Ripple Effect, page 24
part #1 of Effect Series Series
I sat right next to my mom, and we grabbed each other’s hands.
“I was relieved and happy because it feels like my mom and I are finally admitting that there are skeletons in our closets versus the rosy childhood it felt like I was being told I had. There were times I thought I was crazy, and I had imagined what my father did to my mom. I was sad, thinking about everything she had gone through. And I truly feel loved by her. The honesty in her words resonated within me. I’m confused because this is my mom, but it feels as if I’m seeing the real her for the first time in years. I used to get glimpses as a kid, but she faded away with time.”
Doctor Jacobs wrote something down and then looked at me. “Those are all normal feelings, Ainsley. Your mom wanted help, and that makes a huge difference. Do you blame yourself, Ainsley?”
I looked down at my ring before looking back at the doctor. “Yes. I know it’s not rational, and hearing the words from my mom has helped, but anytime the memories try to haunt me, I imagine there will always be a small piece of me that wonders what if I had done something.”
My mom squeezed my hand, and another tear fell from her cheek.
“Christine, that is completely normal for Ainsley to feel that way. Our regrets and mistakes shape us. The scars of what you both went through will always be present, but they can become unnoticeable, small blemishes with time and healing. Ainsley, your mom has made remarkable progress.”
I nodded. “I can tell. This is one of the best days of my life.”
My mom kissed the side of my head. “Me, too.”
The sound of the pen on the paper made noise. Doctor Jacobs looked up and smiled. “You guys are blessed to have the love and bond you share. Christine, did you want to tell Ainsley the decision you came to this morning?”
My mom removed her hands from mine and angled herself my way. “I have decided to sell everything inside the house, except for my parents’ memorabilia in the basement I was able to save and anything else you might want. I think a new beginning is what we both need. I plan on getting something smaller. As long as you’re okay with it, I’m going to get it listed.”
This day could not get any better. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. Besides Grandma’s things, I took everything that I wanted when I left. How much longer are you staying here? Is there something I can do to get it listed for you?”
She gave me such a genuine smile that my heart was soaring. “I’ve elected to stay here for at least another thirty days to continue with my counseling. We’re discussing in what capacity and if I’ll enter the half-way program. I’d like for you to start coming once a week for us to make sure we have a solid foundation. In regard to the house being put on the market, a realtor is bringing by some paperwork for me to sign, and it will be listed.”
Doctor Jacobs added, “Everyone is feeling positive and wonderful right now. That’s an excellent thing. Studies have shown that if you continue the healing process, you make life-long changes, so when your instinct is to go back to your comfort zone, you have the tools to keep yourself from doing that.”
It was information and emotion overload as I tried to take it all in and analyze it. “I’d love to do that, and I think it’s an excellent idea to come see my mom every week.”
Doctor Jacobs stood, and my mom and I followed suit.
“I think we have made some excellent progress today. Ainsley, you were given a lot to process, and I would imagine as you sort through everything your mom has said, you might have some questions. Does the same time next week work?”
My heart was sad that my time had been so limited with my mom, but I kept on my brave face. My mom needed this time to get better, and in the process, I would heal, too.
“Yes, that works great. Thank you, Doctor Jacobs.” I turned and gave my mom a hug. “I feel like I just got here, but I am so happy right now. I’ll be back next week. I love you.”
She returned the hug. “Love you, too, sweetie. Go spend some time with your guy.”
I remembered that I hadn’t told my mom what he did. “Mom, I want you to know what Adam does.”
My mom held up her hand. “I already know. Your father told me when he called. Ainsley, if he makes you happy, that is all that matters to me.”
“He does, Mom. He really does.”
“Good. I’m happy for you.”
We started walking toward the door, and Clarice was there, waiting, as if she knew we would be leaving. Mom and I hugged and said good-bye one last time. Then, I followed Clarice to the front entrance. I felt like the puzzle pieces in my life were finally falling into place. Adam was waiting at the desk, and I bounded into his arms.
He kissed the top of my head. “How did it go?”
I was practically beaming. “Perfect. She’s so much better. I’ll tell you all about it on the way home.”
We walked back to the car.
As soon as we got in the car, Adam turned to me. “Your letter was beautiful, baby. Thank you again for sharing that piece of yourself with me.”
I smiled. “I’m glad. I wanted you to be a part of it.”
On our way to Adam’s, I couldn’t stop talking about everything that had transpired with my mom. “You were right. It was different and odd, but for me, it was refreshing, too. I don’t know what happened with Brandt, and I’m not asking, but with my mom, I never knew her without the fear looming over her. She’s free and discovering herself. It’s a beautiful thing.”
He pulled into the garage. “I’m happy for you, baby, and for your mom. You are in a different situation than what Brandt’s was.” He scrubbed a hand down his face and looked at me. “There are very few people who know Brandt had an intervention. He swore me to secrecy, or I’d tell you. He did say that it was okay for me to tell you about the intervention in general and what I had experienced. I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you.”
I leaned over and kissed him. His whiskers tickled my face. “I know, and I’ll never pressure you for information that doesn’t belong to me.”
He gave me a loving smile. “Let’s go inside.”
We walked into the house, and he had filled the living room with flowers.
“Are these for me?”
Adam turned me around and grazed his lips to mine. “Each petal represents how many times I thought about you today.”
“I love you.” The words had come out of my mouth without any warning.
I was such an ass. Ainsley had told me she loved me last night, and the words had died in my throat when I tried to talk. So, instead, I had tried to show her by making love to her among all the flowers in the house. I hadn’t been able to tell what she was thinking. When I’d kissed her instead of speaking, I’d seen the hurt flash across her face momentarily, but she hadn’t pushed me for the words. However, now it felt like there was a big fucking elephant in the room between us. The last time I’d uttered those words to a woman, she’d put my heart into a blender. Ainsley had the power to do much worse damage.
Ainsley had been normal this morning, but hell, I was paranoid at this point. It was lunch, and I was at the club, handling all the administrative shit to get my mind off of that stupid-ass elephant that wanted to be dealt with. There was a knock at my office door.
“Come in.”
“Adam?”
Fuck.
I stood and came around my desk. “Selena, what the hell are you doing here?”
She looked the same as she had four years ago. I hadn’t seen her since I walked into the family function where my asshole of a brother had decided to tell—no, show me that he was with Selena. Her black hair was longer, but she still had those green cat eyes. There wasn’t a bit of me that was attracted to her. Relief coursed through my body.
Have I been worried about what I would feel when I saw her? Was I afraid that I would still have feelings for her? Is that why I refused to give Ainsley that last piece of me?
Yes, it was.
I love Ainsley.
There was nothing between Selena and me.
Nothing.
She walked toward my desk. “I know Jessica filled you in on Jake leaving me when he found out I was pregnant.”
Regardless of how I felt about her, she was still in a shitty situation. “She did.” My voice was without emotion.
She walked a little closer until about three feet separated us. I stepped back.
“I need your help, Adam.”
I laughed in disbelief. “That’s pretty funny, coming from you. Selena, I don’t have time for this shit. I’m sorry for the situation you’re in, but it’s not my place to get involved.”
She gave me a sad look. “Just pretend you are interested in getting me back. Jake wants whatever you have. He always has. I made the wrong choice all those years ago, Adam. He’s only kept me around because he thought you wanted me. But I guess he doesn’t think you’d want me with a baby on the way. He promised me marriage, a family, and a beautiful life. I’ve gotten none of that. I only have heartache and pain. I wish I had made a different choice, but I love him.”
My fears were confirmed. Jake would try to get Ainsley if he knew I loved her. I needed to let her know how I felt. I stepped back farther. I was not telling Selena I had someone in my life. It would spread like wildfire through my family.
“Selena, I’m sorry Jake did this to you, but I’m not getting involved. It took me a while, but my life is where it’s supposed to be. If it were me, I’d be glad he was out of my life. Don’t waste several more years falling prey to his games. I wish the best, but I’m not a pawn in your chess game.”
“Adam—”
“Go, Selena. I’m not your guy anymore. You chose Jake. Try to work it out with him if that’s what you want.” The plead in her voice made me feel sorry for her, but it didn’t make me want to move heaven and earth for her like I once had.
A few tears started to trickle down her face. “The Adam I knew would have done that for me.”
“I’m not the Adam you knew.”
I stood there without wavering or any emotion on my face. If she sensed any empathy, she would become a bigger problem and potentially a problem for Ainsley. I needed to explain all this to Ainsley before Jake found out about her.
I looked at my watch. “Selena, I have a meeting. It’s time to leave. Let’s not make this ugly.”
She nodded, and the venom I used to hate when we fought came back. “You can be an asshole at times, Adam. I needed a favor. Me leaving you happened years ago. You need to get over yourself.”
I didn’t say a word. It wouldn’t do any good. She turned and left, slamming my office door behind her. I waited a few minutes before I went to my car. No one was guarding the damn door, and it wasn’t locked. Pulling out my phone, I sent a text to the team, including Brandt.
Bastards.
Trigger, Snake, Brandt: Someone needs to either lock the door or fucking guard it like they’re supposed to. My ex just came here.
They all sent me back individual texts:
Trigger: Fuck. I’m sorry, man. I stepped away for a few to show the new beer delivery guy where to go.
Snake: I’m on it. I was on the bar side.
Brandt: I’ll deal with it. Are you okay?
I only responded back to Brandt.
Me: Yeah. Selena wanted me to pretend to want her, so Jake would take her back. I’m going to the gym and then getting some lunch.
Brandt: Shit. I’ll get after them. Unacceptable. You said no, right?
Me: Of course. Ainsley is my future.
Brandt: Good to hear. Maybe you should tell Ainsley that.
Me: I plan on it.
Now, I needed to wait until this evening to get Ainsley to the club. I’d take her somewhere special and tell her how I really felt.
I was on my way back from grabbing a quick bite to eat after my workout when my phone rang. It was Jessica. I thought about silencing her, but she’d probably show up like last time while Ainsley was there, and then I’d have a bigger mess to deal with.
I hit Answer. “Hey, Jessica.”
“Can we talk? I’m near the club.”
I looked at the clock, and it was three hours until Ainsley was supposed to be there. She always texted me when she came to the club.
“I’m sure this is about Selena. I’m pulling into the club now. Jessica, I’m only giving you five minutes on this subject, and then it’s closed between us forever.”
A blinker sounded in her car. “I’m pulling in, too. Five minutes is all that I need, and then I won’t mention it again.”
Hell, that is worth five minutes versus multiple days of dealing with talk of Selena.
I saw my sister’s SUV pull into the lot across the way. I made it to the door just as she did. Jessica looked like she had come from yoga class. Trigger was standing post as he opened the door.
About fucking time he did his job.
He started to speak. “Adam—”
“Not now.”
“But, Adam—”
“Trigger, I’m busy. I’ll come deal with whatever you have to say in a minute. Stand your fucking post this time.”
My patience was at the end of its rope with all this shit raining down on me. We walked through my office door. Jessica was like me, and she didn’t waste her time with pleasantries.
She put her purse on the table. “Selena called me. She’s really upset.”
I stood there, staring at my sister. I loved her, but she was walking on thin ice.
She held up her hands. “I know, I know, I know. You don’t have to sleep with her. She wants your help to spur Jake into taking responsibility.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face.
How the hell is this my responsibility?
Jake was his own person, and we didn’t speak.
“Jess, listen, you guys all need to open your eyes and realize that I am not the answer to this. Let’s say I pretend to try to win Selena back. I give in and actually do it. It’s not going to do a damn bit of good in the long run, and you know it. If I’m the only reason he’s with her, then he’ll bail the moment I meet someone. I’m done with that part of my life.” My tone was growing insistently more impatient.
Jess stopped, and she looked at me for a few seconds. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you? It’s the woman I saw you kissing a few weeks ago in the parking lot. You’ve moved on. Oh, geez, Adam. I would never have come here if I had known you were in a committed relationship. Mom and Dad are going to be so happy. I’m so happy for you.”
Images of my parents telling Jake and Jake seeking Ainsley out came to mind. Jake trying to steal the one thing I now breathed for was unbearable. Until I was able to tell Ainsley, she didn’t need to exist to them. I swallowed the bitterness that came to my tongue as I said what I needed to say to get Jessica off of Ainsley’s trail.
Jessica had tears in her eyes as she walked toward me, but I stopped her.
“Jessica, that woman you saw me with is nothing but a fuck buddy I use for pleasure. She’s like the rest—a great piece of ass. You know the score.” The words were acid on my tongue.
My sister kept watching me. “Well then, it shouldn’t—”
I held up my hands. “Regardless, I’m not helping. I don’t want there to be problems between us, but if you keep pushing, you’re going to cause a major rift between us.”
She scratched her forehead as she comprehended everything I’d said. “I’m sorry. Thanks for listening. I like to try to keep the family together. You know how it is. I know what I asked you to do was a Band-Aid, but I keep hoping he’s changed.” She looked around the room.
I wished Jessica could learn how to let things go that she couldn’t control.
“I know this is a sensitive subject, but are you coming to the party?”
She looked resigned as she grabbed her purse from the chair, like she knew I would say no, and it would be another thing to add to her list of problems to solve.
I nodded. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
She stopped and dropped her purse as she looked at me. “You will?”
Regardless if Jake was there or not, it was time for him to stop dictating my life. “Yes, I’ll be there. They’re my parents, too, and I want to be there for this event. I don’t think it’s necessary for me to do my own thing anymore.”
I had always gone the day before or after to spend time with my parents for special events. Back then, seeing Jake and Selena together had been like a knife to the chest. Now, I had a different future.
Jessica came up and engulfed me in a hug. “Thank you, Adam. Thank you.”
I hugged her back. “You’re welcome, sis. I’m sorry it took me so long to answer.”
She was squeezing me tightly. “All that matters is that you finally did.” She pulled back and wiped a tear from her eye. “I need to go. Selena is going over to mom and dad’s house. They don’t need the stress. I know it’s not my problem, but it’s my nature to fix things.”
We started walking toward the door. “Take care of yourself.”
“I will. I promise.”
Snake was passing us in the hall. “Snake, will you show Jessica the way out? I have something I need to do.”
Snake gave me a knowing nod. “Sure thing.”
Jessica gave me one last hug before following Snake. I needed to piss and get my head back in the game. I had called a hotel and reserved a room for Ainsley and me. We would have a romantic dinner on the balcony overlooking the city before I gave her my heart. It was time, and I was ready.
After using the restroom, I headed to Brandt’s office to decompress before Ainsley came to the club. Brandt was sitting at his desk, commanding security from his computer screens. Our new security manager would start next week, and Brandt was not happy with it. He liked hiding behind the camera. Maybe this new freedom would force him to face some things he had been avoiding.
Brandt turned toward me with his hair pulled back as I sat on the couch.
