Tempting Perfection, page 15
Knoah moved her blonde hair over her shoulders. “The new house is coming along.” She grabbed Garrick’s hand and snuggled into him. They were so good for each other. “I decided to take a step back at work and only do the event planning. Basically, I’m simplifying my life. Now I’ll be home with Garrick in the evenings, and I can travel with him on his upcoming trips. It’s a good change.”
“I’m happy for you. That’s amazing.”
Knoah poured us mimosas, and I froze. I looked at Kurt, who’d perfected his deer-in-the-headlights expression, too.
Yeah, we’re terrible at this.
“Let’s toast. To friends finding their way,” Knoah said.
Garrick held his glass out next to hers while Kurt and I stared at ours where they remained on the table. An awkward silence descended on the group. The only thing I could think of was my bun joke, which was terrible.
I stared at Kurt, who stared at me. And I knew our friends were watching us.
“A toast,” Garrick said, reminding us politely to pick up our glasses.
Like before, Kurt was catatonic. I stammered, “I…uh…”
Bumping Kurt with my elbow, I tried to get him to say something, but he was worse than me. “We…uh…”
Realization dawned on Knoah, and it was reflected in her eyes. Hesitantly, she asked, “Are you…?”
“If your question is ‘Am I hungry or pregnant,’ then yes. Yes, I am both of those things.” There. That was a little better than blaming Kurt and discussions of super sperm.
Utter joy transformed Knoah’s face, and I sagged with relief. I felt a little foolish thinking she might have been upset. Knoah got up and hugged me to her. “When? How? I mean, I know how.” She pointed at Kurt. “No details. And no telling me something gross I don’t want to know about.”
Super sperm was definitely something Knoah would not want to know about. Stay factual. “It happened in November, and I found out a few weeks ago. You guys are the first to know besides the band members. Which is a long story, but they found the pregnancy tests. And considering I’m the only girl staying on the bus, it was a little obvious who was preggers. Lana knows as well.”
Knoah poured me a glass of orange juice. “A new toast. To finding happiness.”
“To finding happiness,” everyone echoed.
* * *
Kurt talked with Garrick while Knoah and I had some girl time. We sat cross-legged in my apartment.
She picked up her glass of wine. “So, you doing okay?”
“Yeah. I was so scared in the beginning. But I’m good now. I was at the doctor to get my shot, and they did a urine test—I was eight weeks pregnant.” Inside I was still a bit unsure if Knoah was putting up a front. The last thing I wanted was her to be upset by our news. The depression that set in after she lost her baby had been bad. I chewed on my lip, unsure what else to say.
“Sawyer, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable about being pregnant around me. I’m okay.” Scooting next to me, Knoah put her arm around me. “I mean it. Garrick and I have been going to therapy together. I’m in a good place. If it’s meant to be, it will. And if not, there are so many options. When it’s time to take that next step, I’ll know it. I still have hope for the future, so let’s celebrate. You’re having a baby. A baby. You’re going to be a mother, and I want to be there every step of the way.”
I grabbed her hand and rested my head on her shoulder. “You’re an amazing friend.”
“And I can’t wait to throw you a baby shower.”
Things were going to be just fine.
* * *
We knocked on Cameron’s door. He opened the door, and I rushed into his arms, nearly knocking him over.
“Hey there. You okay?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
We hadn’t decided on how to tell Cameron. This baby was sucking the memory cells from me. Recover, Sawyer. “Yes, I just missed you. Where’s Monica?”
Monica called out from the kitchen, “In here. Dinner’s almost ready.”
It had been too long since I’d seen Cameron, and with the mess with my parents, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to know he was still on my side.
“I love you, Sawyer. Never doubt it.”
I pulled back and nodded with a watery smile. “I know. It’s just good to give you an actual hug.” Wiping my eyes, I took a dramatic smell. “Oh, that smells yum to the tum.”
We walked into the kitchen as Monica was setting the pasta bowl on the table. “Do you need any help?”
“I don’t think so. How was your trip?” She took off her apron and placed it on the counter. She would be the perfect wife for Cameron—Suzy Homemaker at her finest.
“Great. It’s nice to be home. But I enjoy being on the road with the band.”
And with Kurt. Especially with Kurt.
We sat and began to eat. I felt like a ticking time bomb, waiting to disclose the big news. My palms were sweating, and I ran them along my thighs as I looked at Kurt. He had the Oh shit look again. Yeah, oh shit. We forgot.
“So, what have you guys been up to?” Cameron asked as he brought a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth.
Just rip it off like a Band-Aid. Get it over with. I took a deep breath. “Kurt knocked me up.”
Around the table, forks dropped, and Kurt nudged my leg with his and turned my way. “Very subtle, Sawyer.”
Under my breath, I murmured, “It’s better than just staring and stuttering at each other.”
“What?” Cameron looked surprised. Shocked. Maybe a bit confused.
Kurt cleared his throat and took a drink. “What Sawyer meant to say is that we’re expecting a baby in August.”
Monica’s eyes were like ping-pong balls, bouncing around between the three of us. I blurted, “Are there any more breadsticks? They’re amazing.”
“Wait.” Cameron put his hands out. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes. Baby is cooking in the oven. Just like the breadsticks. Timer will go off August twenty-first. Ding.” I took a breadstick and shoved it into my mouth to stem the flow of nonsense.
Beside me Kurt whispered, “Ding?”
With a mouth full of bread, I said, “It was the oven timer. Ding, ding, ding. Baby is ready.” We stared at each other and laughed. “We are so terrible at this.”
“Are you okay with this?” Cameron’s tense voice stopped Kurt’s and my side conversation.
Oh, he’s about to go all big brother bear on the man next to me. My baby needed a daddy. I grabbed Kurt’s hand. “Yes, we’re more than okay with this. It’s unexpected, but we’re happy. And we were back together before we found out.”
“I don’t know if I should kick Kurt’s ass or congratulate him.”
I leaned toward Cameron and whispered, “I would go with congratulating him on the condition that he stops by Vilma’s Bakery and gets me cookies on the way home.”
“You really are happy?” Cameron searched my face the way he had so many times after Mom and Dad had hurt me in some way.
For the first time in a long time, I was able to tell the truth. “Yes. Promise. I was shocked to begin with. Well, we both were. But this baby isn’t an accident, it’s a blessing.” I took a deep breath. “I’m done punishing myself for Mattie’s death. I want and am excited about having this baby.”
Cameron eyes were big. “He knows?”
Cameron and I only ever spoke about Mattie when we were alone. Never in front of other people.
“Yes, he knows everything. I’m tired of only speaking about her in hushed whispers.” It felt cathartic to speak about Mattie openly.
Cameron stood and engulfed me in a hug. “I couldn’t agree more. I love you, Sawyer.”
“Love you, too.” I whispered back.
Chapter Thirty-One
Sawyer
In the ultrasound room, the tech applied the jelly stuff to my stomach. She commented, “Wow, this baby is ready to make him or herself known.”
“It was like magic. Overnight, my stomach popped out.” But I loved it. It made it more real. It was hard to not constantly have my hand there when we were out in public.
The technician positioned herself on her chair and adjusted her monitor. “Let’s take some measurements, and then if you want, we’ll check to see if we can tell the gender—if you want to know.”
I had to know. Patting my stomach, I said, “Baby Hendrix, you better cooperate and reveal those parts.”
This morning, I’d drunk a whole glass of orange juice because I’d read the sugar helped the baby be more active during the ultrasound.
Kurt held my hand while he watched the screen come to life. The technician moved the goo around my abdomen with the wand. “This is your baby.”
So much had changed. “It’s our baby.” Kurt’s awed tone brought me up a little short.
The technician gave us a few minutes while she quietly took the baby’s measurements. The nerves came back. I asked, “I-Is our baby okay?”
“All the measurements look great. Baby looks healthy and is about the size of a plum. And I agree with the last doctor’s estimate; your due date is August twenty-first.”
The baby was fine. I was so relieved because if I had caused anything to go wrong, I would never forgive myself.
Kurt stared at the screen, silent.
“That’s our baby, Kurt.”
I cherished the look of awe and pure love on Kurt’s face. “It is. We made this.”
“We did.”
Another few minutes passed while the technician showed us the baby’s arms, legs, and head. It was unreal. Inside me, a tiny human squirmed around.
“Would you like to know the gender?” she asked.
“Yes!” We exclaimed in unison before laughing. Part of me had been afraid Kurt would freak out the way I had. Seeing the baby on the screen made it real. But I felt nothing but support and excitement from the man who made me feel alive.
The tech moved the wand around a few times, picking up the baby from different angles. “Oh, it’s definitely a boy. Congrats, Ms. Wade, Mr. Hendrix.”
“A boy? You’re sure?” I’d read that sometimes they got it wrong.
The mouse moved to a point on the baby. “See? That’s definitely his penis.”
My eyes grew wide when the technician said the word. I mean, I said cock, dick, and penis, too. But this young lady saying that about a baby out of nowhere had me laughing. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“We’re having a boy.” Kurt’s eyes grew wide, and he mouthed super sperm to me. I only giggled as we watched our baby boy.
When the tech was done, she handed me a towel. “I’ll give you a few minutes and be outside the door.”
As soon as the goo was gone, Kurt picked me up and spun me around. “We’re having a boy!”
“Yes, we are!”
“A boy!” Kurt repeated.
“George is getting a brother.” A boy. A boy. A boy. I kept repeating it in my head. It made everything so much more real.
Kurt kissed me hard. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“Never.”
* * *
We left the doctor’s office through the employee exit and got into the car. Before we arrived, the staff had signed NDAs to protect our privacy. Today, Kurt drove us, and security followed. The crazy stalker person seemed to have vanished, thank goodness. Every time I got the mail, I cringed, thinking I might receive something else. I shuddered as I remembered the words. I didn’t want to deal with that stress on top of everything else.
My phone vibrated. I smiled at the message.
Edge: Okay, what’s my next move? Zip-lining was fucking brilliant.
Me: Take Nina to a simple burger joint. Go see a movie. Keep it simple so you can talk.
Edge: I can do that.
Me: And no sex.
Edge: Are you fucking serious?
Me: Yes.
Edge: ifehefiohiraiogne. That’s me cursing you out in a foreign language so Kurt won’t beat my ass.
Me: You know you think I’m amazing. Have fun!
Edge: Serious pain in my ass.
“Why are you grinning?” Kurt asked, glancing my way.
“Oh, Edge. He’s upset that he can’t have sex yet.”
An unknown number flashed across my screen, interrupting our conversation.
“Who’s that?” Kurt asked.
I showed it to Kurt. Did the stalker find my number? A creepy feeling trickled down my spine. “I don’t know. It says Unknown.”
“Can I answer it?” He reached his hand across the console.
Better him than me. I would have sent it to voicemail. I handed him the phone. “Yeah.”
“Hello?” Kurt’s knuckles tightened around the steering wheel as he listened to the speaker on the other end of the call. “No, you can’t talk to her. Why? Because of what I saw outside your house in Denver. No. No, I’m not, but she’s the most important person in my life. Listen, if you think I would control your daughter like that, then you don’t know Sawyer very well at all. Good. You do that. He supports Sawyer. Right now, Sawyer is done with your bullshit mindfucks. That might have worked before, but not anymore. Mattie’s and Adriane’s deaths were not her fault.” He pulled the phone away from his face for a quick second before bringing it back. “Hello?”
My heart hammered in my chest at the mention of their names. No one else was supposed to know about their deaths. He handed me back my phone. “They hung up.”
No one had stood up to my parents like that—ever. I was speechless.
Seeing my distress, Kurt pulled over. “Sawyer, if I overstepped my bounds, I’m sorry. I thought you were okay.”
“I am.” I cleared my throat. “No one has ever done that for me. I mean, Cameron has tried, but it’s not the same.”
Putting his hand to my cheek, Kurt leaned his forehead against mine. “Baby, I would do anything for you. Anything.”
Those three little words came bubbling up. I wanted to say them, I really did, but we weren’t ready. And the last thing I needed was to push Kurt too far too soon.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kurt
I parked the car and looked at Sawyer, who was sleeping peacefully. She was curled in my direction, her hand cupped over her stomach. Our child. Our boy. The moment was perfect. I’d sensed earlier that she’d been about to say I love you. But something had stopped her. I wanted to say it to her, I was sure about how I felt, but it needed to be special. That was the ultimate commitment from me. I love you is as good as forever. I wanted that with Sawyer.
And her parents…her fucking parents. They were insane. I wanted Garrick to have them investigated. It should have been done sooner, but with the baby, the stalker, and just working on us, I hadn’t done it.
Shit.
We still had no leads on who this was except that she was female. Another letter had come yesterday. This one was addressed to me. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. My blood ran cold.
She has to go.
You’re my real beau.
If not she’ll die.
And go bye-bye.
Love,
Your future wife
The childlike simplicity made it creepier. I watched Sawyer. No one’s going to touch her. What a fucking mess. And now I had a baby boy. Knowing his gender made everything real, and not once had I wanted to run. I wanted this. I wanted Sawyer and our baby.
I checked my rearview mirror to make sure the security men were in place. I’d let Sawyer sleep for a bit more. My phone vibrated, giving me a welcomed distraction.
Edge: Seriously, man. Is Sawyer fucking with me?
I chuckled.
Me: You not enjoying bread and water?
Edge: Fuck you, man. I’m going out of my mind.
Me: Is what Sawyer’s doing working?
Edge: Yeah.
Me: Then I would listen to her.
Edge: I hate you.
Me: Kisses and cuddles.
Edge: Asshole.
She stirred and stretched. “Where are we?”
I put my phone away. “Cocoa Beach cemetery.”
Sawyer looked around outside, slow to react. “Okay…”
I grabbed the bag from the back seat and took a deep breath. Knoah was the only other person who knew about this. “This is something I do every year. It’s Dylan’s birthday. So I sit and have a drink while I tell him about what’s going on.”
Sawyer reached out her hand, her eyes going soft like they always did. “I didn’t expect you to bring me or tell me. This is special and personal.”
“I know, but I want you here.” That was the truth. Having Sawyer here, knowing I could share this with her, made it more bearable.
“There’s no place I’d rather be.”
There was something else I needed to tell her—wanted to tell her. “You know the tattoo on my chest?”
“Yes.”
“That’s the first bar of music we ever wrote together.”
Her face lit up. “That’s so special. You’ll always have him with you.”
It meant the world to me. “Yeah. Are you ready?”
“Go spend time with Dylan. I’ll be there in a bit. I’m sure you have a lot to catch up on.”
This woman was my everything. She got me in ways I didn’t realize. “I won’t be long.”
“Take your time.”
I got out of the car with the bag and scrubbed a hand down my face. Here goes nothing. Dylan’s grave stood on top of a hill. Two small headstones were next to him for the two babies Knoah had lost. I sat down and poured two drinks. Coke and bourbon had been our drink of choice when we went out.
I took a drink before I said, “Miss you, buddy. Miss you more than I ever fucking imagined.” I took another deep breath. Man, this never got easy. Every year, it was like something heavy on my chest. “I kept my promise and watched after your girl. Knoah’s happy—she’s found a good man. He loves her like you’d want her to be loved. I know she’s been here a few times, asking you to watch after her other baby.”
