Full Figured 16, page 10
“First, thank you for letting me know about this. I appreciate your being straightforward and direct as well. I respect you for that.” I sat up and moved to the edge of my seat. “I do want to be clear about what Kelly is referring to.”
Sonya nodded at me. “Please do. That’s why I invited you in to talk. Be as clear as you’d like, Sierra. This is a safe space.”
“At no time did I raise my voice at her. She called me at the end of a long day asking about an authorization that she couldn’t locate and insinuated that I failed to complete it. Turns out, it was an error on her end. I admit I was a bit abrasive and short, but that was after she realized her error and failed to offer an apology,” I told Sonya, then admitted, “And I might’ve hung up without giving a formal goodbye. But she’d already stated she found what she needed, and I’d said what I needed to say, and as far as I could tell, the conversation was over.”
Sonya looked at me for a moment without saying anything. Nervousness began to creep in, and suddenly I felt hot. I wondered if I’d been premature in thinking I could speak freely. Then her mouth twitched a little, and her eyes widened. I was confused until a giggle escaped from her mouth.
“Now you know you hung up on that girl.” Sonya laughed.
I couldn’t help but to laugh as well. “I promise I didn’t mean to. It happened so fast, and like I said, it was a long day.”
“I get it. She said you left early, too, but she told that to someone else, not Dr. Jenkins.” Sonya shook her head. “But don’t worry about that.”
“She what?” I gasped. “I left a few minutes early because I worked through lunch.”
“It’s fine. I assured Dr. Jenkins that I was certain this is all a misunderstanding, and it is,” Sonya reassured me. Then she lowered her voice. “This conversation isn’t about anything that you did. It’s about what was said about you. You deserve to know, and as management, I won’t allow any of those conversations to take place and not tell you about them, either. That’s poor leadership. That’s not how I handle my staff.”
“Wow, Isis was right.”
“About what?” Sonya asked.
“You really are cool. I mean, in a professional kinda way, of course. I don’t even know what to say other than thank you.”
“I’m just doing my job, and not just the one I was hired to do. We gotta look out for one another because there are plenty of ‘Kellys’ out here. Thanks for meeting with me this morning.”
“Thank you for the chat. I enjoyed it.” I smiled as I stood to leave.
“Sierra, I do need you to do something though.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“As difficult as this may be, I’m going to need you to be unbothered by this situation.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t dare give Ms. Kelly the satisfaction of having me act funny, nor unleash the cussing out she deserves. I know how the game goes.” I winked.
“I know you do, Sierra. Listen, my door is always open if you wanna chat about anything. And next time you wanna tip out early or sneak in a few minutes late, give me a heads-up.” She winked back at me.
“I will.” I gave an embarrassed shrug.
“Isis was right about you too. You’re cool with a good head on your shoulders.” Sonya began walking from around her desk, and my eyes went back to the photos.
“You and your husband look so happy,” I commented.
“We are. Girl, I’m so in love that it’s sickening sometimes, but I don’t care. Honestly, he’s even worse than I am.”
“You’re lucky. There aren’t a lot of them out there like him.”
“I’m blessed, and they’re out there looking. You just have to be ready and willing to be found by the one who deserves all that you are.” Sonya put her arm around my shoulder. “Oh, and don’t settle for anything less.”
* * *
Sonya’s words resonated with me for the rest of the day, and I couldn’t get them out of my mind. “Don’t settle for anything less.”
Maybe I’ve been looking at this all wrong. Could it be that I deserve better than Reggie? I can’t imagine loving anyone or being with anyone better than him. He was all that I’d ever desired and more. Hell, truth be told, when we first started dating, I thought he was out of my league.
Instead of working through lunch, I went and grabbed a sandwich from Panera and ate in my car. Karima hadn’t called, but she had sent a text saying we needed to talk. Where was that same energy to talk when she found out about Reggie and Carmen? She damn sure wasn’t tryin’a talk about that. Nah, we ain’t got nothing to talk about.
“Sierra!”
I looked up at the sound of someone calling my name and saw Isis waving at me as she walked toward my car. Even though I didn’t feel sociable, I reminded myself that she had been generous enough to grab my morning coffee and told Sonya some nice things about me.
“Hey, Isis, what’s good?” I rolled down the passenger window, thinking this would be a brief conversation.
“Nothing. What’s good with you?” Isis opened my car door and sat in the passenger seat like we were about to roll out.
“Uh, nothing. Finishing up my lunch and about to head back inside,” I replied as I reached for my purse in the back seat. “Oh, I need to pay you for this morning.”
“Girl, you don’t owe me nothing. I got enough Starbucks points to treat the whole staff for a week if I wanted. You’re good.” Isis waved her hand toward me. “I heard what Kelly did. She’s a hot mess. You know why she did that, right?”
“Because she’s a white woman?” I stated the obvious.
“No, well, yeah, that, but also because she wants to transfer to the main hospital where her boyfriend works, but she’s under contract. She’s looking for a reason for them to release her.” Isis nodded. “Trying to be slick and throw you under the bus at the same time.”
“You’re right. She’s a hot mess. It’s cool though.” I shrugged.
“Sonya said y’all had a great talk though. She really likes you.”
“I like her too. She’s cool, just like you said she was.”
“She gave you some good love advice, too, huh? I didn’t know you were single. I thought you had a boyfriend.” Isis looked surprised.
“‘Had’ would be the right word.” I sighed. “But no, I’m currently not in a relationship.”
“Are you dating?”
“No, not dating either,” I confessed.
“Girl, why not? You’re smart, beautiful, educated, and a great catch. You should be out here getting all the free meals and drinks in the city.” Isis laughed.
“Nah, I don’t think I should be doing that,” I told her. “That’s not really my style.”
“Style? What the hell does that mean? You don’t enjoy being treated like a lady?”
“I’m not saying that. I definitely enjoy being treated right and expect it from my partner, but I can buy my own drinks and meals,” I explained.
“No one said you couldn’t. You can be independent and courted at the same time.” Isis laughed. “And how do you expect to find a partner if you don’t date?”
I didn’t have an answer because I really didn’t have any true dating experience. Reggie was the second guy I’d dated, the first one being my high school sweetheart. There were no in-betweens. Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t have a “ho phase” in college. When I wasn’t boo’d up, I was hitting the books and simply enjoying hanging out in group settings. The thought of dating someone I didn’t know made me slightly uncomfortable, and I felt that women who went out with strangers for free food and drinks gave off gold-digger vibes. That definitely wasn’t me.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. I’d met both of my exes through happenstance, not dating. “The universe will put us together, I guess.”
“Or you can try a dating app. I’m just saying.” Isis laughed. “There’s plenty of them out there.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I sighed, knowing that would be the last thing I considered doing. “But I need to get inside before Kelly runs and tells someone that I’m late coming back from lunch.”
“I wish she would. Ain’t nobody scared of her, and she don’t run shit around here. And if she says anything about you again, I’ll personally cuss her out on your behalf,” Isis promised.
I wanted to think that she was joking, but somehow I knew that she wasn’t. As we got out of my car, I couldn’t help but smile. The lunchtime conversation had been the second random encounter with someone I wasn’t close to that had a positive impact. My day had gone much better than I anticipated, and I realized I felt better.
Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Could being open to meeting strangers be exactly what I need? Should I put myself out there? Clearly Reggie didn’t want me, and being the “good girl” didn’t work out too well either. I’d been loving, faithful, supportive, honest, and everything else he needed, but it still wasn’t good enough. Maybe being committed to one man was a mistake. There was only one way to find out.
Chapter 4
The first thing I spotted when I pulled into the parking lot of my condo two days later was Karima’s car. I shouldn’t have been surprised to see it sitting there, but I was. One thing about my bestie, she hated being ignored and was going to speak her mind no matter what. There was only so long that she was going to allow me to give her the silent treatment. It took everything within me not to turn around and leave. I pulled into my space and sat in the car for a moment before getting out and going inside, where I knew she was waiting.
“You do know this is breaking and entering, right?” I said when I walked into the living room, where she was lying in her favorite spot on my sofa under a blanket.
Karima looked away from Wild ’N Out on the TV screen and cut her eyes at me. “It’s not unlawful entry when the owner gave you a key.”
“Well, I guess the owner needs to get that key back then,” I sneered.
“Yeah, right. We both know that shit ain’t happening.” Karima went back to watching television as if she were an invited guest. The dress slacks, blouse, and heels she had on was a clear sign that she’d come to my place right after work and skipped the gym, something she never did. She was really pressed to have this conversation.
I put my purse on the countertop of the breakfast bar and continued into the living area. “What the hell are you doing here, Karima?”
After picking up the remote and muting the TV, Karima stared at me. “Don’t act dumb, Sierra. You know I’m here so we can talk this thing out. You’ve given me the silent treatment, and I gave you plenty of time and space to process and calm down. Now let’s go ahead and hash this thing out and get back to normal.”
“Normal? Is that what it’s called when your best friend withholds pertinent information and makes you look like a fool?” I asked.
“How the hell did I make you look like a fool? Wait, what makes you even look like a fool?” Karima frowned.
“Because you knew he was dating her, and you didn’t say anything. I had to find out via social media, and the only reason I found out was by using someone else’s account because he blocked me. That’s foolish!”
“That’s stalking, Sierra, and that’s on you, not me. I’ve told you time and time again to stop doing that. You and Reggie have been over for a while. It was pointless. You wanna be mad at somebody, be mad at yourself, not me.” She shook her head. “And before you say it, I already know that he might’ve said and done some things to give you this false sense of hope, and he’s dead wrong for that. But again, that’s on him and not you.”
“You could’ve at least told me he was dating, Karima.”
“And what difference would it have made if I did that? You would still stalk him. I didn’t mention it, and look, here we are. You found out anyway. It wasn’t my place to tell you,” she insisted. “I get it. You’re hurt and upset. I’m sorry about that, Sierra, but it’s not my fault. I love you and have always been there for you, and I always will. We ride or die for each other, and that has nothing to do with Reggie or anyone else. I was your bestie before him, and I still am.”
I folded my arms across my chest and fought the tears that were starting to form. Even though he’d made it clear that he no longer wanted to be with me, I still hadn’t let Reggie go. He knew this and used my failure to fully accept our breakup to his advantage at the wedding, but I’d allowed it. I wasn’t blameless in this. I hated to admit it, but Karima was right about a few things. I was hurt and upset. I had also been the one attempting to keep tabs on Reggie. More importantly, she’d proven time and time again that she was my closest friend. I trusted her with not only the key to my place, but my life.
“I can’t believe he’s with Carmen Finesse,” I blurted out as my tears made their way down my face.
Karima jumped up and put her arms around my neck. “This ain’t about him or who he’s with, Sierra. I keep telling you that you deserve so much better than Reggie, cousin or not. You’re so focused on him, and that’s the problem. Truth be told, I’m glad he blocked you on everything. That’s the one good thing he’s done.”
“What?” I took a step back and blinked.
“It is. Now you can stop worrying about him and focus on yourself.”
“I have been focusing on myself. Why do you think I’ve been working so hard these past few months? I lost almost thirty pounds, in case you forgot,” I reminded her.
“You have and you look incredible. But let’s be real. You lost thirty pounds because Reggie mentioned that you gained weight.” Karima glared at me. “And the moment you found out he was with Carmen, you stopped. At first, I was unsure if you were doing it for him or you, but now I know.”
“I did it for me, Karima.”
“Then why is it the moment this shit happened, you quit? You stopped coming to the gym, and you’ve been eating horribly and drinking.” Before I could object, she held up her hand and told me, “I saw your trash.”
Knowing I’d been busted, my only response was, “I’m taking my damn key back.”
“You’re not.” Karima flopped back down on the sofa.
I slipped off my shoes and took my usual spot on the opposite end. “So you’re really not gonna apologize?”
“For what?” She gave me a confused look.
“For not telling me about Reggie and the InstaThot.”
“Hell no, I’m not. You’re the one who should be apologizing to me for keeping me on read all week.”
I rolled my eyes and loudly exhaled, “Fine, my bad. Now that that’s out of the way, lemme tell you about my week.”
“Wait, before you do that, shouldn’t we toast to us making up?” Karima sat up and asked.
“You’re not slick, Karima. You saw my damn wine in the fridge, didn’t you?” I grinned.
“I may have spotted it,” she said with a smirk.
“Didn’t you just scold me about drinking this week?” I pointed out.
“This is a special moment between besties, and it calls for an exception.” She stood. “We should probably enjoy those chips and guac you have, too.”
The two of us went into the kitchen, and as I opened and poured the wine, she grabbed the bag of tortillas that were on top of the fridge and the container of guacamole from inside. And just like that, we were back to laughing and chatting about everything that happened over the past few days. I told Karima all about Sonya’s chat about Kelly and her words of encouragement, along with Isis’s suggestion that I try online dating.
“I think that’s a great idea. I told you months ago you need to get out there. Why you wouldn’t, I don’t know.”
Because I thought your cousin was going to come to his senses and love me again, that’s why. I thought he’d realize he was still in love with me the same way I was in love with him. Why did you think I wouldn’t?
“I guess I wasn’t ready,” I told her. “But now I am.”
Karima’s eyes widened. “What? Are you for real? I don’t believe you. Seriously?”
“Why not? He’s moved on. So should I.” I said the words I’d been thinking all week.
“Prove it.” Karima raised an eyebrow at me.
“What? How?”
“Let’s go out tonight. One of the guys from work is having a party at Taboo. I’m on the list.”
Taboo was a private, invitation-only membership club in the city that catered to local celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. Anyone who was anyone was a member, as were those who considered themselves elite and could afford the fee of $200 per month. It was a cool spot that was a space for people to have business meetings or work remotely by day, but at night, especially on the weekends, it was the place to be. Karima wasn’t a member, but she somehow always managed to be on the list. And though she’d invited me several times, I’d never been.
“I don’t know about that. I was thinking maybe we’d hit happy hour at Applebee’s or somewhere,” I said.
“What are we, in undergrad? Girl, we are hanging with the grown folks tonight. Go shower and get changed. Meet me at my house in an hour.” Karima jumped up.
“Wait, are we really doing this?” I began to panic.
“Hell yeah, so make sure you get cute,” she told me. “We wanna make sure the fellas know you’re on the market when they see you.”
Before I could even process what was happening, Karima had hugged me and was out the door. There was no turning back now. Me and my big mouth. As usual, there were no baby steps with my best friend. She was the epitome of all or nothing, and helping me jump into the world of socializing was no exception.
I’m going to Taboo on a Friday night. I don’t even know what “cute” means when it comes to a place like that. Applebee’s cute, I understand, but I’m sure it definitely isn’t the same at Taboo. I know I said that in order to get something I’d never had, I’d have to do something I’d never done, but this damn sure ain’t what I meant.
* * *
“Sierra, I said get cute.” Karima groaned as she got into my car.
