Men of Nat Ex Boxset, page 27
part #2 of Men of NatEx Series
But what if she’d thought about changing her mind and decided not to so she could take the safer bet of being with Mason, the man with more to offer? What if I’ve had a shot this whole time if I’d just taken a bigger risk?
Cadence’s phone buzzes on the counter, and when she looks at it, she says, “That’s Matthew. He’s five minutes away.” Then she picks it up. “I’ll let him know you’re here.”
“Actually,” I tell her, leaving my water bottle untouched, “I have to go. Thanks for the chat. See you next weekend.”
Then I get back in my Jeep and drive off before I even realize where I’m going.
Nic
“You sure it’s okay if I stay here?” I ask Amelia for the third time. “I really don’t want to put you guys out. I know you’re Aidan’s friends. I just…”
Amelia touches my arm as I trail off. “It’s really no trouble at all. We promise.”
“Thank you. So much.” I set my bag near the couch and take a careful seat. “I just don’t want to be alone. Mason has so much work to do while he’s here, and I don’t know anyone else here besides Aidan, and…” And I trail off again.
Everything circles back to him. Always.
She heads to the kitchen, which has a few boxes stacked in the corner. “Want some coffee? We can chat if you want.”
I click my tongue and meet her by the coffee pot. “You serve people coffee all day. I’m not letting you do that for me in your own home.”
Giving up easily, she pushes herself up onto the counter to sit. “Can’t argue with that, I guess.” She smiles at me while I get to work.
Once the coffee is brewing, I look for mugs. She directs me to the right place, and I take two of them down.
“These are really cute,” I tell her, inspecting both of them carefully. “Where’d you get them?”
She cocks her head and raises an eyebrow. “You really want to talk about coffee mugs right now?”
Okay, she got me. No, of course I don’t. Maybe I did ask to go home with her from the shop because I’m desperate to talk to someone who has no stake in this and won’t feel like they need to fix me. I never really made any friends when I moved to Aidan’s hometown. Well, besides Aidan, and we all know how that turned out.
Still, I’m so hesitant to finally say the words out loud. So I point to the boxes instead and give her a halfhearted grin. “Moving out?”
She swings her head toward them, and her grin is anything but halfhearted. It’s a mile wide and nearly splitting her face in two. “Nope,” she says, popping the P at the end of the word. “Jeremy’s moving in.”
“Oh, congratulations!” I smirk at her. “I knew that guy loved you something fierce.” Then I chew my lip. I’m not so nosy as to ask the question on the tip of my tongue.
But it’s apparently written all over my face, because she says, “Yeah, he’s a little younger. Like fresh-out-of-college younger and I’m almost thirty. But we make it work.” She starts to blush a little, and I assume that means they make it work pretty well.
To take the awkward out of the situation, I say, “So, he’s finishing his job at Nat Ex”—I manage not to say with Aidan—“working at the bakery, and packing to move here? Damn.”
“I know!” She hops off the counter when the coffeemaker beeps. Then she pours two mugs. “The poor guy barely lets me help, but all he says is how worth it it’ll be in the end. Cream? Sugar?”
“Black is fine.” Mostly it’s fine because I told her she didn’t have to serve me in her home, but it’s also fine because coffee is the last thing I care about right now.
Hearing her words makes me yearn for something I’ve never had. Something I possibly could have had if I’d made the riskier choice. Something I may never have based on how badly I screwed things up last night.
She hands me a cup and snaps me out of my thoughts. Then she gestures with her head for me to follow her back to the living room. “Okay, enough about me. I can see it all over your face that something’s going on. Spill.”
After a deep breath on her couch, I do—from the beginning. “Seven years ago, I met Aidan,” I start, staring at my coffee. “He was such a good friend to me. Helped me get a job when I was new in town, showed me around. He was just what I needed right after college. A friend, you know?”
She nods, taking a sip from her own mug in her chair across from me.
“But then I met his brother, Mason. And he showed actual interest in me. Aidan had hinted a few times, but he never came out and said it. And I was too shy back then romantically to ever make a move. Plus, my dad never would have approved.” I curl my legs under me and get comfortable as I tell Amelia about this uncomfortable part of my life. “Mason was established. He had a job, an apartment—a real, solid life. He took risks and came out a winner more times than he lost, so he had something to show for himself.”
“But Aidan?” Amelia asks quietly.
I exhale a long breath out through my nose. “But Aidan was a risk, and I didn’t take those. I didn’t think I could afford to, no matter how dreamy and perfect his plans sounded. Not with the way my father was breathing down my neck. Aidan wanted to scrape by on his art while he waited tables and did odd jobs here and there. He didn’t think that was a risk because he’d planned it out, but to me, it sounded unstable and downright terrifying.”
She purses her lips to the left side of her mouth. “Art? Are you sure you’re talking about the Aidan we both know?”
My face falls. “Is he not painting anymore?”
Shrugging, she says, “I mean, I haven’t known him for very long, but that’s not something I can even imagine him doing.”
I sigh, my body sagging forward. “That’s sad to hear. He was really good at it.” Then I chew my lip, begging myself not to feel responsible for his change of plans.
“Maybe he still does. Maybe he keeps it to himself.” She takes another sip of her coffee and then sets her mug on the table beside her. “If there’s one thing I do know about that man, it’s that he’s very, very private.”
That elicits a giggle from me. “You know, I don’t know if it’s private as much as he thinks too much. He’s so in his head about things, weighing the pros and cons, instead of getting out there and living. That’s the Aidan I know.”
Amelia kicks her feet up onto the right side of her chair and leans to the left, propping herself up with her arm. “Okay, so you chose Mason. Then what?”
“Then,” I say reluctantly, tracing the rim of my mug with a finger, “Aidan finally told me how he felt. With a kiss, no less.” A small smile curves my lips before I can stop it, so I bring a hand up to my mouth to cover it.
Her gasp hits my ears. “But it was too late,” she finishes for me.
I nod. “You can say that. I’d already said yes to Mason. I didn’t think I could take it back and then choose his brother. It felt…” As I search for the right word, I sip my coffee. Then I set it on the table next to me. I’m still thinking about what to say when she speaks up.
“Wrong. You had to make an impossible choice.” She puts a hand over her heart. “I can’t imagine being in those shoes, coming between brothers.”
I put a hand out, palm up. “Exactly.”
“So you stayed with Mason.”
“I did,” I answer, nodding again. “And it’s cost me everything.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “What do you mean?”
I pick at my pants, smoothing out the creases in the denim. “I’m nothing like the person I thought I’d be. I’m rigid and in a fucking knitting club for heaven’s sake.” I slap my leg as I laugh a little about that. It’s a mirthless laugh that fits the mood. “I’m basically a kept woman. In my quest to be safe and please my father, I’ve lost all the fun of life.”
“Fun maybe Aidan could have given you?” she questions carefully.
As I think about it, I sigh and shrug. “I don’t know. He looks like he’s done well for himself, so maybe he’s not the guy he used to be, either. Maybe we wouldn’t even be compatible, even though he…” I let the words die on my tongue as I think about what he said to me last night. Even though he compares every woman he sleeps with to me.
Ugh. I don’t want to think about how many women he’s been with. Or about how I’ve only been with one man for the last seven years and that hasn’t exactly sharpened my bedroom skills.
“Even though he still thinks he loves you?” Amelia quietly asks. “Because, from the limited stuff I’ve heard, the man is one hundred percent hung up on you.”
“But we’re different now,” I protest, lifting my shoulders. “He’s a different guy, and I’m damaged goods. I can’t imagine—”
“Wait. You’re what?” she asks, straightening her spine. “I couldn’t have heard you right.”
I shake my head sadly. “No, you did.”
She mimics the head shake, but it’s not in a sad way. “No way. Not even close.” Then she scoffs. “What does that mean? I don’t even know, but I don’t agree.”
After a big inhale, my lungs feeling ready to burst, I finally free the words I’ve been wanting to say since I found out three months ago. “I’m damaged goods. Mason must have thought so. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have cheated on me.”
8
Aidan
I pound on the door, not sure if I’m hoping for Nic or Mason. I had Nic on my mind when I left Cadence’s house—though when don’t I have Nic on my mind? But I also want to strangle Mason for whatever the hell he did to her. Because I’m sure she didn’t deserve it and he obviously hurt her. And because he messed up the best thing that’ll ever happen to him.
When the door swings open, I’m only partially shocked to see Mason on the other side. He’s still in a suit, all dressed for business. And a quick peek around the place doesn’t reveal Nic, but I don’t know where she could be.
“Where’s Nic?” I ask so I don’t say anything I shouldn’t around her.
“She sent me a text saying she’s staying at Amelia’s house. That’s the woman from the bakery you sent us to, right?” He rubs his eyes and stifles a yawn. “I can barely remember even going there yesterday.”
Now that he’s done talking, I push the door open and breeze past him. Whatever happened between them is coming out now. I’m done being in the dark.
“Did you want to get dinner?” Mason asks, awkwardly pointing at the door. “I just got back from the office and figured I’d order room service and go to sleep, but if you want—”
“Why don’t you care that Nic’s not here with you?” I throw at him. “You’re both in a city you’re unfamiliar with and she’s spending time with a woman you don’t know. How does that not bother you?”
His head jerks back as his brow creases. “It’s not that it doesn’t bother me, but there isn’t much I can do about it, Aidan. I don’t control her.”
“You’ve done something to her,” I spit out. “When I brought her back here last night, she cried but told me she couldn’t give me details, so I’m here to get them from you.” Then I cross my arms over my chest, hoping the stance proves to be intimidating enough to get the truth from him.
He’s my older brother, but I’ve been taller than him since I was a sophomore in high school. I hit a growth spurt he never had, so I’ve had four inches on him for years. It’s come in handy in times like this, though I never thought I’d have to use it on him as adults. Yet here we are.
“If I want her to stay with me,” he starts, holding his hands up in the air, “then I need to give her some space right now.” It’s not an answer at all.
So I take a step forward. “Space from what? Why?”
“Space from me. She needs a little time to see about us. We’ve been together for a long time.” He takes his suit coat off and hangs it on the chair in front of the desk. “That’s just what happens in long-term rel—”
“Bullshit.” I don’t yell it. I don’t scream it. My tone is even and deadly. I don’t believe a word he just said.
He huffs out a breath. “Okay. It’s bullshit.”
“I know,” I inform him before I take a seat on the bed. “You know how I know?”
Though I’m waiting for him to say something, he doesn’t answer. Instead, he raises both eyebrows at me in a gesture to tell him.
“I know because Nic is not the kind of woman you sit around and wait for. She’s the woman you go the hell after because someone else will snatch her up underneath your nose if you don’t.”
Those eyebrows draw so far down his face that I’m almost worried they’ll fall off. “Is that some kind of threat?” he asks, rolling his shirtsleeves up.
“Nope.” I kick one ankle over the other and lean back, bracing myself with my hands. “Not a threat at all. Just my recollection of the events that happened before I left town.”
He visibly relaxes a little.
Until I say, “But you can take them as a threat if it’ll mean you’ll get your shit together with her.”
“Look, I don’t know what she told you,” he starts, approaching me, “but you can’t come in here and threaten me like that. If you wanted her, you should have gone after her.”
“I did!” I roar at him, rising to my full height. “I did, you asshole. But she turned me down, and I believed it was because she thought you were the better man.”
“Maybe I was,” he smugly throws in my face.
At that, I grin just as smugly back. “That’s right. You were. But now? Now, you’ve done something to fuck it up with her. So you might want to think twice about whether you’re the better man now.” Then I brush past him, bumping his shoulder with mine.
Just before I reach the door, he pleads with me. “Okay! You’re right! Is that what you want to hear? That she chose the wrong one of us?”
“No!” I spin to face him, my hands balled into fists. “I want her to be happy, and that’s the difference between me and you.”
“You think I don’t want Veronica to be happy?” he spits at me. “What do you think I’ve been bending over backwards for for the last few months?”
The last few months, he says? Like since she sent me that text that started with I want you to know I’m leaving… That’s all the preview showed me, and I couldn’t bring myself to open the rest up. It was enough to drive me to drink myself stupid for days and call in sick to work. Reading the rest would have killed me. Or I would have done something dumb like fly back home to get her. But she doesn’t need me to rescue her. She needs to figure her shit out on her own, because I won’t settle for being the second choice.
Obviously, he did something a few months ago that made her consider leaving him, but she clearly didn’t. So…what the fuck?
“If you wanted her to be happy,” I tell him, keeping my tone as even as I possibly can, “you wouldn’t have done something that had her thinking about leaving you, would you?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Did she tell you that last night?”
“No, you idiot. She texted me a while ago, but I never answered her.” Part of the fight drains from me when I realize how clueless my brother has been. “I didn’t even read the whole message, actually.”
“She reached out to you?” he says, his voice getting smaller with every word. “When?”
“March,” I answer, unable to forget that Sunday night.
My brother looks like he can’t forget it, either. He wipes a hand down his face, seeming to hope that would erase the memory. But his expression when his hand falls to his side tells me it did nothing of the sort.
“If I could take it back, I would, Aidan.” He sinks onto the bed, the mattress depressing with his weight. “But it’s like it’s all she can think about. She flinches when I try to touch her. She won’t say she loves me back…” His head falls forward as his shoulders slump in the same direction. “I know what I’ve lost, but that’s because I was always going to lose it.”
I don’t want to feel sympathy for him, but he’s family. My blood. I’ll always love my brother, even if he’s been an asshole.
“What do you mean?” I ask him, my fingers flexing out at my sides.
He takes a deep breath in and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve always known how she felt about you. So I made a move first. I figured, if I got there before you did, I might have a shot. Plus, with the way she talked about her dad’s expectations, I had even more confidence. When she said yes to dating me, I thought I’d gotten one up on you. I’ve always felt like I needed to do more, be more, so Dad would love me the way he loved you. Getting the girl too would be the cherry on top.”
His mention of our father makes my fists curl again, but I flex my jaw and try to keep listening to him.
“But then he died, and the relief I felt from not having to impress him for his love anymore made me feel like an asshole. So I poured myself into our relationship and tried to be the man I figured you would have been for her. You left and she needed someone to fill that role anyway, so I did it.” Mason exhales, his whole body caving in with the weight of the words. “Until I found out I could never accomplish that task. It took me six years to realize I could never be what she needed,” he says, his body shaking with a sob he holds back. “Yet again, I wasn’t you.”
The heaviness of that almost brings me to my knees, but I manage to keep myself upright. I can’t tell whether I’m upset for my brother or with my brother. If I’m ecstatic that he thinks Nic’s always wanted me or furious that she did and never did anything about it. That we’ve wasted six years not being together because of…what? Pride? Fear?
“So what’d you do?” I finally ask. Nic mentioned that he hurt her, and if he didn’t hit her… Something I didn’t consider clicks into place just before he says the words.
“I cheated, Aidan.” That sob tears loose, and my older brother breaks down into tears. “I slept with someone else and she found out about it, so I’m trying to make up for it. But”—he has to stop talking to take a breath—“it won’t ever matter. I won’t ever be able to make it up to her because I’m not you.”
