Howl (Witches & Warlocks Book 4), page 6
It’s better to keep my heart under lock and key and enjoy this for what it is. I like being around Noah. The time we spend together is good. It’s good for me, trust issues aside. I just need to relax and enjoy what we have. If, in the end, it turns out to be fake on his part, well, at least I got to have fun while it lasted. Right?
Noah’s studying my face, waiting for my answer and I shrug. “It’s nothing really.”
“No. Zoe. Don’t do that. Don’t lock me out.” I’ve hurt his feelings and my stomach goes all twisty, lurching itself around, tying itself into knots. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Really, it’s nothing.” I smile and reach for his hand and give it a squeeze.
Noah’s eyebrows furrow and he sighs. Squeezes my hand in return and says nothing.
Shit.
I do not want to push him away. Not even a little. I’m tempted to spill my guts completely, but this isn’t the time or the place. The hiss of the espresso machine, the voices of the other customers mixing with the music coming over the speakers, there’s too much sound to allow for such a delicate conversation. And yet, he’s watched me struggle with something. I know how transparent my face is, how my emotions put on a little show for anyone who’s watching when I’m upset. If I tell him nothing’s wrong, he’s gonna know I’m lying. And there’s that first little wedge between us. The one I’m so afraid to discover is already there. And I’ll be the one to drive it into place.
“I don’t think it’s a big deal,” I say after a breath. My instincts are on fire and the tiger is roaring and pacing and swishing her tail and suddenly I wish I hadn’t had so much caffeine. I wrap my sweaty hands around my nearly empty cup and decide at the last minute to keep my fears to myself. I offer up Ty as the sacrificial lamb. “This guy’s been following me.”
Noah’s eyebrows launch into his hairline. “What kind of guy? Following you how?”
I explain how I’ve been feeling like I’ve been watched at home. How he’s been waiting for me at Windsor twice now. I’ve got an explanation for why I was there all ready to go in case Noah asks, but he’s more interested in what this guy wants. I tell him about what Ty asked me to do. How he threatened to tell other people about what I can do. How he’s trying to blackmail me into killing a vampire for him.
As I talk, I find more and more words. They come out, a great avalanche of fear and worry, and I find my hands shaking and my jaw quivering. I had no idea how much tension I’d been carrying around because of this guy.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Noah asks.
“I didn’t think he was serious at first. Thought I was being silly.” I glance around and lower my voice. “I mean, I’m Zoe Tate. Bred to be the centerpiece of the Trinity. A serious badass witch and vampire slayer. Seems silly to let some rabid little wolf make me all afraid.”
“You still should have told me.
“I know. But it didn’t get really scary until today.”
He nods and I can see he understands even if he doesn’t necessarily like it. “Is that why you didn’t want to sit at home alone tonight?”
“It’s part of it. I also really wanted to see you. In person. Not via text. I feel so much better when I’m with you.”
“Ya. I’m a fan.” He’s trying to be light, but I can tell he’s distracted. Disturbed by the thought of me feeling unsafe in my home.
“So,” he says after a minute. “Are you really into bathroom sex or do you want to get out of here?”
There’s a moment where I’m crushed. I’m not done being with him, yet. I don’t want to go to my place and he go to his place and the two of us sleep in our separate beds with miles of space between us. And that has nothing to do with being scared and everything to do with how much I love being with Noah.
“I’m not ready to leave,” I say. “I like being with you.” And that right there, that was me being totally open and honest with him. I might as well have let him look right into my soul.
Noah laughs. “I’m most definitely ready to leave, but I’m not done being with you.” He stands and offers me his hand, pulls me in close and wraps his arm around my shoulder. Leans in and whispers. “Unlike you, I’m really not into bathroom sex that much.”
We gather our stuff and head outside. Turn on the cars and let them warm up a little while we stand out in the cold, not ready to put space between us until absolutely necessary. It’s not lost on me how Noah keeps his arm wrapped tightly around me, pulling me into him, protecting me.
“Come home with me,” he says.
“Can’t. Kitten.” I look apologetic and he sighs. “Come home with me.”
He pretends to mull it over. “I don’t know. It’s awfully far away. And there’s all those icky trees. And no neighbors.”
“But I’ve a got big bed. More room to maneuver than your couch.”
“And we have a winner.” Noah kisses me, rubs his hands up my back and into my hair and I melt into him, disappointed when he pulls away. He opens the car door for me and closes it once I’m inside. Waits for me to lock it. Motions for me to roll down the window.
“I’ll follow you,” he says. And while he doesn’t finish the thought, I know it’s because he doesn’t want anyone else following me. I wait for him to get into his car before I pull out of the parking space and head out of the lot. My headlights sweep across the front of the building and a little shot of adrenaline hits my system because I swear I see Ty, arms crossed, leaning against the brick, yellow eyes tracking me as I go.
Chapter Nine
We spend the night in a tangle of sheets and a union of souls. Never once do I feel watched or wary. Never once do I feel the need to look out my window or check my wards. Never once do I think of anything that isn’t Noah. We wake to another beautiful morning.
Or maybe it’s just a normal morning that feels beautiful because of him. Watching him move about the kitchen, humming to himself while he cooks breakfast, laughing as he feeds me bites that are just way too big.
The morning flies by and before long, it’s time for him to leave. And now that he’s gone home and it’s just me, the day feels ordinary. Sure, the sun is shining just like it was while he was here, and sure, the birds are still fluffing up their feathers and looking so cute as they clutch the branches and huddle together outside the window, and sure, Twinks is still crouched in the windowsill, making strange chirping noises at the birds. But it’s all lost its luster now that Noah’s gone home.
Now, it’s just me in this big house with a tiny kitten and the feeling that I’m being watched is stronger than ever. I pace the living room, finally give in and check my wards. They’re unbroken. No one’s been in the place other than me and Noah. A smile stretches across my face as I think about him. Head over to my phone and send him a text, just a simple thinking about you text, but it makes me feel so much better when he responds with a silly thinking about you too text of his own. We’re connected, even if for just one tiny second.
Without a job to go to, there’s not much to do. I don’t have an appointment at the gym today, but it sure feels like I have energy to burn. I could always go for a run...
Wow.
Can’t believe I’m even considering that. I’ve never gone on an actual run. Not once. And if you’d have told me last month that I’d ever find myself seriously considering it, I’d have laughed in your face. OK, probably not in your face. I’d have laughed in my head while blushing furiously and wondering if I’d somehow made you mad.
One look outside kills any thoughts I might have had about going for a run. Sure, the sun is shining, but just looking at those poor little birds ruffling their feathers for warmth, makes me shiver. I could head back over to Windsor and do some more research, but if I’m being really honest, I don’t want to go back in case Ty is there again. I know it’s silly to be scared of him. I know I could go all witchy and fry his circuits or something along those lines, but it feels really good not to be killing people right now. I’d rather not put myself in a position where I might find myself needing to do something drastic like that. And somehow, Ty makes me feel like I’m gonna end up having to do something drastic.
Before I know it, I’ve got my phone in my hand, dialing Noah’s number, pressing it to my ear. He picks up after the third ring.
“Zoe? You OK?” There’s concern in his voice.
“Ya, I’m fine. Just needed to hear your voice.”
“That guy show up?” I can hear the threat barely veiled by his attempt at nonchalance.
“No. Just me and Twinks.”
There’s a pause on his end of the line and I’m feeling a little silly for calling. I just needed to be connected to him. Needed to hear his voice. Needed to talk to him.
“I’m sorry to call out of the blue…” I start and trail off.
“Don’t you dare apologize. I love talking to you.”
We chat for a bit, just more of the most basic, wonderful conversation that we always have. I keep finding myself about to tell him about the research I’d done. About the missing pages in the books. Keep telling myself it’s silly not to trust him. That it’s silly not to share this stuff with him. He’s never given me one reason not to believe that he’s out to get me or that he’s gonna turn on me or that he doesn’t love me exactly the way he says he does.
But I believed that about Becca. And I believed that about Luke. And I believed that the people who raised me were my birth parents. I just don’t want to be caught by surprise like that again.
“What’s wrong, Zoe,” Noah asks after several minutes of conversation.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“You’re doing your very best to sound fine, but I know you well enough to know that something’s got you distracted. What is it?”
The words are right there on the tip of my tongue. Ready for me to spill. It’d feel so good to tell him. I’m not secretive by nature. I give myself to people. Full on. No holds barred. Nothing held back. Keeping all this from Noah is so against my nature. So grating on my sense of security. I can’t stand it. But I can’t stand the thought of finding out he’s another one of Daya’s agents either. Right now, I’m kind of loving my life. And I’d rather not do anything to send it all crashing down around my ears.
Noah sighs. “Have I done anything to make you not trust me?” I listen closely to his tone and wish desperately that we were face to face so I could read his expression. I don’t think I hear any anger, but my head is still reeling with worry.
“No, not at all.” The words come out in a rush.
“Well, then, why don’t you trust me?”
I don’t hear any accusation in his voice, just a simple question, waiting for a simple answer. My words are poised on the tip of my tongue and I swallow them back. I’m speechless once again.
Noah waits for me to respond and takes a deep breath when I don’t. “I get it.” I can just envision him running his hand through his hair. “You’ve placed a lot of trust in a lot of people who didn’t earn it. I’m not one of those people, Zoe.”
I desperately want to respond, but not one single word can squeak through the giant lump in my throat.
“I love you,” Noah continues. “I want you to trust me. I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m worthy of your trust.”
Ugh! I can’t stand not being able to see his face. I’m stuck here, trying to make sense of this conversation with only his incredibly reserved tone of voice to give me any idea of how deep the water is here. I open my mouth. I want to tell him. I’m just so afraid that I’m gonna find out my happily ever after is built on a lie.
“I’ve been researching my parents,” I say and swallow hard. If all my happiness is built on lies, better to find out now before I get myself in any deeper than I already am. I tell him about the books with the pages ripped out. The bit I found about the Overseer. The fact that I killed Lucy, the vampire who freed the vampires from the Supernatural Union. “And every time I pass Daya’s office, she’s not there, and her replacement isn't there. And I just really want to know what happened to my birth parents.”
“Of course you do. That’s only natural. Why didn’t you tell me? That’s not such a big deal.”
And the truth comes rolling out before I can catch it. “Because with Daya gone and no one there to take her place, and no mysterious orders coming from the witches, I kind of thought that maybe they had you working for them. And not me.” Now that it’s out, it sounds so stupid.
Noah laughs. A big old belly laugh that has me scowling at the phone. “You thought that Daya had me working as some kind of agent? Without you?” I manage a tiny little ‘mmhmmm’ and he laughs even harder. “What? Did you think I was the one who tore the pages out of the books?”
He’s laughing as if this is the funniest thing he’s ever heard and I’m blushing so hard it hurts. Like, my face is literally too hot to be comfortable and there are little tears of embarrassment in my eyes. I can’t bring myself to answer him and I’m definitely not laughing.
Noah notices my silence and quiets down. “Zo, listen.” And his voice is all kinds of serious. “Let’s just say for a second that Daya did have me running around, trying to hide important parts of your past from you. Did it ever occur to you that I’d refuse? Or that I’d tell you?”
The honest answer is no. But I don’t want to say that and I think he’s smart enough to figure that out, so I stay quiet. Swipe at my eyes with the edge of my sleeve and try not to sniffle so he can hear it.
“We’re on the same team, kid. We have been since I ran into you at Flannigan’s and saw all your magic all twisted up inside. I’ve never done anything that wasn’t somehow my attempt to help you.” He says it and if I get really quiet for a moment, I know it to be true. Noah’s been on my side since day one.
“I know.” My voice is quiet and thick with emotion.
“Do you?”
“Ya, I really do.” And this time I sniffle loud enough for him to hear. “I just got scared. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says. “Just don’t do it again. I got you. I love you. I’m here to protect you but I can’t do that if you don’t let me in.”
“I hated keeping you out. I hated not telling you and now that it’s all out in the open it all sounds so silly. I’m just such a silly girl…”
“Don’t go there.” Noah’s smiling. I can hear it. “The last couple months have been pretty earth shattering in the lie department. I understand. I may not like it. But I understand.”
“I wish you were here right now.”
“Oh, ya, what would you do if I were there right now?”
“Nice try, mister! I’m a good girl.”
“A good girl who likes bathroom sex.”
“I never said I liked bathroom sex!”
We stay on the phone for a little longer, Noah teasing me and joking with me until he’s sure I’m in a good mood again. “Hey,” he says, interrupting our goodbyes as he has a thought. “Did you ever consider asking Daya about your parents? Asking her about the books?”
I laugh to myself a little, a wry smile twisting my lips. “No. Honestly. I never did.”
“Well, why don’t you figure out how to request a meeting with her grand majesty? I’ll come if you’d like.”
“Her grand majesty?” I ask, laughing even harder.
“Ya, or whatever they call her now that she’s the witch queen. Did you find a list of titles in your books? Did they even have titles after the Splintering?”
“Nope, never found anything on that topic. But maybe we should look the next time we go.”
“We?”
“Ya, I’m hoping you’ll come with me. Two heads are better than one…” I’m really hoping he’s not offended by my sudden change of heart, that he won’t hold a grudge and tell me no simply because I didn’t ask for his help the first time.
Of course, he proves all my fears to be unfounded. “You know I will. How about we go tomorrow? After the gym?”
“You’re the best, you know?”
“Oh, I know.” I can just see the silly little smirk he’s sure to be making. “Why don’t you figure out how to contact Daya and see if we can get an audience or whatever with her tomorrow while we’re there?”
We finish our plans and say our goodbyes and I hang up feeling absolutely so relieved to have told him. And for him to have taken it so well. Time and again, he continues to prove just how awesome he is and how lucky I am. I finish the day with a smile on my face and a meeting with Daya scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.
Pj’s on, hair up, ready for a good night’s sleep, I’m brushing my teeth when I hear the worst noise ever coming from downstairs. I spit and rinse quickly, ears pricked, magic gathering and take the stairs two at a time, pausing at the bottom just in case someone’s made it through my wards and is ready to, I don't know, eat me or something.
I recognize the sound now. It’s Twinks. Yowling and hissing and making the worst scared cat noises I think I’ve ever heard. I creep around the corner and find him still in the window, his fur all puffed up. Back arched. Tail poofed. Staring outside, terrified by whatever it is he sees.
Chapter Ten
I immediately check my wards. Don’t bother with big magic in case whatever it is that has Twinks doing his best puffball imitation is able to sniff out my magic. Just do a tiny little check to see if any of the boundaries have been breached by anything and they all seem to be intact. Regardless, it’s one hell of a long night as I lay awake, listening to the silence, wondering what’s out there waiting for me in the dark.
I must have eventually fallen asleep because right now, Twinks is doing his best to wake me up. Snuggled up at my shoulder, kneading into my cheek with his little paws. I open my eyes to find his little kitten face all serene, the absolute personification of pleasure. His purr box is going a million miles an hour, sounding very much like a muscle car and not at all like a kitten.
