Paladin, page 5
Ever didn’t know any of them, but he enjoyed Arsen’s voice. His accent and smooth tone soothed something within him. He didn’t tell Arsen that, though. He didn’t say anything at all. He kept his headphones on but without the music, just listening to Arsen talk as he moved around the shop.
Jericho was still there but he stayed inside on his computer, popping out periodically to ask Arsen questions about the cars he worked on. When he opened the door the final time, he looked at Arsen and said, “Knock off for the day, kid. It’s getting late. I’ll handle anything left before I go. Take Ever upstairs so he can shower and eat.”
Arsen nodded, going to the sink to scrub his hands until they were red, then he crossed to take Ever’s hand, pulling him from the bench and leading him upstairs. Ever felt shaky, unsure what he was supposed to do next.
“You hungry, besenok?”
Ever didn’t know what that meant but it made him blush when Arsen called him that. It wasn’t said with any unkindness, so he hoped it was something nice. Arsen seemed to enjoy calling Ever that. So, if it made him happy, that was okay with him.
Ever wasn’t hungry, though. He wasn’t sure he could eat again for another day or so. He’d had two whole pieces of pizza and they sat like a rock in his stomach. He shook his head.
“You should take a shower first. I’ll use up all the hot water trying to get myself clean.”
Ever shook his head violently. There was no way he was using all of Arsen’s hot water. He could take cold showers. He was used to it. Just taking a shower at all was a luxury to him. Jennika had made him use the hose outside. He’d scrub in the sink if Arsen asked him to.
“No arguments, besenok. Just do it.”
Ever flushed so hot he thought he might start sweating. He followed Arsen to his bedroom, unsure what else to do, standing in the doorway as Arsen rifled through his drawers. This time, he gave him a pair of gym shorts and a pale yellow t-shirt from his own dresser.
When he turned his back, Ever brought the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. It still smelled like Arsen. Or maybe Arsen smelled like the clothes. Either way, Ever wanted to be wrapped in that smell again. He’d take a shower because Arsen asked, but he’d make it really quick so he didn’t use all the hot water.
Ever did his best to scrub himself quickly, washing his face and hair and body with as much efficiency as he could, keeping the temperature lukewarm at best.
Still, when he emerged—dressed but hair still dripping—Arsen was clean, hair also slightly damp, wearing a pair of black joggers and another oversized hoodie, this one a blinding neon green. How many sweatshirts did he own? Had he showered in the sink?
Ever must have looked confused because Arsen gave him a smile. “I just ran and showered next door. There are communal showers over there. I figured it would be easier. That way we both got hot water.”
Ever flushed. He’d made Arsen shower with other people just so he could get clean. Shame pooled in his stomach like acid. He was making a burden of himself.
“Your hair’s all wet,” Arsen said. “You’re going to catch a cold.”
Ever’s eyes went wide, his gaze darting to the bathroom then back to Arsen, his pulse starting to thud hard in his ears. Was he supposed to dry his hair before he left the bathroom?
Arsen took his hand and led him to the sofa, pushing on his shoulders until he sat. Before he could even guess what Arsen intended to do, he was sliding into the space behind Ever, his whole body surrounding him just like last night, his thighs warm as they pressed against Ever’s hips.
“Is this okay?” Arsen asked softly.
Ever chewed on his lower lip, goosebumps erupting along his skin. Was it? Being this close to Arsen felt…nice but it also made him feel shivery inside in a way he’d never really felt before. The more Arsen touched him, the more he wanted him to continue and he didn’t know what to do about that. Was that normal? Was anything about this normal?
Finally, he nodded. What else could he do?
Arsen took the small towel from Ever’s shoulders and began to rub it on his hair. Ever closed his eyes, enjoying the heat of his body and gentle friction of the towel against his scalp. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but, suddenly, Arsen’s gentle touch became slightly more aggressive until Ever realized he was no longer drying his hair but just messing with him.
Ever snatched the towel from his head without thought, turning to glare at Arsen before realizing what he did. Fear spiked through him, but Arsen just laughed, looking down at him, then picking at the pieces of his hair.
“You look like angry baby chicken.” Ever glowered at him, lips forming a pout. “Very cute baby chicken,” Arsen clarified.
Ever didn’t know why that distinction mollified him a bit, but it did. He faced forward once more, afraid to look at Arsen’s face for too long. He let him finger-comb his hair until it parted down the middle. When he dropped his hands, Ever stayed where he was, unsure if he was allowed to leave but also not really sure he wanted to.
When Arsen didn’t ask him to move or leave, he found himself relaxing against him just a bit. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek, waiting for…something. Instructions. An order. Some clue as to what he was supposed to do next.
“Are you okay?” Arsen asked after a few moments.
Ever jolted. Had he wanted him to move? He tried to get to his feet, but Arsen’s hands appeared at his hips, holding him in place.
“Don’t run away. I wasn’t trying to scare you off. But you can sit next to me if you’re uncomfortable. If I’m making you uncomfortable.”
Was he uncomfortable like this? No. He liked it there. But he wasn’t sure he was supposed to. He stayed as he was, stiff in Arsen’s arms, as he tried to figure out what Arsen was saying.
Did he want him to sit next to him or was that the compromise to him not staying in his lap? Did he want him to move? If so, why had he stopped him? Tears formed in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He was such a big baby. He just wanted to be normal. What did normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation? Did people sit in other people’s laps? Adult people?
“You’re okay,” Arsen said again, his hand soothing over Ever’s hair. “You can do whatever you want, besenok. You know that, right? You don’t…belong to me. You don’t have to follow my orders.”
Ever whipped his head around, turning his body just enough to study Arsen’s face, trying to decipher his words. What did that mean? If he didn’t belong to Arsen, who did he belong to? Was there someone else? Was there someone else coming for him? The tears brimming just moments ago broke free, spilling hot down his cheeks as he shook his head. “No.” Arsen frowned, but Ever just shook his head harder. “No,” he said again with more force.
Once more, Arsen’s hands were on him, this time on his cheeks. They were big and rough and still smelled faintly of motor oil. Ever wanted to bury his nose in that scent, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know anything. He was overwhelmed. He hated this. He hated this so much.
“No, what?” Arsen said, his face a mask of confusion. “Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to belong to someone else,” Ever said, panic welling within him. “Can’t I just stay with you? I’ll do whatever you want. I can cook. I can clean. I can run errands. I always come back.” Ever’s mind raced. What else could he do? “ I-I can do…other things…” He trailed off, hoping Arsen understood what other things he was willing to do to not go anywhere else.
Arsen’s confusion turned to…something else. Disgust maybe. Did Ever disgust him? That somehow just made him cry harder.
“Shh, don’t cry,” Arsen soothed, his thumbs swiping at Ever’s cheeks. “You don’t belong to anybody. You’re never going to belong to anybody again. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You decide what you want to do. Do you understand?”
Ever shook his head. He didn’t understand. How was he supposed to survive on his own? He could read, he could sort of write. But he had never gone to school, never learned things like math or science. He didn’t have a real name or a place to live. How was he supposed to survive alone?
“You don’t want me?” Ever said, hating the way his voice cracked.
To his horror, Arsen’s eyes filled with tears. “What? No. I—” He shook his head. “It has nothing to do with that. You can stay here…with me. I am not making you leave. But you don’t have to do anything to stay. You don’t have to cook or clean or be my…servant. You can just…be.”
“Be what?” Ever wailed.
“Be yourself. Whatever you want to do, you can do it.”
Ever shook his head. His chest felt like it was being crushed. How was he supposed to do that? “I don’t know what you want from me,” he finally said.
Arsen tilted Ever’s head up to meet his gaze. “Nothing. Nothing you don’t want to give me of your own free will. You don’t have to do what you’re told anymore. You can just do what you want. Do the things you like.”
“I don’t know what I want or what I like. I just want to do what you want me to do,” Ever admitted, frantic.
“Shh, besenok. We’ll figure out what you like. Okay? We try everything and keep what works and get rid of the rest. Okay?”
Ever’s brows knitted together. Everything? How could they try everything? There was so much everything in the world. The world was just so big. Even this space felt too big. If he could have chosen to live just as he was, cradled between Arsen’s thighs, his big warm hands on his face, he would. It felt safe there. He felt safe there.
“I don’t want to leave,” Ever whimpered.
“Then stay,” Arsen said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “Just stay here. With me. But only because you want to. Not because you think I want you to.”
Arsen released his face and Ever mourned the loss, turning to face forward again. Could he really do whatever he wanted? He decided to test his theory. He sagged back against Arsen, some of the tension leaving him when he didn’t protest. He reached for his hands, which were on his thighs, taking them and wrapping his arms around his waist, waiting to see if he would pull away. Praying he didn’t.
Instead, Arsen tightened his grip just the tiniest bit, hugging Ever from behind like it was something he wanted, too, his uneven breaths puffing against Ever’s hair.
“Tighter,” Ever said.
Arsen complied. “Like this?” he asked, voice raw.
Ever nodded. He didn’t know why the tight band around him was easing the tension inside but it was. It was soothing the panic trying to well back up inside him. They sat like that for a long while, not speaking. Not doing anything but breathing in each other’s space.
“I like your voice,” Arsen said, dipping his head to speak the words directly against Ever’s ear.
Ever turned his face into the sound without thought, shivering when Arsen’s lips brushed against his skin.
Ever settled his head against Arsen’s chest, his head tucking just under his chin. “I like your voice, too.”
Arsen held Ever on the couch for a long time. It should have been weird. Everything about their situation would be weird to an outsider. Sleeping wrapped around a stranger was weird. Not wanting that stranger out of your sight was weird. Worrying about a stranger’s every discomfort was weird.
But holding Ever didn’t feel weird. It felt like not nearly enough. Arsen wanted to pull him into the bedroom and fold around him again. He wanted to feel his body molded to Ever’s, wanted to hear him snore softly like a kitten and feel his finger’s curl around Arsen’s.
But he couldn’t. For a million reasons. Not the least of which was having to get online soon. He had an audience waiting for him. Streaming his gameplay on Twitch didn’t make him millions, but it did supplement his income. He wasn’t a celebrity, but he’d amassed a loyal following—mostly of girls—who noticed when he didn’t sign on two nights in a row.
He got to his feet, taking Ever with him. “I have to go online in the computer room for a while. Do you want to lie in my bed and listen to your music or stay in there with me?” It was clear from their conversation a few moments ago that Ever didn’t know how to make choices for himself, but Arsen didn’t feel comfortable ordering him around. Offering choices seemed like the lesser of two evils.
Once more, Ever caught his lip between his teeth. It was clearly a nervous habit but his lips were already chapped and bruised. If he kept it up, they might bleed and Arsen didn’t want that. He’d been hurt enough.
He gently tugged the skin from beneath Ever’s bunny teeth. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
If he was being honest, that wasn’t the only reason Arsen needed Ever to stop doing that. Whenever he chewed on that lower lip, it made Arsen want to do the same. He couldn’t help it. Ever was beautiful. Not handsome. Not attractive. Beautiful. Shockingly so now that he was clean and in the light.
His hair parted down the center in soft waves and fell into big brown eyes that changed color from coffee to brandy depending on the light. He had perfect bone structure and wide eyes with long dark lashes. Even his ears were pretty.
That wasn’t just Arsen’s opinion. Nobody would ever say different. When it came to genetics, Ever had been blessed, at least in appearance. Arsen wanted to know where Ever’s parents were. How could they have let this happen to him? He shook the thought away. This wasn’t about that. It was about Arsen’s inability to control his growing obsession.
Arsen could handle pretty boys, but Ever wasn’t just pretty. He was painfully shy, impossibly sweet, excruciatingly broken, and when he pouted—like he was just then—Arsen was literally helpless. He’d give him anything. Not that Ever would believe that.
Ever was Arsen’s fucking kryptonite, custom-made in a lab to test his resolve. As if to prove Arsen’s point, he puffed out his cheeks then made fish lips, like he couldn’t decide what to do to distract himself if he couldn’t chew on that perfectly plump lower lip. Just looking at him was making Arsen uncomfortably hard and his pants were far too loose for that. Luckily, his hoodie covered the worst of it. He needed to get online and distract himself.
Quickly.
“My game is a little loud, but you can bring your headphones and sit on the bed in there or you can go watch TV in my room.” Ever shook his head. “No, none of that. Talk to me. Tell me what you want.” When Ever looked uncomfortable, Arsen decided to do some pleading of his own. “Please? I love hearing your voice.”
Ever’s eyes went wide and Arsen got to watch a blush run from his neck to the tips of his ears. “I want to stay with you,” he said softly.
Arsen’s heart did somersaults. The guys were never going to let him hear the end of this. He was already fucking gone over Ever. Completely overtaken. “Okay. But let’s bring your headphones just in case. Okay?”
Ever gave a hesitant nod then followed Arsen into the spare room, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Arsen placed the pink cat ear headphones over Ever’s ears, then handed over his phone once more. He matched the neon lights of the room perfectly, like he was another accessory.
Arsen watched, curious, as Ever selected the green Spotify app and then began to push random buttons, almost like he knew what he was doing. Did he know how to use a cell phone? It seemed like a stupid question. Everybody in this day and age knew how to use a cell phone, right? But did he? Arsen didn’t know how long Ever had been held prisoner in that room, by that woman. He didn’t know if she’d taught him the basics of how to survive.
She’d clearly sent him on errands and knew he’d come back because he was chipped. Like a dog. And beaten like a dog. And caged like a dog. Just thinking of it had Arsen’s blood running hot. He should have killed that bitch slowly.
He dropped into his chair and put on his headphones, pulling his mic into place. He hit a series of buttons, bringing up his screens and signing into his account. His left screen allowed him to see what his audience saw, namely him. His middle screen was for gameplay. His right screen allowed him to read the rapid-fire chat as he played the game.
He made sure he remembered to hit record. He’d put it up on YouTube later after he edited their gameplay. Almost immediately, his screen began to fill with messages. Some handles familiar, many not. He didn’t pay them much mind, just kept up a running commentary with both the audience and his friends, who signed on one at a time in rapid succession. Seven first, then Felix, Nico, and finally, Levi. Arsen wasn’t sure if he was going to show or if he was still sulking over a tiny bite.
Most of the chat had no linear flow. There were men and women alike telling Arsen all manner of contradictory stuff. He was hot. He was ugly. His accent was cute. His accent was grating. He took the bad with the good. For every one negative comment, there were twenty positives and his regulars tipped well.
Knowing Ever was three feet away made it all but impossible to concentrate on the game, but he did his best. At least Ever was safe where he could see him.
Once the others signed online he relaxed, forcing himself to focus. He didn’t want to be the reason they lost this battle.
Arsen didn’t have to worry about Ever. Twenty minutes in, it became apparent that Felix was going to be the reason they lost the battle.
“What are you doing?” he shouted into the mic.
Felix had gone completely rogue. He wasn’t listening to the others. This always happened. Arsen was almost positive it was Felix’s husband’s fault. He was also a huge distraction.
“We’re fucking getting creamed here, bro. What the fuck?” Seven said. “Are you blind? The bad guys are over there.”
Arsen was jabbing his finger down on the button hard enough to bruise it, hoping to make up for Felix’s sudden defection.
