Without her there, the balance was all off. They needed her wry, sweet sense of humor to keep them from getting too snarky with each other. She kept them leveled out.

  She finished the session, releasing a very disgruntled-looking client from the hanging spreader bar, and she left the room.

  He was outside the door waiting when she emerged. "Mistress Madison, we need to talk."

  Her gaze darted up to meet his then away again. Something else she'd been doing for days that was really starting to piss him off.

  She followed him to the black playroom's viewing room, which he frequently used as his informal business office since he mostly handled everything digitally from his phone anyway. He pushed an extra club chair up against the closed door to prevent them from being disturbed. They both took a seat, the playroom empty before them and dimly lit. He laced his hands together and considered the right words to use.

  "Is this personal or work related?" she muttered.

  "Both. Mostly work, though. It's about your job performance these last two weeks. You've been off your game since Christmas."

  She nodded, looking down at her hands loosely laced together in her lap.

  "I'm thinking you just need a little break. A chance to rest up."

  She nodded again.

  "Madison?" He raised her face up with a tip of his finger beneath her chin. "You understand this is purely business, not about us, right? I still…"

  Damn. He'd almost said he still loved her.

  When was the last time he'd ever even said that to someone?

  He cleared his throat. "This is for the sake of Masquerade. It has nothing to do with you and me and Jamie. Okay?"

  She nodded and slowly stood up. "I agree. I really shouldn't be working here."

  "Not right now, maybe not."

  "Maybe not ever."

  Whoa. That was a leap. "Madison, I'm not firing you here. Just suggesting you take a vacation and get some rest. I know what happened with your parents was stressful—"

  She stepped around the chair blocking the door, looked down at the obstacle in her way. "And I agree with you, my job performance has been total shit lately. I'm one hundred percent in agreement with you. I'm going to go straight home right now. Okay?" At his uncertain nod, she said, "Now may I please leave? Or was there anything else we needed to discuss, boss?"

  He winced at that last word choice. She must be pissed and just trying not to show it. Sighing, he moved the chair out of her way and watched her leave without a single glance back.

  He pulled his phone from his pocket. Jamie had texted again, asking how the talk went.

  He texted back,

  Shitty. Plan on our sleeping without our girl for a few days.

  Jamie sent back a curse word for his reply.

  Connor agreed completely.

  CHAPTER 9

  Madison

  Madison, call me please.

  Madison, your father's not that mad anymore. Please call us.

  Madison, your father's threatening to disown you if you don't call us soon. JK. But seriously, call us please?

  Madison, your father's not doing well at all. Please please call us.

  But answering those texts was what had led to the Christmas day blow up. And Madison wasn't ready to have a repeat of that anytime soon at all.

  So Madison had ignored the text messages, not ready to deal with her parents or try to explain what she didn't even fully understand herself. She wasn't ready to apologize to her father yet for her outburst. And they would surely ask her questions about her and Connor and Jamie that she couldn't answer. She could just imagine how that conversation would go…

  Are you three living together now?

  "Um, sort of? At least, we spend more time staying over at Connor's apartment than at our own places now. Does that count as living together?"

  How does that work, living with and being romantically involved with two guys at once?

  "It's…complicated."

  Do they do each other too?

  "Yep. Frequently. It's a lot of fun to watch. And sometimes participate in too."

  Do you have a long-term plan for where the three of you are going with this? Or is it all just one big play session?

  "Uhh…"

  No. She definitely didn't have any answers that would make her parents happy. And besides, she really wasn't happy with her parents right now. Either of them, since her mother chose to put up with her dad's shit instead of threatening to leave him if he didn't stop disrespecting her all the time.

  Didn't he understand how much he relied on Mom for everything now…his food and drink, helping him pull up his pants, his medicine? He'd probably starve to death if she left him now. She did so much for him. How could he keep being such an asshole towards her like that?

  How could she put up with it for so many years?

  Was Madison doomed to become just like her father?

  She didn't feel like it was a paranoid question at all, especially considering her job as a Domme. She was literally getting paid to do what her father did to her mother. Well, not the cuffs and spanking etc. But the verbal part at least.

  She couldn't do it anymore.

  So when Connor had told her to take a break from Masquerade, she wasn't the least bit angry or upset with him. She knew her job performance had been awful for days now. Anyone else he might have fired. And he'd been so sweet about it, obviously taking a lot of care not to hurt her feelings.

  Wouldn't want to hurt the Domme's feelings.

  So she went to her classes at school now that the holiday break was over, focusing on her studies and trying to remember what her life had been like months ago before Connor and Jamie and Masquerade changed her life so completely. But it was hard.

  Sleeping without the guys every night now was awful. She woke up frequently cold without their body heat to warm her from all sides, her bed way too big and empty without their big, hard bodies to fill up all the space around her. She'd felt so safe and protected with them.

  But she needed the time and space away to clear her head, to evaluate what they were doing, and who she was turning into.

  She should probably quit being a Domme, to start with. It was turning her into her father, and while she loved him, she absolutely refused to become him. Unfortunately, she knew it was a slippery slope…be a little bitchy once and get forgiven, do it again and again until either someone stopped you or you broke the people around you who loved you the most.

  She knew Connor and Jamie loved her. She could see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices every time they spoke to her, felt their love for her every time they kissed her good morning or good night or any time in between. Being with them at Connor's apartment had felt like what she'd always imagined being happily married must be like, but with two husbands instead of one. She could have lived like that with them forever, and had a feeling they felt the same way.

  But she couldn't do it if it meant turning into her father. And the BDSM lifestyle was too ingrained in Connor and Jamie's lives for her to truly expect them to walk away from it. She wouldn't want them to anyway. She wasn't that selfish. It made them happy, gave them infinite ways to keep things fresh and exciting, allowed them to vent without words when needed. For them, it was like ballroom dancing.

  But for her…she didn't know how to separate her personal issues from the play time. And when it came to being pissed off, she wasn't sure any dominant could truly compartmentalize their personal anger from how they treated their clients. Not when the very job itself demanded that you play the bully.

  So when she should have been getting dressed and ready for work Thursday night, she was actually home and in her comfiest jeggings and oversized sweatshirt when her phone rang. It was her mother again.

  Gritting her teeth, she started to reject the call. But for some reason, she answered it instead. "Hi, Mom."

  "Madison…" Mom took a deep breath. "It's your father." She was crying.

  And Madison knew without her mother having to say anything else.

  He was gone.

  And the last words Madison had said to him were said in absolute fury.

  Because they'd known it was coming, the arrangements were already set up for the coming weekend. After her mother gave her the details about the funeral scheduled for Saturday, they ended the call awkwardly, her mother in tears still but resigned.

  But Madison felt anything but resigned.

  At first, she was paralyzed by the shock, the grief pent up inside her, unable to even cry yet.

  It didn't feel real. It was a call she'd tried for years now to prepare herself for receiving someday. But now that it had happened, it felt surreal, like a nightmare, all the details hazy.

  She knew she should do something. Call someone.

  The first person she thought to call was her guys.

  Somehow she managed to call Connor, but her call went to voicemail. She hung up without leaving a message. Then she saw the time on her phone. He'd be doing the floor show right now.

  She tried Jamie's phone next, but it went to voicemail too. They must be doing the floor show together.

  As a last resort, she sent a text to Kate.

  My father died.

  She had no one else to turn to.

  ***

  Jamie

  Work had never felt so much like…well, work until Madison went on break from Masquerade and decided to take a break from him and Connor too.

  He felt like he hadn't slept in days. He couldn't, not without her there in the bed with them. Not to mention Connor's near constant tossing and turning in her absence hadn't helped with the sleep issue either.

  So he was just going through the motions on stage that Thursday night when, for the first time ever, a hand reached up from the audience area to grab his ankle when he neared the edge of the stage.

  He nearly cursed out loud. This wasn't a fucking strip club! Which was exactly what he intended to tell the customer as he bent over out of the blinding spotlights…

  Only to find Kate standing there, waving her phone, a frantic look on her face.

  He bent over so he could hear her.

  "It's Madison. Her father died!"

  He started to take her phone, then realized his hands were still bound together in rope. He stood up and stalked across the stage to Connor, who was in the process of tying up one of the female staff subs to the Saint Andrew's Cross.

  He bent close, whispered in Connor's ear what had happened, then held out his wrists. Connor gestured for Kate to come up on stage and take over, then untied Jamie's wrist. They strode off the stage, grabbed their shirts from backstage, stuffed their feet into their shoes without bothering to tie them, and headed for the door.

  Connor fired off a text to the office and let the valet and bouncer know they had an emergency and had to leave. Jamie drove so Connor could stay focused on the phone during the drive to Madison's and coordinate with the office to cancel their sessions for the weekend.

  "Expect us to be gone at least through the weekend," Connor said before wrapping up the call.

  Jamie flicked a surprised glance his way. "You think she'll want us with her for this?"

  "We'll make sure she does."

  "It's her dad's funeral. He didn't seem exactly on board with us the last time we saw him."

  Connor shook his head, his expression set, his jaw muscle clenched. "Funerals aren't for the dead. They're for the survivors. This is about what Madison needs, not what her family wants."

  Jamie sighed. "And that is just one of the many reasons why I fucking love you."

  Connor reached over to squeeze his shoulder. "I fucking love you too."

  At Madison's apartment, they found the door unlocked and Madison seemingly paralyzed with shock on the couch.

  "Madison? Honey, how are you doing?" Connor murmured as he cupped her cheeks with both hands and knelt down in front of her.

  She frowned, looked around them. "Um, okay, I guess. I…I don't know what to do now. What to wear… I can't wear my work heels. Dad would be really pissed if he knew. I don't really have any black dresses. There's going to be a whole church thing, and then a graveside service. Half their friends are bikers. Think they'll be in dresses? The women, I mean?" Her frown deepened. "Mom said the church they sometimes went to was pretty casual. But I'm almost certain my leather work dress would be so wrong to wear. Maybe Kate has something I could borrow? Do you know if she's got a session going right now? If not, I could call her maybe and ask?"

  Connor shot Jamie a worried look. Jamie sat on the couch beside her, wrapping one arm around her and rubbing her closest arm for warmth. She was shaking. But she wasn't crying yet. She sounded almost like she was on drugs or something, barely even emotional. Like she was in a daze.

  Shouldn't she be crying? They knew how much she'd loved her father. This had to be devastating for her.

  "Tell you what. You leave the packing to us, alright?" Connor murmured. He stood up and looked at Jamie. "Stay with her."

  Jamie nodded, continuing to rub her arms, just trying to let her know they were there for her and would help her with anything she needed. But she only looked around super slowly with a frown, like even trying to think through the situation hurt.

  Drawers and closet doors opened and shut in Madison's bedroom. Connor emerged several minutes later with her suitcase. He ducked into Kate's room. More closet door opening and shutting. Finally, Connor returned with the suitcase and a hot pink garment bag.

  "Found you a black dress. Looks very tasteful," Connor promised her. She looked up at him blankly.

  Jamie looked around, found a pair of Madison's ballet flats on the floor by the couch, and slipped them on her feet. She sat there looking confused, as if she couldn't figure out why he was putting her shoes on for her.

  "We'll need to stop by both our places too," Jamie muttered, glancing down at his still untied shoes. "I think I've got a suit somewhere that still fits."

  Connor nodded.

  Jamie helped Madison up to her feet. They were following Connor to the door, nearly there in fact, when she suddenly stopped. Jamie turned to look at her.

  Her eyes were wide and glistening. "He wouldn't even hug me goodbye the last time I saw him. And now he's gone, and I can never hug him again!"

  And she completely broke down.

  Connor dropped the suitcase handle and garment bag, and they encircled her, surrounding her with their hearts and bodies and love, just trying to be there for her while she sobbed as if her heart had been shattered. And there was nothing they could do about it.

  Jamie felt a few tears of his own slide down his face. Feeling like a total wimp, he was hastily wiping them away on his shirt sleeves when he caught a tear slipping out of Connor's closed eyes too. Smiling at the knowledge that he wasn't the only guy crying over their girl's pain, Jamie hugged them both tighter.

  They were together. They could get Madison through this in one piece if they just stayed together.

  Jamie sat in the back seat, holding Madison nearly across his lap, while Connor did all the driving, first to their apartments to get clothes, suits and clean underwear, shave kits, and socks and dress shoes. Then they headed for Nebraska because, although the funeral wasn't until Saturday, Madison wanted to be with her mother as soon as possible to try and help in any way she could.

  Jamie used his phone to book them a hotel room along the way while Madison slept against his tear soaked shirt, having cried herself into exhaustion.

  At the hotel, rather than wake her, Connor went in to pay for the room and get the key cards, then they drove around to a side entrance.

  Jamie started to scoop her up into his arms, but Connor nudged him out of the way.

  "You had her the whole way here," he grumbled, scooping her up into his own arms instead.

  Seeing his point reluctantly, Jamie grabbed their stuff and handled the doors, then made a second trip for the rest of their bags and shoes while Connor helped her undress for bed.

  By the time Jamie returned to the room, the lights were off and Connor was already stripping for bed. Good idea. They could take showers in the morning.

  It was going to be a very long weekend.

  ***

  Connor

  Connor had thought he'd have plenty to do to stay busy the next day. And he did, once they woke up and got showered and dressed. But once they arrived at Madison's parents', he was suddenly at a loss.

  They'd known the end was coming sometime soon for her dad, so they'd prepped as much as possible in advance. Which meant until the actual day of the funeral, Connor had nothing to do. He tried to remember his most important job was being at Madison's side and there for her if she needed him. But it was hard to sit there and have absolutely no way to make her feel better.

  So when her mother tried to start cooking for them by asking what type of foods they liked, he insisted on going out and picking up something for them to eat instead. There was no way he was going to make a newly widowed mother cook for him. His pride couldn't handle that.

  Jamie gave him an understanding nod, a silent promise to do whatever he could for Madison and her mother in his absence. Then Connor was out the door, grateful at last to have something definable to do.

  When he returned with bags of everyone's favorite fast food after making three different stops in town, he found the living room and kitchen empty. He set the food down in the kitchen and followed their voices down the hall to the guest room, where Madison sat between them holding up a photo album so her mother could turn the pages, explain the stories behind each image, and Jamie could point out little stuff like Madison's changing hairstyles.

  It was a nice image, seeing Madison and her mother managing to smile in spite of being in so much pain. He was loathe to interrupt. But when he tried to take a quiet step back from the doorway, Madison noticed the movement and looked up to smile at him.

 

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