Commitment Collection, page 25
part #1 of Commitment Series
“They’ve all packed up, but I knew you’d come down here to find me so I hung around, tinkering with some parts.”
“Ooh, tinkering with parts. Anything I may find interesting?” I raise my eyebrow and he turns, frames my face in his large palms and studies me.
“I love you, Elliott Judd. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did.”
“Of course I believe in you.” I run my hands up the underside of his work tee and he gasps as my eager fingers connect with the sensitive flesh on his toned belly. I trace lightly upwards, grazing my nails against the regrowth of his treasure trail, up between his sculptured pecs and across his muscular chest. My hand wraps around his defined back and I pull him against me.
“What happened?” I breathe into him as I rest my cheek on his firm torso.
“I’ll tell you later, but it's nowhere near as exciting as all the gossipers out there would have you believe. Let's not dwell on it; it’s dealt with now, isn’t it?”
“Sure, hopefully we’ve heard the last of him. Clifford got on the case this morning and sorted everything out with the police. You know he reported you?”
He nods into the top of my head and I close my eyes and listen to his heart. “Come on. Let’s wrap up and go to my place.”
Kyle
I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something Elliott isn’t telling me. He’s saying all the right things, but I know him pretty well by now and something is niggling at him. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. Much as I want to know, I also very much would like to become reacquainted with the love of my life.
As soon as we’re inside his trailer, a whirlwind grips us. We pounce on each other, ripping at clothes and tugging at belts and manhandling the other in all manner of directions to grasp whatever piece of available flesh we can.
He back walks me into the bedroom and throws me naked on the bed. I think about pulling on my cock, giving him a show, but I want him. I need to feel him, for us to be as one and so I relax, stroke my hand over my length, enjoy the warm sensation that brings, but do no more to myself.
He immediately grabs the lube from the bedside table, squeezes a generous amount in his palms, and rubs them together. Simultaneously, he takes one cock in each hand and swipes down a slick strip of lube before slowly rubbing his hand up and down us both. It’s the sexiest feeling in the world, that simple touch, full of love and understanding, uniting us in the same rhythm within a dynamic force.
He straddles me, resting on one hand placed either side of my head. I wrap my fingers around one arm and tilt my neck so I can kiss his wrist while he positions over me and rubs his cock against mine. My hips tilt, working against his, pushing out any air from between us so we’re locked together.
Tingling radiates up into my rib cage. My breath catches as my heart speeds up. I widen my legs, wrap my arms around his waist and clasp his butt, pulling him down until his movements, now restricted by my pressure, become shorter, deeper, and more intense.
The power of his touch burns into my groin, waking the ferocity from the night and turning it into the purest form of pleasure. I don’t demand any more from him. I just desire his presence, to feel him, and for him to feel me.
Craning my neck to reach his mouth, my abdomen clenches, my nerves contract and the intensity of his writhing sends electric shocks deep within me, through my core, and up to my heart.
Our mouths touch, then open and our tongues intertwine, rolling over the other, exploring the new sensation of protecting and being protected. I pull away, pause a few millimeters from his lips as his hips continue to plow into mine and our cocks beat against the other.
My head fills, dizziness taking hold. My passion for this loyal man surges and I slam my mouth back against his. I force his lips open and delve my tongue into his mouth, sucking and teasing him into my space, interlacing them into one. Our teeth smash together, our jaws extended. There’s no end to one nor start of another. Our tongues continue to swirl as the tension builds. I yield to the ache in my balls. They retract and I can cling on no longer. I cum all over my chest, all over his. My release forces him over the edge and he joins my ecstasy with a groan.
“I never want to be without you, Kyle.”
“You have no need to be.” I kiss his neck as he collapses on top of me and that uneasy feeling that he’s not telling me everything returns.
Elliott
There’s a braying on the trailer door which has me hurtling back toward the nightmare of only a few hours earlier. However, this time Kyle is laying by my side. An incredibly naked Kyle, with his warm skin sealed to the side of mine after an afternoon of self-indulgence. We've discovered another layer to our connection. And so, after the initial surge of alarm that the knock may signal more desperate panic, my heart rate immediately slows and I shout, “Two seconds.”
Pulling my jeans over my naked thighs, I straighten my junk before zipping up the front and padding to the door. Kyle watches me from his place on the bed, one bent arm propping up his head. I give him one final admiring glance before I open up to the outside world.
“You weren’t answering your phone...” Ryan says slapping me in the face with more déjà vu.
“Sorry, I was busy.” I raise my eyebrows wondering what’s going on. My heart is starting to pump again.
“What’s happening?” Kyle asks as he comes to stand behind me. He’s dressed in sweat pants but the heat from his broad, bare chest still radiates into my back.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Ryan holds both palms up, “It’s just that Stetson Joyce is performing an acoustic set for us round the fire tonight in a special concert. He’s going to come right over once he’s finished in the fan zone. I thought you might want to come along.” He lifts his eyes to Kyle. “I know how you love him.”
I also cast my eyes toward Kyle.
“Sounds great. We’re in.” He nods, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
Happy to have delivered his message, Ryan waves. “I’ll leave you two to it then,” he says before jogging off into the night.
“This is cool. Do they do this a lot then, the performers, come down here after they’ve performed and give a more personal gig?” Kyle asks, his gorgeous dark eyes sparkling.
“They’ve never done anything like this...”
“Well, let’s get ready then. We only have twenty minutes.” He grins again before covering his face with his tee and dragging it over his perfect body.
I want to hug him, kiss him. Pick up again and start a fresh new round. But there’s time for that later, so instead of acting on my urge to be so far inside this man we won’t know where the other ends, I root around in a drawer for some suitable clothing. No doubt Jessie will be using this for some public relations push, so I need to dress to impress.
“You look hot.” Kyle saunters up behind me while I’m trying to tame my curls in the mirror. Running his hand up inside my hoody, my insides quiver and I turn.
“You are always incredibly hot,” I murmur as I pull his strong body into mine, shoving my hips against him, the curves of our forms perfectly matching. I raise my chin, connecting our lips. The feel of the bristles on his face is something I’ve grown used to over the months we’ve been together, but tonight, I appreciate everything about him and sigh as they scrape against my own.
I almost lost this man. This evening could have been so different, and all because of me and my past mistakes. I’ve vowed to myself that I’ll never take him for granted, to never take this for granted.
Our mouths part. “Come on, we have to get there. I know you’re the rock star racing driver, but I’m not. This is a big deal for me.” His white teeth glint like some crass toothpaste commercial and I swallow down the offer to get him whatever he wants.
Part of his charm is that he doesn’t want anything from me. Plus, tonight is his. He earned it. I’ll be willing to bet that the only reason we’re getting this exclusive concert tonight is because Chase and the other management know they’ve pissed me off by treating Kyle badly.
“Come on, let’s get you out.” I slap his tight ass as he walks ahead of me toward the door. Ugh, the effort it takes not to delve down the back side of his jeans right now is making the inside of mine uncomfortable.
Tonight is going to be a long night.
Kyle
Stetson Joyce!
I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember, and would have watched him on the main stage except that there’s so much to do after a race that by the time we’d wrapped up, he’d already finished his performance. Before the violent incident with Noah, I’d mentioned to the guys (more than once) that I hoped we’d get everything packed away in time for me to rush over to the fan zone and enjoy the last of his gig. The guys set me right.
“Not a chance,” was the consensus, and then with that whole altercation with Noah it was more important to spend some quality time with Elliott, anyway. The last thing on my mind was attending a concert.
But we’ve done that now. We’ve well and truly enjoyed our time together, and rather than an impersonal last few songs of a mass market concert, he’s here. He’s actually sitting around our fire with us, performing his hits acoustically. There are times when I wish I could sing and this is one of them.
Elliott is blasting the words out in my ear and even though I say so myself, he sounds just as good as Stetson. Now, my singing on the other hand, well, it’s poor. My chords are an octave lower than anyone else’s which doesn’t help my confidence as you can hear my melody separate to the crowd’s, but there’s also the issue that I’m flat. Or tone deaf as my mother used to say in church. She’d shush me at every possible opportunity, fearful as she was of me being picked on for my lack of tonality.
“Sing ‘Love of my Life,’” Elliott screams, when he’s finished his latest number 1 hit. His volume is unnecessary as we’re not a huge group and Elliott, being the star, is near the front anyway.
“My pleasure,” Stetson drawls. “Is it for anyone in particular?”
Elliott smiles, tilts his chin up before replying, “For the love of my life.”
My heart melts. It literally warms through and melts in the second it takes him to say those words.
Our group of friends cheer, whooping loudly and chanting my name, “Kyle! Kyle!”
“I think Kyle should come and join me up here,” Stetson says, tapping the side of his guitar to add a drum roll to the whole drama.
Jeez, I could die.
Talk about embarrassing.
But, I’m not about to miss my opportunity to sit with this legend while he sings a song for me on behalf of the love of my life so it doesn’t take long before I’m grinning albeit with a pink tinge to my cheeks, at his side.
Stetson starts to sing and as he does he snatches the air from my lungs. It’s not just the song, which I love, it’s not just that he’s singing it for me, it’s that he’s singing a song I love because the man I love loves me back with an equal amount of ferocity. The world stops as the music continues, and I focus on Elliott and the words he's singing from over at the other side of the fire. I listen to the words Elliott is singing, to the tone of his voice, and everything else stops. Nothing interrupts that moment until Stetson reaches the instrumental.
“Elliott, come and join us.”
Elliott stops swaying, plants his hand on his chest in mock shock before coming to share some limelight. When he rests next to me, he places his arm around my waist and hooks his thumb down the back of my jeans. The gentle intimacy of the moment could not be any more fulfilled.
The chorus starts again and Stetson gestures to Elliott to join in. His voice rings out, clear,
“The surprise was meeting you my love, my angel from above, you shower me with tenderness and uncontested love.”
Stetson joins in and together they sing the final lines. “You give to me the strength I need to be a better man, and to know what love is really like, you help me to understand.“
As they finish their duet, Elliott pulls me close and kisses my cheek. Stetson is finishing thanking everyone and giving credit for the words, “Thanks to Joe Mizon for this; he wrote those beautiful lyrics.” Everyone cheers again, but I don’t hear them. They’re the furthest point from my conscious thoughts so focused am I on Elliott.
I turn my face toward him and our lips lock briefly before I almost shout at him above the uproar, “You’re the love of my life.”
Elliott
I didn’t think it was possible, but those words demonstrated how my love for Kyle has taken another leap forward. The moment was made all the better for the support of our colleagues cheering. I have to fight to push out of my memory of how they turned on him just a few hours earlier. Without being furnished with the full facts they chose to doubt him.
But, now is not the time for dwelling on negatives so I breathe into the space where I feel the tension about this matter and watch it float away with my exhalation. I can deal with that another day along with everything else.
For now, we’re riding the wave of a connection I never thought possible. A fabulous, unplanned evening is over. The team is dispersing back to their respective trailers and Kyle and I are seated alone, watching the flames flicker in the fire. We’re leaning forward, our chins resting on our hands while the cold of the encroaching night creeps up our backs. The flame reflects glorious orange prisms against the black of the sky and we’re content, if not smiling. Happy in the moment. Together. The wood crackles and as the fire dies away with the people; the odd plume of smoke fills the air and our nostrils.
“It smells amazing doesn’t it?” Kyle sighs.
“There’s something so relaxing about a fire, and yet it’s so dangerous when not cared for,” I muse.
“A bit like you.” He nudges my leg with his thigh.
“How would you know? You look after me.”
“I’m glad you think so.” I feel like he’s about to say something else. I wait, but he doesn’t.
And so I start. “I meant what I said earlier you know.”
“Ah. Me too. You are also the love of my life.” His hand entangles in mine, our fingers intertwining.
“I did mean that, but I also meant when I said I didn’t want to be without you.”
Something in my tone must catch his attention because his head snaps around. “Oh?”
“Yeah...”
“What are you saying?” His hand tightens around mine and sweat develops between our skin.
“I’m saying that I’d like us to be a proper couple. I know we’re on the road a lot, and so it’s not that easy. But I’d like my home to be yours. For us to gravitate back to the same place in our free time and for our lives to be woven together.”
My heart is hammering, my breath shallow, too rapid to gain full relief. Kyle sits up tall, his eyes wide. He pulls his hand out of mine and the cold air washes over it, cooling my clammy skin.
“Whoa, that’s a huge decision.”
“Is it?” I’d have agreed with him six months ago, but Kyle is different than anyone else I’ve ever met. For me this is the most natural decision I've ever made. There’s nothing to consider. I want him as the one constant in my ever changing world.
“Well, yes. I’m still married for a start. I need to get that sorted out.”
“Yes, but let’s just get Clifford and his legal cronies on the case. They’ll have this sorted in no time. Then, by the time the season finishes we can go home together.”
“But, to your place...”
I’m not sure how to answer him. He’s not asking a question, more making a statement, but his flat tone indicates he’s not happy with the idea.
“I thought you liked my place?”
“Oh, I do. But... well... it’s yours isn’t it?”
I’m floundering. My lungs aren’t pushing enough blood to my head and I’m struggling to make sense of his reaction. Is he worried about taking me for granted or is there more at play?
Kyle
‘Shit, live with Elliott?’ I hadn’t thought it would be an imminent option so I’ve not considered how I feel about it. Sure, I love being with him, but giving up my independence when I’ve only just gotten back on my feet after Madeline? I’m not sure. This damned divorce is going to drive me nuts.
We amble back to his trailer and the beautiful mood from earlier is broken. The atmosphere is tense between us and I know that it’s me who’s ruined it. We had the most fabulous night, but did Elliott make his request based on the romance of the evening?
I reach out my hand and pull his into mine, enclosing it in my other before pulling it up to my lips. He smells of the almond hand soap in his bathroom mixed with smoke from the dying embers.
He stares straight ahead and continues to walk forward without any kind of acknowledgment to my tenderness. I sneak a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s biting his bottom lip.
“Elliott, are you OK?” I’m not sure if he’s moody or just thoughtful and I’m ashamed that I need to ask.
He nods, not really helping my understanding.
“You sure, because we can talk about this?”
Again, he doesn’t speak. It’s as if he’s not heard me.
“Hey, stop would you?” I drag his arm and he obliges, but he looks over my shoulder rather than meeting my eyes.
“Just because I’ve not considered moving in with you at exactly the same time as you it doesn’t mean that I feel any less for you than you do me. I just have a lot going on. I’m not as far forward as you.”
“Kyle, I don’t mind. I’m just disappointed that’s all.”
Bullshit. He’s hurt. And I hurt him. But I can’t move in with him because he’d be upset if I didn’t. That’s no way to start a relationship. I need to move in with him because it’s the right thing for both of us. Sure I want to be with him and I’d love to wake up next to him every morning. But, my life is more complicated than his. I need to break free from my past before I can move forward properly.
“Ooh, tinkering with parts. Anything I may find interesting?” I raise my eyebrow and he turns, frames my face in his large palms and studies me.
“I love you, Elliott Judd. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did.”
“Of course I believe in you.” I run my hands up the underside of his work tee and he gasps as my eager fingers connect with the sensitive flesh on his toned belly. I trace lightly upwards, grazing my nails against the regrowth of his treasure trail, up between his sculptured pecs and across his muscular chest. My hand wraps around his defined back and I pull him against me.
“What happened?” I breathe into him as I rest my cheek on his firm torso.
“I’ll tell you later, but it's nowhere near as exciting as all the gossipers out there would have you believe. Let's not dwell on it; it’s dealt with now, isn’t it?”
“Sure, hopefully we’ve heard the last of him. Clifford got on the case this morning and sorted everything out with the police. You know he reported you?”
He nods into the top of my head and I close my eyes and listen to his heart. “Come on. Let’s wrap up and go to my place.”
Kyle
I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something Elliott isn’t telling me. He’s saying all the right things, but I know him pretty well by now and something is niggling at him. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. Much as I want to know, I also very much would like to become reacquainted with the love of my life.
As soon as we’re inside his trailer, a whirlwind grips us. We pounce on each other, ripping at clothes and tugging at belts and manhandling the other in all manner of directions to grasp whatever piece of available flesh we can.
He back walks me into the bedroom and throws me naked on the bed. I think about pulling on my cock, giving him a show, but I want him. I need to feel him, for us to be as one and so I relax, stroke my hand over my length, enjoy the warm sensation that brings, but do no more to myself.
He immediately grabs the lube from the bedside table, squeezes a generous amount in his palms, and rubs them together. Simultaneously, he takes one cock in each hand and swipes down a slick strip of lube before slowly rubbing his hand up and down us both. It’s the sexiest feeling in the world, that simple touch, full of love and understanding, uniting us in the same rhythm within a dynamic force.
He straddles me, resting on one hand placed either side of my head. I wrap my fingers around one arm and tilt my neck so I can kiss his wrist while he positions over me and rubs his cock against mine. My hips tilt, working against his, pushing out any air from between us so we’re locked together.
Tingling radiates up into my rib cage. My breath catches as my heart speeds up. I widen my legs, wrap my arms around his waist and clasp his butt, pulling him down until his movements, now restricted by my pressure, become shorter, deeper, and more intense.
The power of his touch burns into my groin, waking the ferocity from the night and turning it into the purest form of pleasure. I don’t demand any more from him. I just desire his presence, to feel him, and for him to feel me.
Craning my neck to reach his mouth, my abdomen clenches, my nerves contract and the intensity of his writhing sends electric shocks deep within me, through my core, and up to my heart.
Our mouths touch, then open and our tongues intertwine, rolling over the other, exploring the new sensation of protecting and being protected. I pull away, pause a few millimeters from his lips as his hips continue to plow into mine and our cocks beat against the other.
My head fills, dizziness taking hold. My passion for this loyal man surges and I slam my mouth back against his. I force his lips open and delve my tongue into his mouth, sucking and teasing him into my space, interlacing them into one. Our teeth smash together, our jaws extended. There’s no end to one nor start of another. Our tongues continue to swirl as the tension builds. I yield to the ache in my balls. They retract and I can cling on no longer. I cum all over my chest, all over his. My release forces him over the edge and he joins my ecstasy with a groan.
“I never want to be without you, Kyle.”
“You have no need to be.” I kiss his neck as he collapses on top of me and that uneasy feeling that he’s not telling me everything returns.
Elliott
There’s a braying on the trailer door which has me hurtling back toward the nightmare of only a few hours earlier. However, this time Kyle is laying by my side. An incredibly naked Kyle, with his warm skin sealed to the side of mine after an afternoon of self-indulgence. We've discovered another layer to our connection. And so, after the initial surge of alarm that the knock may signal more desperate panic, my heart rate immediately slows and I shout, “Two seconds.”
Pulling my jeans over my naked thighs, I straighten my junk before zipping up the front and padding to the door. Kyle watches me from his place on the bed, one bent arm propping up his head. I give him one final admiring glance before I open up to the outside world.
“You weren’t answering your phone...” Ryan says slapping me in the face with more déjà vu.
“Sorry, I was busy.” I raise my eyebrows wondering what’s going on. My heart is starting to pump again.
“What’s happening?” Kyle asks as he comes to stand behind me. He’s dressed in sweat pants but the heat from his broad, bare chest still radiates into my back.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Ryan holds both palms up, “It’s just that Stetson Joyce is performing an acoustic set for us round the fire tonight in a special concert. He’s going to come right over once he’s finished in the fan zone. I thought you might want to come along.” He lifts his eyes to Kyle. “I know how you love him.”
I also cast my eyes toward Kyle.
“Sounds great. We’re in.” He nods, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
Happy to have delivered his message, Ryan waves. “I’ll leave you two to it then,” he says before jogging off into the night.
“This is cool. Do they do this a lot then, the performers, come down here after they’ve performed and give a more personal gig?” Kyle asks, his gorgeous dark eyes sparkling.
“They’ve never done anything like this...”
“Well, let’s get ready then. We only have twenty minutes.” He grins again before covering his face with his tee and dragging it over his perfect body.
I want to hug him, kiss him. Pick up again and start a fresh new round. But there’s time for that later, so instead of acting on my urge to be so far inside this man we won’t know where the other ends, I root around in a drawer for some suitable clothing. No doubt Jessie will be using this for some public relations push, so I need to dress to impress.
“You look hot.” Kyle saunters up behind me while I’m trying to tame my curls in the mirror. Running his hand up inside my hoody, my insides quiver and I turn.
“You are always incredibly hot,” I murmur as I pull his strong body into mine, shoving my hips against him, the curves of our forms perfectly matching. I raise my chin, connecting our lips. The feel of the bristles on his face is something I’ve grown used to over the months we’ve been together, but tonight, I appreciate everything about him and sigh as they scrape against my own.
I almost lost this man. This evening could have been so different, and all because of me and my past mistakes. I’ve vowed to myself that I’ll never take him for granted, to never take this for granted.
Our mouths part. “Come on, we have to get there. I know you’re the rock star racing driver, but I’m not. This is a big deal for me.” His white teeth glint like some crass toothpaste commercial and I swallow down the offer to get him whatever he wants.
Part of his charm is that he doesn’t want anything from me. Plus, tonight is his. He earned it. I’ll be willing to bet that the only reason we’re getting this exclusive concert tonight is because Chase and the other management know they’ve pissed me off by treating Kyle badly.
“Come on, let’s get you out.” I slap his tight ass as he walks ahead of me toward the door. Ugh, the effort it takes not to delve down the back side of his jeans right now is making the inside of mine uncomfortable.
Tonight is going to be a long night.
Kyle
Stetson Joyce!
I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember, and would have watched him on the main stage except that there’s so much to do after a race that by the time we’d wrapped up, he’d already finished his performance. Before the violent incident with Noah, I’d mentioned to the guys (more than once) that I hoped we’d get everything packed away in time for me to rush over to the fan zone and enjoy the last of his gig. The guys set me right.
“Not a chance,” was the consensus, and then with that whole altercation with Noah it was more important to spend some quality time with Elliott, anyway. The last thing on my mind was attending a concert.
But we’ve done that now. We’ve well and truly enjoyed our time together, and rather than an impersonal last few songs of a mass market concert, he’s here. He’s actually sitting around our fire with us, performing his hits acoustically. There are times when I wish I could sing and this is one of them.
Elliott is blasting the words out in my ear and even though I say so myself, he sounds just as good as Stetson. Now, my singing on the other hand, well, it’s poor. My chords are an octave lower than anyone else’s which doesn’t help my confidence as you can hear my melody separate to the crowd’s, but there’s also the issue that I’m flat. Or tone deaf as my mother used to say in church. She’d shush me at every possible opportunity, fearful as she was of me being picked on for my lack of tonality.
“Sing ‘Love of my Life,’” Elliott screams, when he’s finished his latest number 1 hit. His volume is unnecessary as we’re not a huge group and Elliott, being the star, is near the front anyway.
“My pleasure,” Stetson drawls. “Is it for anyone in particular?”
Elliott smiles, tilts his chin up before replying, “For the love of my life.”
My heart melts. It literally warms through and melts in the second it takes him to say those words.
Our group of friends cheer, whooping loudly and chanting my name, “Kyle! Kyle!”
“I think Kyle should come and join me up here,” Stetson says, tapping the side of his guitar to add a drum roll to the whole drama.
Jeez, I could die.
Talk about embarrassing.
But, I’m not about to miss my opportunity to sit with this legend while he sings a song for me on behalf of the love of my life so it doesn’t take long before I’m grinning albeit with a pink tinge to my cheeks, at his side.
Stetson starts to sing and as he does he snatches the air from my lungs. It’s not just the song, which I love, it’s not just that he’s singing it for me, it’s that he’s singing a song I love because the man I love loves me back with an equal amount of ferocity. The world stops as the music continues, and I focus on Elliott and the words he's singing from over at the other side of the fire. I listen to the words Elliott is singing, to the tone of his voice, and everything else stops. Nothing interrupts that moment until Stetson reaches the instrumental.
“Elliott, come and join us.”
Elliott stops swaying, plants his hand on his chest in mock shock before coming to share some limelight. When he rests next to me, he places his arm around my waist and hooks his thumb down the back of my jeans. The gentle intimacy of the moment could not be any more fulfilled.
The chorus starts again and Stetson gestures to Elliott to join in. His voice rings out, clear,
“The surprise was meeting you my love, my angel from above, you shower me with tenderness and uncontested love.”
Stetson joins in and together they sing the final lines. “You give to me the strength I need to be a better man, and to know what love is really like, you help me to understand.“
As they finish their duet, Elliott pulls me close and kisses my cheek. Stetson is finishing thanking everyone and giving credit for the words, “Thanks to Joe Mizon for this; he wrote those beautiful lyrics.” Everyone cheers again, but I don’t hear them. They’re the furthest point from my conscious thoughts so focused am I on Elliott.
I turn my face toward him and our lips lock briefly before I almost shout at him above the uproar, “You’re the love of my life.”
Elliott
I didn’t think it was possible, but those words demonstrated how my love for Kyle has taken another leap forward. The moment was made all the better for the support of our colleagues cheering. I have to fight to push out of my memory of how they turned on him just a few hours earlier. Without being furnished with the full facts they chose to doubt him.
But, now is not the time for dwelling on negatives so I breathe into the space where I feel the tension about this matter and watch it float away with my exhalation. I can deal with that another day along with everything else.
For now, we’re riding the wave of a connection I never thought possible. A fabulous, unplanned evening is over. The team is dispersing back to their respective trailers and Kyle and I are seated alone, watching the flames flicker in the fire. We’re leaning forward, our chins resting on our hands while the cold of the encroaching night creeps up our backs. The flame reflects glorious orange prisms against the black of the sky and we’re content, if not smiling. Happy in the moment. Together. The wood crackles and as the fire dies away with the people; the odd plume of smoke fills the air and our nostrils.
“It smells amazing doesn’t it?” Kyle sighs.
“There’s something so relaxing about a fire, and yet it’s so dangerous when not cared for,” I muse.
“A bit like you.” He nudges my leg with his thigh.
“How would you know? You look after me.”
“I’m glad you think so.” I feel like he’s about to say something else. I wait, but he doesn’t.
And so I start. “I meant what I said earlier you know.”
“Ah. Me too. You are also the love of my life.” His hand entangles in mine, our fingers intertwining.
“I did mean that, but I also meant when I said I didn’t want to be without you.”
Something in my tone must catch his attention because his head snaps around. “Oh?”
“Yeah...”
“What are you saying?” His hand tightens around mine and sweat develops between our skin.
“I’m saying that I’d like us to be a proper couple. I know we’re on the road a lot, and so it’s not that easy. But I’d like my home to be yours. For us to gravitate back to the same place in our free time and for our lives to be woven together.”
My heart is hammering, my breath shallow, too rapid to gain full relief. Kyle sits up tall, his eyes wide. He pulls his hand out of mine and the cold air washes over it, cooling my clammy skin.
“Whoa, that’s a huge decision.”
“Is it?” I’d have agreed with him six months ago, but Kyle is different than anyone else I’ve ever met. For me this is the most natural decision I've ever made. There’s nothing to consider. I want him as the one constant in my ever changing world.
“Well, yes. I’m still married for a start. I need to get that sorted out.”
“Yes, but let’s just get Clifford and his legal cronies on the case. They’ll have this sorted in no time. Then, by the time the season finishes we can go home together.”
“But, to your place...”
I’m not sure how to answer him. He’s not asking a question, more making a statement, but his flat tone indicates he’s not happy with the idea.
“I thought you liked my place?”
“Oh, I do. But... well... it’s yours isn’t it?”
I’m floundering. My lungs aren’t pushing enough blood to my head and I’m struggling to make sense of his reaction. Is he worried about taking me for granted or is there more at play?
Kyle
‘Shit, live with Elliott?’ I hadn’t thought it would be an imminent option so I’ve not considered how I feel about it. Sure, I love being with him, but giving up my independence when I’ve only just gotten back on my feet after Madeline? I’m not sure. This damned divorce is going to drive me nuts.
We amble back to his trailer and the beautiful mood from earlier is broken. The atmosphere is tense between us and I know that it’s me who’s ruined it. We had the most fabulous night, but did Elliott make his request based on the romance of the evening?
I reach out my hand and pull his into mine, enclosing it in my other before pulling it up to my lips. He smells of the almond hand soap in his bathroom mixed with smoke from the dying embers.
He stares straight ahead and continues to walk forward without any kind of acknowledgment to my tenderness. I sneak a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s biting his bottom lip.
“Elliott, are you OK?” I’m not sure if he’s moody or just thoughtful and I’m ashamed that I need to ask.
He nods, not really helping my understanding.
“You sure, because we can talk about this?”
Again, he doesn’t speak. It’s as if he’s not heard me.
“Hey, stop would you?” I drag his arm and he obliges, but he looks over my shoulder rather than meeting my eyes.
“Just because I’ve not considered moving in with you at exactly the same time as you it doesn’t mean that I feel any less for you than you do me. I just have a lot going on. I’m not as far forward as you.”
“Kyle, I don’t mind. I’m just disappointed that’s all.”
Bullshit. He’s hurt. And I hurt him. But I can’t move in with him because he’d be upset if I didn’t. That’s no way to start a relationship. I need to move in with him because it’s the right thing for both of us. Sure I want to be with him and I’d love to wake up next to him every morning. But, my life is more complicated than his. I need to break free from my past before I can move forward properly.
