Full Figured 16, page 15
“Why the attitude? You’re the one who told me to FaceTime you.” I frowned.
“Because I thought it would be a chill conversation and you would tell me about the party with your friends. Not that you would have a meltdown about your ex,” Moe snapped at me. “Bye, Sierra.”
I looked at the phone after he hung up. I couldn’t believe he was tripping for no reason. A simple conversation about Karima had somehow turned into an unwarranted accusation and attitude. I tried calling him back, but he didn’t answer.
Fine. If that’s the way he wants to act, then that’s on him. One thing I ain’t gonna do is concern myself with someone who technically ain’t even my man. Moe is cool, but that was out of pocket.
After tossing and turning all night, I tried calling him the next morning. His phone went straight to voicemail. I figured he was on the plane and headed home. I felt like the conversation had gone left and we’d misunderstood each other. I told myself to wait until he arrived home a few hours later when we could talk face-to-face. I’d been promising to prove to him that I could cook, and I figured this was the perfect time to show off my skills. I got dressed and headed to the grocery store to pick up everything I needed to make a gourmet meal.
* * *
The crab-stuffed salmon was baked, the macaroni and cheese bubbling, asparagus broiled, and homemade rolls cooling, and Moe hadn’t made it home. I also hadn’t heard from him. I tried calling him again, but his phone continued going to voicemail. I wasn’t sure what time he was scheduled to arrive, but if his flight was in the early morning, he definitely should’ve been back in the city.
Is he still mad? He can’t be. Our conversation was heated, but it wasn’t that bad. He still should’ve at least called.
I waited another hour, then made myself a plate. I didn’t even bother baking the chocolate chip cookies waiting to be put in the oven. There was no point. I put the food away and watched television in my bedroom until I fell asleep. No one else was in my thoughts, including Reggie or Carmen. Only Moe.
The next morning when I left for work, his car still wasn’t there. I was officially worried. If something had happened to him, I had no way of knowing. I really didn’t know any of his friends or family.
“Thanks for joining me and my crazy friends, Sierra.” Isis greeted me with my favorite Starbucks order. “And thank you for my beautiful journal. I love it.”
“Thank you, and I’m glad you like it. I hope you use it, too.” I smiled.
“I promise I will. I wish you had spent the night at the Airbnb. You know we were still turning up when we got back.”
“I’m sure you all did.” I laughed. “Your friends and sisters are a whole vibe.”
“You’ve gotta join our book club. Sonya is joining too. We’re BGBC, the Big Girls Book Club. I know you’re around here tryin’a be a skinny Minnie, but you still got plenty of curves, so you qualify.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised.
When Isis was gone, I sat at my computer and tried to think whether I should call the hotel and ask for Moe’s room. I thought about calling the company he worked for and requesting to speak to him. I even pulled up his LinkedIn to see if there was a direct line to his office.
Shit, Karima’s right. I’m a stalker. I’m officially doing the most.
I closed the website and started working. I had barely started checking my emails when I heard a commotion. I went to see what was happening.
“Ahhhhh,” a woman moaned.
“Get a wheelchair,” Sonya yelled.
“I’m on it.” Isis came running past my door.
It wasn’t uncommon for patients to come into the office instead of going to the hospital when they were unsure if they were in labor. A few times, there had been actual births. I wondered if this was going to be one of those instances. My curiosity got the best of me, and I strolled behind Isis as she pushed the wheelchair to the lobby. The other patients who were waiting seemed to be just as curious about what was taking place as I was.
“It’s okay, Morgan. We’ve got you,” Sonya coaxed. “We gotta get you into the chair.”
The young woman she was talking to was the same young lady we’d seen in the bathroom at the restaurant. She moaned again as she doubled over. “I can’t. It hurts.”
“I can lift her.”
I did a double take as a set of strong arms took hold of Morgan and gently picked her up. I thought I was tripping and seeing things, but sure enough, it was Moe.
“Thanks,” Sonya said. “Let’s get her to exam room three.”
Isis nodded, and I held the door as she wheeled Morgan into the hallway and to the exam room.
“Is she gonna be okay?” Moe looked scared shitless.
“We’re probably gonna have to call EMS and have her transported. I know you brought her in. You can ride with her if you want,” Sonya told him.
“Okay.” Moe nodded.
“You can wait out here,” Sonya said.
Moe began pacing back and forth. I quickly stepped back inside the door so he wouldn’t see me. I now understood why he’d disappeared. He was with his baby mama he’d failed to tell me about. I’d been played. I went back into my office and sat at my desk, shocked and hurt. Unable to stop myself, I sobbed.
It took a little while for me to get myself together. When the tears stopped, I went into the staff bathroom. The office was calm, and there was no sign of Moe or Morgan.
Morgan, the mother of his child. Shit, she was a child herself.
I wanted to find out her age, and it wouldn’t have taken much to pull up her medical records, but I didn’t. There was no point. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was pregnant. I took out my phone and deleted Moe’s number. Not that I expected him to call me. I was done. That didn’t stop Isis from coming into my office with an update.
“What a morning.” She flopped into the chair and exhaled. “I’m glad that young lady came in when she did.”
“Is she okay?” I asked, not out of concern, but to be polite.
“She lost the baby, but her tube didn’t rupture. She could’ve died.”
“Bittersweet, I guess.”
“It is. She’s young. She has plenty of time to have kids.”
“Yeah, and her boyfriend seems supportive,” I added.
“He was more scared than she was. He held it together though, and did you see the way he swooped her up and put her into that wheelchair? Superman status,” Isis said excitedly.
The tears I thought were over started flowing again. “I’m sorry.”
“Girl, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Isis gasped.
“I don’t know. I’m just emotional for no reason. Probably that time of the month,” I lied. “And then watching all of that happen.”
“I get it.” Isis gave me a sympathetic nod.
“I’ll be okay. I think I need to leave for the day,” I told her. I sent an email to Sonya and Dr. Jenkins telling them that I was sick, and I left.
I can’t even call Karima. She doesn’t even know about me dealing with Moe. And all she’d say is, “I told you so.” She was right. Moe was for the streets, and I should’ve never thought he would ever see me as anything more.
“Sierra, where you at?” my mother asked when I answered the phone.
“On my way home, Ma. I don’t feel good. I have a headache.”
More like a heartache.
“What’s wrong? Did they check your pressure at work? It’s probably your pressure. You don’t need to be driving if it’s your pressure.”
“It’s not my pressure, Ma. I’m almost home anyway. I just need to lie down, that’s all.”
“Yeah, go lie down. And make sure you drink some water. That might be why your head is hurting. You know you don’t drink enough water. All you drink is coffee, and that caffeine ain’t good for you. It messes with your pressure.”
“I’ve been drinking water, Ma. But I’ll drink some before I lie down.” I sighed. “Did you want something?”
“Oh, yeah, I called to tell you that Reggie ain’t engaged. It was just a rumor. Evelyn called and told me.”
“Okay, Ma. Thanks for letting me know.”
“You sure you’re okay, Sierra?” she asked.
“I am, Ma. I just need to get some water and lie down,” I said as I pulled in front of my condo. “I gotta go. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I parked and sat in the car, unable to get out. The last person I wanted to see was Moe, who’d just stepped out of his car and was now walking toward me.
“You are a sight for sore eyes,” he said and opened my door.
I ignored the hand he was holding toward me to help me, and I stepped out on my own. I closed my door and kept walking as if he weren’t there.
“Sierra, what the hell?” he called out as he came up from behind.
“Leave me the hell alone, Moe, seriously,” I told him.
“What? Why are you acting like this?” He had the audacity to reach for me.
I snatched away and stared at him. “Acting like what? Like someone who hasn’t spoken to you in two days? Because you damn sure ain’t answer my calls or call me.”
“I can explain that, and I know it’s fucked up, but I have had the worst forty-eight hours ever.”
“I bet.” I shook my head.
“First, I missed my first flight and had to fly standby, which I hate. And I lost my fucking phone in the airport. I think I threw it away accidentally, honestly. I couldn’t even look for it because I had to get to my connecting flight. We sat on the tarmac for almost two hours because of some kind of mechanical issue. Got off the plane, spent the night in the airport. Then when I finally got home, I had another emergency waiting for me as soon as I pulled up to the crib that I had to take care of.”
He said it so effortlessly that I almost believed him. Had I not witnessed him with Morgan with my own eyes, I probably wouldn’t have ever found out. He damn sure hadn’t mentioned that.
“You mean your baby mama?” I asked.
Moe’s eyes popped open, and his head snapped in disbelief. He was busted, and there was no way he could get out of it.
“You must take me for a fool. You do realize the clinic you came into today was the one I work at, right? I saw the whole thing. I know you went with Morgan in the ambulance, and I know all about the miscarriage, which I am sorry about. So don’t come all up in my face telling me about missing flights and losing phones. And like I said, leave me the fuck alone.”
“You buggin’ for real.”
“Oh, I’m buggin’? Typical response—project your bullshit on me.” I laughed.
“Which part is bullshit? Because I ain’t projecting nothing. Morgan ain’t my girlfriend or my baby mama. I’ve only met her twice,” Moe said.
“And? It only takes once to knock someone up if you’re having unprotected sex, asshole. And that chick has constantly been over here banging on your door and looking for you. I told you about her coming by banging on the door like she was the motherfuckin’ police.” I looked him up and down.
“She wasn’t looking for me. She was looking for Ced, her baby daddy. And he’s been ducking and dodging her ever since she told him she was knocked up. Her ass was sitting in the parking lot in pain and hoping I would call him for her since he wouldn’t take her calls. I told her she ain’t need Ced. She needed a damn doctor. So yeah, I brought her into the office, and I rode with her to the hospital because my fucked-up friend refused to man the hell up. If you saw me, why didn’t you say something? I damn sure could’ve used some support while it was happening. But it’s cool. And you just proved I was right about my first assumptions about you,” he told me. “Now, per your request, I’ll gladly leave you the fuck alone.”
He turned and walked away, leaving me speechless as he got into his car and drove off. I wanted to run behind him, explain that I’d been wrong, and apologize. I didn’t. The headache I’d lied to my mother about having was now very real. I needed some water and to lie down.
Chapter 10
I’d been waiting anxiously and listening for Moe to come back. It was almost midnight when I saw the reflection of his car lights in my bay window, then confirmed the sound of his door opening across the hall. My emotions were all over the place, even more so without having Karima to confide in. Luckily, I found a listening ear and sound advice from an unexpected source.
“Oh, Sierra, it’s going to be okay. Don’t cry,” Sonya told me. She’d called after work to check on me and see if I needed anything, and she ended up getting a thirty-minute oral dissertation of my drama-filled love life. She wasn’t judgmental or disapproving at all but her same supportive self.
“I messed up. I didn’t even give him a chance to explain. I just jumped to conclusions and assumed I was being played.” I sniffed. “I honestly expected him to play me.”
“But why? You said the two of you enjoyed spending time and you felt like he liked you.”
“I thought I was playing myself in a way. Seeing and feeling something that wasn’t there. Moe is a player, and he likes a certain type of woman, and I’m nothing like it,” I said. “He likes model chicks and has no problem getting them. Not girls like me. You saw him today. He’s tall and handsome and successful and funny. He can have any woman he wants.”
“You’re a model chick, Sierra. You’re beautiful, inside and out, and smart and funny and a whole lot of other amazing qualities. Hell, you’re the one who can get anyone you want. Moe ain’t stupid. He knows you’re a damn good catch. Why do you think he’s been with you these past few weeks instead of those other chicks you say are his type? He wants to be with you.”
“You think so?” I asked.
“I know so. If you’re not sure, then ask him. He’ll tell you. Have you even told him what you want from him or that you like him?”
“No.”
“You probably should. Why are you waiting for him to decide? You have a choice and a say in this too. And before you ask, if he doesn’t feel the same way or he’s not sure, then that’s fine too. There are plenty of tall, handsome, successful men who will value you. Ones who will love and accept you for exactly the size you are right now. You ain’t gotta lose a pound. My man is all of those things and more, and he deserves all of me.”
“True.” I laughed.
“Talk to him, Sierra. Then go from there. The only way you’ll play yourself is if you aren’t honest about your feelings,” she said. “Don’t worry about coming in tomorrow. I’m giving you a mental health day, paid.”
“Thanks, Sonya. I appreciate you.”
After talking to her, I took out my journal and began to write. I was honest about everything I felt. When I was done, I remembered the dough waiting in the fridge. I hopped up and proceeded to bake.
I waited a few minutes after he got home before finally picking up the plate of cookies and going to see him. I knocked on his door softly at first, then a little harder. Finally, he opened it.
“These are for you,” I told him. “They’re your favorite, chocolate chip.”
He didn’t respond immediately. He looked down at the plate, then back at me as he took it from my hands. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” He held the door open, and I stepped inside. “You want a drink?”
“No, I’m fine,” I said nervously. I’d been inside his place plenty of times, but I waited for him to give me permission to sit.
“You don’t have to be all formal, Sierra. You can relax,” he said as he walked over to his sofa and sat down. He had a cookie in his hand and began to nibble. “These are good by the way. Or it could be that I’m hungry.”
“Both,” I said. “How’s Morgan? You check on her?”
“She’s resting. Her mom took her home. Ced’s ass still hasn’t called or checked on her.” He shook his head.
“Karima dodged a bullet with that one,” I said, recalling how he tried to push up on her at Taboo.
“This whole thing has made me reflect,” he said. “I never want to be that guy.”
“You’re nothing like him,” I said.
“I am in a lot of ways. Well, I was. Not lately though. I’ve changed for the better.” Moe looked deep in thought. “I didn’t even pick up on it until today. Losing my phone, not being able to call and tell you what was going on, I was pissed. It’s crazy because the only person I wanted to talk to was you, and I couldn’t. Shit was frustrating as hell.”
“I know. I was scared myself and thought something had happened and you were in the hospital or hurt somewhere, and I didn’t know how to find you,” I told him.
“It was like a part of me was missing.” Moe’s eyes met mine. I saw it again, the longing that I’d seen the first time when we were together.
“I’m sorry I made the assumptions about you. I was wrong, and you didn’t deserve that.”
Moe reached over and took my hand. “I don’t blame you. My previous behavior warranted it. I’m glad you’re here with me now though.”
“Moe, I need to tell you something,” I said before I lost my nerve.
“What is it? Are you still in love with him?” Moe asked.
“What?”
“Your ex. You’re admitting that you’re still in love with him?”
“No, I’m not in love with him. Not anymore. I’m . . . I mean, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I’m in love with you,” I blurted out.
There, I said it. For the first time in my life, I’d been the one to say it first. I faced my fear of rejection and had been honest with myself and Moe.
“Wow, Sierra, I wasn’t expecting that.” He looked surprised. “I don’t even know—”
“I get it. You don’t have to say it. I’m different, and you can’t see yourself with a girl like me—”
My babbling was stopped by Moe pulling me toward him and covering my mouth with his. His mouth tasted like chocolate, a result of my delicious cookies.
“Sierra,” he said when we finally paused moments later.
