Connection, page 24
It felt wonderful to be making so many changes in her house. It almost felt like they were the physical manifestation of the changes within her soul—shedding the old, and bringing to light a fresh canvas.
****
Remmy was humming the chorus of The Doors’ great, “Light My Fire”, fingers tapping along the sides of her legs. She was enjoying the warm day, perfect weather for jeans and a t-shirt, though a light jacket would be needed later as temperatures cooled.
Exploring several of the neighborhoods of Woodland—to reacquaint herself with the town, and to find out where Julie lived—Remmy noted the older houses: some in desperate need of repair, others beautiful representations of an era lost. She was using what she had started calling her J-dar to try and tap into this Julie woman. She had been back in town for two weeks, getting settled in her job and her apartment. She was so grateful that Joan had kept her things stored safely in her basement. Remmy hadn’t realized just what kind of friends she’d made there the last time. She had even reconnected with Roman, though he told her she was never allowed to drive his car again.
Feeling happy and carefree, Remmy smiled. She stopped at the street corner and closed her eyes as she looped her arm around the stop sign planted in the grassy corner formed by the meeting of adjoining sidewalks. She sent out her feelings, allowing them to ride the air in search of a location. It was far more difficult now to pick up on Julie, which was good in so many ways. That meant her emotions were not overwrought; she was calm.
As Remmy stood on the corner, she suddenly had a quick vision of a splash of brown color and lyrics from another classic Doors song. The music was tinny, almost as though coming from an old transistor radio. Remmy turned toward her right, concentrating on the lyrics. The music began to come into sharper focus. She strode down the sidewalk, the smell of fresh paint suddenly invading her senses. The volume of the music increased, now coming in stereo surround sound, almost like a soundtrack to her quest.
As Remmy listened to the words of “Hello, I Love You”, her heart began to pound.
****
Julie walked over to the small player, cranked the volume then danced back over to her paint tray, singing along with Jim Morrison. She tilted the paint can until more rich brown poured into the plastic tray. Running her roller back and forth through the thick paint, she then returned to the third of four walls that were getting the mocha treatment.
She couldn’t keep her hips still as the music filled the space, head bobbing in time with the beat. She grinned widely as “Love Her Madly” began.
****
The words to “Hello, I Love You” ended and the words to “Love Her Madly” began. Remmy knew she must appear crazy, bobbing in time with the music in her head, hand tapping against her leg. She looked at the houses on either side of the quiet street. Well maintained. The yards were starting to recover from the harsh winter. She chuckled as she passed one house that had a smattering of garden gnomes placed strategically—hiding behind trees, peeking out from underneath bushes. Amusing.
Breath catching in her throat, Remmy stopped at a small two-story, the paneling a light blue, windows and doors trimmed in a darker shade of the same color palette. The meticulous yard looked as though it was well-loved. What caught her eye, though, was a white Miata parked in the driveway.
****
Julie stood back, admiring her handiwork. Her shoulders already hurt, and she had barely begun the transformation in her house. It didn’t matter; it would be worth it.
Suddenly a smile spread across her face; her breath caught. A feeling of exhilaration filled her, and she felt like crying because she was so happy. She chuckled, feeling ridiculous. “Jesus, what’s wrong with me?” She thought she dimly heard the sound of the doorbell, but then realized it was simply the music.
Shaking the grin off her face, she walked back over to the paint tray, rolling the paint roller to recoat it then starting on the fourth wall. She glanced over her shoulder at the first wall. It was still tacky, but beginning to dry. She realized it was going to need a second coat. “Damn,” she muttered, turning back to her task. “Should’ve primed it first.”
****
Hands shoved into the front pockets of her jeans, Remmy stood on the front porch, rocking nervously on her heels. When there was no answer to her ring, she took a step back on the small front porch, nearly falling off backwards. She looked up at the house, knowing in her heart that Julie was just on the other side of those walls.
Chewing on her lower lip, Remmy tried to decide what to do. She felt shy and somewhat embarrassed about just showing up like this. Suddenly, the music in her head stopped.
****
Julie stopped, listening again. That had to have been the doorbell. Setting the roller in the paint tray, she hurried over to the CD player and hit the stop button. The sudden silence was thunderous. She grabbed an old towel that she had tossed in the center of the room, using it to wipe away the excess paint on her hands. The last thing she wanted was to have a trail of mocha through the whole house.
****
Feeling really stupid, Remmy decided it would be best just to leave well enough alone. She stepped off the porch and down the few stairs that led to the sidewalk. She missed the music in her head. At least it had given her something to listen to while she walked. Hands back in her pockets, she left.
****
Julie nearly tripped over Bonnie in her haste to get to the door. She felt an urgency that she couldn’t explain as she fumbled with the locks, finally pulling the door open. There was no one there. For a split second, fear fingered its way down her spine, but then it froze when she saw someone on the sidewalk, walking away from her house.
Pushing the screen door open and hurrying down the stairs, Julie called out, “Hey!”
Remmy turned to see Julie standing just below her porch, looking right at her. Her stomach lurched and her breath caught as a wave of nervousness crashed over her.
Julie’s heart was beating wildly as she watched the figure turn around, breath catching with realization. “My God,” she whispered, taking a step forward before stopping in uncertainty.
****
Taking a deep breath, Remmy took two steps toward Julie before stopping. She could see such confusion in the green eyes and wondered whether perhaps her coming was a mistake. Did Julie know who she was? If she did, would it bring back memories that she would rather forget? Her hesitation was moot when Julie jetted across the space between them and stopped right in front of her.
****
Julie’s heart was beating almost painfully in her chest. She was unable to take her eyes off Remmy’s face, her gratitude shining in her green eyes. Remmy looked as though she might be about to bolt at any moment. Not wanting to chance that, Julie hurried over to her and looked deeply into the calm, kind blue eyes. She had no doubt that this was her dream savior. This was the woman who had brought her peace and calm, who had gotten her through the most harrowing experience of her life. This was the woman who saved her life.
With a small cry, Julie wrapped her arms around Remmy’s neck, feeling the embrace returned, strong and warm, as they pressed together. Julie wanted to say in words what she’d been feeling for months, but her mind wouldn’t work; nothing would come out. She seemed to be running on instinct as she clutched Remmy to her, unable to move or think or speak. They just...were.
****
Remmy’s soul seemed to mend as she held Julie. She had never felt so complete. After long minutes, Remmy felt the slight body against hers begin to tremble, and then a wetness fell against her neck. She drew away gently, just enough to look into Julie’s tear-streaked face. She brushed away some of the tears. “It’s okay,” she whispered in understanding.
Julie looked away, feeling stupid. “I’m sorry,” she said after a moment of trying to get her emotions under control. She felt raw. Never had she been so completely overwhelmed by pure emotion. She felt out of herself, like only her soul existed.
“Don’t apologize unless you’ve done something wrong.” Two fingers under Julie’s chin lifted brilliant green eyes up to look into Remmy’s own. She smiled gently. “And you haven’t.”
Julie smiled then, big and bright, and filled with gratitude. She hugged Remmy again, and the taller woman gently rocked her, calming her with just her presence. A strength radiated from Remmy like a warmth from within which called out to Julie, assuring her it was alright to lean on it, touch it, and allow it to warm her from the inside out.
Several minutes later, Julie pulled away from Remmy and noticed that she had gotten paint on her t-shirt. “I’m so sorry!”
“See? Now your apology is appropriate.”
Julie burst into laughter, feeling more free and light than she had...ever. Sobering, she looked into Remmy’s beautiful face. “Thank you, Remmy. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long, long time. You saved me.”
Understanding the multiple layers of meaning in those words, Remmy simply nodded. “You’re welcome.” She studied Julie. “I’m going to guess either you’re painting or have been playing in a vat of chocolate.”
Julie brought her hand up to her face in confusion. She felt the dried paint on her face. “Painting,” she said. Clearing her throat, she stepped back. “Would you like to come in? Have a cup of coffee or lemonade, something? Anything.” She hated herself for the almost desperate tone in her voice, but she couldn’t let this woman walk away, not yet. She needed to understand so much of what had happened…and how.
Remmy was suddenly nervous again. She glanced over at the house, then back at Julie, who was looking at her expectantly. She nodded.
As Remmy followed Julie through the front door, she was greeted by two of the cutest dogs she’d ever seen. She remembered them from the pictures Matt had shown her. “Which one is Bonnie and which one is Clyde?” she asked, missing the shocked expression on Julie’s face as she bent down and attempted to pet the squirming Yorkies.
“The lighter one is Bonnie, then, of course, Clyde is the one who resembles Chewbacca with a haircut.”
“They’re adorable.” Remmy laughed, trying to dodge doggie kisses, the two each trying to outdo the other at getting the most licks in. Finally she was able to get to her feet, both dogs still pawing at her ankles and shins to get her attention. She carefully stepped over them and followed Julie to the kitchen.
The house seemed to confirm everything she had heard about Julie: comfortable, well-kept, and well-loved. The kitchen was no different—lovingly decorated with simple furniture. She sat at the spotless round oak table, watching as Julie moved efficiently around the largish kitchen.
“Is coffee okay?” Julie asked, holding up a bag of specialty coffee. At Remmy’s nod, she began to fill the maker. “I’m sorry you had to see things in such a mess. I was starting spring cleaning, then got the crazy idea to repaint.”
“So I saw.” Remmy chuckled, not minding about her t-shirt in the least. Hell, it added character to the green color of the shirt, and it made a memory.
Julie smiled sheepishly but said nothing as she grabbed the container of cream from the fridge and a canister of sugar, setting them on the table with two spoons and mugs. “Are you hungry?”
Remmy shook her head, her big lunch with Roman still heavy in her stomach. “Thank you, though. Please,” she said, noting Julie’s nervous fidgeting as she leaned against the counter, “sit down. I won’t bite.”
Julie did as asked, sitting across from Remmy. She didn’t know why she was so nervous, but she was. She felt as though Remmy could look inside her soul and read all, and it made her nervous, though not afraid. In fact, Remmy’s presence seemed to take her fear away, which amazed her. She smiled inwardly. If Remmy could bottle that, she’d be a millionaire. “When did you come back into town?”
“A couple of weeks ago.” Remmy grabbed the sugar dispenser and began to play with it, her own nerves in evidence. “I wanted to come see you, but I was too afraid, I guess.”
“Afraid?” Julie was shocked. Looking into the warm, calm depths of the ocean of Remmy’s eyes, she would never have guessed anything could frighten her.
“Yes. I didn’t want to stir up memories that were better forgotten. I thought that maybe you had managed to forget, or at least deal with them.”
“Remmy,” Julie’s voice was soft, “I’ll never forget. But yes, I’ve learned ways to deal. I hope.” Remmy matched her small smile. “I’m so glad you came. I’ve been wanting to thank you for what you did. And not just for me. I know Pam and Cameron have been hoping to talk to you, too. Especially Pam. She spent two years of her life in that hell.”
Remmy nodded, her focus returning to the sugar dispenser, watching the sunlight from the French doors gleam off the chrome top. It had been wiped clean, no fingerprints or residual sugar granules. “I’m glad everyone got out okay.” Sad eyes met Julie’s gaze and then turned away. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get there in time to save Roxie.”
Julie was shocked by the haunted look in Remmy’s eyes. She moved to the chair next to her and placed a warm hand on her back. “Hey.” Suddenly it hit her just how much of herself Remmy had lost. The captives weren’t the only ones who had suffered. She turned her chair so she was facing Remmy then slowly pulled Remmy toward her. Remmy resisted at first, but then allowed herself to be held.
Mortified that her emotions were getting the best of her, Remmy tried to pull away but Julie held her tight. To make things even worse, she felt tears stinging her eyes. No, no, no! With Julie’s whispered words and soothing arms around her, Remmy let it all go. She cried, not even trying to stop the tears. She cried for Roxie, she cried for Pam, and she cried for Julie. She knew of the horrors they experienced, as surely as if she’d lived through them right alongside them. She even cried for herself a little. She allowed herself to soak in the comfort Julie offered. She felt it tug at her heart, at her soul, at the very core of who she was. She had never experienced anything like it, not even in Monica’s arms.
****
After long moments, Julie felt the tears slow then stop, but still she held Remmy, rocking her gently. She could feel just how much Remmy needed to be comforted, and wondered what it had been like for her. What had she experienced? Grace and Joan had both told her about Remmy’s visions, but what all did they entail? Was it like watching a horror movie unfold? Somehow Julie felt it was more than that. She could sense Remmy’s deep pain, and realized she recognized herself in the taller woman. She saw her own fears and pain reflected back at her through Remmy’s eyes. She knew deep in her heart that Remmy had given more than just her time to save her; she had given a part of her soul.
Chapter Thirty-five
Remmy awoke feeling rested and alive. She’d had a deep, undisturbed sleep—not one dream, not once waking with visions of the lives of others. God, how wonderful! She sat up in her bed and stretched her arms high above her head, her yawn large and loud. The sun was piercing the closed blinds, throwing patterns of light on the hardwood floor.
Glancing over at her small kitchenette, she realized she was starving. Throwing her blankets aside, she yelped at the cold wood beneath her bare feet. She tugged on her slippers, then scampered to the bathroom to do her business. Immediately after, she drew open the blinds then opened the windows behind them, allowing the cool, spring morning breeze to air out the apartment. It filled her with a sense of rejuvenation. She felt like she had swallowed the Fountain of Youth while she slept; she couldn’t keep the grin from her face.
She went to the fridge and was about to pop it open when there was a soft knock on her apartment door.
“Remmy?” Doug called from the hall. “You awake?”
She padded over to it, unlocked and opened the door. “Hey, Doug. What’s up?”
Startled by her huge grin, he smiled himself, pretending to peek inside. “Remmy,” he whispered, “did you get laid last night?”
Remmy burst into laughter, shaking her head. “I wish.”
“Well, if you want breakfast, Joan just made a huge stack of waffles.”
Remmy glanced from Doug to her tiny fridge; she’d been planning on a banana and a bowl of Total Raisin Bran. She didn’t have to think twice. She nodded with a wider grin and followed Doug down the staircase. She hopped off the last stair and down onto the main floor with a child’s enthusiasm and vigor. The wonderful smells assailed her nose, and she groaned in appreciation.
Joan had the table set for three, which made Remmy smile. Immediately after she moved in again, Joan and Doug had made her feel like part of the family, as if she’d never left. It meant a great deal to her. She wordlessly filled three glasses with orange juice and helped Joan bring the food to the table.
Without discussion, the three sat down and began to dig into the hearty breakfast.
Eventually Remmy said conversationally, “I met Julie yesterday.”
Joan looked up from her coffee. “Did she come into the store?”
Remmy shook her head. “Nope. I used my J-dar.”
Doug choked on his juice. “Your what?”
“My J-dar,” Remmy repeated. “Zeroed in, found her house.”
“God, that’s creepy,” Joan muttered, setting her coffee aside and finishing off a sausage. “How did it go?”
“Fine. She seems like a really special person.”
Joan nodded. She hadn’t told Remmy that Julie came searching for her, or at least for information about her. “I’ve spoken with her a few times. Very nice.”
