The Empress Capsule (Audacity Saga Book 1), page 30
Adan slid into his usual smooth landing in Desori’s spaceport. Ellen rose from the co-pilot’s seat, not wanting to look out at the view of gray metal and neon light that greeted them.
Not wanting to be here at all.
She paused briefly in the hatch to the bridge, then turned and headed for the ladder down. She knew what she needed to do.
“You okay, Commander?” Adan called after her.
“As okay as ever,” she yelled back.
Her feet carried her quickly down to the main level, past the cabin doors, but they froze in place outside his door.
Go on, you coward. You know what you need to do. He’s free now. He’s gone. If you’ve got anything to say, now’s the time.
Gritting her teeth, she slammed her palm over the door chime. The hatch didn’t open as quickly as it used to, a long moment passing where she wondered if he might not just ignore her. Or was he already gone?
With a slight swish, the hatch door finally slid aside, and there he was. He stood simply, one shoulder leaned against the wall in just the same spot she’d held her pistol to his head.
“Come to say goodbye?” His voice was quiet, but his eyes bored into her like an asteroid mining rig.
She shrugged. “Find your capsule?”
“Yeah. We all docked and ready to debark?” His eyes were cold, hurt behind the casual words.
She nodded just as casually. “Guess it’s time for goodbyes. Or something.” Truth be told, she wasn’t quite sure why she’d come. She hated goodbyes. But she also couldn’t imagine him just marching off the ship and never seeing him again.
“Are you going to tell me why it’s called the Audacity now?” He stepped back further inside, implicitly inviting her in, and smiled sadly. “Haven’t I earned it? I don’t want to die not knowing.”
She smiled back, not trying to hide it for once. “You’re not going to die.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“I am. Live. That’s an order. But I’ll tell you.” She paused, sucking in a deep breath, her eyes tracing the floor grating for a long moment before she forced herself to meet his gaze again. “It’s because the most audacious thing you can do in the face of your enemies is to give a shit. And not stop. To keep trying. To keep fighting.”
He blinked. “What?”
“This galaxy is a cesspool, and it’s chock-full of piss-drinking assholes and heartless drecks looking to stab you in the back at every turn. It’s easy to lie down and just give up. Sometimes surviving is all you’ve got. Once in a while, you can try to make the galaxy a little bit better. But most of the time, that’s just spitting into the wind.”
He took half a step forward, then stopped.
She clenched her jaw for a moment, then kept going. “But it’s better to spit in the wind than lie down dead.”
A slow smile broke over his face, one not quite as sad. “Did you pick that name or Simmons?”
“It was my idea. He just about died. I mean, as in he loved it.” She finally stepped inside and let the hatch close behind her.
“I do too.” They stood silently for a moment.
“Look, I don’t say goodbyes. I came because I wanted to apologize,” she said softly.
He frowned, eyes searching hers, mystified.
“I’m sorry for what I said, all right? I’m sorry for holding back. I’m sorry for tormenting you. Unintentionally. I’m not good at this shit. I’m scared, all right? The last time I let someone in, three hundred people got incinerated in a star because of my poor decisions.” She jabbed a finger at her chest.
“No, they got incinerated because of their captain’s poor decisions. You weren’t even there.”
“Yeah, and neither was he, the coward. But I nominated him. I put him forward. I’m responsible.”
“You can’t be responsible for everything, Ellen. He’s the one responsible. Other people reviewed his promotion, didn’t they? Did you make the decision alone?”
“No, of course I wasn’t on the committee. But I’m a stupid ‘war hero,’ damn it. If I hadn’t—”
“Then he would have found someone else to nominate him.”
She drew a sharp breath. That was probably true, but also painful to hear. “I still let them down.”
“No.” He was right, of course. She couldn’t look him in the eye and say it, though. She rubbed her eyes to hide for a moment.
“I let someone down too once,” he murmured. She looked up. He was staring off into the city out the fogged windows. He was going to tell her, wasn’t he? He was going to explain the other burn. The worse one. “I was seventeen then. Poor as you can possibly be. We wanted out of it all. The gangs… did not agree with our decision.”
“What happened?”
“They killed her. To make an example. Not sure I can stand to say much more about that right now.”
Get you killed too. God. Ellen tried to find words, but her throat had clenched shut. She crushed the wave of emotion down. That was by far enough. She needed to say something. She had to. He deserved it. “Then you… shipped out to Lerain? To become…” A Theroki, why couldn’t she just say it?
“Yeah.”
“A way out?”
“Not exactly.” He shifted his weight, tilting his head in her direction but not meeting her eyes. “But it was convenient not to feel any of it anymore.”
“And now here I am…”
“Yeah. But it’s not your fault. I agreed. It was ultimately my decision to let someone alter my chip. I may just put the new chip in before I go. It’ll be easier. And whatever your mission is, I can tell it’s important. I won’t endanger that. Or you.”
She scowled. “You’re not endangering me. I can take care of myself.”
“Damn it, Ellen.” He finally turned. “You can’t tell me I’m a dangerous distraction and then turn around and say you can take care of yourself just fine, thanks. If that’s true, why are you so sure that… this is a problem?” He gestured wildly at the space between the two of them.
“This?”
“You know what I mean. Me and you. Us.”
Her insides felt frozen solid, adrenaline hot as acid in her veins. “I just can’t take the risk. How can I risk messing up so fragging badly again?”
“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t mess up. And what’s the alternative? Staying alone forever?”
Yes, she thought. “That’s the plan.” Or at least it was. Until you came along. She raised her face to his, looking into those dark, deep eyes. Eyes she longed so much to get lost in.
He sighed and turned away, and she felt cold, like the sun had gone behind a cloud.
The silence stretched on, and she had a feeling he wasn’t going to say anything else.
“Look, I don’t believe in goodbyes. I don’t accept you dying out there either. You’re a good soldier. Come back, and we’ll get you off planet if there’s trouble. We should be here for a week or more. You’ll have a spot here to the next stop at least. If you want it.”
“Even if it means I go renegade?” he said softly.
“Even then. Especially then.” Please go renegade. God, she was a fool. But she couldn’t accept not seeing him again, either.
“Well. If I’m not dead, we’ll see what happens.”
Kael stared at the black sheath on the table. Inside, the tiny chip winked at him. He gritted his teeth. God, he didn’t want to install that thing again. What if the obedience algorithms kept him from ever coming back?
But he only had the one edited chip—the one currently in his neck. If he took it with him, he had slowly realized over the last two hours, the Theroki would destroy it along with any chance he had of escaping.
He still had little chance of escaping with a functioning chip, but… maybe if he could leave it here on the Audacity, he could come back and get it somehow.
He clenched his jaw, braced himself in the chair, and opened the panel behind his ear. Chills went through him, both ones designed to keep him from meddling with it and ones from memories of Vala and her butchery.
He took a deep breath. Then he gripped the tiny chip and yanked it out.
The woozy feeling that came with it was almost more than he could compensate for, but he jammed in the new chip as quickly as he could manage.
Everything steadied. He simply stared at the wall for a while, letting the systems kick in and adjust themselves. Walking while that happened was not always advisable.
He felt… more normal again. Calm. Cool. Like he could kill something without flinching.
Some part of him fell down—darker, deeper—but he couldn’t quite make out what part exactly.
It didn’t matter; on with completing his mission. Why had he waited so long? His civilian-commissioned ship had been docked for over fifteen minutes.
He picked up his comm, found the number for High Command, and called. Time to find the Enhancer cell and deliver to them their empress.
Ellen looked up from her holodisplay. The sound of Kael’s armor let her hear him coming, but he’d hit the main cargo hold and stopped where Dremer was scanning some crates of supplies they’d picked up. Desori had several Foundation resupply bases, hence why they’d been heading here after their mission sequence.
“Dremer.” Kael’s voice sounded different. Flatter, with less inflection.
Dremer looked up from her scans for once. “Something wrong, Kael?”
“I’m headed out. Hang on to this for me.” He held out a palm with a black sheath on it, and Ellen caught her breath.
The chip. The new one, or the edited one?
Her heart sank as he went straight past her office without reacting. She stared after him. No. No, he wouldn’t just leave. He couldn’t. Unless…
Unless he’d replaced his altered chip with the new one.
She darted from her desk to the door, only to find him standing just beyond her office with a slight frown.
“Kael,” she said softly.
“Commander.” He turned and looked as if he had many things to say. And was going to say none of them. He looked down at her feet, then back up at her, then gave her a distant nod. His eyes were those of a stranger. Or an android. They had never looked at her with less interest, less emotion. Never looked at her like that at all, not even the day they met.
Then he turned.
“Kael!” she blurted.
He stopped, looking back at her over his shoulder.
What could she say to make this count? Hadn’t she already said everything there was to say? “It’s been good to know you, my friend.”
He gave her another nod. “You as well, Commander. I think you will not be forgotten for a very long time.” Another moment of looking down, of hesitation, and then he was headed out the hatch, strapping his gear to the rented bike that’d been delivered. When had he had time to set that up?
Zhia stormed up, pushing her into her office.
“What are you doing?” Ellen managed, surprised.
“What are you doing?” Zhia shot back. “Dremer, get in here. Nova.”
Nova shut the office hatch behind them. Zhia propped her hands on her hips and frowned at Ellen. Dremer was frowning at the black sheath in her palm.
“Is that his chip?” Ellen asked.
“Yes. The old one. The damaged one. He said to hang on to it. Why? How could I know if he needed it? How could I possibly judge that for him?”
“One look at him tells me he needs it,” muttered Ellen. “Did you see his face?”
“Did you see his eyes?” Nova cut in. “Like a zombie.”
Ellen thought of the songbird’s unit and shuddered. But it was similar.
“I’ve talked to Theroki before,” Zhia said, “but never both with and without the chip. And not that many. I just thought they were all arrogant assholes.”
“Well, they do get the chip willingly,” said Nova, shrugging.
She thought of Faros IV. “Sort of.” “I don’t think his was willing,” she said slowly. “Even if it were, some people do desperate things in desperate situations.”
Zhia stared a moment longer.
“So you’re just letting him go like that?” said Dremer, as if she couldn’t wait any longer to speak.
“Sorry you never got your paws on him, Doctor.”
“It’s not that, Ellen.”
Ellen glanced around. They were all frowning at her. What the hell?
“Permission to speak freely, ma’am?” Zhia spat, folding her arms.
“Granted.”
“I hate this. Shouldn’t we be going with him? Or after him? He watched our backs how many times?”
“And he was compensated for that,” she said coolly.
“C’mon. He’s a Theroki, but his eyes can’t be on his six all the time.”
“It did occur to me, but I didn’t want to risk Foundation resources for personal reasons.”
“Personal reasons?” Dremer frowned. “I think you’re letting those ‘personal reasons’ cloud your judgment.”
Ellen winced. That was about the worst thing she could have heard at the moment. Jenny hit the chime on the outside, and they let her in.
“What are you all talking about in here?” she asked. Dr. Taylor slipped in as well and shut the door.
“We’re trying to convince the commander to let us protect Kael on his mission,” Zhia explained.
“I’m not; I’ve got higher goals than that.” Dremer propped her hands on her hips now. “He’s defended far more Foundation resources than he’s cost, Commander, while achieving our goals efficiently. We should cover him, so we can bring him back to scare off ships indefinitely. I thought you were trying to recruit him.”
“No, I…”
“Well, I am. I approve efforts to recruit him. By any crew member,” she said, glancing at Nova, Jenny, and Zhia.
Ellen scowled. “For your personal study, Doctor, or because you actually think he’d make a good addition?”
Nova cut in. “He’s proven his skill at security. And on the mat.”
“He’s been a fine addition to the team,” Dremer said, raising her chin. “It’d be a shame to lose him.”
“I would also approve him as an addition,” said Dr. Taylor smoothly.
“Even you?” Ellen’s eyes widened. She hadn’t realized the two of them had even had much interaction.
Zhia’s eyes brightened. “Does that mean we can go after him, Commander?”
She glanced at her eager crewmates. Huh. Looked like she’d been so busy trying not to be distracted that… she hadn’t seen what they’d been thinking. They might rebel if they didn’t go after him.
“Okay, fine. Levereaux won’t like it. This mission is volunteer only, though. If you want to come with me, go get your gear.”
“He’s almost ready to leave,” Zhia said, peering out into the hold.
“Adan,” Ellen barked into the comm. “Can you get me a tracking device down here? Pronto!”
“Yes, ma’am!”
Barely thirty seconds later, Adan slid down the ladder to the cargo hold. She met him at a run and grabbed the device from his hand.
Kael was already on the bike, kicking it into ignition. She sprinted after him. “Kael! Wait!” What the hell was she going to say?
But he did stop and turn to wait.
She skidded to a halt beside him. “I, uh, just wanted to say I won’t forget you either,” she blurted. And threw her arms around him in a hug, jamming the tracker onto his back inside a particularly nasty armor gash. There. That should hold it.
She broke away. He frowned at her, confused.
“A hug. For good luck. Theroki don’t do that?”
He shook his head. “No. We don’t.”
The coldness of the words stabbed at her heart. “Well… good luck.”
He nodded crisply, more salute than acknowledgement. “So you don’t say goodbyes?”
She frowned. “No, I don’t. Just good luck, I guess.”
“What about salam?”
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “Yeah, I could do that. Salam, Kael. Peace be upon you.”
“Salam, Commander Ryu.” And with that, he revved the engine and took off down the ramp.
She only stood frozen for a moment before she whirled and raced back to the office. “All right—we’ll follow at a distance. Don’t let Kael know we’re following. We still don’t know the exact nature of this mission, so we need to ascertain that. You’ve got four minutes before he’s off my tracking screen. Go!”
“Got it, Commander.” They raced up the ladders en masse.
All except Zhia. “I’m suited up. What can I do?”
“Watch him. And fire up the lander.” She pointed wildly toward the hatch and shoved the tracking screen into Zhia’s hands as she raced toward her quarters. She needed her multi, a lot more knockout grenades, and a whole avalanche of luck.
Chapter Fourteen
“Can you get into the traffic cams?” Zhia was saying over the comm as Ellen trotted up in her armor.
“Not without more time. But I can get one of the drones high up,” Adan replied.
“Good. That’s faster. Use both of if you can.”
“You don’t ask for much, Lieutenant.”
“C’mon, you claim you like a challenge. Commander, you’re going to want to have a look at this.”
Ellen bent over the tracker screen Zhia had been monitoring. Along with the map, she had several street cameras off to the side. One showed a frozen still of the side of a commercial van. Another showed Kael stopped, still on the motorcycle, but speaking with three armored Theroki in the back of a van. “That doesn’t seem right. What’s that on the side there? Can you zoom in?”
Zhia enlarged the marking on the front door of the vehicle, and Ellen caught her breath. The octopus, blue with its four semi-straight, spindly legs. She thought of the strange creature the songbird had transformed into, half tentacle, half arachnid.
“Arakovic,” she whispered.
“They’re taking him, look!” Zhia pointed at the lower picture.
Her eyes darted down just soon enough to see Kael crumple, then get dragged into the back as the door slammed down.
