On Wings of Silence, page 10
“Okay, so we go with what we know. Keeping to the forest like we have, we have no idea how close we are to a road. Could be our chimney friends can point us in the right direction.”
“We just have to get over there.” She met his gaze.
“And not have whoever lives there turn us over to the Germans, or shoot us.”
“Yes, there’s that.”
Calvin added a few more sticks to the fire. The damp twigs smoldered before catching. Pulling his helmet closer, he checked the temperature of the water. Still frigid. He gathered the last of his provisions to change his dressing. Calvin once more slipped the sling from around his neck and shrugged out of his coat. Turning, he found Raisa appraising him. Something in the way she looked at him caused a decided warmth ran through him.
“Let me help you.” She knelt by him and was quiet as she removed the old dressing and replaced it once more. The top of her hair tickled his cheek. “I was frightened when I woke up and found you gone,” she admitted. Eyes down, she concentrated on her task.
“Understandable. I’m sorry.” He eased his arm straight. Once, then twice. The muscle protested, but he was healing. He glanced back at her. “You were finally getting some sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“No, it’s not that.” Her hazel gaze held his. “You told me you would stay with me. I should have trusted,” Raisa insisted. “Trusted you.” Placing the clean dressing around his bicep, she leaned close to tie it tight. This time her hair brushed his lips. Damn.
Raisa sat back and continued to study the fire. The day’s clouds shadowed their pine cocoon, and the small flames of the struggling fire caught the copper lights of her hair. Calvin pushed at the embers trying to stoke one flame while doing his best to ignore the other growing between them.
“If our positions were reversed, I would have assumed the same thing. You don’t know me well enough to trust me. We’re still strangers.” Who was he trying to convince?
She turned and met his stare. “Not strangers after all we’ve been through. I know you better now, and I should have had more faith.” Giving a quick shake to her head, she looked away again. “I’ve been unfair. Since the beginning. I need to apologize.”
Calvin shook his head. “Not necessary.”
“I think it is. It was wrong to judge you.”
“Again, given the circumstances, Raisa, you were right to be wary.”
It appeared as if she wanted to say more, but stopped herself. He was distracted by the way she worried her lip. Raising his gaze, he found her watching him.
“How is it I’ve known you for such a short time, and yet...,” her voice fell off in a whisper.
“And yet?” he urged.
“It feels as if we have been together longer. Known one another from a time before. I don’t know the words to explain it better.”
Calvin looked back at the fire. “I was thinking the same thing earlier.”
“I dreamt about you,” Raisa whispered. “Before. When I was asleep.” Her eyebrows lifted. “I can’t remember the last time I slept long enough to dream. And when I do, I dream about you?” She gave him an incredulous look.
“Should I ask what I did in this dream?”
Pink flooded her cheeks. “I don’t remember.” Calvin smiled. It was obvious she didn’t lie often. She was lousy at it.
“Maybe it’s for the best.” Or maybe not. Her admission spurred his imagination and conjured all kinds of things.
“There’s something else, too.” She turned and held his gaze. “Since the first night. When we were nearly caught and raced through the dark.”
“And I tried to bleed out.”
“Yes.” Raisa frowned. “You...I...”
“I was unconscious for a while. Blacked out.”
“You did.” She nodded. “I held you. Praying you wouldn’t die. Kept us warm together until I knew you were coming around.”
“You held me?” The night was a confused jumble of memories for him. All he remembered clearly was walking up to pine needle tea. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Raisa lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been thinking of that night ever since. How you felt in my arms. The solid weight of you pressed against me. Your heart beating next to mine. Your breath tickling my neck.” Raisa ran her fingertips down the side of her throat.
Calvin’s gaze followed the sweep of her fingers. “Now I really wish I remembered.”
“I haven’t shaken since then, Calvin.” Raisa finally looked at him in surprise and held out a hand to show him the steadiness of her fingers. “Every night for more than two years, after each mission, I shake, like the night Oksana died. I pace and tremble until I think my teeth will shatter to dust. But one night of holding you in my arms, and I stop shaking? How is that possible?”
He lowered his gaze to her lips. The cold washed them in a particular shade of pink.
“I don’t have an answer for you, but as long as you’re being honest, I should confess something to you, as well.” Calvin fought the urge to reach out and stroke the curve of her cheek. “I’m finding it difficult to get through more than ten minutes without thinking about you. Wondering what more I can learn about you. Can’t get you out of my head.”
“Yes.” Her eyes grew wide. “It is the same with me. I can’t help wondering why?”
“Forced proximity?” He shrugged. “Survival instinct?” Utter fascination, his mind offered.
“Could be.” She worried her lip. “Perhaps I’ve been surrounded by women for too long, and the close company of a handsome man has unsettled me.”
“Could be,” he repeated. Calvin continued to hold her gaze for an extra second before lowering it once more to consider shades of pink as the firelight played across her lips.
Raisa’s mouth tipped on one corner. Had he not been watching, he would have missed it. “No matter the reason, it is obvious we are curious about one another. If you’re planning to kiss me, don’t you think you should do it?” she murmured.
Calvin cleared the sudden dryness of his throat and scoffed. “What makes you think I want to kiss you?”
“You keep staring at my mouth. You watch every word I speak.”
“I like your accent.”
“Is this why I feel your eyes on me more and more? It is most distracting.” Raisa moved closer.
“You are most distracting.” He lifted a shoulder, trying for all he was worth to cool down the sudden heat racing through him.
Raisa grabbed at his sleeve and tugged him closer. “And you are the most infuriating man I have ever known. Just kiss me.”
A jolt of heat shot through him. All the roadblocks he had set up along the way to keep him from acting like an idiot were swept away by those three little words. There was no need to deny his attraction to her any longer. She had him. Completely unsettled him. Distraction wasn’t the right word either. Focus was the problem and his sole focus in that moment was kissing her. Everything else dimmed by comparison. The rush of desire he felt stole his breath. “Since you asked so nicely,” he murmured.
Calvin pulled her to him and stopped as if he could somehow halt the cannon shell barreling toward his heart. This was crazy. He'd been wrong. This had nothing to do with forced proximity or survival instinct. He was falling for her. More and more by the hour. It was madness. Losing his heart to Raisa Basov was insane, but it felt as if he were trying to stop a runaway train and here he stood like an idiot on the damn tracks.
“Are you changing your mind?”
He shook his head. “Questioning my sanity.” Calvin scanned her lovely face. “I'm not on solid ground when I'm near you.”
“Maybe this a bad idea.” Raisa started to push away.
“No.” He grabbed at her sleeve. “No.” His lips hovered over hers while his heart tried to pound its way through his ribs. “No,” he whispered. Raisa's lips parted as she drew in a breath, and his mouth claimed hers in a gentle kiss.
Forget insanity or unsteady ground. When their lips met, Calvin's entire world rocked on its axis. He tipped his head and slipped the tip of his tongue between her lips. In no time the gentle kiss deepened between them and flared into a flame so bright and hot, it seared any lingering doubt in his mind. Raisa clutched at his clothing and returned the heat of his kiss with her own. Until his entire body pulsed with need.
Turning in his arms, Raisa pushed him to lie back. She removed his glasses and continued a blazing kiss of her own. Calvin reached to cup her cheek and pushed his fingers into her hair holding her to him.
Raisa gave a little gasp. “Your hand is icy.” She pulled away from him and kissed the tips of his fingers.
Calvin started to apologize until she unzipped her flight suit and moved his hand between her body and the fur lining of her coveralls. Another jolt of heat rocketed through him. Leaning back against him, she rearranged his jacket and covered them both in her warmth.
“Better?” She snuggled closer being careful of his injured arm.
No. “Yes.” Madness. He slipped his arm further into the warmth of her clothes, relishing the feel of her warm body beneath the wool of her uniform. His arm encircled her waist. She was thinner than he imagined. Layers of clothing made her appear far larger than her actual stature. Men’s clothing. A man’s uniform, hiding this beautiful woman. This captivating, lovely, courageous, stubborn, amazing woman.
Her heat reached into the very soul of him. His body began to ache for her. More of her. All of her. Calvin pulled her closer and found her mouth once more.
CHAPTER 13
As a waterlogged sun slipped beneath rain-filled clouds, Raisa sighed and welcomed the sweep of Calvin’s tongue into her mouth. A soft moan escaped her. All the hours of imagining had not prepared her for the intoxicating feel of his lips on hers. His arm tightened about her, pulling her closer, as he deepened the passion of his kisses. She hungrily matched his passion with her own. Pushing aside the worry and anguish of the last few days, she wrapped herself in his embrace and let herself escape into the potent heat of him.
It had been too long since she welcomed the kiss of a man. The sweetness of Oksana’s kiss flitted through her thoughts. Even her few rushed times with Nikolai couldn’t compare with the feel of Calvin’s lips on hers. She felt safe to be bold in his arms. Desired. Adventurous. Free.
She nipped at the smooth skin below his ear. Calvin’s body moved beneath hers.
“Raisa,” he growled into her hair as she moved her kisses lower.
The chilled, wet night closed in around them, but the blaze building between them kept it far from them. A cocoon within a cocoon surrounded them in one another. The only sounds were the gentle pulse of the rain and their racing breaths as they each laid claim to the other. Grasping at the only certainty amidst the chaos of the world outside their small shelter.
His teeth bit at her lip. Pure white heat shot through her and pooled between her thighs. “Calvin...”
“Raisa, you’re trying to torture me. I want to touch you,” he hissed. His body moved beneath hers. “But you’ve trapped my hand.”
Raisa smiled against his mouth. She loved teasing him. “I am on top. This puts me in charge.”
“Not fair.” Calvin nipped at her lip again.
Raisa raised herself to look into his eyes. A quote she knew well rolled off her tongue. “‘The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.’” You are my prisoner.
He groaned. “You cannot take me prisoner. We are allies. And, you’re forgetting I outrank you.”
Raisa sniffed and teased his mouth. “You do smell a bit of rank. And a bit like damp wool mixed with smoke.”
Calvin buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in. “You, however, smell like rain. And pine trees.”
“I have pitch in my hair,” she smiled before plucking a cluster of needles from his sleeve.
“I like it,” he murmured against the side of her neck.
“I like you,” she admitted.
Calvin pulled back to look at her. His eyebrows raised. “I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Neither did I.” Raisa moved to lie along his side. She tucked herself into his shoulder.
Calvin kissed the top of her head. “I like you, too.”
“Another impossibility,” she agreed and snuggled closer to him. “This feels too good. Together like this. Not fighting. Not running. I could stay right in this moment. It is perfect.”
His arm gave her a squeeze. “Not perfect but damned close.”
“I suppose full stomachs would make it better,” Raisa conceded.
“I wasn’t thinking of food.” Calvin’s voice was a low caress she felt in her thighs.
Her heart skidded in her chest. “What were you thinking?” she whispered.
“More of something warmer, dryer, far less clothing, nothing blue or olive green. Perhaps a bed not made of pine needles.” Calvin swept his hand up her back. “And two hands.”
“I have two hands.” She teased the space between two of his shirt buttons and slipped a finger under his shirt.
“Fine, then, four hands.” Although the sweeps of his one over her back and hip were doing a fine job of raising her temperature. Everywhere he touched left heated trails on her skin.
She kissed him again. “Tell me, what would you do with so many hands?”
Calvin reached lower and grasped her behind before growling against her mouth. “Touch you.”
His words shot another round of pure heat straight to her sex. “Oh...” Visions of her dream flashed through her mind.
“Oh,” he agreed. “Of course, I’m becoming pretty good at doing things one-handed.” Calvin managed to sneak his hand beneath her jacket to caress the strip of bare skin above her belt. “I just need to get you out of this uniform.”
Raisa melted under his touch but his words reached through that heat and caught her. Uniform? No. A cold wave of reality stopped her. What the hell was she doing? As wonderful as it all felt—he felt—it was wrong. This was wrong. In her desire to lose herself and escape into his arms, she’d forgotten. Thoughts of kisses had pushed away all of it. Who and what she was. An officer. In uniform. That meant something. Protocol and training were stronger than any desire. How had she forgotten that?
“Perhaps it is safer we don’t have a bed, and far too much blue and olive green between us,” she reasoned, pulling away.
“I disagree.” He murmured tugging her back, continuing to stroke her back.
In the flicking light of the fire, he held her gaze for that indescribable extra moment. Her resolve wavered. She couldn’t think straight when he looked at her. All she wanted to do was forget everything except him and fall back into his arms and...and let their passion carry her away. No. She needed to keep her head. They had to stop.
Pulling away, she stood and gathered her flashlight. “I should check my snares.”
“Wait. Now? Hold on, I’ll come with you.” Calvin rose and brushed pine needles from his clothes.
“No.” Raisa was quick to put up a hand to halt him. “Stay and tend the fire. If we’re lucky you’ll need it to cook a nice fat hare when I get back.”
She practically ran from his sight. Who was the scared rabbit now? Raisa stopped and placed a hand to her racing heart. Lifting her face to the mist, she hoped to cool the heated longing still racing through her. What was wrong with her? Where the hell was her sense of control? Her sense of duty? She had to get her emotions in check. This wasn’t the time to lower her Guards and succumb to the draw of a pair of sky-blue eyes and warm lips.
“You’re in uniform,” she reproached herself. “Remember the damn mission.” Survive and return to her unit. Period. Raisa straightened her spine and regained her composure. For the time it took to reach the safety of her regiment, she needed to keep a safe distance from the distracting, desirable, Calvin Elliott, and remember who and what she was. Anything beyond that would be unacceptable to her rank and position. “Remember your place.”
Raisa pushed the damp hair away from her face and remembered the words ending every mission briefing they had. “Failure was not accepted.” In this, too, she would not fail. It would not be hard. She was trained to sort her feelings. Move beyond them. Set them aside. It was what she did every night before climbing into her cockpit. Why should this be any different?
Raisa looked back through the trees. She could barely make out the light from the fire. Because he’s different. These feelings are different. The thought looped and tangled within the chaos of the musings warring in her mind.
Raisa fingered her lower lip where he’d nipped at her with his teeth. Another heated rush raced through her. She had to stop this now before either of them lost their hearts as well as their minds. A small voice in her head told her it may be too late.
The snares were empty. Raisa wanted to scream into the dark. Her empty stomach twisted painfully. She kicked at the crude setup. Thank goodness Father and Mikhail were not here to see. They would never allow her to forget, and now she had to return empty-handed to Calvin and explain to him not only couldn’t she feed him, but she couldn’t allow what was starting to happen between them to continue either. That thought alone brought a painful twist to her heart.
And who would be harder to keep convinced, she wondered. Calvin? Or her?
Returning to camp, she met his gaze and gave him a simple shake of her head. Disappointment flashed across his eyes. He blew out a small sigh.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He moved closer and held out his arm to her.
Raisa stepped out of his reach. “I mean about everything. I shouldn’t have...” She flipped a hand toward the flattened area of needles where they had kissed before. “We can’t.”
A frown creased his brow. “I thought we both wanted—”
“Lapse of judgment. Shock perhaps.” Raisa turned her back toward him. She couldn’t look at him or she’d lose her resolve.
“You don’t believe that,” his voice was low behind her.
