Seeking Slow, page 2
THE GLORIFICATION OF “BUSY”
Society seems to think success is directly correlated to how busy we are. When someone asks how one is doing, it is a standard twenty-first-century response to say “busy.” We wear it like a badge of honor, taking pride in the fact that being busy implies that we are important.
This glorification of “busy” and the association of being “busy” with being “successful” is a dangerous equivalence, which inevitably has a negative effect on one’s mental well-being. We can’t be busy every hour of every day, so when do we stop? How will we know when we have reached the limit of our busyness and the peak of our success? If we aren’t achieving anything, does that mean we’re failing? The logic is unsustainable, and once we link feeling successful with being busy, finding contentment with our life becomes more of a challenge.
It is also amplified by social networks encouraging us to give status updates and let people know what we are “doing” all the time, as if “resting” isn’t a valid pastime. People also only tend to share the positive stuff—their achievements and acquisitions. This leaves an area of life experiences that don’t fit into that “picture-perfect” portrait of existence. Comparatively, it can leave us feeling like our lives don’t quite measure up.
There is a deep fear that if we stopped being busy, for just a moment, we would be confronted by silence, and even more terrifying, we would have to face the fact that perhaps what we are “busy” doing isn’t actually that important at all.
We need to remember that success doesn’t just have to be defined by the big moments in our lives or by collecting material possessions. There can be great significance in the small, quiet moments and in life’s little details. If we stop to think about it, there are other ways to evaluate how successful our lives are: the connections we make with others, how much love and happiness we inspire, the impact we have on our surroundings. By altering our definition of success, we will naturally slow down the pace of our days. By being realistic about what it means to be busy and by learning to relish the small, simple pleasures along the way, we can all find more meaning and joy in our lives.
CONSUMER CULTURE AND MATERIALISM
Consumer culture and buying material possessions are a fundamental part of society and how we live today. How we shop and consume things has changed dramatically over the last one hundred years, with shopping and buying material items becoming entangled with our identities and social statuses. We are used to consuming things at a rapid rate, not only in terms of our shopping habits and the products we buy, but also in how we consume information—pretty much anything is available at all hours of the day. If we want to live more slowly and simply, we must carefully examine and understand our consumer culture. In order to gain a greater understanding of why we consume things the way we do, it is really helpful to look back at why and how we have ended up with these current consumer habits.
The idea of buying things to achieve social status started in the 1920s, when Edward Bernays, the “father of public relations,” came up with the concept of “aspirational marketing.” Through his work with propaganda during the First World War, he understood how the minds of the masses could be manipulated through messages and advertising, and how powerful this was. It was during this time when society really began to “buy” into the product, along with the lifestyle attached to the product, and, most importantly, the idea that a product could make our lives better and more complete.
Soon after, the ideal of the American dream was born: regardless of social or financial status, anyone could work hard and climb the social ladder. Originally, the American dream was more about opportunity and less about material possessions; however, as consumerism developed, so did the American dream. What followed were marketing strategies designed to persuade people to consume more and more, from “planned obsolescence,” where things (e.g., light bulbs and printer cartridges) are purposefully made to have a short life to encourage people to buy more (therefore, kickstarting the economy), to “perceived obsolescence,” where the product (e.g., smartphones) still works, but it is no longer cool or relevant—it simply goes out of style. Whether or not an item is “in fashion” or “in style” remains the driving force behind consumerism.
One of the reasons that consumerism has become such a fundamental part of our society is the fact that shopping and buying things gives us a sense of identity, and most importantly, our sense of worth comes from the “stuff” we consume. Often this is fueled by the idea that something is lacking from within, and whatever we consume can fill that void and fix us. “The stuff props up our identity.”1 This is particularly apparent in the way women are marketed to, as magazines are good at showing them impossibly perfect ideals, and with the turn of a page, showing them products that will help them attain this unrealistic definition of “beauty,” whether it is clothing, beauty products, or home decor.
It is also a common misconception that material possessions are directly related to making us happy, with many of us even using shopping and consuming things to avoid difficult situations in our lives. It is easy to get caught in the loop of working to earn money, to buy material possessions (that fuel the economy), to improve social status and happiness. But, of course, material possessions and consuming things don’t actually do this. Study after study shows us that experiences, not things, make us happy.2
Buying stuff can be fun, but it is important to notice what is motivating you to shop and consume—whether you are buying something because it is an essential item or whether it is a treat or luxury, providing a boost for your sense of identity and self-worth. It is also important to realize that even essential purchases are still wrapped up with our sense of self. Actually separating our consumer choices from our sense of identity is difficult, but having an awareness of the industry and how we are marketed to gives us the understanding to make more conscious choices.
That said, many of us are beginning to realize that the way we consume material possessions today simply is unsustainable for our planet. In order to initiate change, we must be aware of and take responsibility for our part in the consumer chain. By being thoughtful about our purchases, we will naturally begin to consider the environmental and the ethical impact that an item has on others and the planet. We must not underestimate the power we have as consumers to encourage change through the choices we make.
THE ART OF WAITING
There is an art to waiting for things, but it is becoming an unfamiliar concept to many of us in our consumer culture of instant gratification. We have become so used to having everything immediately accessible that we have forgotten how to patiently look forward to something and savor the suspense. By intentionally absorbing something at a slower pace, our enjoyment of it increases. Along with the buildup, excitement, and anticipation of the event, we are able to soak up as much joy as possible by being really present.
Our mood improves by having things to look forward to; these don’t need to be big, extraordinary events but can be really simple pleasures, from our favorite TV show airing once a week (as opposed to binge-watching back-to-back episodes) to spending some time cooking and planning a simple lunch, then enjoying eating it with family and friends.
THE DIGITAL AGE AND VIRTUAL CONSUMPTION
Consumption is not only limited to shopping for and buying material possessions. With everything accessible at a swipe of the finger, it is harder than ever before to live in the present moment. We all have a little distraction in our pocket that is constantly competing for our attention. Previously, when we would have been doing nothing, we now have the option to do a whole menu of things: text, check our email, catch up on social media, or browse the bottomless resource that is the internet. With so many choices in front of us, it can leave us feeling like there isn’t any free time to simply switch off and not do anything. It is fundamental to be able to sit in silence with ourselves, but with temptation literally at hand, many of us have turned to reaching for our phones as a distraction.
Of course, the digital age has brought wonderful advances that we should celebrate. We now have much more flexibility and diversity in how we work, communicate, and connect with others; however, living slowly becomes more of a challenge because of this digital age that we live in. Virtual consumption and the wealth of information that is readily available to us at any time of the day means that moments of stillness have become few and far between.
It is really easy to waste a lot of time on our phones and not really get anything done, which results in us spending more time on our phones than we would ideally like to. One of the main reasons we check our phones a lot is due to notifications. Notifications make us feel good; we get gratification from the sense of connection that a text message or a Facebook or Instagram “like” provides. Our phones buzzing all the time from our various notifications reinforces our self-worth. It makes us feel like people care about what we have to say, and in turn that people care about us. Additionally, when we receive a notification, we get a little dopamine hit.
Dopamine is a chemical responsible for transmitting signals between brain cells. It is required for lots of complex brain functions, including motivation, attention, mood, and, in this instance, rewarding experiences. There is a lot of information about how a spike in dopamine can create pleasure or motivation, but actually it is something called “opioids” that gives us that giddy feeling. More accurately, dopamine is responsible for the anticipation of a reward that our brain has associated with a certain activity, and most importantly, it then has our brain seeking out that specific activity over and over again. For example, when posting a picture to Instagram, we have learned that we will get a reward—a dopamine hit—when we check our notifications. It is easy to see why we can become addicted to checking our phones. If one notification can give us a little spike in dopamine and the pleasure-filled chemicals, opioids, imagine what hundreds of “likes” on one photo can do.
Behavior is, of course, very complex, and there are many factors that affect the decisions we make. To blame checking social networks every five minutes on dopamine would be a huge oversimplification. It is also important to acknowledge that a lot of online activities, especially where social networks are concerned, are designed to keep us engaged and using their platforms for as long as possible. These big companies make money from us using their sites, and they employ people whose jobs are to figure out how to keep us engaged and spending more time on their specific network or platform.
Understanding the context of why we constantly (and even unknowingly) reach for our phones and why we check our notifications can be the first step toward changing our online behavior and habits. As we move further into this century, technology is only going to continue to develop and the amount of information that is available to increase. It is, therefore, important that we put some clear boundaries in place and are thoughtful about how we use our phones, tablets, and computers. By being intentional with how we use our time and how and when we access the wealth of information that is available to us, we can strike a healthy balance between taking advantage of the flexibility of this wonderful technology while also making sure we don’t allow it to overtake our moments of stillness.
LIVING LIGHTLY
Digital Detox
Here are some simple boundaries you can put in place to help you create some distance between you and your phone to make more space for those slow and wholehearted moments.
Designate a phone zone. When you are at home, designate a spot to leave your phone so that it is not constantly “on you.” Ideally, place it somewhere that you have to get up and walk to in order to pick up your phone. By consciously having to go to the area to check your phone, you will become aware of how often you have the urge to look.
Set intentional online time. Have designated times when you are “online” and when you are “offline.” I enjoy engaging with my community on Instagram and have specific times, mostly evenings, where I spend focused time posting and commenting. Then the next evening, I will take a break and won’t open the app at all. Remember that on the evenings you are not online, you can leave your phone in another room (or in your designated spot); otherwise, temptation can become too great to just have a quick check.
Turn off notifications. Turn off push notifications and only check your social networks and email at designated times—this way, you will not be constantly distracted or pulled into the online world.
Time yourself. If you find that you lose all sense of time when on social networks, try setting a timer on your phone for fifteen minutes, then make sure you switch off when the fifteen minutes are up.
Respect your sacred sleep. Try making your bedroom a phone-free zone, leaving your phone outside the bedroom overnight. We go to bed to rest and sleep, and that time to rejuvenate is essential for our health and well-being. Again, if your phone isn’t within reaching distance, it removes the temptation to just have a last-minute look before bed or first thing when you wake up.
Implement gentle transitions. Try not looking at your phone for the first hour of each day and for at least an hour before bedtime. We can’t expect our bodies and minds to process anything until we are properly awake, so give yourself a gentle start and a chance to fully wake up. Equally, at the end of the day, a gentle wind-down is helpful. It is important to prepare your body and mind for sleep, and looking at your phone just before bed will only stimulate your mind.
Detox weekly. Once a week, make sure you avoid social networks and being online for at least twenty-four hours. Several times a year, try a total detox for longer periods. This time offline (even just twenty-four hours) makes such a big difference to our mental well-being. It gives our minds time to reset and allows us to lift our gaze and focus on other things.
Make it positive. If you are finding that when you are on social networks, it isn’t making you feel good about yourself, then take a step back. Social networks should be a way for us to feel connected and inspired, and if they are not doing at least one of those things, then it is time to question why we are logging on.
Time
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We would all like more time to do as we please, including time to slow down, relax, enjoy life, and connect with the ones we love. Time can seem so elusive; it can both drag and fly by. Time is a resource that we simply cannot get back. Once it has gone, it is gone. No wonder a lot of us are obsessed with being as productive as possible with our time. Perhaps we feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete all the things that need doing. Maybe that's why we clock-watch and cram every minute of the day with tasks. If we are not achieving things and crossing them off our to-do lists, many of us feel like we have wasted our day.
VALUING OUR TIME
We’ve all heard the saying “time is money”; however, if we valued our time in terms of a monetary amount per hour, we would miss out on many of life’s simple joys. There are lots of things we do with our time that are extremely valuable and worthwhile but won’t earn us any money: sleeping, reading a bedtime story to your children, sharing a meal with friends and family. Money isn’t the real value of time and it can be dangerous to begin to think of our time in that way.
It can be helpful to think about our time from a more philosophical view: How can we use our time in a way that makes our lives meaningful? What are we here for? What is our purpose? What is important to us? What are our priorities?
We must also be aware that the choices we make about how we use and manage our time has a ripple effect on those around us. It doesn’t just impact our lifestyles and well-being, but it also impacts our families, our communities, and the planet. For example, we can have a negative effect on the planet if we feel we are too busy to recycle, or if we tell ourselves we don’t have time to stop and play with our children, or we don’t have time to volunteer or help with any school or community projects.
We must make sure we acknowledge how precious our time is to us, as it will undoubtedly affect what we choose to do with that time. If we want others to value our time, we must lead by example and commit to valuing our personal time too. Many of us don’t set clear boundaries with our time: we say “yes” to everything, are always available, and often value others’ time above our own.
Finally, we must not underestimate how being intentional with our time is instrumental in slowing down. If we can learn to focus on one specific task in a mindful way, we are going to be able to fully absorb ourselves in what we are doing and make the most of our time.
MANAGING OUR TIME
Because of this desire to maximize our time and therefore our productivity, “time management” has become a popular topic. There are numerous books, articles, blogs, and podcasts on time management and productivity techniques that are full of suggestions on how to get the most out of our time, from time-boxing tasks and making “do-not-do lists” to avoiding procrastination and practicing motivational thinking. In fact, it is easy to get lost in a sea of time-management self-help articles and feel overwhelmed by which techniques to try. Writing a simple to-do list has even become a complex art form, with rules and advice on how to write the best list to increase your productivity.
