Connection, page 31
“Remmy?” she said, taking a step toward her. She was torn between happiness at seeing her, and concern at the look of terror that was whitewashing her features.
Julie was nearly knocked down as a large group of laughing fairgoers rounded the corner and swarmed around her. She fought her way out of their group, roughly pushing one boy aside. When she reached the Ferris Wheel, Remmy was gone.
****
Remmy nearly got herself hit by a car as she ran across the street and into the darkness. Her lungs were burning, but she didn’t care. The rattle in her hand felt hot to the touch; it scorched her skin. Still she held on, fingers nearly crushing it.
Inside her head was a symphony of children’s laughter and nearly unintelligible words, and always the underlying crying. It was about to drive her crazy. She could hear nothing of the night sounds around her. The birds disappeared, as did the traffic on the busier streets and the laughter and catcalls of the group of teenagers she passed on the sidewalk as she ran toward the outlying woods of Woodland.
She kept getting more images of the dirt, feeling its cold, grainy texture against her face. She tried to brush the feel and image away. She ran on, grateful when the moon appeared from behind the heavy clouds that had been threatening rain, showing the way.
The town proper ended where the woods began. She had never been in this area, but she couldn’t allow her fear to make her falter. The crying was a constant now, no more laughter, no more garbled speech.
Remmy slowed, her breathing labored, hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. She stopped, hands resting on her thighs as she sucked in large gulps of air. She looked around her, trying to figure out where she was. Something caught her eye, something in the brush, glinting in the moonlight. A beacon.
Pushing her way deep into the foliage, Remmy ignored the cuts and scrapes on her hands and bare legs as she pushed through to the object. Stepping on the thorny bush at its stem to keep it out of her way, she bent down. Fingers, pushing away some dirt, came into contact with something cold and hard. Taking it between her fingers, she stood and held it up to the moonlight.
The red stone glinted almost magically, awing the eye. She could feel the smooth surface of the underside of the thick band, either side of the large stone rough from inscriptions she couldn’t read. She wished she had a flashlight. She set the ring down in a clearing just beyond the foliage in which it had been lying. She swallowed down her rising emotions.
Using the bright moonlight from above, Remmy surveyed the area, kicking at things with the toe of her shoe. When she felt her foot sink down, she crouched to look at the area. Dirt. Darker than the rest around it, and devoid of any of the leaves or debris that littered the forest floor around her.
Remmy searched for something to dig with. She noticed for the first time that she was alone. The crying had stopped. Setting the rattle down next to the ring, Remmy grabbed a small branch that lay on the ground. Taking a deep breath, she gripped the wood with both hands and began to dig, light passes, each one going a little deeper. A tear slid down her cheek as the end of the branch came into contact with something. Something that was very soft.
Chapter Forty-eight
Remmy sat on the bumper of the Coroner’s van, unable to watch as the tiny body was taken from the ground. She felt sick. Her tears pushed at the backs of her eyes like tiny pinpricks, but she couldn’t seem to allow them to fall. She turned as someone squeezed her shoulder.
“How are you?” Grace asked.
Remmy’s eyes were red-rimmed; she struggled to control her emotions. “How was I so wrong?” she asked, voice nearly a whisper. “He was supposed to be alive.” She stared out into the night, the night which had been turned into day by the cruiser lights and flashlight beams that painted the area.
“Grace?” one of the officers called. “It’s starting to rain. We’re not going to get anything else tonight.”
Grace nodded her understanding. “Okay, Tom. Get everything wrapped up.” Grace turned back to Remmy. “The ME’s gonna have to get in here, Remmy,” she said, knocking on the side of the van. “Why don’t you let me take you home?”
Remmy shook her head. “I’d rather walk.” She pushed to her feet and strong arms wrapped around her. Remmy tolerated a brief hug before pulling away. She held out her hand, the small rattle lying in the center of her palm.
Grace took the baby’s toy with a heavy sigh. “I’ll need to talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
Remmy nodded, then turned and walked away. Grace watched her go, with half a mind to send a patrol car to follow her at a discreet distance. She was worried about her.
Hands buried in the pockets of her shorts, Remmy trudged to the street. She was cold and wet, the rain falling harder. It was refreshing on her overheated face. She felt as if she’d been at the crime site forever. It actually had been quite a long time. More than three hours earlier, after she had uncovered the baby wrapped in a plastic garbage bag, she had pulled out her cell phone and called Grace. The first officers arrived in less than ten minutes, and Remmy had been there answering questions ever since. She hadn’t been able to leave the infant, like a dog waiting by his dead master, ever faithful.
Remmy felt as if she had let down Tyler Bailey, Clive Bailey, Yvonne Bailey, and Grace. She had let herself down, too.
As the rain beat down, Remmy began to shiver. She glanced up as the sky opened up, cracked open by brilliant lightning and booms of thunder. It was a frightening experience. At any moment, the power of Zeus could hurtle down and end her life with one touch. Maybe that would be for the best. She felt lost and alone. Her heart was empty and cold, her emotions raw. She wanted to cry, wanted to get it out, but the tears still refused to come.
****
Julie felt restless. Something was bothering her, deeply, but she had no idea what it was. She had convinced herself to stay in bed because she was tired. Her eyes burned, begging her to sleep. Part of that had come from all the cigarette smoke in the food tent at the fair. She was allergic, and it always gave her a headache and made her eyes turn red. The lightning and thunder didn’t help matters. Bonnie jumped with every clap of thunder, which was keeping Julie awake.
With a heavy sigh, Julie turned on her side to look out the window and watch the raindrops pelt the windows. She wished it weren’t raining; the cool breeze of the night would undoubtedly help her get to sleep.
Clyde’s head popped up, his little ears perking as he stared at Julie’s bedroom doorway. Bonnie followed suit. Instantly they were tearing off into the darkness, barking.
Julie felt uneasy; she hated it when her dogs behaved like they were hearing something she couldn’t hear. It was usually nothing, but it always scared the shit out of her. Deciding that any distraction from her insomnia was a good thing, she slid her legs over the side of the bed. Pulling on a pair of shorts to go with the tank top in which she slept, she was puzzled by the intensity of her dogs’ barking. The doorbell sounded, and she reflexively glanced at her bedside clock. It was after midnight.
She padded through the house to the front door, wary as she called, “Who is it?” and flicked on the porch light.
“Remmy!” the voice called from the other side.
Instantly worried, Julie quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open. Remmy stood on the stoop, beyond drenched, in the same clothing she’d been wearing at the fair. “Oh god, Remmy,” Julie whispered, quickly pushing the screen door open and pulling Remmy inside. “You’re soaked!”
Remmy stood dripping on the tile in the entryway, her head hanging and shoulders sagging. She was icy cold, but that didn’t even register. She raised her eyes to meet Julie’s, and the floodgates opened. “He was dead all along,” she murmured.
“Oh, Remmy.” Julie pulled Remmy to her, holding her as she cried, whispering words of love and compassion. Remmy clung to her, her grasp almost painfully tight.
Even as her heart broke, Remmy’s soul mended. Julie’s warmth was enfolding her, and the words were assuring her that everything would be okay. She grieved for the Baileys, and for the last two weeks without Julie.
She raised her head from Julie’s shoulder and wiped at her eyes and face. “I’m really sorry, Julie,” she said, voice hoarse with emotion and tears.
“Oh, honey, don’t you dare apologize—”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. For what happened.”
Julie looked up into the haunted eyes, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to go to bed and hold Remmy against her. She wanted to run her fingers through the soft hair and tell her that everything was fine, and it would all be okay.
“Remmy,” she said softly, “come with me.” She locked the front door and turned off the lights, took Remmy’s hand and led her up the stairs.
Remmy followed without a word, a bit worried that Julie hadn’t responded to her apology. They ended up in Julie’s bedroom, where Julie stopped in the center of the room. She turned Remmy around to face her, grabbed the hem of Remmy’s shirt, which was glued to her body, and tugged it off. She tossed the shirt to the floor then crouched, quickly untying Remmy’s shoes. Remmy placed a hand on Julie’s shoulder as she stepped out of one, then held the foot up as Julie removed a sock. The other shoe and sock followed.
Julie rose to her feet, meeting Remmy’s eyes briefly before she turned her attention to the shorts, unbuttoning and unzipping them, allowing them to fall to the floor. She noted with amusement that Remmy did indeed have a tattoo on the inside of her thigh, though she couldn’t see much of it the way she was standing. Remmy stepped out of the shorts, leaving her in only her bra and underwear. Julie firmly directed her eyes away from the sleek body to gather the wet clothing on the floor.
“Leave your bra and underwear on the toilet lid in the bathroom before you step into the shower, Remmy. I’ll throw them in the washer with everything else.” Remmy’s soaking wet clothing in her arms, Julie left the room.
Remmy’s heart pounded in her ears. She felt exposed and vulnerable, and it wasn’t just because she was standing in Julie’s bedroom nearly naked. She still didn’t know how things stood between her and Julie. From the floor below, she heard a washing machine rumble to life, so she scampered off to the en suite bathroom, stripping out of the rest of her clothing as Julie had directed.
A long groan escaped her throat as she stepped under the hot spray. Eyes closed, she raised her face to the water. Her nipples had hardened to the point of pain from the cold rain, Julie’s presence, and the hot water. She hoped that Julie hadn’t noticed her body’s reaction as the wet clothing was removed.
Why did she do that? she wondered, wiping the water from her eyes. She decided that it was likely because Julie was trying to get her out of her soaked clothing quickly. Remmy knew that she was probably shivering too hard to get her clothes off for herself. Still, she wished Julie had just let her shiver. Now she would endlessly feel the sensation of Julie’s hands on her body. As innocent as the contact had been, it would torment her forever.
****
Having tossed the last two articles of Remmy’s clothing inside the washer, Julie closed the lid. She closed her eyes and rested her hands on the top of the machine, sharply exhaling breath that she’d been holding practically since she’d removed Remmy’s shirt. Remmy’s appearance on her doorstep had roused a spate of conflicting emotions that she wasn’t sure what to do with. First and foremost, she’d wanted to help Remmy, to be there for her. She was beginning to get some sense of the strain that Remmy’s gift put on her mind and spirit.
Leading Remmy up to her bedroom and getting her out of her soaked clothing was a very natural course of action. Julie had not even stopped to think about what she was doing, until now.
That day at the school, when Remmy had coaxed her out of the car, Julie had felt free, as if she could do anything. She felt strong and capable, primarily because Remmy was at her side telling her it was okay, not in so many words but with a look, a smile, a touch of her hand. And then Remmy kissed her.
Julie rested her back against the vibrating washer, crossing her arms over her chest. She’d been drawn to Remmy since the very first time Remmy had brought them to their field. She could feel Remmy’s strength, and the calm in her eyes set Julie at ease no matter what else might be happening. She felt compelled to be with Remmy, laugh with her, talk with her, or enjoy the comfortable silence that they so often shared. Much like herself, Remmy was quiet and didn’t need exciting scenes to stimulate her senses. Julie also had to admit that she loved to cuddle with Remmy. The night they had fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV, Julie remembered nestling into Remmy’s embrace, resting her head on Remmy’s shoulder. It had been the best night’s sleep she’d had since her captivity.
And then, the kiss.
Julie had been avoiding thinking about that kiss for two weeks, her stubborn nature refusing to analyze it, or even talk with Remmy about it. Julie needed an explanation. Not necessarily because the kiss was an awful sin, or anything as crazy as that, but she needed to know where it came from, needed to understand Remmy’s thinking. Was it just something that happened in the joy of the moment? Maybe Remmy was feeling the need to get closer? Or was it something deeper?
Julie had never once given a thought to dating a woman. During her teaching career, she’d had colleagues who were lesbians. She had no problem with it at all, but it had never been something she had considered in relation to her own life. Although she had never found that her relationships with the men in her life were mind-blowing experiences—she was still single—it never occurred to her to try another option. As she mulled it over even now, she couldn’t say that such a thing was a possibility.
Then she pictured those blue eyes. She thought about just how easy it was to allow herself to be enfolded in Remmy’s arms, held safe and warm. How easy it was to talk to her, to hold her, just to be with her.
And then she kissed her.
Julie sighed, pushed away from the washing machine, and turned out the light as she went upstairs. The shower had long since stopped.
The overhead light was still on in the bedroom when Julie entered the room. Remmy, hair still damp and falling down her back, huddled in the armchair in the corner of the room, dressed in the clothes Julie had set out for her—Matt’s sweats and t-shirt. She seemed to still be chilled. Julie crouched down in front of her, reaching up to brush away a few wet strands of dark hair.
“Are you okay?” Julie’s voice was as gentle as her touch.
Remmy nodded, but didn’t look up. She wasn’t okay, and Julie knew it. With a tug of Julie’s hand, Remmy was pulled to her feet and led over to the bed. Julie pulled down the covers and gestured for Remmy to climb in, which she did.
Julie made sure Remmy was settled, then turned off the light and climbed in with her. “Come here,” she whispered, pulling Remmy over to her. Within moments, both of Julie’s arms were wrapped tightly around the strong shoulders, and Remmy’s head rested on Julie’s chest. “Tell me what happened,” she said, tracing lazy patterns on Remmy’s back, feeling her body relax against her.
Remmy tried to order her thoughts. Her heart was still racing slightly, and she knew she needed to get her mind off of Julie’s touch; she had already gotten herself into trouble by following her desire. Finally, she cleared her throat.
“The case I was working on for Grace. The baby was missing, and I swore he was alive. I kept hearing his crying in my mind. I just knew he had to be alive.” She sighed heavily. “I misjudged my own signals. It was all in the past. He was dead and buried over in the north woods the entire time.”
Julie petted Remmy’s hair. She could feel Remmy’s pain and profound disappointment in herself. “Oh, sweetie,” she whispered. “You realized something tonight, didn’t you? At the fairgrounds?”
Remmy nodded, glad Julie couldn’t see her. At least Julie didn’t know that she had been stalked. “It hit me like a ton of bricks.” She sighed again, adjusting her head to a more comfortable position, her cheek resting against Julie’s breast. She tried to ignore the softness, and Julie’s wonderful scent. The slight pucker of Julie’s nipple. She cleared her mind, returning to their conversation. “I feel like I really let them down—Tyler, his father, and Grace.”
Julie cupped Remmy’s face between her hands, tilting her head up until the blue eyes met her own. “Don’t you dare say that.” Anger hardened her voice. “Don’t you dare say that,” she repeated emphatically. “You have a gift, Remmy, and don’t you ever forget that.” She stared deeply into Remmy’s eyes, seemingly looking into her very soul. “I know I never will.”
Remmy closed her eyes at the soft kiss she received, so quick she didn’t have time to respond to it before her head was again resting on Julie’s breast, but long enough for her to be surprised.
Julie squeezed her eyes shut, mentally kicking herself for the kiss. How hypocritical was that? She hadn’t spoken to Remmy for two weeks because she had kissed her, and yet here Julie had returned the favor. They needed to talk.
“These have been a very difficult two weeks, Rem,” she said, voice soft.
Remmy nodded, clueless as to what to say. She had already apologized, but she didn’t know whether that was what Julie wanted. In fact, she was confused as hell about what Julie wanted.
Julie picked her next words carefully. “I wasn’t sure what to do after you kissed me that night. It frightened me on a couple of different levels, I guess. Can I ask you something?”
Remmy lifted her head and rested it in her palm. “Of course.”
“When you kissed me, well...” Julie’s brow scrunched as she considered exactly what it was she was trying to ask. “Why did you do it?”
Crap. Remmy knew the question was coming but hadn’t decided how much she should admit. She owed Julie the truth, but she wasn’t entirely sure of the truth herself. “We were having such a good time that day. The ice cream, playing in the backyard...” She smiled at the memory of that practically perfect day. “I don’t know. The music, the dancing, the way the moonlight shone in your eyes.” She studied those same eyes, which were gazing at her. “I felt close to you. It just happened.”
