The Strange Museum, page 1
The Strange Museum
50-Word Stories
Ran Walker
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
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© 2020 Randolph Walker, Jr.
Image used courtesy of Jaredd Craig
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
ISBN 9781020001161 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781020001178 (Ebook)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020900747
First Edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
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www.45alternate.com
45 Alternate Press, LLC
Hampton, VA
Contents
Foreword
Introduction
WELCOME TO THE STRANGE MUSEUM
1. Fifty Words
2. Purple
3. More Robot, Please
4. Butter Me Up
5. He’s Coming
6. An Epilogue
7. Ode to an Olivetti
8. The Monster
9. The Ways We Say Goodbye
10. Hickory
11. Onomatophobia
12. The Smile
13. The Kiss
14. Until the End of Time
15. Fatherhood
16. The Goat
17. The Bagpipe Lesson
18. The Story They Would One Day Tell Their Children
19. Reverence
20. The Defaults of Our Imagination
21. A Party of One
22. Pliers and Fairies
23. Hunting Monsters
24. A Metamorphosis in Harlem
25. Nessie
26. A Fish Tale
27. How to Train a Beast
28. The Unpaid Debt
29. A Necklace
30. An Unexpected Gift
31. Plan B
32. The Motive
33. The Domesticated Getaway
34. A New Year Without Grandma
35. A Christmas Song
36. The Magical Book
37. And the Wheels of Time Keep Turning
38. The Thing I Had to Do
39. Wraith
40. You Can Never Leave
41. Love Has No Limits
42. Stay
43. The Mourner
44. Super Expectations
45. Stone Wings
46. Hitchhikers
47. The Scarecrow
48. Dancing in the Light
49. Behind His Back
50. People Are Strange
EXHIBITS CONTINUE THIS WAY
51. Fifty Words
52. Purple
53. The Midnight Dance
54. The Monster Inside
55. Witness
56. PDA (Public Display of Anger)
57. Limited Edition
58. Break-Up/Break-Down
59. Beware
60. The End
61. Our Children Are Geniuses
62. Friday Night Partying
63. Fireworks
64. A Literary Conference
65. What Lies Ahead
66. 66
67. Real Magic
68. The Fairy King
69. Infinity
70. Literal Interpretations
71. Parchman
72. Defective
73. Cover Your Eyes
74. Tombstone Rubbing
75. November 4, 2008
76. Trayvon
77. Shuffle Ball Change
78. A Bowl of Yep-Yep
79. I Really Want to Write on Her Purple Wall
80. Amazing Stories
81. Fuga Hacia Adelante
82. Shifting Perspectives
83. Groceries
84. The Doppelgänger
85. Nostalgia
86. The Haircut
87. The Bejesus Doctor
88. White Station, Mississippi
89. A Museum of Asses
90. Setting the Record Straight
91. Most Likely to Succeed
92. A Small Alteration?
93. A Pleasant Routine
94. Come Home
95. Purple
96. A Village On Fire
97. Memories of Orvieto
98. The Things Librarians Notice
99. What Is “We Love You, Alex”
100. The Strange Museum
THANK YOU FOR VISITING THE STRANGE MUSEUM
Acknowledgments
Also by Ran Walker
About the Author
For all of the librarians out there
who continue to fight the good fight
Foreword
Ran Walker and I are music fans. We debate our top five MCs, favorite albums, and favorite producers. During one debate, we were going on and on about The Foreign Exchange's then-recent release, Authenticity. I was impressed with the music, yet Ran was more impressed with something else, something I had never considered in an album. He was impressed with the album's run time—its efficiency.
My favorite album, Isaac Hayes’s Hot Buttered Soul, only has four songs and I didn't think an artist could get more efficient than that. But The Foreign Exchange did and, more importantly, Ran's appreciation for word economy was beginning to bloom.
Shortly afterwards, he expressed a discontent for the novel format, saying it was too long. Going forward, he pledged allegiance to the novella. Then the novellette became his medium of choice. Eventually, he became enthralled with the possibilities of short stories. Later, he became a devotee of flash fiction.
The first time I heard of most of these mediums was through our conversations. Conversations that were longer than most of his writings. Discussions that revolved around artist and artistry. Creative exchanges that revealed his preference for word efficiency.
It came as no surprise when he wrote a book of Kwansabas (poems with seven lines with seven words each and no word longer than seven letters). It seemed that with each medium his word count lessened, while the imagery became more vivid.
His retraction of forms has come to this: a micro-fiction collection of one hundred 50-word stories.
Yet, as you will find, The Strange Museum is really more than one hundred stories. Because for every story read from the page, another story is sparked in the mind, a sort of creative alchemic formula that Ran has mastered: the ability to create more with less.
Sabin Prentis, January 2020
Introduction
They have been called everything from dribbles to mini-sagas (a phrase coined by The Daily Telegraph) to microstories to ultra-short stories, but in the end, they all mean one thing: 50-word stories. These stories are meticulously crafted and edited so that the entirety of the story and the universe that is implied comes through in the selection of the right fifty words.
Admittedly, I became familiar with the concept of writing 50-word stories when I stumbled across Tim Sevenhuysen’s online literary journal, 50-Word Stories. I became intrigued with them, mainly because the University of Hell Press had just published a collection of my Kwansabas. Kwansabas (the brainchild of Dr. Eugene Redmond) are forty-nine word poems (seven lines, seven words per line, and no word of more than seven letters). I figured writing a story of fifty words just meant that I’d have to add one more word.
I was wrong.
The thought process behind writing fifty-word stories is a bit different from the process I employed to write Kwansabas. For one, narrative is far more important. How can you possibly tell a story that contains a beginning, middle, and end in a rather thin paragraph? In this regard, fifty-word stories do take a few cues from poetry. To write stories this short, you have to use certain words to evoke things greater than themselves. Each sentence has to be resonant. The reader must also be able to engage with the story enough to supply the information that is not actually on the page. So like poetry, fifty-word stories demand to be read a bit slower than normal short stories.
These stories run the gamut: fables, dark suspense, humor, and vignettes from everyday life. As you read them, you will find that they rest at the intersection of flash fiction and prose poetry, a sweet spot where, for just a few minutes out of a day, you can completely lose yourself in a story.
So without further ado, I welcome you to The Strange Museum. Enjoy your time here.
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Ran Walker, January 2020
“Brevity is the sister of talent.”
Anton Chekhov
WELCOME TO THE STRANGE MUSEUM
1
Fifty Words
When the idea first struck the writer, he thought it would make for an amazing novel, but as the idea settled, he considered a novella more apt. Then a novelette, short story, flash fiction, and microfiction.
But the idea finally came alive when he wrote it down in fifty words.
2
Purple
Wallace sat on a bench in the garden, a bag of Skittles in his hands. The EnChroma glasses were a gift from his grandchildren. They'd asked him to identify colors he was only recognizing for the first time.
Now alone, he sat gazing at the English violet
3
More Robot, Please
Initially the thought of owning a sex robot that “looked human” felt like a good idea. After weeks of looking into its eyes, though, Norman felt judged, as he’d been in his previous relationships.
Using his warranty, he sent it back to the factory in favor of one less human.
4
Butter Me Up
It was only after Mrs. Fennelly’s prize-winning butter sculpture “A Day in the Life of My Family” was carefully melted that the clean-up crew at the Iowa State Fair discovered the likenesses of her four family members were the result of her having actually used each of her family members.
5
He’s Coming
Those who could run, ran.
Those who could hide, hid.
The rest of us hunkered down to fight, fists squeezing chair legs, staplers, keyboards, wastebaskets, anything we could find.
As the loud popping sound drew closer, we exhaled slowly and did our best to prepare for what was to come.
6
An Epilogue
The owners complained they no longer had the time—with marriage, kids, and life in general—and could no longer afford to operate a business with such slim margins, but when the time came to officially close its doors, none of them could bear to let the old bookstore go.
7
Ode to an Olivetti
For sixty-five years, the writer conversed back and forth with her typewriter, its keys creating a bridge to her imagination.
When arthritis stiffened her fingers and her mind began to wander, the typewriter kept right on telling those stories, willing itself to become the voice for the two of them.
8
The Monster
Sometimes the debt would appear as a massive sinkhole in the living room floor, one into which he dreaded he might one day dive, to be chewed up and consumed within the abyss of its distended belly, the monster's savage lips smacking sharply somewhere miles above.
Sometimes he ignored it.
9
The Ways We Say Goodbye
They made love before he took her to the airport. Her student exchange had ended, but she vowed to keep in touch. He promised the same.
They sat in his car, holding each other tightly, knowing that once she boarded her flight, they would only be left with that memory.
10
Hickory
Ken believed our scoutmaster when he said adding dry leaves would give the stew a nice “hickory” flavor. We couldn’t stop Ken in time to keep all of the leaves out, but when we won first prize for “Best Camporee Meal,” no one mentioned the secret ingredient to the judges.
11
Onomatophobia
They had navigated their entire courtship without using their names. She was particular, so they stuck with pronouns. Eventually they had a child, at which point a name had to be written down.
They chose Baby, but even that name would drive her crazy for the rest of her days.
12
The Smile
The idea arose when Sophia’s father said her smile was more beautiful than Mona Lisa’s. After retiring from the grade school, she used her savings to go to Paris, where she wandered the Louvre until she found it. Staring at Leonardo’s masterpiece, she could only think, “Wow. It’s so small.”
13
The Kiss
While Terrance stood on the corner of Third and Main, a random beautiful woman grabbed him, kissing him passionately, before profusely apologizing and walking away.
Later that night he considered two distinct possibilities: either there was a doppelgänger of him out there somewhere or he was simply a lucky man.
14
Until the End of Time
The other owners at the dog park eyed Stonewall curiously, attempting to make sense of the dog’s ticking movements. Ian welcomed the attention. Only another skilled horologist would understand the complex automatic movement, and only someone who’d buried one too many beloved dogs would understand his need to build one.
15
Fatherhood
Back before his daughter was born, he evaluated movies objectively, as if he were some kind of unpaid movie critic. When she arrived, though, he found that even a cartoon about a clown fish searching the ocean for his only son could leave him wiping the corners of his eyes.
16
The Goat
The producers of the TV game show had to explain to Njomo that the goat behind Door Number Three was intended as entertainment to illustrate his having lost the game, not a cherished award to be taken back home to his village and used as a dowry for his bride-to-be.
17
The Bagpipe Lesson
Malcolm gazed at Tanner’s The Bagpipe Lesson. He had learned playing the bagpipes was once illegal, just like black people learning to read in America. It seemed funny that the painting would be at Hampton University, but Malcolm smiled, swearing if he listened hard enough he could hear the chanter.
18
The Story They Would One Day Tell Their Children
She had attempted to ignore him, hoping he wouldn’t approach her as she stood alone on the aisle of the bookstore. He was the persistent kind, though.
