no I would not.” He turns. This time, I don’t call him back.
This is my journey—mine to nurture like a festering wound. And mine to decide what takes me down.
I look around at the dead men, including one I sometimes called Uncle—the fucking piece of filth who got way too much time on this earth. I kneel and take his cigarettes, his money, and his patch that says he was a founding member. No way will he take this to his grave.
Ryder talks on his phone, discussing the best way to get rid of the bodies. “Hold on a second.” He turns his sharp gaze on me. “You okay, Poet?”
I don’t answer. He has other things that need to happen.
“Goddammit, David,” he yells at me. “Stop for one fucking second and look at yourself.”
That makes me look down at my bloody hands, and I turn to face him. “I don’t need to look at myself to know what’s going to happen. You help Blade take those fucks down. I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back later with my head on straight.”
“What about Charlie?”
“Charlie.” I look up at the sky that has graced us with an incredible orange and red sunset. “Charlie, Charlie… Charlie.” She’s got a piece of me. Unfortunately the rest is not anything that works. I look at him. “One day, maybe in another life, brother.”
“Dude… Terrier, let me call you back,” Ryder snarls into his burner phone. As he follows me, I straddle my bike.
“Don’t do this, man. I have a bad feeling. You know about my feelings.” He’s being sincere. I reach for his hand as he grips mine.
“I’ve got to be me, and you need to go do your job. Mine’s done.”
I break away and start up my bike, squeezing the throttle so I can’t hear him anymore, only the deep rumble of my bike.
I know where I’m going. She’s calling to me. My dark mistress. As I release the clutch, I close my eyes. I’m in darkness and when I open them all my light, what little I had saved from her, is gone.
CHARLIE
The back seat of the SUV is comfortable enough, but that’s about all that’s comfortable. In a matter of twenty minutes, I’ve bitten my nails down to the core and ripped a hangnail off, which is now bleeding. Tucking my hands under my legs, I briefly contemplate the condition of my poor wet dress. It started off like my day—promising, bright, and new. Now it looks haggard and wrong.
We dropped Cindy off at her apartment a little while ago. Reed could not have been more of a gentleman as he went in and checked that everything was in order.
Out of my element, I squirm and cross my legs as I sit next to Reed. This lavish vehicle, his watch, and the way he moves make him stand out. Not only does his dark hair have the right amount of curl to make him special, but Jesus, his eyes almost come close to being as spectacular as David’s. Almost.
I take a deep breath and ask him the question I need to know. “What’s happening? Is… everything okay?” My face burns. Of course, everything is not okay. I’m sitting next to Reed Saddington instead of David McCormick.
He looks out the window at Ventura Boulevard. “David is David.”
“What?” I croak and clear my throat. “That sounds… I don’t understand what’s happening.”
He turns his green eyes on me. “You do. You know exactly what’s happening. I can’t tell you what you want to hear, because that’s not fair to either one of you.”
My eyes swim with tears. “Thank you for taking me home and not lying.”
“David insisted on it.” He rubs his forehead, which makes me swallow down the bile that keeps threatening to come up. The vehicle glides rather than drives into my apartment building’s parking area.
“Charlie, let me give you my phone number. If you need anything, or if David does, please call anytime.” He holds out his hand for my phone. “And good luck. You don’t have to do this alone. Trust me, I know how to handle him if he goes off.” He hands me back my phone, his name and address programmed in. I look over at the driver then back at Reed.
“I feel like I’m in some sort of nightmare. I’m… not right. Does that make sense?”
He runs his hands through his dark curls. “Get some rest. He’ll be back.”
I nod and bite my lip to keep from crying. “I want that. I felt like we were just starting, not ending.” This time my voice croaks, and I hop out before I completely humiliate myself in front of Reed Saddington.
“When the dust settles, you and David need to come over to our house in Malibu. Something tells me you and Tess will be great friends. She needs a girlfriend too.” The last part is dry as if I should understand.
“Don’t forget to call if you need anything.”
My eyes meet his as I nod and walk up the stairs. Each step feels like I have lead in my shoes despite wearing flipflops. What the hell happened out there? I look down at my hands, not realizing right away that they grasp my phone. Maybe I’m in shock. I think I was just involved in some crazy shit. Never in my twenty-six years have I ever felt this old. I’m not even sure I understand all the emotions I’m having.
“Charlie? Sweetheart, are you okay?”
I scream and grab my chest as I turn and see my neighbor Shelia. Her little old hands hold her old cell phone as if she was getting ready to call someone.
