Ripple Effect, page 16
part #1 of Effect Series Series
Ainsley stopped for a second as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I looked at her features and imagined a little girl hiding under her covers, scared to death, as her mother was hit repeatedly in the next room.
She continued, “My dad came in one evening, shortly after receiving a huge promotion at work, and let us know he was leaving us. He went upstairs, packed his bags, and left. It broke my mom almost worse than the beatings. She barely got out of bed for weeks until one day she snapped out of it, and everything resumed as if my dad never left. We never spoke of him leaving. I don’t know why. The moment I was able to move out for college, I did. In the last four years, she’s gotten better, and she doesn’t conform exactly to the old schedule. I only go back home for her birthday and Christmas. I can barely stomach being there. It’s like a tomb of bad memories.”
A tear rolled down her face. When she blinked her eyes, two more followed down her cheek. “I’ve always felt like a coward for pretending that huge elephant in the room, knowing my mom was repeatedly beaten, doesn’t exist. When Mom and I are together, we act as if nothing ever happened, and I had the perfect childhood. I should have helped her at night instead of hiding beneath my blanket. She deserved someone who would try to protect her.”
Ainsley took a deep breath and continued before I had a chance to say anything, “I don’t expect you to have to deal with what happened today or even go to my mom’s house this Wednesday. For so long, I’ve pushed it aside, and it feels like after seeing my father today that all those wounds reopened all over again.”
I rubbed her hip through the fabric of her dress. Her eyes looked exhausted.
“Baby, I think you’re one of the bravest people I know to have endured what you have and still be who you are. I still want to go with you on Wednesday.”
She refocused on my dragon tat. “It’s only courageous when you stand up for those who are incapable of standing up for themselves. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines and watch.”
My childhood and family had been great, and I couldn’t possibly imagine what I would have turned out like if I’d had to endure what Ainsley had. I had no idea what to say, and then I remembered something my mom had told me as a kid.
“If it was done again, would you fight for what you believed?”
“Yes.”
“Then, baby, I think that’s what matters. You can’t right what’s been done. It’s happened. It’s in the past. But you can change the wrongs when they’re done in the future.”
Ainsley seemed fascinated with my tattoos. When we had first met, she seemed like she would like to get one herself one day. I liked the thought of ink being on her perfect body. I continued to rub soothing circles on her hips.
“That makes sense. I agree. It’s easier said than done though.”
I was about to speak when she asked, “What does your dragon tattoo mean?”
Ainsley was changing the subject, and I let her.
“The word dragon is derived from two Greek words. One of those words means a huge serpent or snake, and the other means seeing clearly. When I learned the meaning, it seemed like the perfect tat to get.”
Being with her like this, only the two of us, in our own world was heaven to me. She shivered, and I pulled the blankets further up on us. She snuggled in deeper to me.
“Does that tattoo have to do with the drama in your family at all? In the car, you made it sound like you had a messed-up family, too. Is this why you got this tattoo?”
Hell, I hate talking about what happened with my brother.
After a few reflective moments, I decided to share this piece of me. “Yes. I told you about Selena, my ex. On the night that I was going to propose to her, she left me after I found out she had cheated on me.”
She nodded.
“Well, turns out that the guy she had been cheating on me with was my brother, Jake, who is two years older than me.”
Her eyes got big as she gasped, “Your brother?”
I nodded. “Yes, my own fucking brother. We don’t speak anymore, and I haven’t seen him since I found out. The ironic thing of it all is that she left me to get married sooner, but they’re still not even engaged.”
“I’m sorry. Do you wish things had turned out differently?” Her voice was solemn as she spoke.
For some unexplainable reason, it was freeing to talk to Ainsley about what had happened. It was like a weight being lifted off my chest. “Not anymore.”
She smiled, and those baby blue eyes sparked to life from their melancholy state. “I like that answer.”
“Me, too, baby. Me, too. If she hadn’t, then I wouldn’t be lying here with one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met.”
Ainsley’s lips came to meet mine, and we began kissing slowly as we savored each other. Today, we had given each other more than we had given anyone else in both body and soul. I held her to me, giving her the comfort she needed. Her breathing finally evened out as I cherished her.
Ainsley was the one woman who made me want things I hadn’t dreamed of having in years.
It was Wednesday, the day we were going to see my mom. I was a nervous wreck. I wasn’t sure if I’d absorbed anything in class this morning. Instead, I’d wondered what dinner was going to be like, especially after seeing my dad this last weekend. Each time I closed my eyes, his cold dark pupils would emerge into my mind, trying to permanently sear the picture behind my irises.
Blinking the image away, I looked down at my watch, and I had approximately ten minutes left on my shift at the library. I was working the science fiction section today, making sure everything was in the proper order. After this, there was only the religious section left. Between all the interns, we had almost completed the entire library. We were about three weeks away until the fall semester started in September. I was so close to being done with school. I only had two more semesters. Finals for the second summer session were next week, and then I’d have a couple of weeks off prior to school starting.
I pushed the book cart back to the closet, and I tidied up the area. My boss, Angela, was sitting at the desk reading emails.
“Night, Angela. I’m going to clock out and then leave unless you need anything else.”
She turned my way. Her smile reached her warm caramel eyes. “I don’t need anything, but thanks for checking, Ainsley. Do you have any plans tonight?”
“My boyfriend and I are going to see my mom tonight.” I gave a small smile and wished I hadn’t mentioned my mom. Thinking about going to my childhood home only made me more nervous.
Angela knew I had started dating someone from one of our previous conversations last week while I had been working, so she didn’t press me for more information. “Have a wonderful time, Ainsley. Tell your mom I said hello.”
“Will do, and thanks. You have a fun night with the hubs and kiddo.”
“Thanks, Ainsley.”
I walked out into the Georgia sun and felt the summer heat pressing in on me. My phone vibrated. It was Adam texting me.
Adam: Are you heading back to my place?
Me: Yes, if you want me to.
Adam: Yes, I do. I’ll be by to pick you up at five. Dinner is at six sharp, right?
Me: Yes.
Just the thought of having dinner at six was hard. It was the time that my father had demanded to have dinner each and every night for as long as I could remember. A minute before or a minute after had meant problems for my mom that night.
I hate my dad.
The hate felt like it was bubbling over with everything that he had done to us. He had robbed something from my mom and me that we would never get back.
I got in my car and began driving to Adam’s place with my AC working as hard as it could go. My cell phone rang as I was halfway there.
“Hey, Nora,” I answered.
“Hey, chica. Are you going to Club Envy this weekend?” It sounded like Nora was munching on chips as she talked.
“No, I have to study for finals. What do you have in mind?”
It sounded like she was putting more chips in her mouth as she continued crunching. “I wanted to go hear The Thrillhammers again. We can have some girl time and dance. What about the following weekend?”
I grinned. “I’ll be free from school. It’s a date.”
“Awesome. I can’t wait. I’m out. Gotta go get ready for work. Good luck with your mom tonight.”
“Thanks, girl. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sounds good. See ya.”
“Bye, Nora.”
I hung up the phone as I pulled into Adam’s driveway. I got out and made my way inside where I was greeted by Lindy. Her gold fur was soft as I petted her.
“Hey, girl. I’ve got a few hours of homework. Do you want to help me?”
Her tail wagged as we made our way to the couch in the living room and sat down. She leaned her head against my legs as I got out all my books. I lost myself in my studies, pushing the thought of dinner with my mother to the far recess of my mind.
The door opened, and Lindy’s ears perked up, but she remained by my side. Adam strolled in, wearing khakis and a button-up shirt.
“Did you have a meeting?” I asked.
He walked up to me and gave me a kiss. “Yes. I had a business meeting about club legalities. How was your day? Are you done studying?”
“Almost. Give me ten more minutes, and I’ll be done for the evening.”
Adam sat down on the chair and gave a pouting huff. I knew what he wanted. I wanted it, too, but I had to finish studying.
“I promise that you can have your wicked way with me after I’m done. You know, you’ve been having your way with me all week since I’ve been staying with you.”
He gave me a cocky grin. “I know. Those damn books might as well be called cockblockers.”
I giggled. “Well, you’ve successfully been evading the cockblockers all week. My assignments are due tomorrow. The cockblockers demand their time.”
“I’d rather you suck my cock.”
I looked up from my book. The last few days, he had successfully distracted me from my studies. Dinner tonight at my mom’s would be stressful, and I wouldn’t want to finish my homework prior to class tomorrow.
“Adam, you’re not winning this round.” I gave a no-nonsense look. “I have to get this done before we go to my mom’s. Tomorrow’s my last day of classes before finals. I promise, I want nothing more than to be wrapped around you.”
He stood and gave me a kiss. “Well, at least the cockblockers don’t hold your interest.”
I pushed him away as I laughed. “No, they don’t. Go feed Lindy.”
He winked at me and walked toward the kitchen as he said, “Come on, Lindy, let’s get you fed.”
Lindy stayed glued next to my side, and Adam gave her an incredulous look from the kitchen door. I pressed my lips together as I looked back down at my books. Nonchalantly, I patted Lindy’s head.
Adam went further into the kitchen and called, “You’ve turned my dog into a traitor.”
“She loves me.”
He mumbled something about mine and I giggled.
“Good girl,” I cooed lowly as Adam was pouring dog food. I gave Lindy a command, “Go eat, sweetie. I’ll still be here.”
Lindy took off toward the kitchen. I could hear Adam telling her what a good girl she was for staying loyal.
Well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
I turned my attention back to my studies, trying to hurry.
Maybe there would be time to get a little action in prior to leaving.
We were in Adam’s car, headed to my mom’s for dinner. We were almost there, and my stomach was getting heavier with each passing block. Adam’s hand grazed my leg, and I jumped, letting out a little yelp.
I looked over at him and placed my hand on top of his to keep it from retreating. “Sorry. You startled me.”
Behind his shades, he glanced my way. “It’s going to be okay, Ainsley. I’ll be right there with you the entire time.”
“I know. I get this way every time. I’ll be okay. At least my mom doesn’t adhere to the exact same schedule that she used to when she was married to my dad. She hasn’t done that in years. It makes it bearable.”
Adam squeezed my hand. “We’ll make it through tonight, and then I’ll take you home and make love to you all night long.”
My teeth grazed my bottom lip. “I’d like that. I hate that we didn’t have time before we had to leave. If Mom wasn’t so persistent about being on time, then we—”
Adam interrupted me, “I want nothing more than to lose myself in you, but this is important. There’s no reason to stress your mom out.”
I squeezed his hand in response. The blinker turned on, and I noticed that we were turning into my old neighborhood filled with large homes in Buckhead. Adam didn’t say a word as the GPS took us closer to my childhood cage. Every time I entered the neighborhood, it felt as if the world was collapsing in on me, trying to suffocate me and eliminate me from existence. Adam slowed the car as we pulled up to the large red brick house with black shutters. The lawn was manicured perfectly.
“Is this it?” Adam’s voice seemed to echo through the car.
My mind felt like it was in a tunnel, trying to distance itself from all the memories invading my brain. I nodded. He parked the car, exited, and came to my door to let me out. I grabbed his hand, and we made it to the front door. I felt like a stranger here as I rang the doorbell.
The door opened, and my mom stood there with her hair perfectly pulled up while wearing her red apron that she had worn since I was a kid. My stomach knotted.
“Hey, sweetie. It’s good to see you, Adam. Dinner will be on the table in two minutes. Go ahead and take a seat.”
I walked in the door and gave my mom a hug. My voice was low as I said, “Hey, Mom.”
Adam spoke from behind me, “Thank you, Christine, for having me over.”
She gave me a pat on the back prior to quickly walking back toward the kitchen. “I’m so glad to have you. Hurry up and sit down. I don’t want dinner to be late.”
We followed her and I glanced up at Adam. He smiled, and I tried to return it, but something was up with my mom. She was acting like she used to when my dad lived here. Four places were set at the table.
I continued walking into the kitchen. “Hey, Mom. Are we expecting another guest?”
She pulled a salad out of the fridge. “Don’t be silly, Ainsley. Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll get the main course.”
We both sat down, and I felt for my ring that my grandmother had given me on my right hand.
Mom stopped, glanced at the clock, and then checked her phone. “Your father is working late tonight. I’ll make something else for when he gets home. Let’s go ahead and eat.”
“Mom, Dad doesn’t live—”
“Ainsley, why don’t you tell me about your day? How’s school?”
My mouth was dry as my mom opened the oven. This was a replica of what life had been like all those years ago. Mom went to the docking station and began playing “Requiem in D Minor” by Mozart. My heart thundered in my chest.
Something happened to Mom since I last saw her at the party.
I was speechless as I watched this scene unfold. I couldn’t say anything as she walked over with a loaf pan in her hands. Adam was saying something to me, but it sounded distant. My breaths were coming faster as I watched my mom put the loaf pan on the trivet in front of me. The smell permeated my nose, and my worst nightmare came to life as I stared at the meatloaf.
Meatloaf Wednesday.
My chest was heaving at this point as Adam put his hand on my shoulder.
I felt numb as I pictured my father walking in the door and throwing his stuff down at any moment. I had to keep blinking rapidly in order to know that the image wasn’t real.
Mom sat down and said, “Shall we say grace? Adam, you’re in for a treat. Ainsley and her father love my meatloaf.”
Mom began saying grace.
Adam leaned toward my ear. “Ainsley, baby, are you all right?”
I shook my head as my mom finished praying. The moment the knife cut into the meatloaf, I lost it, and tears started streaming down my face.
“Mom, Dad doesn’t—”
She cut me off again, “Ainsley, hand me Adam’s plate.”
Robotically, I reached for his plate, and Adam’s hand came on top of mine.
He whispered, “Do we need to leave?” The concern in his voice was evident.
Before I had a chance to process and respond, Mom grabbed my plate. The moment the meatloaf hit my plate, the smell became more pungent, and the bile started to rise in my throat.
I need air. I need to get out of this house.
My stomach was about to revolt on me if I didn’t get away. I pushed away from the table, causing my chair to make a terrible noise as it moved in protest. I ran to the door leading to the backyard, to my freedom. My fast pace brought me off the patio and into the grass. I took in cleansing deep breaths, trying to right the image that was inside those walls. Those walls held so many dark secrets.
I didn’t notice Adam until I felt his hand on the small of my back.
“I’m here. What do you need, baby?”
Tears started streaming down. “It’s just like when I was a child. Something happened to her. She needs help, Adam. I don’t know what to do.”
My mom’s voice called from the door, “Ainsley, Adam, dinner is getting cold. Come on back into the house. I’ll need to start cleaning up here shortly.”
