Beyond Shattered Dreams: (Sequel to Just Below the Surface), page 18
I turn back to the car just as I reach the front doors, and Prescott smiles at me and gives a little nod. It’s all the encouragement I need, and I open the doors to get my Posey.
* * *
Posey talks all the way home. She’s excited. She and her great-aunt Vicky apparently had a wonderful time. I’m so relived she isn’t crying, or scared, or scarred in some way. But I’m also a little jealous. I don’t want Posey having such a good time with the woman who may take her away from me.
Posey goes on and on about all the “old” toys Vicky kept from when her own kids were little. Posey explains that she kept them for her future grandchildren, which she doesn’t have yet.
“I think it’s ’cause she said her daughter’s husband needs a better job,” Posey says, repeating the gossip she must’ve heard. “So they’re waiting to have kids or something.”
Prescott covers his mouth to hide a laugh, because Posey is so serious and matter-of-fact about this bit of information.
Posey goes on. “And her son isn’t in aaaaany hurry”—Posey waves her arm in emphasis—“to find a wife these days.”
I can’t help it. I laugh out loud. “Posey,” I say gently, “It’s probably a good idea if we don’t repeat anything you heard Aunt Vicky say about her kids, okay?”
“Okay.” Posey agrees without dispute. “Well, the toys were fun but reeeeaaally old,” she draws out really to drive the point home. “The Barbies look really funny and had weird clothes.”
I stifle a laugh. “Oh yeah?”
“Ooooohhh, yeah,” she says. “And there were some games that Aunt Vicky brought out of the closet and when she opened them up and looked inside, she said they might not be safe and put them back away.”
“Probably have lead paint,” Prescott mutters.
I swat playfully at his knee. “Shush,” I say. “Go on, Posey. What else did you do?”
“Well, we had soup for dinner. But Aunt Vicky spent sooooo much time trying to find a bowl that was right for me and I started to get real hungry. I told her that any old bowl will do, and she finally gave me some soup.”
Sadness pricked at my heart just then. I know it was probably weird for Vicky to ask Posey if she needed anything special, or if she could handle the spoon. I was prepared by Felicia before Posey came to me, so I knew that she could fend perfectly well for herself. I knew that Posey would ask if she needed something, and she usually tried to figure it out before she asked for help. Vicky must’ve felt so unprepared, and I felt a little bad for her.
Just a little.
“All in all, did you have a nice visit?”
“Mhm,” Posey nods her head, and I see her face in the rearview mirror. She looks content and happy. She looks up and catches my eye in the mirror. “Anne, is it okay if I like Aunt Vicky?”
Oh, man. Lord, help me through this.
“Yes, of course,” I say, with more bravery than I feel. “It’s good you like her. She’s family.” I smile.
But it’s the fakest smile I’ve ever displayed.
Chapter 29
Throughout the week, Posey talks about her aunt quite a bit. I don’t mind, because it’s all good things. I’d be more concerned if she were upset when she mentioned her, or worse—scared. But, it seems that Posey really likes her aunt, and every day I pray the Lord helps me accept it.
I’ve just cleared the dinner dishes when my phone buzzes in my back pocket. I grab it and see it’s Vicky calling for Posey. My heart drops a bit, but I answer cheerfully.
“Hey, Vicky,” I say. “She’s just in the bathroom washing barbecue sauce off her face; she’ll be out in a second.”
I hear Vicky chuckle. “Not a problem. I’ll wait.”
I set the phone on the counter and head to the bathroom as Posey comes out.
“Aunt Vicky is on the phone for you. On the counter.”
She brightens and heads to the kitchen to grab the phone.
I should get a landline, I think, selfishly wondering how long it will be until I get my phone back. Then I remember—I may not need it for long.
I head to the living room to collapse in my favorite chair while Posey heads to her bedroom, giggling at something her aunt apparently said. I pull a throw blanket over my legs and sigh.
I need to start planning for Posey leaving. I’m not trying to be dramatic. I’m just trying to be real. Prepare myself.
After a little while, Posey comes out of her room and hands me the phone.
“Aunt Vicky said I can stay with her this weekend.”
I freeze. Oh God, are You really going to let me lose her?
“Wow.” I feign excitement. “That will be fun, huh?”
“Yeah,” Posey says thoughtfully. “But I wish you could come, too.”
My heart melts a little and I reach for her, pulling her in for a hug. I kiss the top of her head.
“You’ll have a great time with your aunt.” But I sound more confident than I feel.
I knew this was coming. Felicia warned me that the visits may get longer and more frequent as they get to know each other.
I’m not ready, I think for the hundredth time. Lord, I’m not ready.
Then I hear a whisper like a gentle breeze in my heart.
Trust Me.
* * *
I make plans with Prescott for the weekend.
“I’m taking up all your time,” I told him. “I need to keep my mind occupied while she’s gone.”
He agreed, and now, Saturday morning, we’re headed to the aquarium in the city.
I reach over and turn up the radio. “I love this song.”
He keeps his eyes on the road, but I see him smile. “I’m glad to see you in a good mood this morning.”
I can’t even comment, because last night was a fiasco. I dropped Posey off at Vicky’s and immediately called Prescott and had a meltdown. He had to talk to me all the way home and assure me that it wasn’t that bad. I assured him it was that bad, and so the conversation went until I pulled into my designated spot in my complex’s parking lot.
After a shower and a good cry, I fell asleep and never moved until my alarm went off at seven.
It took a little extra makeup to cover the puffiness under my eyes, but now I look refreshed and awake. (Something you wouldn’t have thought possible had you seen me last night—the epitome of ugly crying.)
“Yeah,” I finally say. “I figured I need to make the most of the day. I can’t get her until tomorrow afternoon. So, I’m going to enjoy our alone time.”
I reach over and then catch myself, drawing my hand back before Prescott notices. Before he left for Afghanistan, at the beginning of our relationship, Prescott would reach over and hold my hand while he was driving. It always made me swoon, especially when he’d absentmindedly rub his thumb over the back of my hand while he talked to me.
Now he needs that hand to drive 100 percent of the time.
I pat my leg. “So, what do you want to see first?”
“Well, isn’t there like a trail to follow or something?”
“A trail?” I laugh.
“Yeah, you know. You walk in, pay for entry, and they give you a map of the aquarium and you follow the arrows and see everything in order.”
“Well, that’s boring,” I mumble.
Prescott bursts out laughing. “Anne, if we just walk around with no plan, we might miss some good stuff. And it will take longer to see everything.”
“But I want to see the penguins. They’re my favorite.”
“And we will,” he assures me. “When we get to them.”
I throw my head back in exasperation. “That will take forever.”
Prescott laughs again. “You don’t even know that! We haven’t gotten a map yet.”
I don’t want to admit to him that his plan is better than mine, so I stare out the window and say, “Fine. Whatever you want to do.” Then I smile.
It’s good to be in this place again.
* * *
I’m having a wonderful time. I’ve yet to see the penguins, but Prescott assures me they’re not too far off. We’re halfway through the aquarium when I hear a familiar voice call my name. I turn and see Mrs. Downing and her sons. All of them.
“Well, Anne! It’s so nice to see you!” Mrs. Downing says.
I smile and link my arm into Prescott’s. Just so there’s no doubt that I’m taken. “It’s nice to see you as well, Mrs. Downing.” I nod to the sons. “Boys,” I say in acknowledgment. It’s not that I don’t like her sons. It’s just that she’s been so aggressive in trying to marry them off—particularly to me—that I’ve learned to keep them at arm’s length.
“It’s my birthday, you know.” She smiles. “My boys brought me to my favorite place and then we’re going out to lunch.”
“How nice!” I say, genuinely happy for her. I smile at her sons approvingly.
Mrs. Downing looks from Prescott to me. “Well, it looks like you’re doing well.”
I think she’s finally coming to terms with me never dating one of her sons.
“We are.” I smile up at Prescott.
“And where’s that little girl—Rosie, is her name?”
“Posey,” I politely correct her. “She’s staying with her aunt this weekend.”
“Oh, my! So she has family, then? Well, that’s good, Anne. It’s better for her to be with blood relatives, you know.”
My face flames as anger rises. Prescott, sensing my change in mood as I grip his arm tighter, tries to keep a fire from starting.
“We’ll see, ma’am. Just because one is related by blood doesn’t always mean it’s the best thing for them to be together.”
Mrs. Downing gives us an “I know better” look, but nods. “Perhaps you’re right,” she says.
Her son Jake, obviously feeling the tension, steps forward. “Uh, Ma, we need to get to lunch so we don’t miss the specials.” He gives me a friendly wink. “Let’s let Anne and her friend get back to their date.”
I give him a grateful smile.
“Oh, you’re right. If I miss out on my clam chowder soup it will put a real damper on my birthday.”
Stifling a laugh, Jared takes her arm and starts to guide her away. He gives us a little nod. “Have a great day, you two.”
We say goodbye and I let out a sigh. Prescott puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I say. “It’s just that it makes me wonder, you know?” I shrug. “What if being with her aunt is the best thing for her? I mean, being blood related and—”
Prescott cuts me off gently. “Anne. Stop. God knows exactly what’s best for Posey. We can trust Him.”
“I know.” My voice is quiet. “I know.”
“C’mon,” he says, gently tugging my arm. “Let’s go see those penguins.”
* * *
After saying goodbye to Prescott, I shower and get into bed before texting Vicky to see if it’s alright if I video call Posey to say goodnight. She says yes, and I immediately hit the video button. Posey’s little face appears a few seconds later.
“Aaaaanne,” she says in her little singsong voice I’ve come to love.
“Poseeeeey,” I echo in the same voice.
This makes her giggle, and I see the little dimple in her left cheek.
“Are you having fun?” I ask.
She nods, her pigtails bouncing. She so cute it makes my heart ache. I want to squeeze her. I miss her.
“I’m having soooo much fun,” she says, still smiling. “Aunt Vicky teached me how to make snickerdooples today.”
I stifle a laugh. “Do you mean snickerdoodles?”
“Yep. I made good ones.”
The phone starts shaking as Posey gets up and walks to the kitchen to show me the cookies. The camera turns to the counter, where a little plate of cookies with cinnamon sprinkled on top sits. Most of them are perfect circles, but Posey gestures to a particularly lopsided one and I hear her say, “That one’s mine.”
The camera goes back to her face and she looks as proud as can be.
“Great job!” I say enthusiastically. “Do they taste as good as they look?”
“Mmhmm,” she hums, convincingly. “Aunt Vicky says I can bring you some to try.”
“I can’t wait.” I grin. My heart is torn. I’m so happy she’s having a good time. I would never want her to be afraid or uncomfortable. But I miss her. So badly.
It’s then that Posey looks right into the camera and says something that completely seals my growing love for her.
“I miss you, Anne. When can I come home?”
Home.
She wants to come home.
Here.
To me.
I pray silently and quickly, Lord, help me bear whatever You have in store for us.
* * *
I pick Posey up after church. When she says goodbye to her aunt, she doesn’t seem sad. She politely thanks her for everything and climbs into my car and into her booster without hesitation.
I turn to Vicky. “I hope all went well?”
“Oh yes,” she says. “That is one smart, kind little girl. My niece did a great job with her in those few short years she was with her.”
I drop my head a little. Maybe if Posey weren’t so well-behaved, she’d not want her so badly, I think, before I can stop myself.
“And,” she continues.
I look up.
“You’ve done a great job with her, as well.”
I blush a little. “Thanks,” I offer. I don’t know what else to say.
Vicky gives me a knowing look, smiles, and says goodbye.
I get into the car and buckle up. What was that about? I’m more confused than ever. Is this it, then? Will she be asking for custody of Posey? They get along. They’re related. They’re—
Posey interrupts my thoughts. “Can we watch a movie and make popcorn when we get home?”
There’s that word, again. Home. My heart leaps, and I swallow hard before answering.
“Of course we can, sweetie. Any movie you want.”
Chapter 30
“Here,” I say, reaching over to help Posey close the little pink candy box.
We’re making decorations and party favors for Billie’s baby shower this weekend. Posey is doing great placing the candy inside what she calls “the Chinese food takeout boxes,” but she has difficulty closing them by herself.
I can’t believe it’s already October. I feel like time is going by faster and faster. I’ve had so much time with Posey, and at the same time it doesn’t feel like enough.
“What will the baby look like?” Posey asks.
“That’s a very good question,” I say, handing her an empty box to fill. “The thing with newborn babies is that you just can’t know what they’re going to look like until they’re born.”
“My mom knew that I would be special before I was born, you know.”
“Oh?” I love that she says special and not different.
“Yep. Her doctor had a scanner that looked inside her tummy.”
I laugh softly. “That’s right. They have special scanners that can see certain things, like whether the baby is a boy or a girl, or if the baby has something special about them. Like you.” I smile, smoothing her hair away from her face. “But you can’t always tell the little details like what color their hair will be, or if they even have hair!”
Posey gasps. “Babies can be bald?” she asks, not horrified, but clearly intrigued.
I laugh again. “Yep,” I say. “In fact, my mom told me that I was as bald on my top as I was on my bottom when I was born.”
This causes Posey to break out into a fit of giggles. But after a moment, she turns serious. “But now you have the most beautiful hair.”
Not expecting that, my eyes tear up just a little. “Posey,” I say, “Thank you. That was a very sweet thing to say.”
Posey shrugs like it’s no big deal and goes back to her candy.
Once again, I’m struck by just how much I’ve fallen in love with this little girl.
“Will I get to hold her?” Posey suddenly asks.
“Of course you will.” I smile reassuringly.
“What will her name be?”
I laugh, thinking of all the names Billie has tried out since she found out they were having a girl. Last week it was Barbara and Margaret, aka Barbie and Maggie.
“I’m not really sure,” I answer. “We may not know until she’s born.”
Posey thinks about this for a moment. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Gotta see what she looks like, I guess.”
“That is a very smart way of looking at it,” I say, hiding my laugh. Posey is so serious with her thoughts all the time, I’d never want her to think I’m laughing at her. But sometimes she’s just so funny without meaning to be. “I even said that to Billie not too long ago.”
Posey nods as if she’s not surprised. Then, “I like flower names.”
“Like your name,” I say. “And mine.”
“Your name is a flower, too?” Posey’s eyes widen.
“Have you ever heard of Queen Anne’s lace?” I ask.
Posey shakes her head.
I grab my phone from the table next to me and do a quick search, pulling up a photo of the little flowering plant. I hold my phone up to show her.
“Oooohhhh,” she says, clearly impressed. “It does look lacy!”
“I know. Isn’t it so pretty?”
Posey smiles. “We both have pretty flower names, and we’re both pretty like flowers.”
This little girl just boosts my confidence so much.
“That’s right, sweetie. We do and we are.”
Lord, I pray silently, thank You that Posey had someone who was so kind to her and taught her to be kind as well. Help me to help her grow in that, and never put that light out.
Posey hands me the last finished box and grins. “All done,” she says proudly.
“Great job!” I lift it for inspection. “What do you say, want to move on to the banners?”
Posey’s face lights up, and I get up from the table to get the paper.
