Lady Forsaken Box Set (Books 1 - 5), page 50
As she stepped closer to Ellie to comfort her, Vi took a step forward and settled her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. Ruby had been so worried about Ellie and her well-being that she’d had little time to think about herself. There would be another day for her to delve into her own feelings and sort through them.
Today—this goodbye—was solely for Ellington.
A chance for her to gain closure, to say goodbye—and possibly good riddance—to the man she’d longed to call father, yet was denied and rebuffed time and time again.
Harold’s prayer and words of remembrance washed over Ruby. The rise and fall of his voice enchanted her. Despite his ease in the role, she knew the life of a country vicar was not for him—it would be a waste of his life here on earth. He was destined for greater things. His way with people came so naturally, both here and in larger social settings. Given half the chance, he would fascinate the ton—make them truly wonder if he did not hold a title and the education of a lord of the realm.
“Let us remember Andrew Penton, the Marquis of Drake, as a man of stature. A man of strong opinion always willing to play a hand of cards with friends,” Harold said in closing.
She respected his ability to speak of her father, selecting the right words to honor Drake, without claiming he was a man he wasn’t.
“Would anyone like to say a word before we adjourn?” He scanned the small gathering.
Ruby glanced down at Ellie next to her, hoping to encourage her to say a few words, but her eyes were fastened on the ground. Ruby knew pushing her forward would only mean pushing her away.
Looking back at Harold to signal him to move on, she noticed that he stared over her shoulder and into the far reaches of the garden. She turned to see a cloaked woman, her quiet sobs barely reaching Ruby.
Her cloak was fashioned in the latest style, made from heavy, expensive wool. Her head hung slightly as she cried into a small handkerchief, unaware she was being watched by not only Ruby, but Ellie as well.
The wind picked up, flinging the woman’s hood off her head to reveal a mane of black hair, startlingly familiar to Ruby.
Ruby stalked into the study—the same room Ellie had brought her and Harold the night Ellie had enacted her blackmail plan.
Her hands shook, she was so enraged. Despite the cold outside, her blood boiled and her skin flushed. If she weren’t the proper lady she knew herself to be, she’d likely have uttered every cross word she knew.
“Shut the door,” she shouted without turning. She was not one to cause a scene—in fact, she’d seen firsthand the repercussions of causing a scene last season. And she had no intention of causing the stir that Vi and Lord Haversham had. “Sit.”
The days of living in the dark, of allowing others to treat her unjustly for fear of making someone unhappy with her were over. If there was one thing she was beginning to learn, it was that life was fleeting and one should not let what they wanted pass them by.
Ruby became uneasy, for Pearl St. Augustin had never been so quiet, so passive. When she turned, her mother sat primly upon the settee while Harold and Ellie stood by the closed door.
“I instructed my mother to follow me, not the pair of you.” Some things a person needed to face alone—and it was past time she confronted her mother. Any witness, no matter their association, was unwelcome.
Ruby felt her emotions threatening to overwhelm her already. The last thing she wanted was Harold, or Ellie, to witness her breakdown. She needed to be strong and in control, especially for Ellie. Their level of trust was growing every day; how could her sister depend on Ruby if she saw her falling apart?
When both stayed rooted, neither reaching for the door, she said, “Suit yourselves, but do not say a word.”
Harold and Ellie nodded in agreement, and she knew neither would betray the truths spoken within these walls.
“I too would prefer they leave,” her mother uttered. “I am uncomfortable with persons not of my family hearing this matter. It is of a private nature.”
“Your preferences mean naught to me,” Ruby countered harshly. Guilt reared inside her at the severity of her words, yet her mother deserved them—and many more. “Lady Ellington is my family, therefore whatever is said here most certainly involves her. And Harold—Mr. Jakeston—is a trusted friend.” The pair smiled at Ruby encouragingly.
She took a calming breath before continuing. “I am at a loss for where to begin, Mother. Your lies and infidelity know no bounds.”
Her mother smirked. “It appears the apple does not fall far from the tree. When did you arrive in town?”
Ruby knew that smirk well. “Based on the look on your face, I expect you already know the answer to that.” Their conversation would go nowhere if they both skirted the issue at hand. “Enough. Why are you here?”
“My dear, I am in London every season. The real question is, why you are here? The season most assuredly does not suit one of your character.”
“My character?” Ruby fought to remain focused and not let her mother’s wordplay anger her overly. “Why are you here, Mother? In the marquis’ garden…attending a private moment in his honor?” Her mother and true father were anything but honorable, and she couldn’t bring herself to glance at Ellie. After years of abuse—mistreatment Ruby hadn’t the stomach to fully explore yet—her sister would also agree their father lacked honor. And integrity. And possibly any sense at all.
For a second, Ruby saw the sorrow in her mother’s eyes, but it was replaced quickly with a hard stare. “I am sure you have figured out why I am here—and it is the same reason you are.”
“I need to hear you say it—I need to understand how you could betray my father. I heard stories growing up about the great love between Sir St. Augustin and his beloved Pearl—how you eloped to Gretna Green and married without anyone the wiser. How servants caught you in delicate situations over the years, locked in a passionate embrace or simply gazing into one another’s eyes. How did that sour?”
When her mother remained silent, Ruby asked the one question that eclipsed all the others. “Why?”
Pearl’s smug look disappeared with her reply. “For you, of course.”
“For me?” Ruby became more confused with each word her mother uttered, every falsehood and half-truth. “Nothing you have ever done since my birth has been for me.”
A sad smile settled on her face. “No, but everything I did before that was for you—to bring you into this world at all.”
Ruby wished they were alone, without witnesses to see the tears that threaded their way down her face, to her neck and into the collar of her mourning dress. The implications of her mother’s words stabbed deep.
“If I hadn’t sought out the marquis, I would have never known the joys of motherhood—and Angus never the fulfillment of fatherhood. A thing he deserved more than any man.”
“But…” The right question evaded her. “You loved him. How could you betray him so?”
“Betray him?” her mother asked. “You think I betrayed him by doing exactly as he encouraged me to do? Our love was strong, so strong in fact that I longed to give him everything. And everything he ever wanted was you.”
“Me?” She knew she sounded senseless, incapable of a complete thought.
“Oh, yes.” Her mother glanced at Harold and Ellie by the door. Both stood motionless and quiet, as if they too waited for the words they knew were coming. “He wanted a child, an heir. Unfortunately, he got an heiress—which he loved just as much as if she’d been born a male… And in the process, I fell in love with another man. Even with all this, I loved Angus greatly. Love him still. But a woman’s heart is fickle.” Her words were meant for Harold, Ruby had no doubt.
Ruby glanced at Harold, but his eyes were downcast, as if not seeking to intrude on their private conversation while still lending Ruby his support. Her heart swelled. Could she betray a man she loved to give him something he truly wanted, even knowing it could jeopardize all they had together?
The answer was simple: yes.
Would she have gone about giving him all in the same manner her mother had? No.
But she did understand it.
And she grieved for her mother and the loss of her love.
“If any man was deserving of all a woman’s love, your father was—Sir St. Augustin was a man above all men. I know I broke his heart, but I also returned it in the form of a child. He loved you with all his heart and treated you as his own, even though his blood did not run through your veins.”
“Why did you not try to mend your relationship after my birth?” Ruby asked. “If he loved you before, he could love you again.”
Bitter laughter filled the room, and Ruby flinched at its cruel sound. “There were many hurtful words spoken that made the possibility of forgiveness impossible.”
“What words?” She searched for anything she could say to Harold to make him abandon her, but thought of naught. With all she’d already said, he had never left her side.
“Before your birth I agreed to leave you with him, as long as he would allow me to live with the marquis. We would both be happy. He would have his child, and I would be with a man who inspired so much passion I was weak at the knees only thinking of him.”
But things had gone very wrong. Her mother’s journal detailed every heartache, every tear, every day of longing.
“And since your father loved me so, he agreed without a moment’s hesitation. Sadly, Drake would not have me—claimed he never loved me and that his heart was consumed with another.”
As Ruby stared hard at the woman, waiting for more, needing to hear every word, Harold stepped up and produced a pocket square. It was only then that she noticed the tears streaming from her mother’s eyes, mirroring her own. Never in her life had she felt this close and connected to the woman.
“Did you ever think to be honest with me?” Ruby asked. “After my father’s death, or once I grew to majority? It is a mother’s duty to guide her child, inform her of the perils of life.” She’d had no one to fill that role. No one with whom to talk of love and life and the future, except Vi.
Pearl’s head dropped as she continued to dab at her face. “I had hoped the need would never come. You were never meant to see London. I’d hoped you would never give your heart to a man. And I never wanted you to experience the loss of a child or a lover. But I find—” she glanced to Harold, “—I am too late.”
Were her feelings so clear to others—even a mother who’d spent more time away from her child than with? Ruby herself barely recognized her own emotional state.
“Do not look so puzzled, my dear,” her mother chided. “I may have more mistakes in my past than anything, but I am not—and never have been—lacking in sense. You love this man…and I must say, your father would be proud. Both Drake and St. Augustin could not have chosen a more suitable match.”
“Mrs. St.—”
Pearl turned to Harold. “Do not try to deny your love for my daughter.”
“I would never dream of doing that,” Harold said.
“I expect you to never forsake your love for her,” her mother continued.
“I am right here—” Ruby started.
“There is not a thing further from my mind,” he said seriously.
“And I expect you to show her to the world—not keep her hidden—as I did,” her mother said sternly.
“I am in no need of your interference, Mother.”
“Nothing would please me more than to parade this woman—” he gestured to Ruby, “—in front of all of London society and claim her as my own.”
“Then things are settled. Lady Darlingiver will be quite merry to hear we have yet another wedding to arrange.” The first genuine smile Ruby had ever seen spread across her mother’s face. “The pair of you will have naught to fret about. We will handle everything. I think the week after next will be perfect. The blossoms are still abloom.”
“Wait a moment,” Ruby said in disbelief. “I do not need you, Mother, to handle my affairs for me, especially affairs of the heart. And you,” she addressed Harold. “I am not a piece of chattel to be bartered over and claimed.”
“Well, do you love this man?” Pearl asked.
“I do, but that is naught of your concern,” Ruby countered. “Harold and I are perfectly capable—”
“Do you agree to marry him?” her mother asked.
“I have not been asked properly and will decided that when I am.”
“Oh,” Ellie muttered from her place by the door.
She’d forgotten her sister’s presence and could only imagine the girl’s thoughts on Ruby’s family drama—a family she was now a part of.
“Ruby?” her sister continued. “I think—”
She looked up from her mother to scold Ellie for getting involved. “Do you seek to give your opinion as well?” Why everyone thought they had a say in her life, she did not understand.
“Open your eyes and see what is right before you, Ruby.” Ellie gestured to Ruby’s side.
Turning, Ruby found Harold kneeling in front of her, his hand outstretched with a small box perched in his palm. “Miss Ruby St. Augustin—”
“No!” she exclaimed.
“No?” Everyone in the room responded.
“Can you not hear what I have to say before answering in the negative?” Harold asked. “This may well be the only time I am able to kneel before a woman whom I greatly admire and love more than I ever thought possible.”
Chapter 35
The timing was horribly wrong. His knickers a bit tight for his kneeling position. The room overcrowded by two.
But…the woman before him was exactly right, which solved all the wrongs of the moment. She perched on the chaise lounge in her dress of the darkest navy, mourning a father she’d never known. Her posture and poise were that of a woman born into the elite circles of society, and unbeknownst to Ruby, she had been—although her lineage mattered naught to him. He cared only that she was kind, loving, compassionate, and intelligent. There was no doubt that she was all those things—along with opinionated, cunning, strong-willed, and stubborn.
She stared at him for a long silent moment before someone in the room cleared their voice.
It was then Harold realized everyone was waiting for him to speak. Suddenly, every thought fled his mind. While he hadn’t planned to ask for her hand this day, he had started to prepare a speech listing all her amazing qualities and outlining all his attributes—should she need extra convincing—immediately after finding the perfect ring a few days prior.
“Miss Ruby,” he started again.
“I believe you can call her plain Ruby,” Ellie whispered behind him.
“Oh, certainly. I do believe you are correct, Lady Ellie.” He cleared his throat, smiled at Ruby’s sister over his shoulder, and attempted to start anew. “Ruby, I do apologize for the untimely moment of this, but…” He stopped flat when he saw tears welling in her eyes.
He’d botched it—possibly his only opportunity.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Ruby. Please, do not cry. We can speak of this another time.”
He pulled back his outstretched hand, still clutching the tiny velvet box where the most delicate ruby ring sat nestled inside.
But Ruby reached out for him, stopping Harold before he rose to his feet.
She smiled, the most radiant, heartwarming smile he’d ever seen—and would ever behold again in his lifetime, he was certain. “They are not tears of sadness, though of course this is a sad day. I am crying because I am overwhelmed—”
“I beg of you, we can speak of this at a more appropriate time,” Harold cut her off. Now was not the time for her to be making life-changing decisions, and he’d pushed this on her, overwhelming her to the point of tears. “Or never again, if that is your want.”
“Harold,” Ruby whispered. “Look at me.”
He raised his lowered gaze to find her still smiling, the tears having receded.
“I am overwhelmed with joy, fairly brought to my own knees at the immense barrage of emotions I am feeling at the moment. I should not be experiencing such extreme feelings of love and joy on a day for mourning,” she continued. “But I am…and it feels abundantly right and good.”
“Are you sure?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“Do you think I am not aware and in control of my own feelings?”
“I would never seek to offend you in such a manner.”
A light tap drew Harold’s attention away from the only woman he would happily spend every day of the rest of his earthly existence looking upon. Reluctantly, he turned to Ellie behind him. “Lady Ellington, I believe I am a bit busy at the moment. What can I help you with?”
The girl, always an irritation, leaned closer before speaking. “I think you are neglecting to ask a fairly important question, which by the by, I would turn down due to your common birth.”
Ellington’s eyes sparkled mischievously.
He knew it would take him time to adjust to the girl’s brash manners, but if he ever actually got around to asking Ruby to marry him, she would undoubtedly occupy her sister’s frequent attention wherever they decided to live.
“Yes, thank you again, Lady Ellington, ever so much for your redirection of the conversation.” Putting the other occupants of the room from his mind, he again addressed Ruby. “I do understand that my lineage is far below the standard of man who should be allowed to ask for your hand in marriage, but I do believe I make you happy. I will work hard from sun up to sun down to provide a stable, prosperous home for you. And if the good Lord is willing and we are blessed with children, I will do all in my power to afford them the best upbringing possible, safe in the bosom of two loving, devoted parents.” He paused to take a deep breath before he disgraced himself by fainting where he knelt.
“Still lacking a question,” Ellington prodded.
