Seeking Slow, page 3
Of course, it makes sense to spend some time putting good systems in place that work for you, as in the long run, they will save you time, help you be more efficient, and reduce your stress levels. What can be helpful is to think of time management along the lines of working smarter. Start by simplifying what you do and prioritizing what’s important. Here are a few key things to look out for when thinking about how to manage your time.
Focusing on what is urgent as opposed to what is important, and focusing on the trivial instead of the meaningful. One of the most famous time-management tools is the Eisenhower principle, which was developed by the US president Dwight D. Eisenhower. He famously said, “I have two kinds of problems, the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.” Things that feel urgent make us prioritize them, whether the task is actually urgent or not. This perceived urgency makes us want to complete the task quickly, even if the task is trivial. The physical bodily reaction we have to the urgency can be all-consuming and hard to ignore. It is almost impossible to argue with such an automatic primal response, even though our minds know that the task is, in fact, inconsequential.
Hurrying has become a default setting for many because we feel that we have too much to do. If we have a lot to do in a short amount of time, the obvious response it to try to do everything more quickly. However, hurrying is the poison of productivity, and the big flaw of having a hurried mental approach is that it creates a scarcity mind-set that there are not enough hours in the day. Approaching our tasks and workday feeling that there is insufficient time increases our stress levels. Hurrying can turn into putting pressure on ourselves to get stuff done, which then grows into stress and anxiety that festers and expands until we are overwhelmed.
Multitasking hinders us from being intentional with our time, resulting in inefficiency and poorer end results. When people are really busy, it is easy to see why they fall into the trap of multitasking. Our brains have evolved to just focus on one thing at a time, and it is only the demands of twenty-first-century life that have us convinced we can multitask.3 Encouraging this behavior is a cognitive illusion that we are doing a great job even when we are not. In his book The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload, Daniel Levitin explains that our attention is easily hijacked by the novelty of a shiny new distraction/task/stimuli, like checking Facebook or answering an email: “Multitasking creates a dopamine-addiction feedback loop, effectively rewarding the brain for losing focus and for constantly searching for external stimulation.”4 The reality is, though, that we use more energy switching from one task to another. Every time we cognitively change gears to focus our attention on something else, we use up oxygenated glucose. Levitin expounds, “And the kind of rapid, continual shifting we do with multitasking causes the brain to burn through fuel so quickly that we feel exhausted and disoriented even after a short time. We’ve literally depleted the nutrients in our brain.”5 In fact, multitasking means we become overloaded with information. Making decisions is also hard on our neural resources—even little decisions, like “Should I reply to this email?” The more we switch from task to task, the more decisions we are faced with.
LIVING LIGHTLY
Working Smarter
Here are some time-management ideas that will help you work smarter. By spending some time thinking about how you approach your day and tasks, you will be able to work more efficiently and reduce your stress levels.
Focus on what is important, not what feels urgent. Even though the urgent items feel pressing, it is more valuable for you to complete the important tasks.
Resist the trap of multitasking. A more efficient use of our energy and time is to focus on just one individual thing (monotasking). By doing so, you will be more productive, as well as less tired and neurochemically depleted at the end of the task.
Avoid hurrying and be intentional with your time. Hurrying is the poison to productivity, creates a scarcity mind-set, and increases stress levels. By dedicating some time and energy to thinking about how to approach your day and schedule, you will alleviate that sense of hurrying and allow yourself to sink into each part of your day with enjoyment. Plus, you are much more likely to create a conducive atmosphere for productivity and creativity.
Define your purpose and priorities. By having a clear understanding of your purpose and priorities, you can make sure that you do the important work first when you have the most energy. Save the small tasks that aren’t so important for the end of the day.
Time-box tasks. Give each task on your to-do list a guesstimation of how long the task will take. You can also section your tasks into small, medium, and large based on how much time they will take. Doing this will help you use your time more efficiently.
Batch similar tasks. This can be as simple as answering your emails in one sitting and having a couple hours to work on your accounts to separating tasks according to whether they have a similar focus and attentional set. Some tasks require you to think about the big picture, some require you to be detailed oriented, and others require you to simply focus on getting the bulk of the work done. By working from the same attentional set, where your level of focus is consistent, you will get more done and finish with more energy.
Understand the difference between tasks, projects, and goals. A task is a small, identifiable piece of work; a project is a series of tasks that result in a specific target; and a goal is a “big-picture” ambition or objective.
Add only small, manageable, and specific things to your to-do list. If you add something that is too big, like “write a book,” of course, it is never going to get done. A more appropriate task would be “write outline for book,” or “write five hundred words for chapter one.”
OUR PURPOSE AND PRIORITIES
For many of us, much of our week is scheduled with school functions, work, and various commitments, leaving little free time. The fact that our days can be so heavily scheduled means the week moves at a quick pace, and there is little opportunity to be spontaneous or follow our heart’s desire. When trying to slow down the week’s pace, I have found it necessary to make sure to block out time where nothing is scheduled. As a family, I have found that we need at least one whole day with no time restraints at all. It is a great way to take the pressure off, reconnect with and indulge that inner voice, and do exactly what we feel like.
When thinking about our time and schedules, we need to acknowledge that we cannot do it all. It is important to be mindful about what and how many activities we choose to include in our weekly routines. Two words that I frequently revisit in my slow-living journey are purpose and priorities. Our purpose is what is motivating and driving us to make the choices we make. It is important to understand our purpose when looking at the bigger picture of our lives and the plans and goals we have, as well as understanding what our purpose is for the day-to-day tasks. Figuring out our priorities really helps us work out what we do (and do not) have time for. Again, this works on the larger scale of looking at our life priorities, as well as the smaller tasks on our to-do lists. By working out what things are the most important, we can decide which tasks and activities we are happy to let go of. I have found that using “joy” as a guide is a really helpful way to hone in on which activities are important to us and our families. If it isn’t bringing joy into our lives, then why is it an additional part of our weekly routine?
By spending some time thinking about our purpose, we will begin to uncover what is motivating us to move at a slower speed. By choosing our priorities, we will learn to leave the trivial stuff behind and begin to focus on the meaningful things in our lives.
Learning to Nurture Ourselves
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Learning to nurture and really look after ourselves is one of life’s essential lessons, yet many of us find it difficult to do. However, in recent years, “self-care” has become an increasingly popular topic and a growing industry. We are also beginning to understand how far the term “well-being” stretches and what it encompasses, realizing that it is linked to our personal happiness, as well as a healthy body, mind, and spirit. It is crucial to carve out time in our week to tend to ourselves; otherwise, we are left running on empty. If we do not make time to look after our well-being, then we cannot be present for those around us, fulfill our responsibilities, and live a wholehearted life.
MAKING TIME FOR OURSELVES
In order to nurture our bodies, minds, and general well-being, it is important to prioritize time for ourselves and our self-care. Often, we put ourselves at the bottom of the list, though we inherently know we need time to take care of ourselves. Yet, we can feel guilty about taking this “me time.” How do we justify an hour taking a bath when there is a big list of tasks that “need” to get done?
Often, these ideals are heavily linked to our self-esteem, self-worth, and especially our self-compassion. These thought patterns and beliefs have been established over years, if not decades, so adjusting our thinking—and altering our habits—will take some time. The first step is to acknowledge that as adults, our bodies and minds still need support and nourishment to thrive and develop. Here are a few ways to make time for yourself.
Redefine which weekly tasks are essential. There will undoubtedly be things on your to-do list that at first glance seem to be important, but when you take a moment to reevaluate, you can recognize that, comparatively, they are not as important as your well-being.
Assess the toll of emotional labor. It is important not to underestimate how much time and energy is taken up from thinking about things that need to get done or that are scheduled, like who has what activity after school, what the family is having for dinner, whose birthday it is this month, and whether the toilet-paper roll needs replacing. A lot of this “work” often goes unnoticed. By acknowledging how much time this takes up, you can look at ways to enlist assistance and support from your family to help share the load.
Identify and acknowledge “slow moments.” Think about what you do in your week that makes you breathe out and go a little slower—simple things like listening to music, making a cup of tea, gardening, or going for a walk. Whatever they are, make sure you identify and acknowledge what those tasks and activities are and then sprinkle them throughout your week. These are your “slow moments,” and they will become an essential part of your slow-living process.
LIVING LIGHTLY
Slow Moments
Slow moments are anything you do that help you to slow down and feel calm. There are most likely certain activities you do on a daily basis that you automatically find comforting—things that make you breathe a little deeper and help your mind relax. Here are some examples of slow moments:
taking a bath
going for a walk
listening to music
puttering around your home
gardening
knitting
reading a book
playing
baking
Try to go through the next few days and impartially observe what you do in a day. Where do you find these slow moments and how? Are there days when you don’t experience any slow moments?
EMBRACING SELF-COMPASSION
When learning to nurture ourselves, a pivotal quality is self-compassion. In its purest form, “self-compassion” is about loving and relating to ourselves kindly. Most of us are good at having compassion for others, but having compassion for ourselves is just as important. Self-esteem has been the favored pop psychology topic of the last few decades, and Western culture understands the importance of supporting our self-esteem; however, we are still learning to recognize the importance of self-compassion. Dr. Kristine Neff, one of the leading researchers of self-compassion, points out some interesting distinctions between self-esteem and self-compassion, with the main difference being that self-esteem is contingent on certain things like being exceptional at something, or comparatively better than others, whereas self-compassion is steadfast regardless of whether you succeed or fail.
Self-compassion is not generally encouraged in Western culture, and many of us have misconceptions about how being more compassionate toward ourselves could have a negative impact on our attitude and behaviors. It is common to think that self-compassion makes us weak, and that we need to be tough to cope with life; in actuality, practicing self-compassion develops our inner strength and resilience. Another common misconception is that being hard on ourselves is what drives us to succeed; however, self-criticism is not an effective motivator. Many think that if we are compassionate toward ourselves, we are actually indulging in self-pity and that it will lead to laziness; instead, practicing self-compassion encourages us to think about our long-term health and well-being, and we learn to acknowledge that life is hard for everyone. Finally, we may feel that it is selfish to think about ourselves in a compassionate way; however, giving to ourselves allows us to be able to give to others.
Dr. Neff says that there are three pillars of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.6 The first pillar is simply talking and relating to ourselves kindly and learning to not judge ourselves. For the second pillar, we need to understand that we are not alone in any suffering, and that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. And regarding the third pillar, when we are suffering, we need to acknowledge that, and then mindfully observe our response with perspective. It is important not to overidentify or suppress our emotions in order to begin to process what we are feeling. Dr. Neff explains, “Individuals who are more self-compassionate tend to have great happiness, life satisfaction, and motivation, better relationships and physical health and less anxiety and depression.”7
Start by asking yourself, “What do I need?” If we can begin to treat ourselves like a dear friend, and learn to talk to ourselves kindly, then we can lay stable foundation for a healthy relationship with ourselves.
PLAY
Of course, rest and relaxation help us slow down, but another key component to slowing down is play. It is just one of the many examples of things we can re-learn from our children. It’s second nature for children to play; they instinctively know how to throw themselves into games and use their imaginations. However, as adults, we often have forgotten how to lose ourselves in play.
It is undeniable how much children learn through play and using their imaginations; they develop their language skills, social and emotional skills, thinking skills, physical skills, self-confidence, and self-esteem. For adults, play can relieve stress, stimulate the mind and boost creativity, help with problem-solving, and improve their connections and relationships with others.
What constitutes as play can be hard to define, and, of course, what feels like play differs from person to person. Play is most definitely a process, and although multifarious, these activities have a few qualities in common: a sense of freedom to experiment and try out things without the merit of success or failure, space to get lost in the activity with no clock-watching, and no expectation of a productive outcome or result (though it might result in something productive). According to Dr. Stuart Brown, the founder of The National Institute for Play, “If its purpose is more important than the act of doing it, it’s probably not play.”8
There are many ways for adults to access that sense of play, whether it is object play, social play, rough-and-tumble play, spectator play, or imaginative solo play. Creative play can be a particularly wonderful way for adults to have a chance to explore and experiment, and to tap into that sense of freedom. It’s very satisfying to get lost in the flow of a task where you are solely absorbed in the activity you are doing. This flow also helps you stay in the present moment of each part of the task. These days, there are not many things we do where our minds are purely focused on one individual thing without lots of distractions.
The great thing about making something or being physically active is that by letting our hands and bodies move, we can slow down our minds. Play allows us to lose ourselves, along with our sense of time, which is beneficial to our psychological well-being. It is a mistake to think of play as some sort of rehearsal for adult activity, or to just confine play to that of a hobby. Play is nourishing, and the research of Dr. Brown, who is a leading expert on the science of play and how important it is for our happiness and well-being, teaches us that play has a significant biological place in our lives (just as sleep and dreams do).
DAYDREAMING AND BOREDOM
We also need to allow ourselves space to daydream for our mental well-being. It is vital to have time when we are not thinking about anything productive but just letting our thoughts seamlessly float through a stream of consciousness. We all need moments in our day when our minds are relaxed and disengaged from things. Daniel Levitin, an award-winning neuroscientist and author, explains, “Daydreaming mode . . . turns out to be restorative. It’s like hitting the reset button in your brain.”9
If you can remember life before mobile phones existed, you will know what it is like to sit on a train and have nothing to do but gaze out the window or read a book. You will also have experienced standing in a queue for something and getting lost in your own thoughts and daydreams. Because of the wonderful advances with technology, potentially there is a whole generation that will not have those experiences to draw from unless we encourage them to unplug and indulge in a bit of good old-fashioned daydreaming.
Time seems different when you are daydreaming—slower somehow—and how we use our minds while daydreaming is very different from how we use them during dedicated focus. When we daydream, we are playful, intuitive, and relaxed.10 Perhaps that is why creative and inspirational ideas are often born from daydreaming. We need to allow our minds space to ruminate and for our imaginations to be free. Only then can the gap be filled with a creative idea or answer. According to Daniel Levitin, “Creative solutions often arise from allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming.”11
