Just Date and See, page 18
I did wonder, on my way here, whether or not I was being a bit of a dick, not spending much time with my family over the holidays, but being at home at the moment is just too much. I wouldn’t usually be spending Christmas with my dad at all, so I don’t feel guilty about not being around him and Gail, and Declan took off before last Christmas, so I don’t think anyone (other than him, the deluded moron) has any expectations of me spending time with him. That just leaves my mum and Jess, and Mum seems to be spending all her time with Dad (which I’m still majorly unhappy with) and Jess is spending all her time with Kenny, so it’s not like either of them is sitting around waiting for me, but Mum is only going to be living down the road, and it doesn’t sound like Jess is going to be going anywhere – not until she figures out her next move – so it’s not like I can’t spend time with them in the new year.
I suppose I just feel a bit bad this evening specifically because Dad and Gail were going out to visit Gail’s family members, and it seemed like Mum and Jess were both actually home. But Declan was still there, and avoiding him is still a top priority – he actually invited me out for a drink with him this evening, he must be crazy – and if I had stayed home, it would have been a missed opportunity to spend time with Rocco and… wow, my head is a mess.
So I’m glad to be here, at the Candy Club, a festive-free zone, with Rocco – the person who seems to be dominating my thoughts at the moment – and our new friends, Leila and Tobias.
The Candy Club has a fairground theme and they’ve really gone all out with it. The bar itself is inside what looks like a carousel at the back of the room, the rest of which is divided into different zones, each representing different rides. This evening we’re sitting in the waltzer section, which looks exactly as you would expect it to, with booths made to look like waltzer cars.
‘These are pretty cute,’ Leila says, brandishing a hot pink Candy Club-branded poker chip. We all got one, on the way in, entitling us to one free drink. Leila hasn’t cashed hers yet. ‘I’m trying to work out if I’d rather have the free drink or keep this as a souvenir.’
‘The free drink every time, surely?’ Tobias replies.
‘I don’t know, I think I’ll hang onto it,’ Leila says. ‘Do you think you can only cash it tonight, or do you reckon I can turn up weeks later and trade it for a drink?’
‘What, like in an emergency?’ Tobias asks.
‘It’s hard to imagine an emergency where you need a toffee apple martini, stat,’ Rocco jokes.
I pick up my glass and hand it to him.
‘Try it and tell me it’s not the best drink you’ve ever had,’ I insist.
He looks at me for a second. God, it feels good, when his eyes are on you. There’s something about being seen by him that I really like.
Rocco does as he’s told, raising my glass to his lips before taking a sip. His eyes almost roll into the back of his head.
‘Okay, fair enough,’ he says through a grin. ‘That’s probably the nicest cocktail I’ve ever had.’
‘Well, how about I buy a round of them?’ I suggest. ‘What do you say?’
I’m in such a good mood this evening. I can’t hide it. As messy as things are, and as up in the air as relationships seem, the thought of going for dinner tomorrow night, just me and Rocco, is a thought that is keeping me going. I’m focusing on that, wondering what he’s got planned, where we might be going. He’s keeping pretty tight-lipped about it, which is exciting.
‘Do you need a hand?’ Rocco asks, once everyone accepts my offer.
‘No, no, you stay there,’ I insist. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
I’m going to nip to the loos too, while I’m up, and I’d rather Rocco wasn’t waiting outside for me. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t feel cool or sexy, to use the loo – yes, I realise how ridiculous that sounds, and yes, I am overthinking everything now. I’m just so looking forward to tomorrow night and I don’t want to ruin it. Obviously I don’t think Rocco will run scared, if he realises I have a bladder like all the other girls, but I am constantly embarrassing myself, so there’s that.
This place really is like a fairground, not just because they’ve worked really hard to make it look that way, but because the décor and the layout – along with the size of the place – gives it that sort of chaotic, maze-like vibe you often find at fairgrounds and theme parks. The bar is an easy spot, given that it’s so big, and in the middle, covered in large colourful lightbulbs, but I have no idea where the toilets are, so I catch the attention of one of the jugglers before asking him. He kindly points them out to me.
I smile to myself as I make my way through the funhouse section, past the large painting of a clown, past the large slide that leads down into a ball pool – which cannot possibly be a sensible thing for drunk people to have access to. I’m just so (admittedly briefly, at the moment) happy to be here tonight. Away from home, away from…
‘Declan!’
‘Billie, hello,’ he says brightly. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask him.
Declan places a hand on my back and ushers me to one side. I move with him, eager to stay in the fun house section because it’s where my friends aren’t. If there’s one thing I don’t need right now – one thing that could ruin everything – it’s having to introduce Rocco to my ex. I can’t think of anything worse.
Declan gestures to a table covered in free drink poker chips. As I look up from the table, I realise my mum and Jess are sitting with him. Okay, scratch what I just said, there is something worse than introducing Rocco to my ex, it’s introducing him to my mum too. Not that there’s anything wrong with my mum. Of all the people in my life, she’s the easiest one for new people to meet, for sure, but there’s something intense about introducing a guy to your mum, especially when he isn’t expecting it – even more so when said mum is out for drinks with your ex. What?!
‘What are you guys doing here?’ I ask as I take a seat at the table with them.
‘Billie, darling, what a wonderful surprise,’ Mum says through a beaming smile. ‘Declan invited us to the big opening. He said he’d buy us drinks.’
‘I thought you were skint,’ I point out accusingly.
‘I am,’ he replies, in as hushed tones as possible. ‘Did you see the gigantic clown face on the wall over there? I painted it for them. My choices were money or they offered me more bang for my buck if I took part of my payment in free drink tokens. So I figured I’d take more tokens than money, so that it would be a long time before I needed to buy drinks on a night out. That way, I can spend money on things that matter, and not waste it on drinks, because the drinks are free.’
Oh lord, have mercy, he thinks he’s a genius. He has no idea how stupid that sounds. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about this clown any more.
‘So, where’s Fee?’ Mum asks. ‘I have to admit, I was surprised, when you said you were meeting her for a drink tonight, given how you usually describe her. I’d be interested to meet her.’
So obviously, when people were asking me what I was doing tonight, and Declan invited me out drinking with him, I made up something about going to a pre-Christmas drink with Fee from work, even thought I’d rather drink from the toilet than socialise with her out of hours.
‘She’s gone home,’ I reply quickly. ‘You just missed her. Her daughter has just had a baby so she’s spending the holidays with them. She needed to get home, to bed, she’s got an early start tomorrow.’
It always helps to legitimise a lie, by throwing something true in there with it, blurring the line between what’s true and what’s false.
‘Were you on your way home then?’ Jess asks, sort of suspiciously, but a long way away from accusing me of anything.
‘I was,’ I reply.
‘Well, now you’re not,’ Declan insists. ‘The drinks are on me. I’ll go grab a round.’
‘Are you okay?’ Mum asks me. Obviously I’m not, I’m in a real pickle, but I can’t admit that, not without telling them who I’m really here with, and there’s no way Mum and Jess wouldn’t be bursting to meet Rocco, once they found out I was here with a boy. ‘You’re not upset that we’re here with Declan, are you?’
‘We’re only here for the free drinks,’ Jess points out, although I’d already guessed as much. ‘We might as well get something out of him.’
‘Oh, no, it’s fine,’ I insist. ‘I’m just tired.’
‘A few cocktails will change that,’ Jess insists.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. How the hell am I going to get myself out of this one?
‘I’ll say this quickly, before Declan gets back.’ Mum starts leaning closer for a moment. ‘I thought you were meeting a boy. I was even more convinced, when I saw how panicked you were about bumping into Declan. Of course, now I realise that your reaction was probably just appropriate, given that he’s your ex. It’s a shame Fee had to go home so early, but what a lovely coincidence, that we’re here together.’
‘See, that’s a normal reaction to seeing a no-good ex,’ Jess points out. ‘You don’t laugh at their jokes and make French toast together.’
‘Jessica May, we’re all under one roof for Christmas, are you honestly saying you would prefer it if your dad and I were not civil with one another?’ Mum asks, full-naming her.
‘Erm, there’s being civil, and then there’s him bending you over the kitchen island.’
‘Not my kitchen island?’ I blurt stupidly. First of all, because my worktops are not the things that need to be worried about the most in this scenario. Also, because who else’s kitchen island is it going to be? Everyone lives with me at the moment.
Mum laughs and rolls her eyes.
‘He was showing me how to knead,’ she insists.
‘He was showing you how to need something,’ Jess says in disgust. ‘Honestly, it was like a really gross remake of Ghost. One where I wished I was the dead one.’
‘He was just showing me his new technique,’ Mum tells me.
That’s what I’m afraid of.
‘Okay, ladies, here we go,’ Declan announces as he places a tray of three bright pink drinks garnished with candy floss down on the table in front of us.
‘These look great,’ Jess says, her smile the only thing wider than her eyes. But then she notices me noticing how delighted she looks. ‘But none of this means we forgive you. You’re still in the family bad books – forever.’
‘I know, I know,’ he replies. ‘I’m trying to do better. I’m going to make things right, though, just you watch.’
I roll my eyes. If he thinks a few cocktails will make up for him abandoning me then he can think again, it doesn’t even come close. Unless, of course, he thinks it makes up for him putting the moves on me last night – it doesn’t even do that. Anyway, I don’t care about that right now, it isn’t exactly a priority, when I have more pressing dramas threatening to ruin everything. I need to get back to my friends – back to Rocco – but now this lot are here, and I can’t risk them all meeting. What the hell do I do?
‘Wow, this drink is amazing,’ Mum groans as she takes a sip.
Drinks! I’m supposed to be getting drinks. Everyone is going to wonder where I am.
‘I was actually just on my way to the loos when I bumped into you,’ I announces – which is true. ‘I’ll be right back.’
I spring to my feet – the two cocktails I’ve had already cause me to wobble slightly, but I’m okay – and head over to the bar, to get the drinks for my friends. I’ll just have to go to the loo later. I wait patiently at the busy bar, order four toffee apple martinis, carefully load a tray with them and then set off weaving my way through the partygoers, trying to navigate my way back to the table without accident or incident – both of which I’m usually prone to.
I’ve no sooner noticed the large painting of the clown when I realise I’m back in front of the table with Mum, Jess and Declan sitting at it. They all stare at me for a second.
‘More drinks?’ Jess says through a puzzled look.
‘Yes,’ I reply, owning it. ‘These, er, these ones are better. I had one earlier, I thought you guys might like to try one.’
‘Did you pay for them?’ Declan asks me. ‘You should have taken some tokens and got them for free.’
‘Yeah, I forgot all about them,’ I reply. ‘But also, I wanted to pay for them, it wouldn’t be a gift from me if I didn’t.’
Shit, I should have just given the second excuse from the get-go, because as lame as it sounds, it’s more believable than me forgetting the fact that my ex got paid for his labour in free drink tokens – a fact I only learned minutes ago.
Jess sips the drink suspiciously.
‘Okay, wow, they are good,’ she reasons.
This instantly gets me off the hook. My story checks out.
‘To trying the whole menu,’ Mum says, raising a glass.
We all clink our glasses before taking a drink. I need to go easy on these cocktails. They’re so strong and I currently have two in front of me.
‘Oh, wow, they’re even better combined,’ Jess insists. ‘Billie, sip one then the other.’
‘Nah,’ I insist. ‘I don’t fancy it.’
‘Trust me,’ she insists. ‘Try it.’
The best way to avoid raising the alarm is to just go for it. She’s right, it’s gorgeous – gorgeous but super strong.
‘What are the toilets like?’ Mum asks curiously. Such a mum question. She probably doesn’t even need to go, she’s either wondering for later, or she’s going to be eyeing up fancy taps for her new house. She’s made countless notes, and asked a bunch of questions, about my place. I won’t be surprised if when I visit her new place, I see a lot of my own house in there.
‘Oh, I didn’t go,’ I say, almost excitedly, relieved to have a reason to leave the table. ‘Back in a sec.’
I jump up, hurry back towards the bar, order another four cocktails – this is turning out to be one hell of an expensive round – and carefully head back to my friends’ table, no getting lost this time.
‘There you are,’ Leila says as I approach the table. ‘We were worried about you.’
‘Sorry, the bar is so busy,’ I reply as I set the drinks down. ‘Here we are.’
‘I came looking for you, to give you a hand at the bar, but you weren’t there,’ Tobias says. He sounds innocent enough, not like he’s interrogating me, I think he’s just curious. Still, it means I have to offer up an explanation.
‘Oh, I went to the loo as well,’ I reply. ‘You must have just missed me.’
I do still really, really need to pee. Every time I have to mention it, the feeling only intensifies.
‘Thanks for the drink,’ Leila says. ‘Shall we toast?’
No, please, God, not more drinking.
‘Yes, okay,’ I say with a forced smile.
‘To the friends we make through dating apps,’ she says. ‘There are no people I would rather be friendzoned by.’
‘To the friendzone,’ Tobias laughs.
We all clink our glasses. I take the smallest sip I can get away with.
‘I was just telling the boys about the summer I spent in Kerala,’ Leila continues. ‘I was picking tea when…’
I try my best to listen. I wriggle in my seat. I start bouncing one of my legs lightly on the floor, to try to distract from my aggressively full bladder.
‘Billie, are you okay?’ Rocco asks me, concerned, noticing my leg.
‘Yes, yes,’ I quickly insist. ‘Actually, I’m just going to nip to the loo again.’
Amazing. I didn’t want him thinking I used the toilet at all – now I’m making myself seem like I have some sort of problem.
‘Are you okay?’ Leila asks.
‘Oh, yeah, I’m fine, I won’t be long,’ I reply as I hurry off.
This time, I’m careful to make my way to the toilets without passing Mum, Jess and Declan, which I do succeed in doing. The problem is that, as I walk out of the cubicle, and over to the sinks to wash my hands, I pull up next to my mum as she washes hers.
‘There you are, darling,’ she replies. ‘I was worried you’d got lost. Have you seen these taps? I’ve taken a photo of them. I’m thinking they would look good in the downstairs WC. Is everything okay?’
Her tone quickly changes as she sees the look on my face.
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I reply with a smile.
Well, I’m not fine, but I’m better now I’m empty.
Mum waits for me to wash my hands before hooking her arm through mine.
‘Come on, let’s go enjoy our drinks,’ she says. ‘It’s nice, to finally be on a night out together.’
‘It really is,’ I reply. I can’t help but cock my head as something occurs to me. This is my opportunity to do some digging. ‘We can finally be one another’s wingwoman, help each other find a man, what do you say?’
‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ she replies with a laugh. ‘I’m more than happy to help you find a nice young man but, as for me, I’m content as things are at the moment.’
‘I thought you were on the look-out for someone,’ I say, a little too quickly.
‘I’m happy, darling,’ she insists. ‘Don’t worry about me.’
Words echo in my head as we head back to our table. She’s happy. She isn’t looking for anyone. Is that because she’s found someone? Is that someone my dad? I really, really hope it isn’t, for everyone’s sake.
We arrive back at the table to find another man standing there with Jess and Declan. As I take my seat, I realise who he is – or what he is, at least. He’s a magician, working the room, doing tricks for the customers. He’s a twenty-something who looks the part – think more David Blaine than Paul Daniels, though. We pull up alongside him as he’s performing a trick where he places his thumb between his teeth and then pulls down, creating the illusion that he is stretching his thumb, of course being alongside him gives us a peek behind the curtain, revealing that he switches from one thumb to the other, to make the first thumb look twice as long.
