Paladin, page 13
That was how Ever got through anything unpleasant. He just forced a smile on his face, no matter how miserable he was. Even when it was something he clearly hated. Like pickles. Or coleslaw. Both foods Arsen had added to his mental do-not-buy list, even though Ever insisted they were fine. Great, even.
But that was Ever. He would suffer for the pleasure of others. He wanted to please Arsen, even if it caused him personal distress. Even when it was clear he was upset with him. No, upset wasn’t the right word. Leery? Confused? After the kiss, something had changed, and after Ever’s conversation with Noah, it had changed again. Arsen couldn’t keep up with their ever morphing relationship.
Ever still wanted to make Arsen happy, that much was obvious. The only silver lining Arsen could see was that Ever’s need to make him happy no longer stemmed from fear but just a need to want to please him.
He didn’t know how to tell Ever that just being near him was all he needed. Even if it sometimes felt like torture—like at night when he was tucked up under Arsen’s chin, his breath puffing against his chest as he made these little half moans and whimpers in his sleep. Arsen had learned to sleep with a permanent hard-on. But his dreams were x-rated and starred Ever every time.
In his dreams, he gave in to every dirty thought he had about Ever. In his dreams, he stripped him naked, spent hours exploring his body, didn’t stop kissing and licking and stroking until he was crying and begging beneath him. He shook his head. The last thing he needed was those thoughts creeping in during his work hours. He was already a mess.
Arsen glanced up into the loft, already knowing when he did, Ever would be there, peeking over the sofa or the rim of his book, watching him. Four days ago, he would have ducked out of sight like a groundhog if Arsen had risked a glance, but now, he stared back. Hard. If anyone else had looked at Arsen like that, he’d think they were plotting his murder...or maybe his seduction. Either way, Arsen would fear for his safety.
But not with Ever. No, when Ever looked at him like that, Arsen feared for Ever’s safety. Because it made Arsen think those very dirty thoughts that were never far from his mind when he should be changing out the motor mount on a 2008 Toyota Camry. It made him think about what noises Ever would make the first time Arsen kissed him with intent, the first time he touched his naked body, the first time he pushed inside him.
Fuck.
Arsen was half-hard just knowing Ever watched him. He sat on the sofa, his cheek resting on his folded arms as he watched Arsen with an almost dreamy expression. What was he thinking about? Did he want Arsen, too? Did it even matter?
When they locked eyes, Ever didn’t look away. He just sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed thoughtfully. Arsen would be a liar if he said he didn’t like knowing Ever watched him. But the intensity of his gaze made Arsen…nervous?
No, that wasn’t the right word. Anxious, maybe? Not in a scary way but in the way he felt when he played survival horror games. With every level, the intensity would rise and the anticipation would grow. Waiting for the attack was half the fun. And when it came, it was cathartic. This expulsion of energy that had been building since level one.
And that was what this felt like. It felt like…foreplay. No, even that didn’t seem right. There was no English word for the feeling. But in Russia, they would say it was predvkushenie. That anticipation that came just before you tasted something you’ve been craving. And he craved a taste of Ever. Did Ever want that, too?
Arsen groaned out loud even as he waved at Ever, smiling like an idiot when Ever raised his hand and wiggled his fingers in return. Yeah, he was fucked. He wanted to play with Ever in every conceivable way.
“Arsen.”
Arsen’s head jerked towards the sound of his name. Jericho stood in the office doorway. He cocked his head, indicating he wanted Arsen to step inside. If it had been anybody else, Arsen would have thought he was in trouble, but not with Jericho.
Arsen set down the wrench and wiped his hands uselessly on the dirty rag that hung half out of his pocket. He followed Jericho inside, sparing a glance upwards at Ever, who still watched him like a hunter stalking his prey.
The world’s most adorable predator.
Arsen fought the urge to smile.
Once inside, Jericho fell heavily into his chair, fixing Arsen with a look that set his teeth on edge.
Arsen dropped onto the other chair across from him. “What’s wrong?”
Jericho’s mouth formed a grim line. “When Charon took blood from Ever, I had her run a DNA test on him. We figured, if he was a missing person, maybe we could track him through familial DNA, like they did with Noah.”
Arsen’s stomach dipped like he was on a roller coaster. Had they found Ever’s family? Were they taking him away? “And?”
Jericho shook his head. “Nothing. Not a single genetic match. No cousins, no siblings. Nobody in his family has ever had their DNA collected in the US.”
“What does that mean?” Arsen asked, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs.
Jericho sighed. “No missing persons reports from the city. No DNA matches. No fingerprint matches. Jennika wasn’t the type to kidnap a kid. If she was, there would have been more. She acquired the three girls she abused through the foster system. But there’s no trace of Ever there, either. I hate to say it, but he was probably trafficked into the country.”
“Trafficked,” Arsen echoed, not because he didn’t understand but just because the word made him a little sick.
“There’s a big trafficking problem here. She had him chipped like a dog. She had some very shady, known associates with ties to organized crime. She never even bothered to name him. He named himself. If she had legally adopted him, there would have been a paper trail. We’d have a name or something to trace. But there’s nothing.”
Arsen’s chest was tight. Ever had been with Jennika so long, he had no recollection of his parents, where he was from, when his birthday was. He only knew his age because Jennika had let it slip. How old was Ever the first time she abused him? He must have been so tiny and so scared. Arsen felt a little like throwing up.
“Why?” he heard himself ask.
Jericho frowned. “Why?”
Arsen met Jericho’s gaze. “Why did she…buy him?”
Jericho shrugged. “The two most common reasons for trafficking are forced labor and sex work. The former is mostly adult women, the latter is women and children. I think Jennika wanted a domestic servant who she could abuse without interference. So, she bought one.”
“She pimped him out to others,” Arsen said. “She beat him and sold him to men who hurt him.”
“I know,” Jericho said quietly.
A sudden heat rushed through him, his fists clenching and jaw tight as he said, “And we can’t even tell him who he is.”
“We’re going to keep looking. All we know from his DNA is that he’s of southeast Asian descent. The two most trafficked regions are Thailand and Vietnam, but that’s still millions of people. You might need to prepare Ever for the very real possibility that we might never know where he came from.”
Arsen hurt for him. “What if his parents have been looking for him all this time?”
Jericho sat forward in his chair. “I’m not going to lie, it’s possible they’re the ones who sold him in the first place. It happens. More often than it should.”
“What kind of parent sells a child?” Arsen said, disgusted.
“You know what kind. Desperate people. Evil people. We’ve seen this before. Hell, here in the U.S., there are baby brokers and people ‘rehoming’ kids on Facebook. We know kids are worth a lot of money to the wrong people. It looks like Ever might be one of those kids.”
A sudden wave of panic welled in Arsen’s chest. “What am I supposed to tell him? That he’ll never know who he really is? That he might never meet his family? Is it even legal for him to stay? You can’t send him back to a country he doesn’t know. How does that even work? What happens to an undocumented person if they don’t even know where they’re from? Do they just guess? He wouldn’t have any family or money or speak the language. He’d be all alone.”
Jericho raised a hand to silence him. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Nobody even knows he’s here.”
“But he can’t stay a ghost forever. What if he wants to get a job or a driver’s license or go to school? He can’t stay in the loft for—.”
“Arsen!” Jericho cut him off sharply. When he looked at him, he said, “We’re not going to let anything happen to him. You know the connections we have. If we have to, we’ll buy him a whole new identity. He can be whoever he wants. There’s nothing that can’t be faked so that he can stay here.”
Arsen looked Jericho in the eye. He needed him to really hear what he was about to say. “I won’t lose him. No matter what it takes.”
“I know, kid. But don’t get ahead of yourself. Go get your boy and have lunch.”
Arsen’s shoulders sagged. Jericho wasn’t his enemy. He nodded and stood then left, shutting the door behind him. He walked to the sink and scrubbed his hands before trudging up the stairs. When he got to the top, Ever smiled, poking a finger against the glass. Arsen couldn’t help but press his finger against Ever’s, heart tripping as he giggled.
Whatever expression Arsen was wearing must have been bad because Ever’s laugh died quickly, his own expression replaced by a look of dread. Arsen entered the room and smiled, but Ever wasn’t buying it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, fear creeping into his tone.
“Nothing,” Arsen assured him, trying to brighten his smile before he looked away. He couldn’t lie to his face.
He would tell him after they ate.
“Liar.”
Arsen’s head snapped back to Ever, whose face was a storm cloud. Was he…mad? “What?”
“You’re lying,” he said, his tone accusatory.
He was lying. But a few days ago, Ever would have never dared say so. This was progress. Arsen fought the urge to smile. He didn’t want Ever to think Arsen was laughing at him when he was truly just happy he trusted him enough to stand up for himself. An angry Ever meant he knew Arsen would never hurt him. That was huge.
That was everything.
Still, Arsen shook his head. “I’m not lying—” At Ever’s flat stare, he conceded, “Okay, I am, but only because I wanted to eat before we talk.”
Ever’s brows knitted together. Arsen could literally see the wheels in his brain turning. Finally, he said, “You’re sending me away.”
Arsen’s eyes went wide. “What? No.” He dropped down beside him on the couch, gripping Ever’s face between his palms, putting his face as close to his as he dared. “Listen to me. No matter what happens, I’ll never send you away. Ever. Do you believe me?”
Ever hesitated, his expression miserable. His gaze slid away from him and, like always, he worried his lower lip between his teeth. Finally, he nodded, whispering, “Yes.”
Arsen dropped his hands, feeling something unknot in his stomach. “Okay, good.”
But Ever wasn’t done questioning him. “Then, what’s wrong?”
Arsen sighed. He wasn’t going to let it go. “I just talked to Jericho. When you were at the doctor, we took some of your blood, hoping it would help us track down your family, but we didn’t find anything.”
Ever blinked at him. “Oh. Is that all?”
Arsen frowned. “Is that all? Don’t you want to know who you are?”
Ever shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it since I talked to Noah. There are only two ways I ended up with Jennika, right? I was either sold or kidnapped. I’m not entirely sure I won’t hate my parents either way. I don’t know how to not blame them for all the things she did to me. Does that make me a bad person?”
Arsen scoffed, grabbing Ever by the back of his neck and hauling him close, pressing his lips to his forehead. “Nothing could make you a bad person.”
When he pulled back, Ever looked flustered. “Nothing?”
Arsen shook his head. “Not to me.”
“Really?” Ever asked, hesitant.
“Really, really,” he promised. That seemed to quell some of his unease. Arsen decided to change the subject. “Are you hungry? What new thing do you want to try today? Italian? Ethiopian?”
Ever shook his head, jutting his chin out in a way that made Arsen’s pulse jump. He was so cute, even when he was being obstinate. Now that he’d seen it, Arsen hoped he never stopped fighting.
“So, what new thing do you want to try?” he asked patiently, hoping this would be the day Ever made his own decision.
Ever’s brown eyes found his, his voice stern. “I want you to teach me to kiss.”
Arsen’s breath punched from his lungs. “What?”
Ever sank back against the corner of the sofa, glowering at him. “You asked.”
“I—” Arsen stopped short. “You’re right. I did.”
Ever sat forward, voice hopeful. “So, you’ll do it?”
Arsen floundered. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to do it. He thought of nothing else. But kissing led to more. And Ever wasn’t asking for more. Arsen didn’t know if he was strong enough to not try for more.
“Do you not want to kiss me?” Ever asked, disappointment creeping into his voice.
He watched as Ever’s lower lip pooched out and he looked up at him with sad eyes through long, sooty lashes. Arsen narrowed his eyes, taking it all in. It was all so…calculated. Was he trying to manipulate Arsen into getting what he wanted?
It dawned on him then. Noah. Fucking Noah. This was his doing. It had to be. He’d taken his sweet, baby angel, Ever, and turned him into a devious little shit willing to use every weapon in his arsenal to turn Arsen into his puppet.
And worse than that, it was totally working. “Of course, I want to kiss you, besenok,” he admitted. “I haven’t thought of anything but kissing you since the day we met.”
Ever’s cheeks turned pink, and his lips twitched in a smile he fought to hide. “Then do it. Kiss me. For real.”
“For real?” Arsen asked, a jolt of awareness going straight to his dick.
Ever flushed, looking away. “Not like the other night. But…like how they do in my romance novels.”
Chert.
Arsen had no idea how they kissed in romance novels but he doubted very much it was anything chaste. Was Ever asking him to put his tongue in his mouth? Arsen wasn’t going to survive this. He wasn’t sure Ever would, either. What the fuck was he thinking? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was grateful Ever had moved a few inches from him because he was losing all sense of rationality.
“Okay,” he heard himself say.
Ever’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
Arsen closed his eyes and nodded, resigned. He was never going to say no to Ever.
Ever.
And it looked like Noah had made sure Ever knew he had the upper hand. The bastard. “Yes, really,” Arsen promised. “But…not right now. Tonight. I only have an hour for lunch, and if I start kissing you, I might never stop.”
Arsen watched as Ever’s pupils blew wide, his lips parting in a quiet gasp at Arsen’s words. He found himself staring at Ever’s open mouth, thinking about things far dirtier than kissing. He shifted in his seat, grateful he still wore his baggy coveralls.
“What do you want to eat for lunch?” he asked, pretending to ignore Ever’s shocked expression.
“Italian,” Ever whispered.
“Good.”
Arsen’s losing streak continued. Not only had he lost that afternoon’s battle against Ever, he lost every battle in the game until his team angrily kicked him offline, telling him to come back when his head was in the game and not up his ass. But how could his head be anywhere but with Ever, who was curled up on the bed three feet away in plaid pajama pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, pretending to read his book while he covertly watched Arsen?
The answer was he couldn’t. Arsen had never been so…aware of another human being in his life. It felt like some kind of magnetic force pulling him towards him. No matter what he was doing, Ever was never far from his mind, and getting back to him was his main priority.
Ever looked up from his book as soon as Arsen signed off. He dropped his headphones and walked to the bed. Just the act of walking towards him, knowing what they were about to do, already had Arsen half-hard. This was going to be an exercise in patience like he’d never known. Some kind of hero’s trial.
He sat in front of Ever, criss-crossing his legs. Ever’s tongue darted out to lick over his lower lip, then he marked his page and set his book down, waiting. He looked so…vulnerable, so trusting of Arsen. He didn’t want to fuck up that trust, but he was also desperate to taste him, to touch him.
So, he did.
“If you want me to kiss you, you’re going to have to be closer than this,” Arsen teased, his hands gently sliding under Ever’s knees and dragging him until he was almost in his lap. Ever’s small, delicate hands fisted the fabric at Arsen’s shoulders, and he was breathing heavily like he’d run a marathon. Fuck, he was trembling and they hadn’t even started yet.
“Hi,” Arsen said, pressing his nose against Ever’s for a second, hoping to reassure him somehow. He didn’t want this to be stressful for him.
“Hi,” Ever said, breathless, his minty breath puffing against Arsen’s cheek.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Arsen asked. Ever’s rapid nod made him smile. “Okay, but if you don’t like something—if you get scared, or if I make you uncomfortable—you have to tell me to stop. Okay?”
Ever’s nod was slightly less enthusiastic. “Okay,” he said quietly.
Arsen wasn’t convinced. He took Ever’s chin between thumb and forefinger, gently forcing him to meet his gaze. “I’m serious. I won’t get mad. It won’t hurt my feelings. Just say the word and it stops. I stop. Promise me.”
