The Faking Game, page 14
If I stop being cynical for a second, he does seem great. We have lots of things in common, both live in Leeds, and it was a conversation about our shared love of churros that sparked the idea for our IRL meet-cute. So here I am, walking through the Christmas market, heading for the churro food truck where the man of my dreams should already be waiting for me, a churro in each hand.
As I near the food truck, I notice a man taking two fresh churros from the counter. I stare at the back of his head for a moment, waiting for him to turn around, like this is some sort of dating scratch card. Is it weird that I feel like I know him already? Maybe this website is decent after all.
He turns around and our eyes meet across the crowded market. Oh, screw you, Love @ First Site, you total pile of crap. Suddenly it seems so obvious and I feel so stupid. In hindsight, it was obvious who it was going to match me with: Charlie. Well, how many escape room enthusiasts do you think there are in Leeds who both happen to be using this website? I only know of two, so it makes sense that it matched us.
I watch as the realisation hits Charlie and he practically winces – at least I know he didn’t set this whole thing up because he’s secretly in love with me.
‘Fancy seeing you here,’ I joke as I approach him. ‘Is that for me?’
‘I suppose it is,’ he says with a laugh and a shake of his head. ‘Unbelievable.’
‘Does it make you wonder what’s wrong with you?’ I ask playfully. ‘That your dream woman is me.’
I hold my arms out in a ta-da kind of way, careful not to drop my churro. At least one good thing has come out of this trip.
‘I think it’s a sign that perhaps the things that make us who we are are possibly not the things that we will have in common with other people,’ he replies tactfully. ‘I feel so guilty, that I convinced you to sign up, and all you got was me, someone you already know.’
‘I think it’s time I gave up on trying to date again, you know,’ I confess. ‘My heart isn’t really in it.’
‘Listen, you don’t need to rush yourself back out there,’ he tells me. ‘I don’t want to sound corny, but you need to grieve.’
I sigh.
‘Yeah, I guess… I suppose I don’t want to,’ I admit.
Charlie wraps an arm around me and gives me a squeeze.
‘Give it time,’ he tells me. ‘Can I walk you home?’
‘Oh, you don’t have to do that,’ I insist. ‘I feel bad enough that I catfished you – even though I didn’t.’
‘I feel like I catfished you,’ he replies with a laugh. ‘Come on, it’s no trouble. If you got murdered on the walk home, I’d probably feel even worse.’
‘Well, we can’t have that,’ I conclude. ‘Go on then.’
As Charlie and I stroll through the chilly city, I laugh to myself about this whole situation. So Charlie is my dream guy, huh? I don’t suppose I’ve ever looked at him in that way. Well, I was loved up with Millsy when Charlie and I met, and we may be friends now, but this started out as a work relationship. I’ve never had reason to look at him in that way. He’s good-looking, there’s no denying that, and he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s kind – he could be any girl’s dream guy. For me, though, he’s just a friend, a good one, one too good to waste. I mean, look at Millsy. He and I were friends, before we were a couple, and look how that turned out.
‘Here we are,’ I say as we arrive outside my building.
‘Wait, are you not going to invite me up?’ he jokes. ‘After such an incredible date – and with your algorithm-determined soulmate, no less.’
I laugh but then I realise something.
‘Oh, actually, do you want to pop up for a minute?’ I say. ‘I’ve still got the T-shirt you let me borrow.’
‘I had completely forgotten about that,’ he replies. ‘Sure.’
We continue our small talk as we enter the building, lowering our voices as the sound of our footsteps echo in the empty hallway. It’s so sweet of Charlie, to walk me home. I almost wish I could see him romantically.
Inside the flat, sure enough, we find Millsy and Tally in the middle of a session – a work session, that is, although I have my suspicions.
Millsy’s accent is improving, although still not great. Tally’s annoyingly adorable laugh echoes through the hallway.
‘I reckon we’re gonna have ourselves a mighty fine time,’ Millsy says enthusiastically – presumably a line of dialogue but, once again, I have my suspicions.
‘Come on, again,’ Tally says enthusiastically. ‘I know you can get this, come on.’
‘I reckon we’re gonna have ourselves a mighty fine time,’ Millsy says again. ‘A mi— a mighty fine – a mighty fine time.’
‘Does this not drive you mad?’ Charlie whispers.
‘In so many ways,’ I reply. ‘Come on, if we’re quiet, we might make it to my room unseen.’
‘Cara, hey!’ Tally calls out.
I sigh.
‘Hello,’ I say brightly, turning on the smile. ‘Sounds like you guys are making progress.’
‘Getting there,’ she insists. ‘And you’ve brought…’
‘Charlie,’ he says.
‘Charlie again,’ she replies. ‘Things must be going well.’
‘Oh, work is going great,’ I reply, purposefully misunderstanding her.
I look over at Millsy. He seems… odd. There’s a look on his face, a mix of curiosity and guarded interest. Does he think something is going on between me and Charlie?
For a moment, we freeze, our gaze locked, and in this brief moment, I can see a flicker of something in Millsy’s eyes – jealousy, perhaps, masked by a façade of indifference. His facial muscles tighten ever so slightly, a subtle hint of tension betraying whatever reaction he’s trying to put out, not exactly masking his emotions simmering beneath the surface.
I feel a pang of guilt, a rush of conflicted emotions bouncing around in my brain. But as quickly as his fleeting expression appears, Millsy’s familiar charm and light-heartedness takes over once again. He flashes a playful grin, pushing out nonchalant vibes, as if the sight of me with another man is of no consequence. With a casual shrug and a drum of his hands on the table, he redirects his attention back to Tally, as if to assure himself that he is unaffected by the sight of me and another man.
‘It’s just through here,’ I tell Charlie, getting back to the task at hand.
‘Oh, I forgot, I need to ask Cara something,’ I overhear Millsy tell Tally. ‘One sec.’
‘I’ll be with you in a minute,’ I tell Charlie. ‘But your top is on the chair, if you want to grab it.’
I turn around, hovering just outside my room, waiting to see what it is he wants to ask me.
‘You’re dating Charlie?’ he asks me in hushed tones. ‘The Charlie you work with.’
‘I’m not dating Charlie,’ I reply.
‘Tally said she’d seen you at Thin Aire, in the toilets, and that you were on a date,’ he says before I have a chance to explain. ‘I thought it sounded like Charlie, and now here he is.’
‘Cara?’ I hear Charlie call out. ‘Come on, Cara.’
‘I need to go,’ I tell Millsy. ‘And you need to practise.’
I close my bedroom door behind me.
‘Erm, you called?’ I say with a laugh.
‘I did,’ Charlie replies, a knowing smirk spreading across his face. ‘And, listen, I know I told you that you need to grieve, but now that I’ve seen it first hand – Cara, Millsy is jealous. So jealous. He looked out of his mind.’
‘Do you really think so?’ I say.
‘Absolutely,’ Charlie confirms. ‘And I heard him just now. He thinks we’re a thing and, honestly, he sounds gutted.’
Charlie leans in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.
‘You know, you could use this to your advantage,’ he suggests. ‘Let him think we’re dating. It’ll drive him crazy with jealousy.’
I arch an eyebrow as I consider Charlie’s suggestion. On the one hand, I’m supposed to be a grown-up, above playing games, but, on the other hand, I quite like the idea of playing with fire, and we all know games are my jam.
‘Do you think it will work?’ I say.
‘I think, either way, it will tell you everything you need to know,’ he concludes. ‘Trust me, it’s a tried and tested method. There’s nothing quite as effective as a good old dose of jealousy to make someone realise what they’ve lost. And, hey, if it doesn’t work, I will temporarily deactivate my Love @ First Site account so that you can get a genuine match. I need to get you off there too – I can’t believe my perfect match was wasted on Cara from work.’
I snort.
‘All right, all right, I get the picture,’ I say. ‘So, what’s the plan?’
‘Let’s make one now,’ he suggests. ‘Because I guarantee even just the two of us being in here alone will be driving him crazy.’
I know, I know, it’s low of me to resort to these tactics, but if it works, if it shows Millsy what he is missing, perhaps we can find our way back to one another.
‘In that case, make yourself at home,’ I say with a cheeky smile.
It’s worth a try.
19
This evening we are in Birmingham for one of the events my brilliant brother hosts as part of his PhD. He teams up with other academics and they screen films, music videos, documentaries – all sorts – and then host panels where they talk about what the audience just saw before taking questions. No, I am in no way smart enough to always fully understand what they are talking about but, yes, I am incredibly proud of him, and Millsy and I always go with him to these things, just to give him support, and an extra couple of bums on seats.
And speaking of bums on seats we, of course, have the lovely Tally with us wherever we go which is just so great. So, as jazzed as I was to be selling extra tickets for Oliver, I couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck on a train with Millsy and Tally, the two of them practically flirting in their Southern drawl as they read romantic lines together. I suppose I should just be relieved that she’s booked her own hotel room, and that she isn’t staying in ours, but I’m worried enough about it being just the two of us. Obviously we were still together when we booked it, and it would seem weird if we didn’t share a room, if Oliver realised somehow, but it’s going to be odd, just the two of us, in a room, alone. At least, it will be odd, if my plan doesn’t go, well, to plan.
Getting the train after them was step one. Step two was arranging for Charlie to come with me. You know, this is why we work so well together, because not only do we have an entirely platonic relationship, but we’re both so good at games, and he jumped at the chance to help me make Millsy jealous.
So, the event has finished, and Oliver absolutely smashed it. Now he’s gone out for a drink with his smart friends, leaving me to get the ball rolling on the next part of the plan.
‘So, Millsy has no idea I’m here?’ Charlie asks me.
‘No, not unless he turned round and spotted us during the screening,’ I reply. ‘But he and Tally should be there somewhere.’
I glance around the foyer.
‘Oh, there they are,’ I say, smiling widely as I catch their attention. Millsy’s face falls when he realises I’ve got Charlie with me.
‘Wow, this is really working,’ Charlie says under his breath. ‘That fella is clearly still head over heels in love with you.’
I sigh. God, I hope so.
‘Erm, hi,’ Millsy says. ‘Charlie, hello.’
‘Hey,’ Tally greets us both.
‘Hello,’ I greet them jointly, all smiles still. ‘Wasn’t he great?’
‘Your brother is very smart,’ Tally replies – I’d swear, almost reluctantly.
‘And Charlie came,’ Millsy says. ‘Charlie from work.’
‘Well, you’ve got Tally from work with you,’ I say almost playfully. ‘I’ve got Charlie from work with me. Which reminds me, we’re actually going to get a little bit of work done this evening, so I’ll catch up with you in our room later – did you get me a spare keycard?’
‘Erm, yes,’ Millsy says, a little taken aback, as he searches his wallet for the spare keycard. ‘You know it’s already eleven o’clock, right?’
‘I know, I’ll try not to wake you,’ I promise him. ‘See you soon.’
It simultaneously feels awful, being so aloof with him, but kind of great to see that it’s working. I just need to be careful, to not overcook this one, or it might backfire.
‘Right, let’s grab a Maccies,’ I say to Charlie once we’re out of earshot. ‘We can eat it in your room and then by the time I get to my room…’
‘…he’ll be so jealous, everything will fall back into place,’ Charlie continues. ‘Hopefully.’
I hold belief in the plan as we walk to McDonald’s and then to our hotel. We head to Charlie’s room to eat our food.
The room is a mixture of modern comfort and understated elegance. As you step inside, you are greeted by a warm ambience that comes from the earthy colour pallet and the delicious smell of whatever diffuser is lurking somewhere. Whatever it is, I like it.
It’s so spacious, with a comfortable king-size bed taking centre stage, adorned with crisp white sheets and plump-looking pillows. I hope mine and Millsy’s room is this nice too.
I start unbagging our food at the two-seater table over by the window.
‘Let’s see what’s in here, shall we?’ Charlie suggests as he gets down on his knees to check out the mini bar. ‘Fancy a cocktail?’
‘Only if you don’t need a bank loan to afford one,’ I call back.
‘Ah, if you can’t buy your boss a drink from your mini bar at Christmas time, then when can you?’ he jokes as he removes several cans from the fridge.
He places them all down in front of me, giving me options.
‘I mean, I’m not really your boss-boss, right?’ I say, suddenly self-conscious. ‘We’re more like… collaborators.’
‘Sure,’ he replies. ‘Whatever you say, boss.’
‘Oi,’ I warn through a laugh. ‘Enough of…’
My voice trails off as I examine one of the cans.
‘Lovers’ kit?’ I read out loud. ‘Charlie, this one isn’t a drink.’
‘What?’ he says, taking it from me. As the realisation hits him, his face comes alive. ‘Oh my God, Cara, it’s some kind of sex… thing!’
‘I’d worked out that much,’ I reply through a smile, amazed that something spicy in the mini bar has turned him into a teenage boy. ‘It hasn’t been that long.’
‘Let’s crack her open,’ he suggests. ‘There might be something you can use.’
He pours the contents out on to the table.
‘Or something you can put on your Flurry,’ I suggest, holding up a small bottle of something called ‘strawberry dick-lick’.
‘Sounds yummy,’ he practically cackles.
‘If it’s all the same, I’ll have the can of vodka and orange,’ I tell him.
‘Open one for me too, please,’ he says, still engrossed in the ‘Lovers’ kit’.
I take a big gulp of my drink as I try not to worry about heading back to my own room. It’s fine, it’s all going to be fine.
‘Oh, Cara, this is it, this is what you need,’ Charlie says excitedly. ‘You want to walk up to him, slip him this pineapple-flavoured condom, and say “take me to paradise”.’
Charlie pushes the condom into my shirt pocket, with a sort of OTT faux seduction. I laugh. I really appreciate him making me smile right now.
‘I don’t think fruit-based seduction is what I need,’ I insist. ‘I think I need Dutch courage and to suck it up – not like that.’
I have to quickly add that last part, for the dirty minds in the room.
‘Fair enough,’ Charlie says. ‘Well, let’s eat, drink, and then send you on your way.’
‘Perfect,’ I reply.
‘And in the meantime, I’m going to go through the rest of this kit,’ he says.
I eat my food and then move to sit on the sofa instead. It’s a plush green material, so inviting, the perfect spot to sit and finish my drink while Charlie tries to spank himself with a mini whip.
I roll my shoulders, trying to relax myself a little. It’s going to be fine, it’s going to be fine, it’s…
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It’s morning. It’s fucking morning. What happened? Did I fall asleep? Obviously I feel asleep, or it wouldn’t suddenly be half seven in the bastard a.m.
I pull myself up from the sofa, carefully stepping over Charlie who must’ve fallen asleep on the floor. Then I grab my bag and sneak out, practising being quiet, because the plan when I do get to my own room is to try to sneak in without waking Millsy.
I place my key card in the slot and then slowly open the door, pushing it a millimetre at a time, being as quiet as I can.
There’s a dim light on – perhaps he left it on for me? I tiptoe past the bathroom, around the corner to where the bed must be, but instead of finding Millsy fast asleep, I find him fully clothed, sitting in the chair.
‘Morning,’ I say softly.
What a fucking idiot I am.
‘Morning,’ he replies. ‘Good night?’
‘Not really,’ I say. ‘I fell asleep on Charlie’s sofa.’
‘I see,’ Millsy says simply, pulling himself to his feet. ‘I figured you’d spent the night with Charlie.’
‘Yeah, well, like, in his room,’ I say, absolutely sounding like I’m lying, even though I’m not. ‘But not with him.’
‘Then why are you sneaking around?’ he asks.
I approach him, my hands up to show him I mean him no harm, as I try to explain myself.
‘Just because it’s early,’ I tell him. ‘And…’
I notice Millsy’s eyes fix on my chest for a moment. Then he reaches out and, as I follow his hand, I realise he’s reaching for the small foil packet in the pocket. As he pulls out the pineapple-flavoured condom, he just holds it between us for a moment. The two of us stare at it.
‘That’s not mine,’ I tell him. ‘It’s Charlie’s. Well, no, it’s not Charlie’s, it’s from his mini bar. He was just… he was having a laugh with it. Just messing around with it.’
