Til Darkness Falls, page 20
“But you already do love him, don’t you?”
Brian blinked up at her. His chest tightened, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. She watched him steadily, her open face inviting his trust and demanding only that he be honest with himself. “I don’t know, Angie, but I’m going to figure it out.” In an instant, the tightness faded away. Brian inhaled deeply, feeling like it was the first time he had been able to do so in years.
Angela smiled at him, and with a final pat to his cheek, she eased off of his desk. “Good. So, be sure to let me know where you’ll be this weekend when you find out. In case any emergencies come up.”
Her nonchalant reaction to such an earth-shattering revelation on his part made him laugh. Sometimes Brian thought that if he were straight, he’d seriously try to steal her from her husband, the fifteen-year gap in their ages be damned. Now was definitely one of those times. “Ten-four.”
She nodded matter-of-factly when he saluted. Sitting down across from him at her desk, she started typing something on her keyboard. “Brian?”
“Yeah?”
“If you don’t call him in the next five minutes and tell him that you’re going, I’m going to fill every drawer in your desk with rotten fish.”
Brian rolled his eyes and glared at her. She never stopped typing, but her lips curved upward in a tiny smirk. Taking the hint, he reached for his cell phone.
ALRICK sat in his rented car, tapping his finger against the steering wheel in time with Wagner’s driving rhythms. He’d hoped that the sweeping melody would keep his mind off of where he was and why he was there, but the neatly sown fields stretching as far as he could see kept the distraction from being successful. It had taken him less than an hour to drive here from the city, and Alrick was amazed at how quickly the dense urban center he’d been living in had fallen away.
In some ways, the rural areas of America weren’t all that different from similar locales in Germany. But somehow they seemed so much more remote than the farmland that sprawled across portions of his homeland. Perhaps it was the sheer size of this country that made everything seem so distant from everything else.
Or maybe it was the anxious tension in his stomach that made him feel so alone.
It had been a long time since Viktor Privalov had contacted him. Alrick had hoped that it would be a long time still, but it seemed that Privalov’s patience was wearing thin. A long-time member of the Russian mafia, it was Privalov’s organization that had rescued Alrick’s father when he’d been drowning in debt. Hans Ritter had known that he was making a deal with the devil, but visions of his children starving because of his inability to provide for them had forced him to swallow his pride.
And his common sense, Alrick thought uncharitably.
Alrick had been aware of his father’s troubles during his years in the Heer, but his father had insisted that, as long as Alrick continued to help him by regularly sending home some of his army pay, everything would be fine. Of course, it had been no such thing.
SERVICE in the military was compulsory, and he’d always known that he would have to fulfill his obligations to his country. But when the scout from the Hoch had made his incredible offer, Alrick’s sister, Rosamond, had been determined to find some way for her brother to avoid having to enter the Heer. If anything, she was more enamored of Alrick’s talent than he was. Their father had quickly put an end to her schemes, however, telling his son all about his difficulties and begging for his help. Although Hans tried to keep his daughter in the dark, Rosamond overheard everything. She’d been furious at her father, but she was determined to help. Only fifteen years old at the time, even she took a job in order to help out her family.
And so Alrick entered the army at eighteen. Having known nothing but the doting love of his parents and sister, he’d found it difficult to acclimate to the strict regimen and stricter discipline. He’d never spent a night away from home before leaving for basic training, and he hadn’t been able to sleep that first night, manfully trying not to weep from loneliness as he listened to the grunts and snores dozens of strange men. With his naturally gregarious personality, however, Alrick soon got to know his fellow trainees very well. The fact that he’d found not a few of his new compatriots quite attractive went quite a ways toward helping him acclimate to his new life.
From the first blush of adolescence, he’d known that he was attracted to men, but he also had enough sense to keep that knowledge to himself. Until he left home, all he had allowed himself was a few clandestine meetings that never went further than sloppy, inexpert kisses and enthusiastic groping. But now he was a man surrounded by men, and he’d soon discovered that other people considered him extremely attractive. Although homosexuals were allowed to serve openly in the Heer, everyone knew of the unspoken rule that some things were better kept to oneself. But, having the will, he cautiously found a way.
During the course of basic training, Alrick had discovered that he was surprisingly proficient at marksmanship. The rifle training and long-distance shooting that many of his peers found so difficult came to him as naturally as breathing. He didn’t know why he’d excelled at sharp shooting. When a friend in his unit had asked him in the midst of trying to stick his hands down Alrick’s regulation pants, all he’d been able to say was that he saw the bullet as a melody speeding along the background symphony of wind velocity. The barrel of his rifle was the first note, and the target was the last. All he had to do was play through the deadly music from beginning to end and the target would be struck.
The other man hadn’t understood, bringing Alrick’s cryptic explanation to an end with his tongue. But after Alrick entered his infantry unit, his skill had only increased, and it wasn’t long before he was recognized by his unit commander. As he continued to excel, he was often given the most important assignments, meeting and exceeding all expectations with ease. He’d received one commendation for marksmanship after another, and one day his commanding officer had come to him with a stunning offer.
Membership in the Bundeswehr, the German security force, as a sniper in their anti-terrorism division. The honor was considerable, but Alrick had hesitated in accepting. The life he had desired for so long was slipping further and further away. After finishing his service and earning enough to put a significant dent in his father’s debts, Alrick had planned to finish his interrupted pursuit of a musical education. At the age of twenty-seven, he knew that it would be nearly impossible to achieve his dream of becoming a professional. Most musicians started when they were very young, as he had before his life had been derailed by circumstances. But he figured if he could not perform professionally, he could at least teach. His sister had thoroughly approved of his intentions, insisting that she and her young son would be his first students.
Two years later, however, he’d found himself dishonorably discharged with an injury that put the final nail in the coffin of his hopes. He’d never figured out how his sergeant major had discovered his sexual proclivities. He hadn’t lived as a monk, but neither had he advertised his homosexuality. Maybe his superior had seen him in some incautious, unguarded moment and had discovered the truth. Or maybe he had just been a sadistic ass.
The day had started innocently enough. Alrick and his unit had been assigned to help with rescue work in the wake of bad flooding near the Danube River in the south. It had been a dirty, backbreaking task, and after nearly fourteen hours of piling sandbags and helping families temporarily abandon their homes, some of the guys had suggested grabbing a few beers. A few beers, of course, turned into many, and by the time he’d returned to his billet, he was drunk and exhausted. After hitting the third bar that evening, he’d decided to call it a night. His friends had taunted him for being a downer, but he had good-naturedly withstood their teasing and begged off. All he wanted was a hot shower to soothe his aching muscles and a flat surface to sleep on.
The light had been off in the barracks since only he had returned from his unit’s night of carousing. Alrick hadn’t bothered to turn it on, not wanting to exacerbate his rapidly increasing hangover. Making his way by feel and the moonlight streaming in through the windows, he’d started stripping even as he walked to his bunk. The promise of hot water beating down on his head was the only thing he’d able to focus his tired mind on. He had just removed his shirt and tossed it onto the military-green blanket tightly tucked around the mattress when the bunkhouse door opened unexpectedly. A figure had appeared in the doorway, the lack of light casting it into a featureless silhouette.
“Hallo? Who’s there?” Alrick hadn’t been worried, as anyone with access to the barracks area had to be part of his unit. Still, when the figure remained silent for a long moment, he’d reached for the handgun strapped to his thigh.
“Ritter, what are you doing back here? I thought you boys were out celebrating your good works for the day.”
Alrick had relaxed at the low rumble of the sergeant major’s voice. The man was nearly fifty, his entire career having been spent in the service of his country. He was a top-notch soldier, dedicated and supremely competent at carrying out whatever orders were handed down from on high. But something about him had always rubbed Alrick the wrong way. Maybe it was the fact that the older man had been a West German before reunification and didn’t seem to think too highly of the former East Germans under him. Or maybe it was simply the fact that Alrick was a far better shot than he was.
“Yes, sir. The rest of the men are still out. I injured my shoulder earlier today helping an old woman carry about fifteen heavy suitcases, so I thought I would come back and rest.”
“Hmmm.” The older man had turned on the light as he came fully into the barracks. The long room was arranged with beds in two straight rows along opposite walls. All of the unit’s gear had been neatly stored away, the sergeant major demanding nothing less than perfection in all aspects of their adherence to duty. Alrick had blinked at the bright light, feeling his headache begin in earnest. “You always were a smart one, Ritter.”
“Thank you, sir.” Ripping apart the Velcro straps holding his thigh holster in place, Alrick had turned his attention back to undressing carefully so as not to aggravate his injury. After living in close quarters with other men for so many years, he’d long lost any sense of modesty. The sudden rush of hot air against the back of his neck caught him off guard. He’d turned around swiftly only to find his superior standing mere inches away. “Sir?” he’d asked, his brain working too slowly from beer and fatigue to register alarm right away.
The sergeant major’s hooded gaze had unnerved him. The older man’s eyes were a dark gray color that had always reminded Alrick of snow that had been lying on the ground for too long. A bear of a man, the other man was at least three inches taller than Alrick’s own impressive height and outweighed him by nearly fourteen kilos. His hair had grayed prematurely, the silver color contrasting awkwardly with the dirty hue of his eyes.
Alrick had never felt completely comfortable in the older man’s presence, but now, with him standing so close, Alrick began to feel genuine concern as he realized they were completely alone. Something in the sergeant major’s reptilian eyes had made him desperately wish that he was still wearing his shirt.
“You said you hurt your shoulder? You should probably rub some liniment on it or it will be even worse in the morning.”
“Yes, sir. Good thinking.” Alrick had hesitated when the other man didn’t move away. “Was there something else, sir?” The quality of the sergeant major’s gaze had changed as it lingered on his bare chest, making Alrick’s heart beat quicken nervously.
“I should help you apply the ointment, ja? It will be difficult for you to reach.”
“No, sir. I can manage. But thank you for the offer.” Alrick had tried not to notice the sharpness in his voice and hoped the other man ignored it as well. Trying to shake of his growing trepidation, he’d saluted casually. Picking up his gun from his bunk, he started around the other man’s bulk toward the weapons locker to properly store it away.
“What the—?!” He’d been shocked when large, meaty arms had wrapped around his waist, trapping his arms at his sides. The pressure against his arms had numbed his fingers, and he’d dropped his gun to the tiled floor. Startled, Alrick had bucked against the punishing hold, trying to execute a self-defense escaping move. But the sergeant major had simply shifted his hold, jamming Alrick’s sore shoulder into its socket.
“Arrrggghhh!” His scream was still ringing in his ears when he’d been thrown down summarily onto his bunk. Flipping over quickly to gain some tactical leverage, Alrick had glared up at his superior. “Sir, what the fuck are you doing?” His blue eyes had widened almost comically when the older man reached down and started unbuttoning his pants. Ugly lust had blazed down at him, the other man’s dirty gray gaze sweeping over him from head to toe. Alrick had shuddered as though he’d been coated in slime.
“You think I don’t know about you, Ritter, but I do. I know you like to spread that cute little ass for a long, hard dick. Well, I have one here just for you.”
Alrick had stared up at him in shock, feeling nauseated at the realization that this was really happening. For a brief moment, he’d managed to convince himself that it some sort of hazing, even though he’d been in the sergeant major’s unit for years. He’d forced a smirk to his lips as he swung his feet to the floor. The best way to deal with such things was to show that you weren’t intimidated. At twenty-nine years of age, Alrick had served in the army for over a decade. It would take a lot more than some stupid prank to get to him. He’d pushed up from his bunk, using his own body mass to push the other man back.
“Very funny, sir. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab a shower.”
He’d barely registered the warning growl that rumbled behind him before he’d found himself hitting the floor face first. It was only by turning his head to the side at the last minute that he’d avoided breaking his nose. His jaw hadn’t been so lucky, cracking hard against the cold surface. Pain shot up into his brain, and he’d desperately tried to hold on to consciousness as stars swam before his eyes. A heavy weight had settled onto his back, and his arms had been pulled roughly behind his back. Alrick had bitten his lip to hold back a moan as his sore shoulder was stretched to its limit.
“You mistake me, Ritter. I wasn’t asking. I know you’ve been fucked by every other man who billets here. I just got tired of waiting my turn.”
“Sir! I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alrick had felt warm liquid pooling in his mouth. He’d spat, spewing red droplets onto the floor in front of his face. A careful probe with his tongue told him that his teeth had torn a chunk out of his cheek when he’d fallen. “You can’t honestly believe that I’ve been having sex with my comrades, what, in this very room? Sir, do you hear what you are saying?”
“I know a faggot when I see one, boy!” A large hand had tugged at the waist of Alrick’s pants. “You’ve been waving that tight ass of yours in my face for long enough. Time to see if you can take a real man into your dirty fuck hole.”
Dirty fuck hole? Alrick had suddenly felt like he was in some bad porn film. The moment had been so damn surreal, he wouldn’t have doubted the possibility of just about anything at that point. The ringing in his ears had begun to quiet as the shock of the initial impact waned, but a streak of alarm had quickly replaced it when his pants and underwear were forced down past his hips.
The feel of a thick, dry finger prodding at his entrance increased his urgency to escape from this alarming scenario. He’d struggled, but the weight of the man holding him down had seemed unmovable. The finger had pushed past his sphincter, the burning pain making him wince and bite his lip to keep from crying out. He’d felt like he was watching this happen from outside of himself, staring down in pity at the poor bastard who was about to get fucked raw. Who’d ever heard of a soldier in the goddamn army getting raped on the stinking floor of his barracks?
Another finger had joined the first, causing pain to shoot up his spine and clearing his head enough so he could think. Elementary self-defense had been drilled into him during basic training until the lessons had become a part of him, and his body had reached for them instinctively. Fighting against the larger man’s hold, Alrick had shifted his body as far to the left as he could manage, ignoring the painful sting in his shoulder. The other man had moved to drag him back into place, but before he could, Alrick had thrown his body weight violently in the other direction. Caught off balance, the sergeant major had released his arms to catch himself before he fell over.
Alrick had scrambled away, his eyes glued to his gun lying a few feet away. He’d gotten his left hand on the barrel before he was once again knocked flat. The older man had lain on top of him, bearing down with all of his body weight. Alrick’s left wrist had been grabbed in a punishing grip. He’d tried to pull away, but the awkwardness of being trapped face down on the floor hadn’t left him with many options. The sergeant major had grabbed hold of his gun and with a grunt, had brought it smashing down onto his hand….
ALRICK looked down at his left hand, which had curled into a protective fist. Even all these years later, he could still feel the blinding agony of the bones being crushed. It was almost ironic that his unit mates had chosen just that moment to return from their bar hopping. Caught literally with his pants down, the sergeant major had been forced to scramble for an excuse. Fortunately, a convenient one had been lying beneath him, passed out from the pain of a broken hand.
The official records said that Alrick had initiated the advance on his superior, and when the man had refused, that he’d pursued his deviant passions with violence. Who was to argue otherwise? There were no witnesses, and the sergeant major had been a highly decorated soldier who had served with distinction for two and a half decades.
Rosamond had come all the way from Potsdam to be with him during his hearing. The tribunal had wanted to wait until Alrick recovered sufficiently from his injury to attend. His friends had tried to take him to the infirmary right away, but the sergeant major had insisted on making a show out of charging him with insubordination and having him arrested and thrown into the brig. In the end, he’d ended up spending nearly two days locked up before his military lawyer came to visit him and saw the swollen mess at the end of his left wrist. He’d received the best medical treatment the army could provide, but he had gone too long without care.
