Afterglow: A Brother's Best Friend Romance, page 6
Even though I’m not used to taking directions from others, I do as I’m told.
It doesn’t take either of us very long to do our tasks, and before I know it, we’re sitting at the island together, eating in comfortable silence.
“How was work?” she asks after a few moments.
“Busy. One of our computers crashed, a colleague called in sick, and one of my patients was diagnosed with lymphoma today.” I let out a sigh.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Dax.” Izzy frowns. “How old are they?”
“Two.”
Looking away from the sad expression on her face, I stir the pasta around on my plate. There are pros and cons to being a pediatrician. Most of them are pros, but the cons are pretty big. Finding out a child has cancer is the absolute worst.
“I bet your empathy makes you the best pediatrician,” Izzy mentions as she puts her hand on my arm.
Her touch is warm and comforting. I like it a lot.
“Thank you.” I put my hand on top of hers. I should probably move it, but leaving it there feels right.
I’m not sure why, but I’m done second-guessing every single new emotion Izzy stirs inside me.
Her eyes slowly drift to where our bodies are touching. Should I remove my hand? Should I say something? What the fuck is happening to me? I’m never self-conscious when it comes to women. I know what I want, and I take it.
With consent, of course.
The only thing is, I have no idea what I want with Izzy. I shouldn’t want anything with her. But I do. Shit, if Riley finds out, he’ll kill me.
I pat her hand again, this time awkwardly, before moving a little, making her hand fall away.
Izzy’s face drops for a second, and I feel like a dick. But there are a million reasons why we shouldn’t be anything more than friends right now. The biggest of them being she just got out of an abusive and toxic relationship. So she shouldn’t be wanting to jump directly into something new.
“What did you do today?” I blurt out, trying to keep us talking like friends.
“I had lots of naps, watched a bit of Netflix, and even started reading one of your dirty romance books,” she says with a smile.
“Did you drink your water?”
“I did,” she boasts with a proud tilt of her head and a big toothy grin.
“Good girl” is on the tip of my tongue. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from spilling the words. That would be walking us into territory we aren’t ready for.
“Good.” I take another bite before I say anything else.
“Well, I’m all done.” Izzy stands and walks away from the island. “I’m gonna start cleaning up.”
I nod, afraid I’ll say something stupid if I open my mouth.
While Izzy cleans up, I finish eating, and when she’s done, I send her to the Jacuzzi. She tries to argue, but I put my foot down.
She cooked dinner and cleaned most of the kitchen by herself, so the least I can do is wash my own dishes and put away the groceries.
Once I’m done, I put on my swim trunks and head up to join her. It’s probably a dumb idea because I should keep my distance, but I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.
Thankfully, when I approach her this time, she isn’t crying. She has her head laid back as soft music fills the space. I’m not sure she notices I’m here yet. Taking the time to take in Isabella Thatcher, I pause and stare like I did in the kitchen.
She isn’t the scrawny teenager I knew eight years ago or the green sub I saw at the club two and a half years ago. No, she’s a full-grown, confident, and sexy woman. Even with bruises on her face and a swollen eye, she’s gorgeous.
How have I never noticed that before?
It’s probably because I never really saw her as Isabella Thatcher. I saw her as Izzy, Riley’s baby sister. I didn’t have a reason to see her as anything else.
“You gonna join me, or are you a voyeur tonight?” Izzy speaks into the night air, pulling me from my thoughts.
“You gonna put on a show for me?” I tease, waggling my brows.
Izzy laughs but doesn’t say anything.
I’m about to hang my robe when she lifts a hand to grab her breast and lets out a husky breath, arching her back in a seductive way. My cock immediately thickens.
We should not be doing this, but I’m not a strong enough man to stop this. I don’t fucking want to.
She pinches her nipple through her bikini top, moaning at the slight sting. Lifting my fist to my mouth, I bite on my knuckles to stop the groan bubbling in my throat. This is hot, even if it’s wrong.
Without a word, I move to the other side of the Jacuzzi, giving myself a better view. At this angle, I’m able to take in her entire body.
Opening her eyes, she sets them on mine, staring directly into my soul and leaning forward. Her hands snake behind her, and before I know it, her top is gone, setting her large perfect tits free for me to stare at. I lick my lips, dying to have her breasts in my mouth. I bet she tastes fucking perfect.
A smirk forms on Izzy’s lips, and her hands come up to cup her chest. I wish they were my hands. I’m itching to touch her, but I don’t have her permission yet. She’s letting me watch but hasn’t hinted at me joining her on this. So, watching is what I’ll do.
Her right hand lets go of her breast and trails to her stomach before dipping inside the band of her bikini bottoms. I hate that the view is muddled by the water and jet bubbles.
It’s taking all of my willpower not to take control of this, tell her what to do, but I won’t do that unless we talk first. I want her full consent and a list of all her dos and don’ts. Without that, I won’t know how much is too much. I refuse to put her through anything that would make her slightly uncomfortable, not after what she’s been through with douche canoe Leo.
Izzy lets out a whimper as her hand moves under the water.
“Does that feel good?” I breathe out, not being able to stay silent anymore.
“So good.” She moans.
“Keep doing what makes you feel good,” I encourage her.
She pinches her nipple again, crying out with pleasure. My cock is now throbbing in my trunks.
“That’s it. Keep it up. Make yourself come.”
I untie my robe and reach into my trunks to stroke myself.
“Show me?” Izzy asks, staring at me with pleading eyes. There is no way I could deny her.
I drop the trunks, my cock jutting out proudly. Her eyes widen as she takes me in.
I return to stroking myself while she continues to play with her pussy, both of us watching each other intently. It’s crazy how fucking hot this is.
“I’m so close,” she whimpers.
I pick up the pace stroking my cock faster, wanting to come with her.
“Shit, shit, shit,” she mutters. “Please. Please, can I come?” I’m not sure those words have ever sounded as sexy coming from my previous partners.
“Come, baby,” I encourage her with a husky tone as my own climax nears.
“Fuck,” she yells as her orgasm takes over, her head falling back in ecstasy.
I keep stroking as I watch her come undone. It doesn’t take me long to follow, blowing my load all over the terrace floor.
Our breathing is heavy as we come down from the orgasmic high.
“What do you need right now?” I ask, wanting to make sure she’s taken care of.
“Can we talk?” she asks with big eyes.
“How about we go in, get changed, then we can sit in the theater room to talk?”
She nods and stands while I pull my trunks up and rush to get a towel for her. She lets me wrap it around her, and I try not to let my fingers linger on her skin. Once the towel is secured, I grab her robe and help her into it.
“I’ll be right in,” I say, and she heads inside.
I can’t believe we did that, but now that we have, I don’t want to go back.
I want to have this conversation.
I want to explore what being her Dom would mean, to experience her desires, and to earn her submission.
I want her to be my girlfriend.
I want so many fucking things. That is scary as fuck.
She was right in front of me this entire time, and I never saw her coming.
Riley is going to kill me.
Chapter 9
Izzy
My thoughts are like a hamster on a wheel, running a mile a minute as I get dressed in black yoga pants and a tight red tank top. My heart is racing just as fast.
I can’t believe that happened. Not only did I come harder than I have in ages, but I did it with my brother’s best friend. Riley is going to lose his ever-loving mind if he finds out about this. I don’t want to be the reason their friendship falls apart. But I’ve dreamed of being in a relationship with Dax since I was a teenager, and now that reality could actually be within my reach. I don’t think I’m a strong enough person to walk away from that, even if it meant saving a friendship.
What’s stopping me from jumping into this with both feet is the fact that sometimes dreams are better than reality. I dreamed about having a perfect Dom. At one point, I thought Leo was that man. Looking back, I’m not sure I ever truly loved him. He simply treated me so well at first. I thought that was enough.
What a shitshow that turned out to be. Maybe I’m a horrible judge of character.
Anxiety creeps through my body, latching around my neck like a noose, as I climb the stairs heading to the theater room.
Dax isn’t there yet, thank God. I need a few more minutes alone to get myself under control. I want Dax, but I’m scared. Fuck. I’ve wanted him forever, but the timing is all off.
Why did all this have to happen to me?
Why did I settle for a man like Leo?
Why couldn’t I have seen him for the parasite he is?
My head throbs, and blood rushes to my ears while a million thoughts flutter through my mind. I blink a couple of times, and my vision turns spotty. This dizzy sensation washes over me, and a blood-curdling scream rips past my lips that I have no control over. It’s like I’m possessed or something.
Tears cascade down my cheeks like waterfalls, all my frustration over everything that happened the other night finally bubbling out of me. Never have I let fear take control in the past. I pushed past any barriers if it was something I truly wanted. Now, here I am, having a panic attack over something I’ve dreamed about for so fucking long. All because of a useless piece of shit.
I’m afraid to trust my own gut right now. I hate Leo so fucking much. I wish I had never met him.
My feet carry me toward the bar in the corner like I don’t have full control over my body. I pick up a glass off the top, and before I realize what I’m doing, it’s shattering against the wall, eliciting a gasp from my lips.
Collapsing to the floor in a puddle of tears, I cry, scream, and lose my shit.
Why couldn’t I have been stronger?
Why didn’t I listen to Caidance sooner?
I’m such a fucking idiot.
My body shakes with anger and grief, yet I don’t really feel it. I’m not fully connected with my body at the moment. It’s a terrifying feeling.
“Shh,” a warm, soothing voice I’ve always loved filters through my ears. “You’re going to be okay.” He says it like it’s fact, but he doesn’t know that. How will I ever be the same? I’m a fool.
Soft, kind words filter through, but I can’t believe them.
“No. No. No,” I yell, thrashing around while shaking uncontrollably.
Warmth encircles me, and a gentle rocking sensation takes over. Back and forth, my body moves, but I’m not moving it, am I? Honestly, I’m not too sure what is happening. I am still not in control of my body, and gradually I calm down.
“You’re safe here. No one can hurt you. You’re going to get through this. Just breathe, Izzy. Breathe.”
The voice is sad, and I know I’m the reason. Maybe I’m a poison. Maybe I made Leo do those bad things to me.
“You are an amazing person. You are kind. You are strong. You are loved.”
Does the voice love me?
Nothing is making sense yet.
Why can’t I get control of my fucking body?
I focus on the rocking motion, listening to the words encouraging me to breathe, trying to center myself so I can come back.
I’m not sure how long it takes, but finally, I get control over my body and blink my eyes open. That’s when my focus lands on Dax, rocking me with tears in his eyes.
“You’re back,” he whispers with a shaky voice.
“I couldn’t gain control of my body.” My voice is raspy from my sore throat. “It was like I was an observer of what was happening, yet I couldn’t see. I could feel and hear some things, but not all of it. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get my body to listen to what I wanted it to do.”
Dax nods. “I’m pretty sure you had a panic attack.”
I shake my head. “I’ve had panic attacks before. That was something else.”
“Sometimes panic attacks can cause you to disassociate. It’s called depersonalization. We don’t learn too much about psychiatric conditions in medical school, but one of my friends was branching off into psychiatry and was so fascinated by everything that he shared a lot of information with me. It’s come in handy from time to time. I actually think they should have a more in-depth class on psychiatric conditions for everyone. Even general practitioners would benefit from it.”
“What did I do while I was out of it?”
“When I first walked in, you were on the floor shaking and screaming. So I scooped you into my arms and started to rock you. I kept trying to think of words that would calm you. Occasionally, you would fight me, screaming no, but I didn’t stop. The hardest thing to hear was when you started talking bad about yourself.” The emotion in his voice is raw and real. His eyes are full of turmoil, and I hate that he had to see me like this. “You called yourself a poison. And baby, that’s not even fucking close to the truth.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have encouraged things earlier. I got too caught up in the moment. Would you mind telling me what you were thinking about to bring this on, though?”
“It wasn’t you,” I assure him. “I’m the one that pushed. I don’t know what made me think that was a good idea. God, I’m so embarrassed.” I bury my face in my hands, not wanting to face him after the mess I’ve become. First, coming onto him, then breaking down like a lunatic. Knowing he’s still waiting for a response, I take a centering breath and continue. “When I got in here, it hit me what I’d done. Then I was just thinking about how I’ve had a crush on you for a really long time. You wanting me is kind of like a dream come true. But because of what Leo did to me, I’m questioning myself. It all just kind of snowballed from there.”
Dax nods. “That makes perfect sense. You’ve been through a lot. I should have stopped you.”
“I think I’m a little too fucked in the head to be good for you right now,” I mutter, looking at my lap.
A strong hand tilts my chin, causing me to stare into his gorgeous green eyes.
“You are not fucked up. You are not broken. And. You. Are. Not. Poison,” he states firmly, not once breaking eye contact.
The way he says it with such conviction makes me want to believe it.
“Do you want to maybe talk to someone about all of this?” he asks.
I take a moment to consider his offer. What’s the harm in talking about it? A professional could help me work through this shit and maybe help me move on.
“Okay,” I whisper.
Dax smiles, holding me a little tighter for a few moments. I’m not sure how long because it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.
“How did you get me in so quick?” I ask Dax on the phone as I’m getting dressed.
He just informed me I have a therapy session in two hours, and a car will arrive to get me in about an hour.
“He’s a buddy of mine,” he tells me like it’s no big deal.
“Well, thank you. I wasn’t really expecting to do this today,” I mutter as I walk down the hall to eat breakfast.
“Is it too soon?”
“No. It’s probably better to do this now. I was just a little shocked, is all. I’m really grateful for this, Dax. Last night was scary.”
“Elijah is a great guy. I promise he’ll be able to help you with this.”
“You really do have to stop being so amazing,” I tease, eliciting a chuckle from him.
“Not going to happen. You deserve to be treated like gold.”
My heart flutters with a million butterflies. Why does this man have to be so fucking swoon-worthy?
“What time are you getting home tonight?” I ask as I pull out a bowl of fruit from the refrigerator.
“A little earlier than yesterday since I don’t have to stop at the store.”
“Perfect. I’ll have supper ready. How does chicken sound?”
“Amazing. I’ll see you soon,” he replies and ends the call.
We still do need to talk, but first, therapy.
Fun.
The car arrives just as Dax promised, and I’m trying to keep a level head on the drive, but my anxiety keeps eating at me. I don’t know if I’m ready to relive the night I so desperately want to forget, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I need help.
When I arrive, I’m greeted with a warm smile from an older receptionist and told to take a seat in the welcoming waiting room. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait for long.
“Miss Thatcher?” a young female calls, and I stand. “Right this way.” She turns and leads me down a hall.
I follow her to a room where a gentleman around the same age as Dax is sitting behind a desk.
“Thank you, Belle,” he says to the woman, and she walks away.
“Come on in, Miss Thatcher,” he greets with a warm smile.
“Please, call me Izzy. Miss Thatcher sounds funny.”
He chuckles. “Of course. I’m Elijah.” He stands and reaches his hand out to me. “It’s nice to meet you.”
