Til Darkness Falls, page 19
THE dream was slow to recede back into his subconscious, leaving Brian dazed. He glanced at the clock one more time, hoping he might have just misread it the last ten times. But no, he was still nearly an hour late for work, and he still had to go home and change. “This is the last time I run out of here in the same clothes I had on the night before.”
“So, you will bring a change of clothing here, then?”
Brian glanced over at the blond man standing at the foot of the bed wearing nothing but a towel after what was apparently his second shower of the morning. Brian had actually woken up in plenty of time to get to work that morning, but the rather disgusting state they’d been in had made him agreeable to Alrick’s suggestion of a shower. And it wasn’t as if he’d complained when the other man joined him, although sharing a small space while wet and naked had, of course, let to other things. An hour later, they’d finally passed out in a satisfied stupor, which was the cause of Brian’s current predicament.
Brian groaned as he gave the clock another glance. “Yeah, I guess I should, huh? No use in trying to preserve my maidenly honor at this point.”
Alrick smiled. “No, probably not.”
“Damn, if the captain doesn’t kill me, Angie will. ‘Responsibility is the hallmark of a good cop, my boy.’” Brian finished tying his shoes and pulled on his undershirt. Noticing that Alrick hadn’t commented on his falsetto impression of his partner, he turned to look at him. The blond was staring at the carpet, looking a million miles away. “Something wrong?”
Alrick glanced up at the question. The easy smile that curved his lips made Brian wonder if he’d just imagined the absent expression. “What would you say to going away with me for the weekend?”
Brian blinked at him for a moment, waiting for the punch line. When none was forthcoming, his face flamed. “What? You’re serious?”
“Quite. I want to spend more time with you without having to worry about you running away at first light.”
Brian sputtered. “I haven’t been running away. I have to go to work. And as for first light—” He looked at the clock again, but it wasn’t counting backwards. Still, he felt this was a conversation they needed to have. “Alrick, where do you see this thing between us going? It’s not like you live here. This is your hotel room, not your condo. I know you travel around a lot for your job. Hell, are you even a citizen? How long can you stay in the country? I don’t know, maybe it would be better if we just keep this casual. You know, seeing each other when we can. That way when you leave it won’t be—”
“Won’t be what? Sad? Painful? Because I assure you, it would be both for me.” Alrick had waited patiently as Brian whipped himself into a frenzy of doubt. But now, for reasons Brian couldn’t begin to fathom, he looked almost angry. A muscle jumped in his clenched jaw, and Brian was annoyed at himself for finding the tic sexy. “Yes, I travel for my job. No, I am not a citizen. Yes, I will have to leave the country at some point. But I will come back, as often as I possibly can.”
Brian shivered as a deep blue gaze pinned him where he stood.
“It will be… difficult for us to be together, this is true. But I am willing to make the effort, because the one thing I do not want is to lose you.”
His heart pounded so loudly in his ears that Brian could hardly hear himself think. Such a huge confession was the last thing he’d been expecting, and he didn’t know how he should feel. It was frightening and exhilarating all at the same time. Butterflies danced manically in his stomach, and he felt lightheaded. He wanted to flee from the sudden awkwardness that had sprung up between them almost as much as he wanted to stay. But the one thing he didn’t want to do was lie.
“I don’t want to never see you again.”
It took a moment for Alrick to work out his convoluted grammar, but once he did his entire body relaxed, the tension bleeding away from his tall frame. Brian felt a far more pleasant flutter in his gut when he was treated to a gentle smile.
“Then you will go away with me, ja?”
Brian told himself that this was nuts. How could Alrick really expect such a crazy long-distance relationship to work? He didn’t even know where the German spent the majority of his time or if he ever spent more than a few weeks in one place. But Alrick was right that it was worth the effort to at least try. Brian watched greedily as the blond walked toward him. It was so worth it. But spending an entire weekend together was a big step to take with a man he had known for such a short time, no matter how right it felt.
“Let me think about it, okay?”
Alrick pulled him against his tall, muscular form. Brian’s eyes closed helplessly as a clever tongue slipped past his lips. He was on the verge of just saying to hell with work for the day. If he got suspended for being derelict, he’d have that much more time to spend in bed with his new lover.
Lover. He kinda liked the sound of that. The warm appendage that had invaded his mouth spent several long minutes relearning all of the secret places that made him squirm. Brian moaned in protest when Alrick eased away from him.
“You’d better get to work.”
Brian looked up, wondering if he had hurt the other man’s feelings. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but things had been moving so fast, he just needed to slow it down, if only for a little while.
“I’ll call you, I promise.”
ALRICK followed Brian into the living room, stealing another kiss before the shorter man disappeared, the door swinging shut behind him. He stood there for a long moment, staring at the door and wondering if he’d gone insane.
If his intentions had been less than sincere, it would have been a decent plan. Getting Brian—Detective Macon—out of town meant that he wouldn’t be able to continue his investigation. He still hadn’t heard about anyone finding Conti, and taking Brian away would allow the trail to grow cold. A weekend full of hot sex and attractive scenery would be the perfect distraction.
In truth, though, those were nothing more than convenient excuses. He just wanted to spend some time together with Brian away from all the obligations and lies that lay between them like landmines, just waiting to be tripped. Alrick was well aware that the risky game he was playing had become far more dangerous now that he knew that Brian was a policeman. But walking away from Brian was something he was simply not prepared to do. It had been so long since he’d just allowed himself to enjoy being alive. From the first moment he’d taken a human life, he’d forced himself to shut away all emotion, his heart lost for years in icy darkness.
Then he’d met Brian, and suddenly, he wanted to live again.
He glanced over at his cello, which was still lying on the floor where they’d abandoned it the night before. Sighing, he returned it and the bow to its case. Although he’d taken immense pleasure in the interruption, the diversion of Brian’s visit had left him with a looming deadline and an article that needed revising. The pleasant memories the sight of the instrument aroused weren’t at all conducive to work. He smiled darkly, wishing that this really were his most urgent concern. After putting the case back in the closet, he fell into the armchair and opened up his laptop. His cell phone was in the bedroom, charging itself, and he tried without success not to listen out in case it rang.
An icon on the lower part of his screen indicated that he had a new email message. It was from his sister. His smile became genuine as he opened it up to read.
Guten Morgen, Brüder. I hope this finds you well. It is still very cold here. I don't know if it is so cold in America, but I made you some gloves to keep your hands warm. I will send them to you as soon as I have finished them.
Alrick knew from long experience how slowly she knit and that it would likely be next winter before he ever saw those gloves. Still, he always appreciated her attempts to mother him. He clicked the “reply” button and stared at the blinking cursor for a long moment, thinking of what he wanted to say.
Rosa, I’ve met someone….
BRIAN was just sitting down at his desk when Angela tossed a sealed envelope onto the scarred wood surface. He picked it up, noticing that the envelope was unmarked.
“What’s this?
“The ballistics report.”
Brian’s head snapped up, and his gaze flew to meet hers. “Well it’s about damn time. Did your boy toy tell you why they reran it?”
“Ha ha, very funny.”
“I’m telling you, that red-head has the hots for you.”
“Leave off, Mr. Comedian. He’s young enough to be my son. In fact, he did tell me that Roddy made the request, but he guessed that the order came directly from the captain.”
“What, she ordered them to redo the tests?” Brian frowned up at her, knowing that the ’scope’s guess was probably dead on. “Why?”
She shrugged. “Don’t know for sure, but the kid said there was some concern about the evidence being contaminated or some bullshit. Plus, she apparently instructed Forensics to show her the reports first before they were given to us.”
Brian’s expression darkened further. What in the hell did the captain want with the report? Unless she didn’t trust that he and Angie could interpret it correctly for themselves. He wouldn’t put such a dick move past her. But then, why not rub it in their faces when she made whatever brilliant deduction she thought them incapable of? Why hadn’t she called them into her office when she first got the report?
“Well, go on. Open it up.”
His partner’s voice cut into his circling thoughts. Deciding that the mystery could wait until later, he stuck his thumb under the sealed edge of the envelope. It opened without giving him a paper cut for once, and he pulled out a thin, spiral-bound volume. Angela braced a hand on his desk and leaned over his shoulder as his flipped through the pages.
“Which bullets did they test?” she asked.
“Looks like the ones from the first three scenes: the drug runner, the loan shark, and the pimp. Let’s see, rifling impressions… tool marks—” A lot of it was technical gobbledygook that he couldn’t care less about. Finally he found a page written in plain English. Angela bent closer to read it. Brian bit his tongue, remembering the beat down she’d given him last time he mentioned that she might need glasses.
“There, gun identification. What’s that part say?”
“Hmmm.” Brian scanned briefly down the page. “The analyst says that the evidence was faint, but there was enough of a trace left on the bullets to identify them all as having been fired from the same gun.”
“We already knew that we’re dealing with a single shooter. What else did they find?”
“How about this? They identified the make: an Arctic Warfare rifle.”
Angela wrinkled her nose at the information. “Arctic Warfare? Sounds like something out of a comic book.”
Brian snorted. “I’ll do some research to see what I can find out about the weapon.”
“No, I’ll take care of it.” Angela patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t forget that you’re off this weekend.”
“Oh, right. Thanks, I almost forgot.” When Brian had been in middle school and he’d tried to get out of trouble by lying, his mother had told him to give it up because he was horrible at it. He’d hoped that the years had improved his ability to prevaricate, but when his partner raised a skeptical eyebrow at his mumbled statement, he realized they hadn’t.
“So, do you have plans for the weekend?”
Brian shrugged and focused his attention on neatly returning the report to its envelope.
“Brian—”
God, he hated that tone. But he had to give Angela credit; she’d mastered the art of using nothing but a name to convey ultimate disapproval. It was no wonder she was able to keep the three men in her life under her complete control with so little effort. Or rather, make that four men.
“—for the weekend.”
Angela gave him a disgusted look. “What was that?”
“I said, Alrick asked me to go away with him for the weekend.” Brian got a sinking feeling in his stomach when she beamed at him.
“Really? Oh, sweetie, that’s wonderful!”
“Is it?”
“What do you mean, ‘is it’? Of course it is!” Even though she took care to keep her voice low, her enthusiasm was irrepressible. “A man that you clearly care for a whole lot has asked you to spend several days away together. Hon, that’s huge! Back when Todd and I were dating, there was a point I wasn’t sure how he really felt about me. I would have been a whole lot less nervous about our relationship if he’d made me such an offer.” She leaned closer, dropping her volume even more. “Sweetie, there’s no reason for him to go through all of the trouble and expense of arranging a getaway for the two of you when you’re already giving it to him for free. Not unless he’s really serious about you.” She straightened up a bit, looking thoughtful. “He is paying, right?”
Brian figured he said something like “I guess so,” but it was hard to hear over the roaring rush of blood setting fire to his face. But whatever his response, it apparently satisfied his partner. She clapped her hands together, her grin returning full force.
“Then there you have it. So where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“What, he didn’t tell you, or is he letting you choose? That’s awfully sweet of him.”
He squirmed. “I mean, I don’t know if I’m going.”
Compared to the constant background hum of the busy squad room, Angela’s silence was deafening. Never in six years had he experienced her being so quiet. He glanced up at her out of sheer curiosity and in the next instant wished that he hadn’t. She fairly radiated disappointment.
“Why in the hell wouldn’t you?”
“Angie—”
“A blind person could see how much you care about him. Your entire demeanor lately practically shouts it. I know I’ve said it before, but honestly, I have never seen you so interested in something. In someone.”
She propped her hip on his desk. Brian tossed the envelope onto his desk and slouched back in his chair. She was obviously settling in for a long lecture. He picked up his pen to give his hands something to do and followed it carefully as he twirled it between his fingers.
“You remember the day we met? I’d been in Vice for nearly ten years, and although I enjoyed my time there, I was ready to take it a little slower. Not too many fireworks when your clients are dead, right?”
It was an old Homicide joke. Brian forced himself to smile, but he never raised his gaze from his twirling pen.
“I was excited to get a new desk in a new office and to meet my new partner. But do you know what I thought the first time I saw you?”
Her serious tone made him look up at her. “What?”
“I told myself not to get too attached, because this guy’s going to eat his gun within a few years.”
Brian stared at her in shock. She had never told him that before. “Why in the hell did you think that?”
“Oh, it wasn’t anything in your psych profile or anything like that,” she said, reading the thought in his owlish expression. “It was simply a hunch I got because I’d never met anyone as detached as you, someone so completely disconnected from life. I could tell that something awful had happened to you in the past, and whatever it was, it seemed like you had just given up.”
Angela shook her head. “You looked like such a sweet kid. I didn’t want to wake up one day to the news that I had to look for a new partner after I’d finally broken you in. That’s why I practically forced my family onto you. I thought that if I made you feel a part of something, maybe you’d want to stick around for a while. I know that I was pushy about it, but in all seriousness, I was afraid for you. And even though you eventually let us in, you still kept something of yourself locked away, like you were afraid to let yourself be happy. Like you felt you didn’t deserve to be.
“But ever since you met Alrick, it’s as if you’ve finally stepped into the sun after years of living under a cloud. Whatever it is that you feel for him, sweetie, I think that he’s given you a reason to really live again.” She cupped his cheek in her hand. “It would be a shame if you gave that up just because you’re scared.”
Brian felt himself shaking as she spoke. She had dug up his deepest uncertainties and brought them out into the open, forcing him to confront them. Her hand was soft against his face, and it smelled like the cheap, flowery hand lotion her sons gave her every birthday. He knew why they liked it. The scent was like a warm hug wrapping around his senses. It was a mother’s hug.
He had tried hard to forget everything about the day he’d found Dennis lying near death on the street. As his friend had slowly bled to death internally, Brian had yelled his head off, calling for help. Someone walking down the street heard his cries and called for an ambulance, but by the time it arrived, it had been too late. The EMTs didn’t even bother trying to resuscitate him. Brian had been distraught, screaming bloody murder when the paramedics had tried to take Dennis’s body and leave him behind. He’d thrown himself across the gurney, refusing to let them carry him away. In the interests of expediency, they’d bent the rules and let him ride along to the hospital.
Brian’s parents had found him there, sitting listlessly in the emergency waiting room. Dennis’s folks had already arrived and were in with the doctor who had pronounced their son dead. It had only been a few weeks since Brian’s mother had found the gay magazines he’d foolishly hidden beneath his mattress. His father had railed at him, threatening him with the promise of military school if he didn’t abandon his deviant behavior. Brian had run to his mother, begging her to try and reason with her husband, but when he went to hug her, she’d recoiled away from him. And when he turned to her for comfort, distraught over the death of his best friend, his parents had barely been able to look him in the eye.
Not for the first time, Brian felt jealous of Angela’s boys. “But what if it doesn’t work out, Angie? I mean, sex is one thing, but what if I actually let myself fall in love with him and he leaves me?”
