Tempting Perfection, page 11
Glancing over at Kurt, I saw the worry in his eyes. He was rubbing his face more as he stared off into space. I cleared my throat. “I don’t expect you to change your stance on marriage.”
Kurt blinked a few times and stared at me. “What?”
“I don’t expect us to get married because we’re having a baby.”
Sitting up, he looked at me. “You don’t?”
“No. I get why you don’t want to. I mean it. Marriage is not an expectation. When I agreed to be with you, I agreed to this.”
He blew out a breath and said, “I wish to hell I wasn’t broken like that, Sawyer. For you. I wish I was able to give that to you.” There was agony in his voice, and I hated it.
I squeezed his hand. “It’s really okay. Marriage isn’t what’s going to make me happy. I’d rather spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me happy than be in a loveless marriage.”
The fog lifted from his expression, and I had Kurt back. “What did the doctor say? Tell me everything.”
On the car ride home, we’d still been in shock and hadn’t said much. In all my crazy driving, I’d ended up only forty-five minutes from the tour bus.
I pulled out the pamphlet with all the notes the doctor had made for me. I was grateful she’d given them to me. If she hadn’t, I wasn’t sure I’d remember any of it. “I’m due around August twenty-first. So I’m eight weeks pregnant.” I took a breath. “In the office, I freaked out because I’ve been drinking caffeine, had alcohol at the club, the sushi, and the food poisoning.” Kurt’s eyes grew wide. Quickly, I continued, “But everything’s on track. I have a list of dos and don’ts to start off with. Oh, I got prenatal vitamins, too. And I’ll see my regular doctor in Orlando in four weeks.”
Worry lines framed Kurt’s face. It gave me hope that he cared. “And you’re sure the baby is okay?”
“Yes, the baby’s fine. I promise. I wouldn’t have been drinking and whatnot if I’d known. Oh my God, how did I not know? I’m going to be a terrible mother.” I looked at the paper, feeling guilty. I wanted to cry, but I remained strong. If only I’d known. Please let the baby be okay.
Kurt touched my cheek, waiting for me to look at him. “I know you wouldn’t have. I don’t doubt that you’ll be able to take care of the baby, Sawyer. It’s all still sinking in. I didn’t mean for it to sound that way.”
I gave him a small smile, relieved he believed in me. “I’m glad we have the next few days off. Oh, I have some pictures.”
I dug through my purse and handed the pictures over. “I can’t make out a lot since it all looks like a blob, but this is the head and here’s the heart.”
Intently, Kurt stared at the picture. “This is our baby.”
“Our baby.” We’d created this being. Together. And it wasn’t until we got back together that he or she had made himself or herself known. The world was a crazy place. Love and hope filled me. Our baby.
Looking at my stomach, it was still hard to believe he or she was in there. So tiny.
“Can I keep this?”
“Yes, of course.”
Kurt stood. Softly, he said, “Let’s go to bed. I want to hold you.”
This moment had us brimming with unspoken emotion. Being in Kurt’s arms gave me a sense of safety and security. We needed this.
“I’d like that,” I responded in a whisper.
I followed Kurt into his room where we changed and slid into bed. Kurt wrapped his hands around me and pulled me to him, my back to his front. A few minutes passed before his hand crept down to my abdomen.
His voice was hesitant. “Do you mind?”
I turned over to face him and moved his hand to the spot where the ultrasound tech had placed her wand. “Here’s where your baby is.”
He stared down where his hand rested. “I won’t fuck up this baby’s life like my dad fucked up mine. I swear it. And if I do, will you walk away?”
Cradling his face, I kissed him. “I know you won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you care.”
Nothing else was said as we contemplated the future. The silence was strangely comforting, and Kurt kept his hand on my stomach. At some point, I fell into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sawyer
Kurt showered while I sat cross-legged on the couch and ate my cereal in the quiet. I’m pregnant. After talking with Kurt and getting a good night’s sleep, things were a little easier to swallow today. It was going to be tough, but the feeling of helplessness had left. This morning, I walked into the bedroom and saw Kurt staring at the picture of the baby he’d put on his nightstand. A baby. We’re having a baby.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I walked to the door to see the band members standing outside. I pushed the button to open the door. “Come on in. Kurt’s in the shower. We had a late start this morning.”
Thank goodness we had the day off. I was sure there were more emails on my phone than I cared to know about. But I couldn’t bring myself to look at them.
“How are you doing?” Harlem asked. The other members followed Harlem up the stairs. The concerned looks on their faces were touching.
“Better. Not so freaked out.” I placed the cereal bowl in the sink, and an awkward silence filled the air. I wondered what they thought about this. As celebrities, this probably screamed scam to them. I wanted to make sure there was no confusion on the matter. I adjusted my T-shirt. “Just so you guys know, the baby is Kurt’s. I have no doubt. And I’m not trying to trap him. I’ve offered to do DNA testing and gave him the option to not be involved. I know you guys are tight, but I wanted you to hear it from me. Until yesterday, I had no idea.”
They were quiet for a moment before Harlem said, “Honestly, Sawyer, the thought never crossed my mind. Just don’t ever leave Kurt like that again. You had us all worried.”
“I won’t. Promise.”
The door to the bedroom opened and Kurt came down the hall, pulling on his T-shirt. “I thought I heard some talking. What’s up, guys?”
“We came to check on you and Sawyer,” Sykes answered, running his hand over his short hair.
Kurt rubbed the back of his neck. “We’re good.”
I confirmed this. “We are.”
“How far along are you?” Edge asked.
It was ironic to see the softer side of these rock stars as we talked about the baby.
Sounding smug, Kurt answered, “Eight weeks. Seems my bastards made it through birth control shots and a condom.”
The boys gave a Hell Yeah, which lifted the mood even more. I slapped my forehead. Kurt leaned against the table and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. “For now, Sawyer and I have made the decision not to say anything while we get used to the idea.”
“Will you before the tour is over?”
“We still have two and a half months left. Sawyer will be nearly five months by the time it’s over. I’m not sure we’ll be able to hide it that long, so I think it’s best we announce it versus it being leaked.”
Wow. When the tour finished, I would be more than halfway through the pregnancy.
The band agreed. Harlem stretched. “Those bastards are like a runaway train. Of course, we’ll support you. What about the fall?”
“The baby is due in August, which shouldn’t affect anything we have planned. I don’t have a lot of answers yet.” Kurt sounded tired.
The guys all nodded their consent. “Sounds good. What do you need from us?”
“Just be careful what you say until we make the announcement.”
Everyone murmured in agreement.
Edge stepped forward. “So, we got you something, Sawyer. We thought you might need it.”
“What’s that?” A gift from the band certainly had my curiosity piqued.
Sykes went to the door and brought back a basket filled with sticky notes of all sizes and colors. “I figured you’d need more with baby Hendrix on the way.”
I pointed at Sykes. “I knew we had a mutual love for organization. I sensed a fellow organizer.” Holding out my fist, I said, “Organizers to the end.”
A small smile appeared on his lips as he fist-bumped me back.
There were so many colors and sizes. It was like a box of chocolate happiness. “I love it. I was just thinking my supplies were getting low.”
Taking the basket, I sat it on the counter. I touched one of the sparkly stickies. “This is a thing of beauty. So sweet. Thank you.”
Those damn tears wanted to come out, but I kept them at bay. Stupid hormones. I had turned into a blubbering mess.
“Okay. Well, we’re going to head out. Figured we’d go catch some grub, maybe a movie.”
“Have fun,” I called out.
They left, and Kurt and I were alone. “I’m glad they don’t think I trapped you.”
“Why would they?”
The amount of trust Kurt had in us floored me. Truly, it had never crossed his mind this could be a hoax. But he needed to understand that people would think this.
I shook my head. “Kurt, come on. Some people are going to think that. You’re Kurt Hendrix. The rock star who doesn’t do relationships. You’re in one for the first time, and now I’m pregnant. It’s not a big leap for people to assume that.”
“I’ll do everything I can to keep the story from spinning that way. People will see.”
People saw what they wanted to see. And if they wanted to see Kurt as a sex god, they would paint the worst picture of me possible. Women lusted after Kurt.
But maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about that at the moment. “What did we want to do today?”
“I figured we could order in some Thai. Read the dos and don’ts together. What do you think?”
“I’d like that.”
We were in this together.
* * *
Just after lunch, I slipped away to my room to find the new lingerie I’d purchased. It was a simple red teddy made of satin and lace. Kurt wasn’t into a lot of frills. I put it on, ruffled my hair, and lay across the bed.
“Hey, Kurt, could you help me with something?”
From the other room, he called out, “Sure, be right there.”
Since the place was tiny, it only took him a second to walk through the door. He was busy on his phone. When he finally looked at me, he paused, mouth open. “You—”
“Yes?”
“You are beautiful.” When Kurt said the words, I felt it more than I ever had before.
Heat crept over my skin.
Kurt unfastened his jeans and slid them down his toned legs. His cock was hard. I licked my lips as I watched him stroke himself a few times. “You want this?”
“Yes.”
“Touch yourself. I want to watch you make yourself come for me.”
My hands drifted down past my stomach, and I rubbed my clit while bucking my hips to the motion. With a moan, I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds. When I opened them, Kurt was stroking himself harder, watching me.
With one last flick, I yelled out as the orgasm rolled through me. Kurt’s eyes grew dark with hunger. He stalked toward me, climbed up on the bed, and reached for the drawer with the condoms.
He stopped and pulled back his hand. “I don’t have to use a condom anymore.”
Oh my. Then I laughed. “It would be hard for you to knock me up when I already am.”
We grinned at each other. “Don’t underestimate my swimmers, baby. They’re strong.”
I felt his tip at my entrance. This was the first time either of us went without protection. I was nervous. Being this connected with Kurt would take us to a new level, which electrified and terrified me at the same time. What would this do to Kurt? He was so skittish about relationships.
“You okay with this, Sawyer?”
“Are you? This will change things.”
His eyes searched mine. Lowly he murmured. “I want this more than anything.”
A sense of peace filled me and I smiled. “Me, too.”
Slowly, as we locked eyes with each other, Kurt pushed in. This was the most amazing feeling in the world. Tenderly, Kurt leaned down and kissed my jaw. “I’m yours, Sawyer.”
I moved my head to find his lips. “And I’m yours.”
And I would be his forever. Kurt Hendrix owned me, body and soul.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sawyer
The incessant ringing of a phone was about to send me over the edge. “Kurt, your phone.”
“Hmm…”
When he didn’t move, I gave him a shove. “Kurt, make your phone stop.”
He shifted, and I heard him knock over something on his nightstand as he tried to grab the phone. For a moment, there was nothing but heavenly silence.
“Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”
I jerked up. That got my attention. “What?”
“My mother is on her way from the airport. She’ll be here any second.” Kurt rolled out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and finger-combed his hair while he looked for a shirt. “Where’s my shirt. You’ve organized it, and now I can’t find anything.”
Wait. He’s worried about a shirt? This was not good timing—not good timing at all. “Your mom is coming? Now? Why?” Then I froze as I remembered the schedule for the day. I had done this. I’d arranged for Lana to come here and surprise Kurt. “This is my fault. This was supposed to be a surprise for you.”
“What?” Kurt paused to look at me.
I scrambled off the bed and retrieved my Kurt-approved pajamas. “Before the tour, I made arrangements for her to come see you in Denver.”
I froze, remembering I left my prenatal vitamins in the living room. I dashed down the hall.
“Sawyer! Don’t run like that!”
Rolling my eyes, I found them and ran back to my room.
Kurt scolded me from the doorway. “Sawyer, don’t run. You’ll jiggle the baby.”
Putting my hands on my hips, I tried to keep a straight face. “Don’t you think fucking my brains out last night jiggled your baby?”
A look of disbelief crossed over his face. “That’s different!”
We stared at each other and burst out laughing. I pointed at him. “I’m blaming your baby for forgetting about your mom. I never forget anything. It’s like the Hendrix gene has infected me. If I start being messy, so help me, I’m coming after you with a baseball bat until you’re infertile.”
Horror crossed his face and he cupped himself. “No touching the jewels.”
I waved my hands in the air. There wasn’t much time. Later, we could argue about jewel mangling. “Go get a shirt! We look like we’ve spent the night fucking and not sleeping.”
“Because that’s what we did.”
“Kurt! Your mom is going to be here any minute. Put. On. A. Shirt.”
Seriously. I forgot. I combed through my hair, managing to put it up in a messy bun as I walked around the bus making sure everything was in place. An easy morning lounging around the bus look. I believed I accomplished it.
The brunch.
“Kurt, you have reservations to take your mom to brunch downtown.”
What was wrong with me? Then there’s the scenic drive. Oh hell, I had fallen apart.
Kurt came back into the hall, his toothbrush in his mouth. Oh, I need to do that too. I ran back to my bathroom with him on my tail.
“Stop running, Sawyer. What else do we have on this surprise agenda?”
The way he said surprise riled me. I knew he’d probably spit some toothpaste out as he spoke. I started to brush my teeth, refusing to turn around. Don’t look at the splatter. Don’t look.
“Umm, you have brunch and then a scenic drive to the lake.” Ugh, I now sputtered toothpaste out. We were a mess. I grabbed a towel and cleaned the spots.
He spit, and I followed. The difference was his rinse job was not thorough. So I took the extra time to get the excess toothpaste from the sink. Then he tossed his toothbrush on my counter. Not wanting to argue, I put mine in its proper holder and speed-walked to his bathroom to put his away.
“Okay, I think that’s it,” I announced from my doorway.
Kurt hadn’t moved from the bathroom.
“Why aren’t you moving? And by the way, I speed-walked to your bathroom. No baby jiggling.”
Baby jiggling. Crazy, crazy man.
“You did all this before we left? Why?” His voice grew soft and a little reflective. It touched me.
I wrapped my arms around his waist so I could look into his eyes. “Yeah, I did. You told me in LA that Crystal Lake was special for you and your mom when we set up the tour. I don’t know why it is, and I didn’t ask her. When I called her with the plans, she cried. If I’ve overstepped, I’m so sorry.”
Without a word, Kurt grabbed my face and kissed me fiercely. “You are worth everything to me.”
My insides melted. “I feel the same way about you.”
“Even when you had no reason to hope there would be an us, you never stopped caring.” Kurt searched my eyes.
Touching my lips to his, I kissed him softly. “I’m glad I have you now.”
“You will have me. Always.”
I jabbed him playfully in the chest. “But I mean it. If I become a slob, okay with just discarding my toothbrush at whatever sink and throwing my shoes in the corner of my room because of this baby, I am not going to be a happy camper.”
Kurt grinned. “The Hendrix gene is strong. Remember it broke through birth control and a condom.”
I groaned. “I am so fucked.”
“Yeah, you are.”
Kurt’s phone vibrated. “My mom’s here.”
“Wait. Are you telling her about the baby?”
He stared off into the distance for a moment. “What do you think?”
Whoa, this seems like a rushed decision. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I left it up to Kurt. “That’s up to you. I don’t want my parents to know, but that doesn’t mean your mom can’t know. She doesn’t have to be punished because of my parents.”
“We’ll see. Let’s play it by ear.”
