Yo Ho Ho, page 16
Wait for her? Because it wasn't bad enough that she had to go tell Jordan she couldn't take their gifts. Now she had to do it in front of her boss.
"Hey." Jordan and Logan turned and both smiled at her as she walked back over to them. She wished they wouldn't. She could already feel her face burning with embarrassment. "So I'm headed out and just wanted to say that I really appreciate the gifts, but I can't take them."
Jordan gave her a perplexed look. "Why not?"
"Company policy," she said. "You know, journalism ethics and all that. I didn't want to make it a big deal earlier."
Logan stared at her. "But your paper is going under in two days." The look on his face changed dramatically from anger to sadness. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that, Max. I—"
She held her hand up to stop him. She had just said that to Barry herself, but Max knew her editor was right. She had to play by the rules no matter how close she was to the end. And if it wasn't bad enough, she just couldn't rehash the argument with Logan in that parking lot a week ago. As soon as the expression on his face changed, she knew he remembered that moment as much as she did. He was once again trying to convince her to do something that went against the rules of her job because her job wasn't going to exist much longer.
There were so many things she wanted to say, so many emotions she wanted to explain.
"I appreciate what you did for me, I really do. But I still have to live with corporate policy for a few more days."
Jordan nodded. "Yeah, it's OK. We get it."
"But we don't like it," Logan said bitterly.
She wasn't sure how to respond to this sour version of Logan, a man who was trying to defend her in a way that seemed chivalrous but intense. Maybe too intense.
"Thank you, guys," she said. "Hopefully, I'll see you again soon."
"I hope so," Jordan said.
Logan, however, crossed his arms in front of him and stood there, staring at her. She didn't know what to say or how to respond to this incredulous version of Logan. He wasn't mad at her. He was mad for her, was mad at the situation and the position her editor had put her in. And maybe he was mad about something else, something more personal, but it wasn't something that Max could dwell on now.
Instead, she could only say her goodbyes again and walk over to her editor, giving him a small nod before she left the locker room for the last time.
Chapter 20
Logan had been deliberate in his thinking about how this would all play out.
He headed home after the game, still bitter about what had happened to Max. The look on her face when she came back over and said she couldn't take their gifts was heartbreaking. As soon as he saw what was happening, he knew exactly why her editor had pulled her away. Sure, it may have been the paper's policy, but the paper was going under. Forcing Max to stick to company policy like that in the locker room with the players still there was crap.
So Logan volunteered to take the gift to Max's apartment.
"How do you even know where Max lives?" Jordan asked him.
"I met with her the other day for drinks to talk about some of the ideas she had for what to do next."
The captain gave him a perplexed look. "So to be clear, Max came to you for career advice? Really?"
Logan shrugged. "Is that so hard to believe?"
"Yeah, it is." Jordan pulled his suit jacket out of his locker and put it on. "Whatever. Just take the bag. If you don't give it to her, Charlotte is going to be on my case about it. Make sure you remind Max about the invite in there."
"Right."
Logan didn't always like it, but he tried to follow his captain's instructions whenever Jordan told him to do something. If it led to an added bonus of kissing Max to ring in the New Year, so be it.
He had gone home after the game to change out of his suit and into some red track pants and a white t-shirt. It was kind of festive and would be quick and easy to take off once he was at Max's place. Yeah, he thought his outfit through. He also made sure not to shave his face, thinking the stubble that had grown in the past few days made him look more appealing to an attractive woman.
He headed out of his building to a store in downtown Birmingham to get a gift box for Max for his own present he wanted to give to her. It was nothing crazy or fancy, just something that he thought she would appreciate.
With his own box tucked into the gift bag from Jordan, he finally set out for Max's place. The city was dark, the winter sky crisp and clear. There were advantages to having an afternoon game. Sure, he had to get up much earlier than usual, but he also got to have a little more time to get some things done before finally getting to bed. The day games made him feel tired earlier in the night, but going to Max's place was definitely a good idea if it meant he could get a good night's rest with her.
Logan easily found a parking spot in front of her building and walked in. But as he got closer to her door, he started to doubt himself. Should he have called before coming over? Would she be upset that he was surprising her like this?
And really, what the hell was this doubt that was creeping into his thoughts again? When it came to Max, he was doing that more and more often. If he was being honest with himself, he knew why. Max mattered to him. He couldn't really explain how that happened or when it started. But he knew now that she mattered to him and had mattered to him long before he admitted it to himself.
Logan finally got to her door and knocked, waiting awhile before Max opened it. The small smile she had on her face when she answered quickly disappeared when she realized it was him.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hi."
She stared at him for a moment before her eyes flicked down to his chest to break the eye contact between them, and he watched as she nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly.
He stood there, trying to figure out what had happened. Was his idea to come over and surprise her really that bad?
"Uh, can I come in?"
Max nodded and moved out of the way so he could walk into her apartment before she quietly closed the door behind him. There were only a few lights on, a blanket draped over the couch that looked like it had just been moved. She had changed into her usual road uniform: a zippered hoodie and black leggings. She was wearing her bunny slippers. He gave her a small smile, hoping it would break the tension between them.
"Nice slippers."
She just shrugged. "They're comfortable," she said. "Why are you here?"
Logan wasn't liking where this was going. She was being matter of fact and all business. He thought she would at least give him a kiss to welcome him. Instead, she crossed her arms and stared. He held up the large black gift bag that Jordan had let him take home.
"I thought I would bring this to you."
Her eyes widened, but he couldn't tell why. Fear or anger? Embarrassment about how things had gone down earlier in the locker room? But Max had no reason to be embarrassed. She worked her ass off for years covering the team. She deserved someone acknowledging the work she had done. But the excitement in the locker room that had disappeared after she talked to her editor didn't seem to be coming back.
"I told you I can't take that," she said bitterly. "It's company policy."
"Well, company policy is stupid, and we both know that. A day or so isn't going to make a difference."
"It's the principle, Logan."
He just waved his hand in the air. She had been put in her place by her editor today. He understood that. But he wasn't going to let some blow hard stop him now.
This conversation with Max was not going the way he wanted it to, but that didn't mean he had to stop or give up. He had more to say and something else to give to her. He put the bag down on her kitchen table, then reached in, pulling out the red box he bought earlier, and held it out to Max.
"Here," he said. "I wanted to give you something else. It's just from me, not the rest of the guys."
She stared at it for several seconds. "I can't take it, Logan," she said quietly.
"You can and you will." He took a step closer to her. "Please."
She eyed him apprehensively before finally reaching out and gently grabbing the box from his hands. He watched as she untied the red ribbon around it and then took off the lid to stare inside.
"A puck?"
Logan nodded. "Not just any puck." He picked it up out of the box and held it up so she could see it. "The winning goal from today's game. It was my goal and I wanted you to have it."
She took a step back and her eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Because it was your last game, and I wanted it to be special so I scored a goal for you."
"You scored a goal for me?" she asked incredulously.
"Well, I scored a goal because I'm a hockey player. But I wanted you to have this one."
He held it out for her to see so she could take it from him. She could accept his gift to her. He was hoping so badly she would accept at least something from him. Instead, she snatched the puck out of his hand, shoved it back in the box and smashed the lid down on it.
"I can't take this." She held the box out in front of her. "You have to take it back."
He vigorously shook his head. "No, I'm not taking it."
"You have to take it back, Logan."
"No!"
Her eyes went wide and perhaps his did as well. He didn't expect to be that loud in responding to her, and he figured she didn't suspect that either. She stared at him for several seconds, too startled to move or say anything. But then she snapped out of her daze and stomped over to the large gift bag sitting on her kitchen table, carelessly dropping the red box inside.
"Logan, you have to take all of this back. I can't accept it."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Company policy."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Oh, here we go again. Company policy." He put his hands on his hips and stared at her. "What does it matter if they don't know about it? They don't know about me, but you seem fine breaking that company policy."
Max quickly averted her eyes, staring into the emptiness of her apartment so she didn't have to look at him. He was starting to worry about what she wasn't saying. This wasn't just about the gift he brought over.
"What aren't you saying, Max?"
She took a deep breath and turned back to him. He finally realized that her eyes were a bit puffy, that they glistened with moisture. She seemed determined to keep her composure and not let her emotions break free, but he could tell she was emotional.
"This was a mistake," she said quietly.
"What was a mistake?"
"Us. This. It was just a bad idea from the beginning."
Logan rubbed his hands over the scruff on his cheeks, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down. What the hell was going on? Standing in front of him was a woman who had affected him in a way that no one else ever had, and she was telling him it was all a mistake. She was lying. She had to be lying. At the very least, he wasn't going to agree to that. The two of them together was not a bad idea. It wasn't a mistake. It was two people who cared about each other, and there was nothing she could say to convince him otherwise.
"Why would you say this is a bad idea?" he asked her. "Is this about your job?"
"It's just—"
"I mean, I don't want to have this fight with you again. I sounded like an idiot when we talked about this in the parking lot. I hurt you that day, and I don't want to do that again, Max."
She ducked her head. "I know."
"So what's going on?" he asked. "I mean, I can stay away for a few more days. I would do that for you, Max, if that's what you want."
She shook her head and looked back up at him. "It can't be for just a few days. It has to be more than that."
Logan felt like he had been punched in the gut. He felt like he was going to be swallowed by a big hole in the floor. His legs almost started to give way and he had to take a deep breath to clear his head from the craziness going on in his brain.
"I don't understand. What do you mean by 'more than that'?"
"We can't see each other anymore, Logan." She took a deep breath and stuffed her hands in pockets of her hoodie. "I've been thinking about what I'm going to do next and I don't know what that will be. But I know if I want to keep writing about hockey, I can't be with you."
"So just because you can't take a bottle of champagne that we bought for you, that means you can never be with me?"
"Kind of, yeah." Max took a few steps into her apartment, putting more distance between them. "If I want to get any kind of journalism job, that will always be hanging over my head. They'll always say, 'Well, she's a great writer, but remember when she dated Logan Moore?'"
"And that's a bad thing?"
She threw her hands up. "Yeah, that's a bad thing. It shows I don't know how to separate my professional life from my personal life, that I lack judgment."
"You lack judgment because you're with me?" he asked incredulously.
Logan could see her hands at her sides beginning to curl up into fists. He could see the frustration on her face. He wondered what kind of turmoil was going on in her head. He kind of felt the same way. Sure, he understood her whole "sticking to the rules" routine, but he also understood that he cared about her and wanted to be with her. To hell with her rules.
"Please don't make this any harder, Logan."
"Fuck that!" he yelled at her. "I'm going to make this hard, because I'm not going to just let you go and walk away."
"I wish you would."
He took a deep breath and stared at her. "Why? What if I don't want to walk away from someone I care about?"
"I have to figure out what to do next with my life, and I can't continue to be a hockey journalist if I'm Logan Moore's girlfriend."
"So you're choosing your job over me?"
There it was.
The apartment filled with an uncomfortable silence that stretched out between them. He could only stare at her as she ducked her head again, wiping tears away from her cheeks with the sleeve of her hoodie. He could feel his chest tighten as he looked at her. He could tell she was in pain, but he was in pain too and it was because she was pushing him away.
How did this all go wrong? A few days ago, she was moaning under him as he made love to her, making sure he paid attention to every inch of her skin, every sigh from her lips. But then somehow a switch had been flipped. That damn editor of hers at the arena said she couldn't take their gifts, and she started to over think things and take it all to extremes.
The gift from the team was forbidden so that meant Logan was forbidden.
He heard her sniffle from across the room, but she still didn't dare to look at him.
"This hurts me as much as it hurts you, Logan."
"Then don't do it," he begged.
She shook her head and wiped another tear from his face. "I have to. I'm sorry."
He nodded and took a step back. "I'm sorry too."
He took another step back and another. His eyes were still on her, but his feet were pulling him away. He waited with each step he took, waited for Max to look up at him or tell him to stop. But she just stood there, stoically staring down at the carpet.
He could feel his throat tighten as he tried to swallow it all down. The anger, the sadness. Maybe even the love he had for her. He wasn't sure if that's what that feeling was. He just knew it was a feeling that he had never had with anyone else before. It was a feeling just for Max, and it was going to stay there in that apartment. He couldn't take it with him.
Logan finally backed up enough to have his hand close to the handle of her front door. There was nowhere else for him to go but out. His fingers lingered over the doorknob, not knowing exactly what to do. He saw the gift bag still sitting on the kitchen table. He wasn't going to take it with him. If she wanted to make this hard on them, he could make it hard on them too. She would have to decide what to do with the bag. Throw it out, drink the champagne by herself, rip the jersey to pieces. Hell, she could throw the puck in the trash for all he cared at this point.
He looked back at Max, who was still standing there in the middle of her living room, and he waited for her to say something or do something or tell him not to leave. She didn't do any of that.
He stared at the door in front of him, his hand finally gripping the doorknob so he could leave.
"Goodbye, Max."
He took a deep breath and walked out.
The cold night air cleared his head as he stepped out of her apartment building. It seemed fitting to have the weather be so cruel after what Max had done to him. She wanted to be a writer and was going to fight for what she wanted at all costs, but this time the cost was their relationship.
Logan knew it was wrong, but as he started his car and pulled out of the parking spot, he realized that maybe she was right. Maybe it was a good thing that Max wasn't going to cover the team anymore. At least now he knew he wouldn't have to see her and have her break his heart all over again.
Chapter 21
Considering how horrible her year was, especially the past month, Max wasn't surprised to be spending the last moments of it being miserable in a bar in Detroit. She stayed until the very end when security finally told them it was time to go and locked the doors of the Herald. Max had one last box to pack up that day and picked up a copy of the last edition of the paper. She wasn't alone as many of the staff came in to commiserate together before finally having to say goodbye to the newsroom that had been their home for so long.
That's how all of them ended up at Harry's. The two business reporters got drunk and were talking about the economics of the dying newspaper industry. A few of the younger reporters were lamenting the loss of their first jobs. The sports guys were sitting around reminiscing about the championships they had covered in the city.
"I remember looking down from our office as the victory parade came around, and I saw Max down there, interviewing fans for her story," Amanda said.
Max smiled and took another sip of her beer. She was still on her first one and had barely touched it. What was the point? She remembered things like covering the parade, but she would probably enjoy those memories more when she had some distance from them. When it didn't hurt anymore to think about her time at the paper.
