Volumes of the Vemreaux Complete Collection: A Dystopian Adventure Trilogy, page 97
“Okay.”
“I want you to look in the mirror.”
Blue’s breath caught in her chest. “No, Liam. I told you. I already know what I look like.”
“And I asked you for a favor.”
“And I said no.”
Elle shook her head. “Liam, maybe it’s best you don’t push it.”
All traces of Liam’s light-hearted demeanor disappeared as he turned on Elle. “You want me to deal with the Sam and Killian tornado, but ignore this? How long have you turned a blind eye to her being this way?” Elle flinched at the truth in his words, but Liam did not back down. “Do you really think I’m going to ask you to do something that’ll be bad for you? It’s me! I’m your Liam.” He pressed Blue’s hand to his heart. “Do you think there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you?”
“Stay sober tonight,” Blue countered. “You wouldn’t do that for anybody.”
“Thought of that one pretty quick. How long have you been waiting to fire that off?” Liam glowered at her. “That’s an unfair trade. Do me this one favor, and I’ll let you go back to hiding under the bed, if you like.”
“Liam, no. I don’t like my face. I don’t look like you, and I don’t want to see myself!” Blue stormed, her temper picking back up.
“You think you can be stubborn?” Liam challenged as he stood. He pulled her up next to him and pointed at the mirror that covered most of the large wall. When Blue did not turn her head, he cupped her chin and tried to move it for her. “Look in the mirror, you weirdo! It’s not as bad as you’re thinking!”
Blue allowed his motion to face her to the mirror, but her eyes shut tight.
Liam huffed angrily. “This again? Open your eyes!” he commanded, putting her in a headlock until she obeyed.
“No!” she shouted, pushing her forearms against his undershirt gently, so as not to harm him. Her shoulder pulled painfully, but she fought to ignore it.
“Do it!” he bellowed, squeezing her tighter.
“No!”
Elle piped up from behind them. “Liam, stop! You’ve made your point. This isn’t going to end well. She’s not going to change!”
“Open your eyes, you jerk!” Liam roared, ignoring Elle. He was glad when Elle left, so she did not witness how little his force actually mattered to his cousin’s slight frame.
“You’re the jerk! I don’t want to see it! Don’t, Liam!”
“I could do this all day, you know.”
“Only if I let you!” Blue countered.
“And you will. You’ll let me keep you here because you don’t want to hurt me. You want to see who’s more stubborn? Open your eyes!”
“No!”
“Why? What’s your glitch?”
“I’m ugly, and I don’t want to see it!”
“You’re not ugly, you psycho! Just look at yourself!”
“No! Leave me alone! Stop making me care what I look like!”
“You’re my sister, and I care if you think…you’re…ugly!” Liam shouted at her between gritted teeth, squeezing his bicep around her neck and crushing her head to his side. “Open your eyes!”
“No!”
“I’ll tell Baird on you!”
“Who do you think taught me I wasn’t worth looking at? Pretty doesn’t matter when you’re slitting throats, Liam. Pretty matters in your line of work, not mine!” She pushed her forearm against his ribcage, but stopped when he cried out. “I’m sorry!” she yelped, her force retreating.
“Stop fighting me and open your eyes!”
Blue stomped her foot impatiently, her eyes still glued shut. “Get offa me!” she growled. “I don’t want to hurt you!”
“Then just look at yourself! Look how hard you’re fighting! You’re never going to make it if…you…can’t…face…yourself!”
Blue stepped one of her legs in between his, contemplating knocking him backwards. She did not follow through, recalling the large bathtub in close proximity behind them. Her shoulder throbbed, limiting her mobility.
“What the…” Sam exclaimed. He and Alec bolted into the bathroom upon Elle’s concern that Liam might get injured. Sam did not expect to see his best friend putting his girlfriend in a headlock while she struggled against his girth. “Get off her, Liam!”
Liam shouted, “Open your eyes!” at her again, but to no avail.
“Never! I’m never opening them again! Then I won’t have to see your face, either!”
Liam’s large hand spidered on her face, palming her features. “Oo, I bet that’s annoying. Can’t see me, though. Can’t do anything about it!”
“Let me go!”
“Look in the mirror!”
“No!”
Alec was not sure what to do, or who to guard. “What are you two doing?”
“I got this,” Liam reassured him through gritted teeth. Then he stuck his finger in his mouth and shoved it in Blue’s ear, laughing maniacally as she screamed.
“You’re sick! You’re sick!”
“You think that’s sick?” Liam cleared his throat, bringing up phlegm and spit. “Look in the mirror or wear it!”
“Liam, no!” Blue grabbed his hand.
As soon as she made contact, Liam howled dramatically. “Ow! You’re hurting me!”
Both guards lunged toward Blue, judging her as the offender, though neither of them was sure. Liam protested their involvement, causing more chaos. It was only Elle’s shout that stopped Blue’s elbow from flying back to break Alec’s nose.
“Inspection!” Elle called out the command the Vemreaux Supervisors used in The Way.
Blue obeyed immediately, sliding to the floor to evade the hands that snatched at her. Her fingers tucked behind her neck and clasped as she folded into a ball on the bathroom tile. She was grateful no one saw her wince when her shoulder screamed at the awkward position.
Elle shoved the guys out of the bathroom and gathered the puddle that was her best friend up in her arms. “Talk to me, Blue. What was that about? Where did that come from? Is that why Baird made us get rid of the bathroom mirror in the hut?” Elle shut her eyes, pained at the depths of psychosis that scarred her friend. “Why can’t you look at yourself?”
Blue raked her nails over her freshly cleaned arm, ignoring the shouts coming from the bedroom. “Because I don’t want to see my face covered in scratch!”
“What?”
“Whenever I see my reflection, all I can see is my face covered in scratch! I could see it in the shovel when I was a kid. Over and over, I picture it. If it’s not scratch, it’s blood. I saw my face in the metal of the furnace after I came to when I had that blackout with Grent when they tried to rape you. Remember that? How was there so much blood?”
“Rape us, Blue. They went after you, too.”
“Oh, like that was a fair fight. I don’t like to see my face because it’s ugly. I don’t look like you. My nose has disgusting freckles that look like scratch sprayed all over me. My eyes make me look like I’m a freak! Baird was right to teach me to hide my face, but I can’t hide it from the mirrors! They’re everywhere, Elle, and they know what I’ve done! And when there’s not mirrors, there’s windows! Clean, shiny windows that show everyone how gross I am! I hate this bathroom! I hate it!” she screamed madly, scratching at her cheeks like she wanted to remove them.
“Okay, okay. It’s alright. You don’t have to look right now. Shh.” Elle brushed Blue’s fingers away from her friend’s face and rocked her, allowing Blue to tear at her arm again to alleviate some of the pain she could not escape.
The door opened, and Elle shot daggers at Sam when he knelt on Blue’s other side.
Blue groaned. “No! Don’t look at my face!”
“Sam’s not going to bother you, Blue. Just look at me. Focus on me. See? Better already.” She gave her friend what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Sam’s gonna hold your hand, and he’s not going to say anything, alright?” Elle warned Sam with her eyes to behave.
Sam scooped up Blue’s hand to stop it from tormenting her arm, relieved when she allowed the contact.
“I know why you’re upset with him,” Elle cooed, brushing back Blue’s auburn waves maternally. “He said Killian would be better off dead after you almost died saving his life. And you lost Brody trying to save Killian.” She gave a sympathetic look when Blue whimpered. “Sam doesn’t understand that you can’t keep track of the people you’ve killed, but you can count the ones you’ve saved. He didn’t mean to take that away from you or make your sacrifice mean less.” Elle’s comforting tone did not falter as she paused to glare at the Vemreaux. “He knows that when you offer to give up your life for someone, it ties you to them. He knows it. He’s just acting thick right now. Thinks his stupid fight with Killian matters, when it doesn’t.”
Sam glowered at Elle, who returned his defiance with interest.
“What your Sam doesn’t know is that Waywards aren’t given possessions, so we cling harder to the people we love. All we have in life is the people who survive alongside us.” Elle cleared her throat. “Now, he’s going to keep his mouth shut and hold your hand because he loves you, and you’re more important than being pissed at Killian.” She lowered her face to Blue’s ear conspiratorially. “He’s just mad because that’s all he has. If he gives up his anger over what happened, he’ll actually have to move on from it, and he’s not strong enough for that.”
Blue came to herself marginally. “Sam is so strong. Killian did some really terrible things.”
“I’ll believe it when I see them shaking hands.”
Sam and Elle stared at each other crossly, but left it at that. “I’ve got to go finish my chores so I can get home to your pain of a brother. I stayed late today because I’m taking time off on Friday to go to your coronation with Josephine.”
Blue grimaced. “Did everyone know about my adoption before I did?”
“I was in the house when Frederick called Baird to ask for his permission a couple days ago.” Elle kissed Blue’s forehead and helped her to sit up. “Frederick loves you, Blue. I could hear it in his voice. And Liam meant well. He just wants you to know how beautiful you are.” She frowned at Blue’s flinch. “Don’t you dare argue with me in your head. You are beautiful. No matter how much scratch Baird put on you or how much blood got on you. You’re mine, and you’ve always been gorgeous.” She held up her finger before Blue could shrug off her words. “Stop it. Now.”
Elle stood, pulling Blue to her feet alongside her. “Sam’s gonna go clear off Liam’s bed and he’s going to choose a movie for you two to watch, since you don’t have a TV in your room. Nothing violent or scary,” she instructed the man. “He’s going to hold you while you watch a movie together, and you’re not going to talk at all. You’re just going to let him hold you, alright?” Elle jerked her thumb to the door, warning Sam to get moving.
Sam slipped out to Liam’s room while Elle led Blue back to the sink. “Liam?” Elle called. “Where’d you put the ointment you used on her cuts?”
Liam stomped into the bathroom. He picked up the small tub that fell during his struggle with his new sister. “Did you do it again? Ugh!” He opened up the cream and spread a fresh layer on her arm. “Why, Blue? Why do you have to hurt us like this?”
“Not now, Liam,” Elle scolded. “They’re going to watch a movie in your room, so grab what you need and get going.”
Liam went back and found a pile of stuff he had on his bed was shoved to the ground. Sam was flipping through the movie selection on the TV’s home channel.
“Your girlfriend’s a piece of work,” Liam commented as he snatched up a pair of socks. “You two make the perfect couple.”
“How about the next time you want a special sibling moment, don’t put my girl in a headlock, genius.” Sam glared at Liam. “Have fun at Amante’s.”
“You know, I’ve kept my mouth shut long enough. You and Killian are sorting this out tonight.”
“Leave it alone, Liam.”
“You know what? No! Killy was awful to you, and if I’d known what he was up to, I would’ve stopped him. You had every right to go after him, and you did. But Sam, it’s been over for years. Nobody won. You both just lost each other and a whole lot more. Then we all lost both of you.”
“Liam, I swear,” Sam threatened, seething.
“Now you two finally have a reason to patch things up. I’m not saying you have to be best friends again, but this has to stop. It’s destroying my sister. Both of them, actually.”
“Tell Killian.”
“I’m telling you. I let it go on long enough. It’s over. You may not care what you’re doing to Blue, but I do. You did it to me when it first started.”
“Quit talking about my girl like you’re all close. You’re not even her brother yet.”
Liam took a breath to keep from shouting at his best friend. “Right now, I’m the only one of us who’s thinking of her. End it! Go make nice with Killian for everyone’s sake. You think Killy’s on the road all the time because he wants to be?”
“He’s campaigning.”
Liam threw Sam a simpering look. “Do you think he needs to? This much? Right after the island? He was barely upright when he went back out there. My brother avoids the house as much as he can because you crash here. You pushed my brother away! You’re not doing it to my sister!”
“She’s not your sister!”
There was no thought behind it. No real reason other than extreme aggravation. In the Age of Peace, the Prince of Europe cocked his fist back and let it fly, socking his best friend in the face.
Both men froze in shock. Sam held his cheek, mouth hanging wide open as his black eyes met Liam’s terrified blue ones.
“I…I…” Liam stammered when language finally came to him. He shook his fist, surprised at the pain. “I didn’t mean it!”
Sam flexed his jaw, making sure nothing cracked too terribly. “Yeah, you did.” They stared at each other, watching the shift in their relationship rock them like waves around a ship. Sam finally saw how badly the feud wounded the people who loved them both. He could see in Liam’s horror the thousands of flippant comments that led him to the outburst.
The loathing that Sam fixed on Killian refocused. Sam finally turned his finger of accusation inward, and found himself glaringly guilty. He staggered back from his best friend, horrified. “I’ll talk to Killy tonight. We’ll figure something out.”
“Okay.” Liam nodded, still upset at the exchange. “Yeah, okay.”
“How’s your hand?” Sam inquired. “Apparently, I’ve got quite the thick skull.”
Liam shook his head, unable to participate in Sam’s attempt at levity.
The men snapped to when Blue entered the room. She said not a word, but walked over to the bed and climbed in, hugging her knees to her chest and keeping her back to Sam.
When Liam sat on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on, Blue scowled. He turned to speak to her, but she covered her ears with her hands. “Don’t put your spit in my ears, you filthy boy,” she warned.
Liam gave her a sad smile. Instead of leaning forward to taunt her, he wrapped her in an unexpected hug. “You are beautiful,” he whispered, “even when you’re mad at me.”
“Don’t piss me off, Liam,” Blue cautioned.
Liam chuckled and pinched her nose. “Such a feisty little kitten. You fancy coming to Amante’s with me tonight?”
“No, thank you,” Blue answered with a frown. “I’m done with the real world.”
7
Confessions with Killian
The truce between Killian and Sam was fragile and superficial, but it was there all the same. Killian started coming home before midnight. He even began conversing at the dinner table, finally able to participate in the world around him when Sam was there.
Sam was a little more clingy than usual, but Blue did not mind. The only time she begged him off was during her chats with her new brother. The ritual started after they got back from the island. Blue was the only one who saw where they kept Killian and the state he had been debased to. She told not a soul of his torture, but listened quietly as he shared his pain.
Their makeshift therapy sessions took place in the barn after Killian assured her that the horses were properly locked in their stalls. They were guaranteed the most privacy there, even though it was beginning to be too cold for comfort.
Killian brought a thermos of hot tea, taking a sip and then handing it to Blue. They usually faced each other as they sat, leaned against two beams of the barn, extending their legs so the soles of their shoes touched. In particularly emotional moments, they could tap the other’s foot reassuringly. Today the weather was below freezing, so they huddled next to each other.
Killian wrapped them in a large, thick blanket as he continued. “I keep dreaming about her face. Is it wrong that I feel bad for her?”
The old woman who helped hold him hostage occasionally sneaked down to the dungeon and fed him broth. She spoke softly to him, offering him comfort in his most vulnerable moments. When Blue came into the picture, she ended the woman’s life quickly for imprisoning the prince. “It’s not wrong. I get why you’d feel that way.”
“Found out her name. Eugenia Cho. It’s more real, now that she has a name.”
“If it helps, you tried to stop me.”
“No, I didn’t. Not really. And she was helping hold me there. I know she was guilty; I just can’t make my peace with it.”
Blue mulled this over a moment. “Most people aren’t all good or all bad. She probably did have some nice spots on her. That doesn’t mean she’s not guilty.” Blue rubbed her hands together to build up some friction. “You’re a good man for seeing the redeemable parts in her, even when she let such horrible things happen to you.”
Killian looked away, as he often did when the emotion was ripe in him. “I wish I could stop thinking about it. About her. About all of it.”
