The Yoga Zapper--A Novel, page 22
“Thinking,” he replied vaguely.
“Thinking about what?”
“I…I’ve been thinking about my brother.”
Shanti read his face. Her expression turned serious.
“I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel paralyzed. I don’t know what to do.”
“And what about us??”
“I’m sorry Shanti. Your father may be right. Perhaps I’m not ready for marriage.”
She turned away as wetness welled in her eyes. “If you don’t want to marry me, that’s fine. I’m sure my father will find someone else, if it comes to that.”
Steve winced.
Shanti shook her head. “I’m not angry. This is an opportunity to really talk about our feelings. It’s something we haven’t done in a long while.”
“You’re right.”
“What happened between you and your brother? To me, something always felt not quite right.”
Steve sighed. “Our father’s death created a co-dependency between us and when our mother died, it broke, shooting us off in different directions.” He rubbed his chin. “I never understood that before, but now it’s perfectly clear.”
“Do you mind if I speak honestly?”
“Of course not.”
“The way I see it, the problem is not your brother. The problem is you.”
“What do you mean?” he inquired, surprised by her frankness.
“It seems to me that you’re stuck and don’t know how to move ahead.”
“That’s exactly the way I feel. I’m caught between my duty to my family and my love for you.”
“You’re trying to control things beyond your power. Learn to let go.”
“You mean do nothing?” he retorted.
“Your brother’s life is his. You cannot change it. Have faith that he will do the right thing.”
Steve laughed ironically. “That’s the problem, trusting Jack to do the right thing. Since his youth, I’ve taken care of him, rescuing him from one predicament or another.”
“You know who you sound like?”
“Yes,” he replied glumly. “I heard it all the time from Jack, ‘You’re not my father.’ But like it or not, I took care of Jack in many ways after our dad died,”
“You don’t need to do that anymore. Jack is no longer that kid.”
Steve rubbed his forehead. “Maybe what you say is true, but it’s just so hard.”
“You need to change how you look at Jack. He’s grown up and become a man. He may make mistakes or take bad choices but let him deal with the consequences. His karma is his and only he can deal with that.”
Steve remained unconvinced. He shook his head.
“Can you let go?” she asked.
“This is really tough. I know I should, but it’s difficult for me.”
Shanti sighed. “The reason you don’t trust your brother is because you don’t trust yourself.”
Steve looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“When you first arrived, you were so afraid of believing in yourself that you wrote everything down but, slowly and surely, you opened up and listened to your feelings, your emotions. A lot of it is the yoga, but it is also the love we share. Steve, if you really trust yourself, you will trust others, especially those close to you.”
“But what if you lose the ones close to you?”
Shanti straightened her sari. “Let me try again. As a brother, you can do your best, but you can’t take away Jack’s independence. He needs his freedom. Otherwise how can he change?”
“I can understand what you say in theory, but I am not convinced.”
“We grow by making commitments. If you don’t cross the bridge, you’ll never know what’s on the other side.” She got up and looked at him. “I have to go back to my father and the ritual. I can’t help you anymore. The realization needs to come from you.” She turned around and headed back.
Steve watched her disappear. A great deal of wisdom resided in what she said. Going to Kali Yuga remained a long shot the Yoga Zapper required many things to work. For the first time, Steve realized he could do nothing to help Jack.
He remembered his last conversation with his mother. Of course! She kept telling him that he needed to go on with his life while he insisted on looking after Jack. In fact, his mother didn’t ask for it at all!
Maybe Jack needed to fail to grow up. By rescuing him, by protecting him from himself, he had contributed to Jack’s immaturity and irresponsibility. What did Shanti say? Learn to let go? He never thought of detachment as being a part of love—of love being based not on need, but on respect for each other.
Steve’s face turned red. Was he that blind? Now, forced to be away from his family and learning to devote his emotions elsewhere, everything became clear. Maybe both needed the separation—so that Jack could see his own weaknesses and that Steve could move on with his life.
He thought about Jack’s karma, the vision of him in the dark cell. Instead of imagining the worst, he decided to change the image. Jack’s boldness and courage would be the keys to his salvation. Instead of seeing a bleak outcome, Steve chose a different ending. He imagined Jack having a secret friend, a co-conspirator as it were and, somehow or other, escaping prison.
As soon as this vision took hold, Steve felt much better. Whatever Jack’s destination, he wouldn’t direct negativity towards him but send only positive, hopeful thoughts. After all, negative energy attracts only negative consequences. Jack, he thought. I am sending you my support. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
Steve felt a great burden lift off his shoulders. He closed his eyes and inhaled, the sweet air filling his lungs and energizing his mind. Somehow the whole world changed. He felt reborn.
He glanced at the beaming sun overhead. Oh my God, he thought. I have to return to the ritual before it ended, or risk being outside the shelter of the mandala! He ran back as fast as his legs could carry him.
He arrived just in time. The participants, offering grains to the sacred fire, chanted ‘Svaha’. Gasping for breath, he rushed over and sat down next to Parvata Rishi, who, relieved to see him, gave him some of his grains and spices to offer to the fire.
After the ceremony ended, Steve went over to Shanti. She looked up expectantly.
He pulled her up. “Come.”
“Where are we going?”
He put his finger against her lips and shook his head. Her eyes widened and she laughed delightedly. Holding her hand, he led her to the river, their feet swishing through the tall grass. Stepping in and out of the water, they treaded silently along the gurgling river until they reached the waterfalls. A path of flat rocks led from the shore to the thundering torrent. Steve peered closely and spotted an opening behind the cascade. They grasped hands, skipped across the stones and jumped through the curtain of water into a small cave, becoming thoroughly drenched. He gasped, tingling from head to toe as his feet tracked on thick green moss. Shanti sparkled, her lips smiling.
The cave measured about ten steps long by five deep. Ferns and mosses crowded its walls and drops of water tumbled constantly from the cave’s ceiling as sunlight glimmered through the curtain of water.
Steve led Shanti to the middle of this hidden wonder and bent down on his knees. She breathed heavily, her chest heaving, her hands trembling. Drops of water ran down her face, her wet sari clung to her body, and he examined her from her loose, long, shining hair to her open lips, the fullness of her breasts, the strong torso, her round hips and solid feet. Her eyes, beautiful as usual, reflected not just her youth, but a maturity he only now fully saw. Nothing had changed except something in him and she looked very different.
“Shanti,” he asked, ready to fully share their lives. “Will you marry me?”
She shone. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
“Then, of course, I’ll marry you!”
Steve jumped to his feet and they clasped each other, a lovers’ embrace, long and sweet, beyond time and space.
* * * * *
Steve and Shanti met Parvata Rishi at their camp. The rishi beamed, relieved to see the two young lovers together again.
“Where did you two go?” he enquired.
“We talked,” answered Steve. “And we have….”
“By the way,” the rishi interrupted, before Steve could continue, “I have thought of a way to help your brother.”
“Really!” exclaimed Steve.
“Yes. I will create a bija thought, a seed-thought, and plant it in the ether. Just as an ordinary seed, when planted in the earth, sprouts after a passage of time, this seed-thought will descend and insert itself in your brother’s mind at the proper moment. The Vedas teach us that several realms of reality, beyond this physical one, exist. The ethereal realm, more subtle than the material one, is one such reality. In it, the bija thought will stay unhindered by the passage of time.”
Steve laughed.
“What is it?” questioned the rishi.
“You won’t believe it, but talking with Shanti, I decided to trust my brother’s fate to a greater power and look what happened!”
“Don’t worry, your brother’s life is in God’s hands.” The rishi winked at his daughter. “Is that all you talked about?”
“Oh, no,” exclaimed Shanti. “Father, we’ve decided to get married!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, we’re absolutely sure.”
The old man, laughing jubilantly, gave his daughter a long kiss on her forehead.
“Father, do we have your blessings?” she requested.
The rishi put his right hand on her head and his left one on Steve’s. “I give you both all my blessings and affection. May your married lives be long and happy!”
“Parvata Rishi,” acknowledged Steve. “Thank you for giving me good advice.”
“You are welcome, my son,” answered the rishi. “After all, what are we old folks for?” He paused for a minute. “So when will you get married?”
Shanti spoke up. “I think the next Satya Yuga is the best time.”
“What!” exclaimed Steve. “Isn’t that like millions of years from now?”
“Yes, but there is a good reason to wait.”
“What is that?”
She smiled mischievously. “You will know when the time comes.”
“But what will we do till then?” asked Steve, dumbfounded.
“Don’t worry,” replied the rishi. “My daughter knows what she’s saying. Yoga teaches us that we have several bodies, known as the pancha koshas—the five bodies or five sheaths. Besides the physical body, known as the Annamaya kosha, we possess the Pranamaya kosha, which consists of the prana or the vital energy of a human being. The third form is called the Manomaya kosha, the mental body, created out of the conscious mind and memory. The Vijnanamaya kosha is made of the intellect, the buddhi. The final form is the Anandamaya kosha, the bliss body consisting of pure consciousness. Each body encases the previous ones and we can transcend, or move, our consciousness from the gross material body to the higher, more subtle ones.”
“How is that possible?” queried Steve.
“By control of the breath and meditation we can slow the vibrations of our bodies to such an extent as to move from the physical body all the way to the bliss body. We will, in fact, live in a super-conscious state, where our physical bodies disappear and we exist in pure spirit.”
“Why should we do that?”
“Our mission is to safeguard the wisdom of the Vedas and Yoga and to reintroduce it to the world at the beginning of the next Satya Yuga. Even in Satya Yuga, we are subject to old age and death, but by remaining in our bliss bodies, we will escape the ravages of time until our reappearance.”
“But what about our marriage?” questioned Steve.
“By staying in the Anandamaya kosha, we will be completely unaware of time and thousands, even millions, of years will pass unnoticed until we will wake up safely at the end of this cycle of yugas.”
“Do you think I can actually achieve this state?” wondered Steve, his eyes wide.
“Of course. Am I not teaching you yoga? Yoga means moving the consciousness.”
The three walked to the river’s edge. There, Samacharya Yogi sat, absorbed in deep meditation. The yogi’s body shone orange as he moved to the Pranamaya state, then a brilliant gold as he gained the Manomaya state, an intense green upon achieving the Vijnanamaya kosha and finally turned blue and disappeared completely as he attained the Anandamaya kosha, the state of pure bliss.
“He has stilled the vibrations of his body and mind to such an extent as to be invisible. Only his pure consciousness now exists,” declared the rishi. He motioned to Steve and Shanti. “Now sit down beside the mighty Sarasvati, offer your respects to this great river and start your meditations. Before I join you, I will create and embed the seed-thought for your brother.”
Offering their respects to the mythical river, Steve and Shanti closed their eyes and entered Dharana, deep meditation. Slowly, their bodies took on different hues as they moved their consciousness from one kosha to another, until finally, they disappeared.
* * * * *
The rishi closed his eyes and focused his mind. “Jack,” he whispered. “Jack, listen to me.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
Central Prison, End of Kali Yuga
“Jack,” came a man’s voice. “Jack, listen to me.”
Jack shook in fear. He looked around but didn’t see anyone. “Please reveal yourself!”
Suddenly a faint ghost of a man with a white beard, dressed in long orange robes, floated in the air above.
“I am your friend,” assured the old man. His garments swirled in the darkness, but his face shone brightly. Jack’s rubbed his eyes. The apparition hung in the air against the steel walls of the prison bathroom, just out of reach, and a gentle smile lit his face.
“Please, please help me.”
“Don’t worry, my son. Don’t worry. Tell me.”
“I just had the most horrible, yet truthful, realization in my entire life. I’ve been immature, foolish and hurtful, especially to those closest to me and I’ve been running away, not from places or people, but from myself.”
“Do you know why?”
“It…It’s hard to explain, but I’ve been like this since my father died.”
“What do you mean?” questioned the apparition.
“I don’t think I ever accepted my father’s death or even understood it. I became rebellious and alienated from almost everything in my life, and due to this, I hurt many people, including my mother.”
“So what is your question?”
Jack looked at the floating figure with desperate eyes. “How do I come to terms with this?”
The floating face glanced caringly at him. “The problem is that your anxiety is paralyzing you.”
“You’re right. How do I overcome my fear?”
“Make peace with your father.”
“How do I do that?"
“You think your father is dead, but in reality, only his body is gone. The immortal soul, which is beyond race, color, nationality, sex, and all other material dualities, is our true being. Your father’s soul is ever alive and for that you needn’t have any fear.”
“I can understand that, but I still miss him and have never stopped missing him.”
“Jack,” said the kindly voice. “He is no longer with you. Accept that his death is not the end and let your father go.”
“Let him go?”
“Yes. Talk to him. Take his permission to leave.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes,” chuckled the apparition. “It’s as easy as that.”
Jack closed his eyes, concentrating on his father. Nothing happened. He tried harder and harder, the effort causing beads of sweat to appear on his forehead, but couldn’t break through.
“I can’t do it,” he whispered. “I’m drawing a blank.”
“Think back to when he last appeared. Go back to that place.”
After several minutes of deep absorption, his father’s image appeared; young, dashing, just the way Jack always pictured him to be, dressed in a military uniform, his dark hair closely cropped, standing in the front verandah of their home. Jack sat in a school bus and when it stopped, jumped off and ran to meet him.
“Dad!” exclaimed Jack. “I haven’t seen you in such a long time!”
His father looked at him with bright eyes. “I’m here.”
“I missed you so much. I never thought I’d see you again!”
“Come, let’s talk. I have all eternity.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m with you, my son. I am always with you.”
“How do I know you’re with me?”
“Have faith,” said his father. “If you have faith, you’ll see me and you will find within a fearlessness you never knew you had.”
“Faith?”
“Yes, wherever you are, whether in a prison cell or in a castle, know that I’m here. Don’t rationalize it. Just feel it in your heart. If you do that, you will know that I have always been with you.”
“I have a question. Why can’t I commit to anything? Why do I have to keep moving?”
“Why do people move?”
“I guess they are looking for something.”
“And you? What are you looking for?”
“Me?” questioned Jack, surprised. “I’m not looking for anything.”
“Really? You’re not searching for anything?”
“Wait a minute! I’ve had this dream before, haven’t I? That I looked for you all over the house for you?”
His father smiled knowingly. “Yes. So what does that mean?”
“I’ve been searching for you all this time, haven’t I?” exclaimed Jack.
His father nodded his head.
“All these years, the different places I traveled to, the different relationships I had, the different things I tried?” It felt unreal, but, it was absolutely true! He had a hole in his psyche and his attempts to fill it or run away from it led to failure because he never really understood it before.
