Sinful Duo: Lost Angels MC, page 12
He grunts and continues to punch the bag as if I’ve said nothing, which again isn’t surprising.
“We can use the time to think of an actual Plan B. Maybe we’ll find ways to get her to think of us while she’s away.”
“She told us not to text her while she’s gone.” That bag of sand is really getting a beating now, and Echo is starting to pant between his words.
“That does make it harder, but not impossible,” I try to reason.
“Just give her space,” he spits back, “then when she comes back, we’ll know.”
“I’m surprised you want to stay silent and let her stew in her doubts.”
“It’ll be all her choice.” Alright he does make a good point there, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
That night I wake to a shout so eerie and pained it has me shooting out of bed. I know it’s Echo reliving the past. For me it’s a day I hardly remember. When the bomb went off underneath the jeep, the shock so violent, it had knocked me out. The next thing I remember I’m waking up far from the site on top of a hill as I watched and smelled my comrades go up in flames. He won’t talk to me about it, but I know even seeing the aftermath of those explosions sometimes haunts me.
We were lucky, we came out almost unscathed. Echo had some bruised ribs, and some shrapnel that was taken out as soon as we were picked up. Even with the helmet I had a concussion, my right arm broke in two places, and shrapnel littered all along my right side, and some to my front that took several hours to remove. Most of the scars from that night are now covered in art, as are most of my other battle wounds. A part of me did it for him, and I’m thankful it lessened the frequency of his nightmares, but sometimes it still takes him under. Survivor’s guilt maybe, but since he won’t tell me a damn thing, I can't be sure.
Chapter 20
I am miles away from them, yet everything I am, everything that matters is back there, with them. That's never happened before. It feels so much more acute now, that when I look in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. This makeover is something that I needed, but not at all what I wanted. The fact that it’s just hair, and that it will grow back means little with the shock still coursing through my body. However, I am no heathen and compliment the hairdresser on his fabulous job before I make my way back to Emmy’s apartment. Because he had done an absolute wonder. My hair that had been long enough to touch my butt, is now brushing against my shoulders. The dark auburn is now a sweet subtle auburn with highlights. With the right makeup, I can easily pass off as someone completely new.
That’s what Emmy says at least when she first sees me. Her bubble of excitement even has a smile coming to my face and a new appreciation, but I still feel unbalanced.
“Hey why don’t we make this a true makeover?!” She is practically vibrating. When I start to shake my head her face falls, “Oh come on Lidia! Be girly for once and let us have some fun.” She smiles so innocently at me, and I find myself smiling too.
“Alright, fine, but only a few things more. I’m not made of money, and this place you call home is expensive!”
“This is my city; I know all the places to go to get great things at the best prices.”
She’s up and bounding towards her purse before I can think to change my mind, shouting, “Now come on, before they close!”
She drags me up and down several side streets that I wouldn’t have found on my own even if I got lost here. It’s a wonder that these little shops she had found even stay in business. I will give her this, they are within my price range, and she had the best time using me as a life-sized doll. It’s the least I can do I suspect, and I have to admit I came out of it better than I expected. My new chucks were on my feet and my old now somewhere behind me in a trashcan. I’m particularly excited about two, not one, but two pairs of jeans that fit me just right. Later when I moved on, and when I no longer lived in Chillowakie I would have to get her to send me some more. I’m determined this time around I would keep a few of my friendships.
“Hey? You okay?”
Shaking off my thoughts I focus back on Emmy, “Mhhmm, so where to next?”
“I’m thinking down to a cafe, pick up something to eat really quick before I drop you off at home. I need to go back into the office for something.”
“I can wait in the car if you want.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
I arch an eyebrow at her, “I’ll have food in my hands, I’ll be fine.”
She slowly starts to nod, “As long as you think you’ll be alright. It should only take a few minutes anyway. I still have some vacation to fill up before I go back. It'll be awhile until my next conceived day off so I'm going to take advantage.”
“I thought you loved your job.”
“I do.”
“Then why is it when you talk about going back to work it sounds like it’s the last thing you want to do.”
“It’s a long story, one I don’t feel like getting into right now.”
I have a mind to push her, but she reprimands me about not having my seatbelt on as she pulls away from the curb. The cafe isn’t packed, it’s another of Emmy’s little secrets on the streets of Chicago. She orders for the both of us since she knows what’s best on the menu, and the little red-headed mouse behind the counter is particularly happy to see her and preoccupied Emmy’s time while we waited. It seems she’s very well integrated into her life here. Making connections, loving her job...I suppose, and having a decent place to live. Even though I am older and have walked a harder path than she has, I still haven’t found the path to all she has. Maybe it isn’t in me to settle. For a second, they flash back into my mind. The strong silent force, the affectionate sweet mediator…both of them make up all I’m looking for. Would it be so horrible to indulge, shape my life around what they could provide me? No one else wanted to claim me, and here those two were willing to forget and disregard conformity to provide me with all I have thought I might have missed out on. The question is...am I brave enough to say yes?
When we drive up to the curb in front of her city high rise, she tells me she’ll be right back. By the time she comes back down she looks flustered, it’s notable with how she’s clenching and unclenching her jaw as if to keep all her words in check. She has nothing in her hands so maybe she couldn’t find whatever she went up to get? Though as a man stumbled out of the swinging door grasping her arm it all starts to make more sense. Her mouth turns down and she yanks her arm out of his grasp. She says something biting to him. He looks surprised and hurt, but soon his features smooth out. He lifts his hands in the universal sign of surrender and replies, but Emmy isn’t having it. With an accusing finger, she says something else and he replies with a scowl and stalks back into the office disappearing behind the polarized glass.
I don’t even tamp down my curiosity as she gets back into the car, “Who was that, and what was that about?”
She doesn’t say anything, and her obvious avoidance bothers me. I know what would get her to talk, but am I willing to go down that devious road? Why yes, yes, I am.
“Fine, don’t tell me, I’m just a friend you used to tell everything to. Strong emphasis on everything. Apparently, I’m lower on the totem pole than I thought.”
Her face twists, “You shouldn’t be on the totem pole at all, you brat.”
I’m expecting that, but I do get what I wanted in the end. A little bruise is worth it if it means she starts to tell me secrets again.
With a heavy sigh she lets it out on a whoosh of air, “He is Adrian, he is...was my boss and my ex-lover.”
“How'd that happen?”
“I imagine as most affairs happen,” she says with a frown.
I make a show of grasping and clutching my chest, “He's married?!”
“It's just an expression, you twat,” but she smiles, and that's what I was after.
“I'm proud of you!”
“What?!” She takes her eyes off the road for a second in her astonishment, “Why?” She shakes her head as she focuses back on the road.
“The Emmy I used to know was so strait-laced she would have never allowed her life to be messy, not after Cole, and you need to feel the mess to appreciate when it's not. I didn't think you'd ever learn that lesson.” I’m smiling big at her, but she’s ignoring me now. Her brows are pensive, and her concentration directly in front of her.
When she does speak it’s with hesitancy between words as if tasting them as they leave her lips, “It isn't just an expression, but I didn't know until after I fell for him. It surpassed messy when she showed up at my place last week.”
At first, I don't know what I can say to make it better, and I know after another second that no matter what I do say it won't matter, but I’m going to try anyway, “You couldn't have known. It wasn't you that broke their vows, and it won't be you to decide if they make it. If infidelity happens it only means something was already wrong before you walked in.”
“He says he loves me.” She's biting her lip so hard I'm afraid she'll draw blood.
“Do you believe him?” I ask her, though I don't wait for her response, “A relationship can't be built on a foundation of lies. It's the quickest of quicksands.”
“He just omitted…”
“... the truth?” I finished. “Look, I won't tell you what to do. Your happiness is all that matters to me, and if that means it's being with him than I'll be there.” Even when she finds he's not at all what she’s looking for.
“You were never one to sugarcoat things.”
I shrug, not able to disagree. One side of her lip turns up and I know she'll be alright. Then the truth of what I went on this trip to ponder strikes me, and I know I will be alright too because I’m finally ready to leap…to make a change.
When we make it back to her skyrise apartment I tell her I have plans to leave the next day.
"How about some pizza?" Emmy suggests, “You can’t leave without having some.”
"Sure, a real Chicago style pizza. I've never had one after all.”
"Absolutely, I think they'd kick me out if I tried to send you off without at least letting you get a taste of the real deal. Why don't you grab us something to drink, I'll order us one?"
I get up and head for her fully stocked kitchen and pull down some glasses and opt for water. No need for anything more than that, I want the full pizza experience after all, I don't need any other taste encroaching.
"I'll be right back, going to go get the pizza," she says.
"Okay," I call over my shoulder as I see a glimpse of her leaving the apartment.
It doesn't take her long to come back and I finally get a taste of a really real Chicago style pizza, "Oh my God, there is soooo much cheese," I say.
She giggles, "Oh I know. It took me a while to get used to it, and all the layers!"
"Don't even get me started."
We sit for a while in silence as we eat our pizza and once my stomach is about to burst from how stuffed it is, I stop and lean back in my chair.
"Uhhhh," I moan. Emmy groans back in response. I can't hold back the giggle, and neither can she once we get started. "I never want to eat this much again in my life," I say.
"Me either! Want to do it the next time you visit?"
"Hell yes!" I do a half ass thrust of an arm into the air in agreement. Again with the giggles. I think we may be food drunk if that is a thing. God, I miss this, I miss us being as free as we are now, friends that we are in this moment.
"Me too," she says.
"Hmmm?"
"I miss us too," she says, and I realize I must have said it out loud. "What happened?" This time when she asks there is the sadness in her tone, "What made you leave, Lid?"
I sigh, and I know there is no escaping this story, not from her, not any longer.
"I found my father," I say, "my biological father." That makes her sit up straighter, and in turn I follow, it only seems right even though my stomach protests.
"How?" she asks. She had thought just as I had that it would be impossible to find him since after all, he didn’t even put his name on my birth certificate.
“It was by accident. Do you remember that paper that we had to do for health class, oh who am I kidding you probably don't,” and she confirms by shaking her head. “Well we were supposed to track down our family genealogy. You know, find out where our features came from and to find out more about the history behind our genes or something. Anyways I knew my mom, it was just a matter of time, looking through all her old pictures, and then I went searching in the archives in the local library. I found an article of her being in the paper for winning an award at an art contest, and there he was standing up beside her in the picture. It was eerie.” I think back at how weird it was to see some of my features on someone I had never met. “They had his name listed besides hers underneath the picture. It was easier than you can imagine after that to get where he lived, his address, and almost anything else I needed to get ahold of about him.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
I suck on my lip, before slowly stating, “I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It took me a long time to decide if I even wanted to make the call. When I did I had been walking home late because of the detention I’d gotten for the spitball in Candy’s hair. Trying to explain the justice of it to a teacher had been my downfall. On my walk back I kept thinking what my father would do if he’d been the one I came home to instead of Ric, and then...before I knew it, he had picked up and we made plans to meet.”
“You could have told us.” I look into her eyes and know she is being sincere. I place my hand over hers.
“I didn’t want to hurt Ric’s feelings. I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t love you guys. You know I never stopped right?” I watched for her expression to change, “I loved you then, just as much as I love you guys now. I never wanted for anything when with you, and you are my family, the only true family I ever had.” I knew my past and present tense were getting mixed up, but the two when it came to them never truly ended. I spent every day I was gone thinking of them, and not one day passed that I wished I hadn't left.
“What happened?” she questioned, and as she always did cut right to the heart.
I suck on my lip again, and lean back into my chair, “He lived in a run-down trailer, no money since he’d been out of work for a while, and he was using his settlement checks for booze. Somehow, he manipulated me into staying to help him until he got on his feet again. He never got back on his feet...instead he had me working under the table at a few local places to earn extra income for his habits, and when it was all said and done he took all the extra cash I had, kicked me out, and said that no daughter of his would be so useless. I jumped under the first moving bus where the baggage is kept. I was underaged and without an ID, so I couldn’t work. I bet you can imagine what I did to survive.”
“You should have found a way to get in touch, we could have helped you.”
“I did call a few times, but I never said a thing. I just...I just couldn’t find the courage to ask for the help I needed. That is until I found myself in jail a few years later for breaking and entering,” my laugh is a bit sour coming out, “That’s the first time I called Ric for help. The other two were about the same. He has always been the best.”
“He loves you, you know.” She looks down at her hands, “sometimes I wonder if you’re the favorite of the two of us.”
I gasp, “No way, not possible. You should have heard how he talked about you when he came to get me. He is so proud of you. I’m his thorn in the ass, you are the golden one he worries that one day will become wild to give him the hell you didn’t raise when you were younger.”
That makes her laugh, “Me wild, pff.”
“I keep telling him he doesn’t have anything to worry about.”
She rolls her eyes and I laugh, “We can always raise a little hell together the next time we are back home and make him realize he had it lucky while I was growing up.”
“That’s the girl I know and love. Always making a plan, dotting your I’s and crossing your T’s, even when it’s supposed to be an act of spontaneity.”
“Uhhh, why did I ever agree to be friends with you?”
“Because I’m awesome, that’s why!” I blow her an air kiss right before she throws her empty paper plate my way.
Chapter 20.5
I’m not even all the way through the front door before I am dialing Echo’s number. I frown when it goes straight to voicemail on Tank’s phone as well.
“Hey, it’s me, Lidia,” as if they don’t know who’s calling. It's the age of caller ID. I roll my eyes at myself, “I’m back home, and I need to talk to you guys. Call me back okay?” I hang up.
I’m debating whether or not to unpack everything now or to wait until after I’ve talked with the guys, when there is a knock on the door. I look through the peephole and there is a huge bouquet of flowers in view.
“Who is it?”
“Delivery, for a Miss Thompson.”
I open the door and move out of the way to let him in.
“Where do you want them?”
“On the counter is fine. Do they say who they are from?”
“Don’t know.”
I’m right behind him as he sets them on the kitchen counter, they look absolutely beautiful, but I do wonder who they're from. I told no one that I would return today. Well maybe Ric would know from Emmy but why would he send flowers? I wonder if Emmy is secretly upset that I wanted to head back earlier than planned? No, she seemed like she wanted her place to herself again, especially after she confessed she initially had me come visit to be a buffer for her break up and she already promised to visit soon to make it up to me. We are finally on the mend.
“Do I owe you anything?” I look around for my wallet, wondering if I have anything in it that would be tip worthy.
