Down and Dirty, page 22
Tomorrow.
It was all changing tomorrow.
Chapter Eighteen
Jess sighed as she looked around her new kitchen, wishing she was more excited. She should be over the moon, thrilled.
She’d done it, accomplished what had seemed impossible back in January. She’d found a home for her and Jasper.
It just…didn’t feel like a home. Not without Tony and Rhys.
She shoved that thought away and swallowed down the lump in her throat.
This was for the best.
She’d repeated those words over and over in her head a few thousand times this afternoon, wishing they would stick.
Today had been a whirlwind, starting with a morning phone call from Bruno, asking if she still wanted the apartment, then inviting her to come see the place when she said yes. She’d called Paulie’s and taken the day off.
Her anxiety last night after leaving Rhys’s room had been off the charts. She’d fallen recklessly, helplessly, completely in love with Tony and Rhys, and every second spent in their arms only made those feelings stronger.
Rhys was a compassionate, empathetic man, and an amazing doctor. Watching him interact with his patients moved her more than she could say. Falling in love with him was as easy as breathing.
Tony, meanwhile, was Rhys’s polar opposite, passionate, impulsive, commanding. He only had to give her that look or use that tone and she felt her knees go weak with longing and desire. She loved the way he challenged her. They may not always agree, but she knew he was listening to her, taking her feelings and thoughts into consideration. They’d exchanged words countless times, yet it had never felt like arguing. It actually felt a lot like foreplay.
But neither of them had ever mentioned the three of them sharing a future, never offered her any insight into their feelings for her.
It had been on the tip of her tongue to say “I love you” last night before leaving Rhys’s room. The words had been right there. Mercifully, she’d managed to hold them back because God only knew how they would have responded if she’d hit them with that.
She’d had a lifetime of experience watching people walk away—the father she never knew, Scott, her mother, even Danielle. While she and her friend had parted amicably, Danielle had moved on without giving them a second thought, never calling or having time to chat whenever Jess reached out to her.
Jess had also managed to move on, to accept losing those people in her life. But there was no way in hell she could watch Tony and Rhys walk away from her. It would cripple her, knock her down hard enough that she’d never manage to rise again.
So she’d made sure that this time…she was the one who did the walking.
She’d spent the past few weeks with the growing knowledge that leaving with her heart intact was no longer an option, so when Bruno unwittingly offered her a way to rip off the Band-Aid, she’d jumped at it.
Aunt Berta had offered to come see the place with her, and Jess had known in an instant it was perfect for her and Jasper. Bruno was obviously giving her a break on the rent, something she might have fought him on if, one, she could afford to, and two, she wasn’t so determined to make a clean break.
Once she’d decided to move in, asking Bruno if she could do so immediately, Aunt Berta and Bruno had shifted into high gear, ready to help her in any way she’d needed. Aunt Berta had rallied her brothers, Frank and Cesare, to help, the two men gathering “extra” furniture from other relatives and delivering it to the apartment, while she and Aunt Berta had scrubbed the place from top to bottom. Bruno hadn’t lied about the previous renter being a slob.
Bruno had loaned her a couple of air mattresses until she could afford to buy beds. Aunt Berta and Nonna had “thinned out” their kitchens, managing to almost fully stock Jess’s with pots, pans, dishes, glasses, and silverware. Cesare had lugged an old dresser out of his attic for her bedroom, and Frank had an extra TV and stand he’d taken out of his guest room, claiming no one ever used it.
She’d been overwhelmed and more touched than she could say by their generosity. She was grateful she’d had the opportunity to get to know the Morettis and to be able to witness firsthand what it truly meant to be part of a family.
Because she and Aunt Berta been busy cleaning the apartment, Jess had texted Penny to ask if she could pick up Jasper and bring him home after school. Penny had become a friend, the two of them talking on the phone almost daily the past couple of weeks.
Penny had taken one look at the place and—after declaring herself an interior decorating genius, thanks to some Sims game she played constantly—immediately started discussing design plans and colors, even promising to help Jess with the painting.
Jess had expected Jasper to be delighted by the new apartment and the fact he would have his own room for the first time in his life. However, none of that excitement had been there. Instead, he’d followed her around as she gave him a quick tour, then asked if he could color a picture. She’d said yes, watching as he pulled a piece of paper and crayons out of his bag and started to draw.
She was concerned about his response, though she was aware he was most likely overwhelmed. She’d mentioned looking at an apartment today before he left for school, but she hadn’t realized how quickly things would move. He’d need time to process the change, so she’d give it to him.
When Jasper finished his drawing and asked if he could give Tony and Rhys the picture he’d colored as a thank-you present, Jess realized she hadn’t said thank you either.
She glanced at the time on her phone. It was just after five. They’d be getting home soon.
Aunt Berta was still fussing in the kitchen, the woman clearly in her element, delighted with setting it up. Penny was helping, but it was obvious the task was less fun for her, as she kept sneaking onto her phone to play a game.
“Do you all mind hanging out here for a little while? I need to go back to the apartment to pack up our clothes and toiletries, plus I want to talk to the guys and give them this.” Jess held up Jasper’s picture.
“Take your time, dear. Penny and I will take Jasper to the store to pick up some staples for your kitchen.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she said, even though she knew the words would be wasted. Aunt Berta was tireless and having too much fun and not about to stop until she was done.
“I’ve already made a list,” she insisted.
“Fine.” Jess reached into her purse and pulled out her wallet, handing Aunt Berta all the cash she had on hand, hoping it would be enough to cover the bill. “Here. Don’t spend more than this. I can go back to the store later this week to get the rest.”
Aunt Berta took the cash, albeit reluctantly, and Jess suspected that list would be completely checked off regardless of how much it cost.
“I’ll be back soon,” she promised, borrowing Aunt Berta’s car for the trip.
The drive back to Tony and Rhys’s was just long enough to ensure her stomach was twisted in knots by the time she arrived.
Neither man was there, so Jess went to her room—the guest room, she supposed it would be again—and packed up her and Jasper’s things. Then she walked around the apartment, seeking out little items that were scattered here and there—a pair of her shoes in the living room, Jasper’s coloring books on the kitchen table.
She’d killed nearly an hour and still neither man had returned. She felt guilty leaving Penny and Aunt Berta for so long, so she sat down to write them a note.
It took her several minutes to figure out what she could say to them, because honestly, words would never be enough to tell them exactly how much they’d given her.
Once she finished, she reread it, sort of glad they weren’t home. There was no way she would have been able to speak the words she’d written without falling apart completely, and crying in front of them was something she simply couldn’t do. After all, it wasn’t their fault she’d lost her heart.
Well, actually, it was their fault. Because they’d been wonderful, attentive, generous roommates…as well as gorgeous, sexy as fuck, and amazing lovers.
She’d let things go too far. She should have known better, should have protected not just her heart but Jasper’s as well.
Jasper had instructed her to hang his picture up “somewhere special,” so Jess hung it from the refrigerator with a magnet—front and center. She waited a few minutes more, then she placed the note, her key, and the last of the rent she still owed them in an envelope by the door, and left.
As she returned to the car with her bags, she felt equal parts relieved and disappointed that neither man had returned home while she’d been there.
She would still need to see them, talk to them.
Hopefully, when that time came, this piercing pain would have lessened, her agony less raw, her heart…
God, it didn’t matter how much time passed.
She was a fool.
And her heart was irrevocably broken.
Tony walked into the diner a little after seven and spotted Rhys sitting in a booth by the front window, sipping his coffee. Rhys waved and he walked over, claiming the seat across from him.
The two of them hadn’t managed to meet for lunch as planned, both of them dealing with unexpected emergencies at work.
The warehouse was robbed, so Tony had been knee-deep in police reports and insurance claims all damn day, trying to replace what was lost so they wouldn’t fall behind on their schedule.
When Tony called an hour ago to set up this coffee meeting, Rhys confided that his day hadn’t been much better. He’d been inundated by patients all suffering from a nasty stomach virus that was spreading like wildfire. Apparently, he’d spent the last three hours at the hospital, making rounds there.
Tony had heard the exhaustion in Rhys’s tone and for a moment had been tempted to suggest they have this talk tomorrow. He couldn’t make the offer, however, too ready, too desperate to move things to the next part.
“Can I get you something to drink, Tony?”
Tony looked up, recognizing their waitress as Debbie, the friend who’d taken Jess in after she was evicted. He scowled when he spotted the black eye on her face, recalling how afraid Jasper had been of Debbie’s brother-in-law, the bad man.
Tony lifted his chin, his temper rising. If there was one thing he wouldn’t stand for, it was assholes who hit women. He still had moments of regret for not pummeling the fucker who’d attacked Jess more than he had. “Do I need to take care of somebody for that, or has it been handled?”
Debbie shook her head, clearly shocked by the offer. Apparently she and Jess had spent too much of their lives around people who didn’t give a shit. “My husband took care of it. Kicked my brother-in-law out.”
“Just kicked him out?”
“Mario has a drinking problem. Makes him a mean drunk.”
“Don’t give a shit. Sounds like he needed to be taught a lesson. Any chance your husband will let him come back?”
Debbie stood a bit taller, and Tony recognized the same spine of steel Jess possessed. “No. I told my husband it was me or Mario. He likes the way I cook too much to test me on that.”
Tony smiled. “Good. I’ll take coffee. Black.”
“You guys need a menu?”
Rhys shook his head. “No. We’re just having coffee tonight.”
Debbie turned to fetch the coffeepot and a mug. They waited in silence as she returned and filled the cup for Tony.
Once she was out of earshot, he said, “So…”
“What are we doing with Jess, Tony?” Rhys leaned forward, not shying away from asking the million-dollar question.
Tony didn’t hesitate. “I want to build a future with her.”
“And in this future of yours…I’m there?”
Tony nodded. “Yeah. You are. I don’t know how to explain why this works. God knows I never imagined this kind of relationship for myself. Marriage and kids was something that just kept getting pushed to the back burner. I’ve been blaming work for that, claiming my career came first, but I can see now, I just hadn’t met the right woman.”
Rhys ran his finger around the rim of his coffee cup. “I’ve been blaming my career too, so convinced that trying to have it all wouldn’t be fair to whomever I married. With you there too…I don’t know how to say it. It feels as if this is the answer to a prayer I wasn’t praying. Jess and Jasper showed up on our doorstep and for the first time, I realized I wasn’t the happy bachelor I thought I was. She shone a light on something I couldn’t see. My loneliness.”
Tony felt every single one of Rhys’s words, though he never would have been able to speak them so succinctly. “It was the same for me.”
“What we’re thinking about doing,” Rhys said. “It’s not going to be easy. It’s definitely uncharted waters for all of us. You and I have zero experience with committed relationships, and Jess has zero experience with…well…pretty much everything. She’s younger than us.”
“Do you think that’s a problem?”
Rhys shook his head. “No. I don’t. Life has forced her to grow up a lot quicker. She feels older than twenty-five.”
“Yeah, she does,” Tony agreed.
“Even so…a threesome,” Rhys mused.
“It’s not like we haven’t seen the same type of relationship up close and personal. Layla is making this work with Finn and Miguel because they’re all committed to the relationship, to each other.”
Rhys glanced out the large plate-glass window, his gaze unfocused for a moment. “They are. But their relationship is different from ours.”
Tony sighed. “Because Finn and Miguel are in love with each other, as well as Layla.” Layla’s lovers were bisexual, the three of them a true trinity. That didn’t hold true for him and Rhys.
“I love you like a brother, Rhys,” Tony said. “But I don’t…” He waved his hands around, letting the gesture speak the words.
Rhys chuckled. “I don’t either. Do you think that adds a wrinkle? Makes this harder?”
Tony considered that. “Do you feel jealous when I touch Jess?”
“Not at all. Which is something I’ve actually been struggling to understand. I would never have considered sharing lovers in the past. With you and Jess, it’s hot, a turn-on. But Sunday night, after the party, when you came into the kitchen and saw me kissing Jess…were you jealous?”
Tony recalled that flash of anger when he caught them. “No. It was something dumber than that.”
His response amused and confused Rhys. “Dumber?”
“I meant what I said. I felt left out. But the knee-jerk reaction passed quickly. If we move forward with this, I know there are going to be times I’ll be with Jess alone. And times you’ll be with her alone. I don’t have a problem with that. I really don’t,” he stressed when Rhys looked slightly skeptical.
“The sex,” Rhys started, not bothering to finish. It wasn’t necessary. Tony figured his descriptions matched Rhys’s perfectly.
Sex with Jess and Rhys was mind-blowing. Earth-shattering. Incredible.
Rhys had been a bit of a surprise in the bedroom, though Tony wouldn’t admit that to his friend. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected Rhys to be more vanilla, more straightforward missionary, but nothing could be further from the truth.
“I’m in love with her, Tony,” Rhys admitted. “I’m committed to making this work between the three of us. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Me either. I’m crazy about her. And Jasper.”
Rhys smiled when Tony mentioned the little boy’s name, the expression proving Jasper had laid claim to their hearts just as much as his mother had. “We’d be fathers.”
Tony laughed. “God, how fucking cool would that be?”
“So tonight? We lay our cards on the table with Jess, tell her how we feel, what we want?”
Tony rose, opening his wallet to toss some cash on the table to cover the two coffees. “Yeah. Right now.”
They’d just reached the exit when the door opened and Matt Russo walked in.
Tony was in too much of a good mood for even Russo to ruin it.
“Moretti,” Matt muttered.
“Russo,” Tony said darkly, peripherally catching sight of Rhys rolling his eyes. While his roommate had heard the stories, Rhys didn’t feel the same passionate anger toward the Russos that Tony did. Hell, he didn’t even blink an eye when his kid sister, Penny, told them she’d gotten an IT job with Russo Enterprises.
Tony started to walk by without saying more, but Matt turned toward him. “Still a possessive prick, I see.”
Tony twisted to face him, confused. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Jess Monroe,” Matt said, as if that should answer anything.
Hearing Jess’s name coming from Matt had Tony’s fists clenching.
Rhys put a hand on his shoulder. “What about Jess?”
“You expect me to believe you didn’t play a part in her giving her two weeks’ notice this afternoon?” Matt addressed to Tony, arms crossed.
“Jess quit her job with you?” Rhys asked.
While his friend’s tone was calm, Tony could see the sudden concern in Rhys’s eyes. Jess wouldn’t just up and quit. She was still determined to make enough money to get her own place. The fact that she’d quit was…disquieting, and it left Tony with an uneasy feeling.
Matt nodded, his annoyance somewhat soothed when it became apparent neither he nor Rhys knew Jess had quit.
“Said she wouldn’t be able to work the late hours anymore. Childcare concerns,” Matt said to Rhys before shifting his attention back to Tony, his scowl shifting into something resembling a smirk. “I’ve figured out a way around that.”
Rhys sighed. “Maybe you should just let her quit.”
Matt shook his head. “She’s confided her financial difficulties to me and I know about the attack in the motel. I want to help her.”
Tony fought the urge to growl, unaware that Jess had shared so much with his sworn enemy.
“I’m going to change her hours, let her come in earlier, let her bring her son with her. I plan to call her tomorrow to discuss it with her.”
