Summer Storm (Broken Circles Book 1), page 23
Her gasp sounded loud, the room so quiet in the early morning, and I wasn’t surprised when she shook her hand from mine and carefully climbed from the bed, pulling on her pyjamas.
Sitting up, I leaned against the headboard and scrubbed my hands across my face. I couldn’t believe I’d admitted my sin, my darkest secret, I was unable to look at her face to gauge her reaction, but I saw her hands as they trembled when she pulled on the drawstring of her pants, then stepped backward.
“You killed your brother?” He voice was barely above a whisper, full of disbelief rather than the anger I’d been expecting.
“Yes.”
“And you married his girlfriend,” she stated, as if it was as easy as that.
“Yes.”
“Okay, that’s…”
“We were the Russian mob, though I detest the word. Organised crime, nasty shit, what the fuck ever. Yosef was meant to be where I ended up, but he was as greedy as my father and like I said, not as clever. He didn’t cover his tracks too well when he took our father’s money and seconded contracts on our lives. He wanted it all. When he realised he was not the favourite son, not the heir to the business, he betrayed whoever he could.” I took a deep breath. I was all in now, on a roll, and it was only right she knew it all. “My father was playing us both. He let me go off to university thinking everything would be for Yosef because he knew I wanted no part of the business and my brother was hungry for it. Then one day he cut me off. From everything. Money, my car, my flat. I had a girlfriend back then, maybe I loved her, I don’t remember, but he sent me photographs of her and Yosef together. Explicit photos.” I closed my eyes trying to recall the exact images yet couldn’t, they were insignificant in the grander scheme of things.
I kept going, needing to get it over with, I’d never laid out the whole sordid story and Jolie deserved it more than anyone. “Then he sent me photocopies of the contracts, my name on the first one. My father told me it was him or me. I was twenty-two years old, used to a certain lifestyle, desperately wanting my fees paid so I could go back to Uni, and heartbroken. I was heartbroken and angry, Jolie. It’s no excuse, but that’s what it is. My father made sure I didn’t get to walk away. Irina’s grandfather ordered the hit, my father motioning his agreement. It was him or me.”
“I presume your father’s dead too?”
“Yes. He put a gun to his head, the coward’s way out. Irina’s father was a drug addict and well, you know as well as I do what happens to addicts. Lev wanted a fresh face, someone likeable, and they decided it was me whether I wanted it or not. Their plan worked, I was too selfish to think beyond saving myself.”
“Yannick.” My name sounded like a plea, hurting us both. “I don’t know what to do with this. It shouldn’t change anything, but you have to understand why it does.”
God, I did, I absolutely did, and it was why I’d taken so long to tell her, my secrets were heavy and grim and not to be put at anyone’s feet lightly. At the end of the day, I’d murdered my brother. I’d murdered a man I’d loved because I’d been angry and couldn’t see any other way out of the impossible situation others had put me in. The confession was terrible. I couldn’t blame her for walking away, I’d just dumped a heap of heavy shit on her shoulders. What I’d told her was enough to make anyone run.
“Your organisation has the worst reputation,” she rightfully said.
“There was nothing left to care for. I never took another life, not after Yosef. I don’t have it in me. The men I call my brothers have always stepped in to keep that burden from me, like they knew it was a step too far. They protected me the way my brother and father should have.”
“Taking one life is one too many.”
For the first time since the day I’d done the worst thing in the world, I let a tear fall, afraid once they started, I wouldn’t stop. “I know, Jolie. Believe me, I know.”
The most beautiful woman I’d ever met, stood there, tears brimming in her eyes, the look on her face crestfallen, her heart most likely shredded. Between us, the pain and hurt tainted everything.
“So what? For fifteen years you were beholden to who? Your father? Irina?”
“Me. To pay penance. They robbed the luxury of making my own choices from me. It was Yosef’s life I led, whether my father had wanted it to be or not. I wasn’t allowed to forget for a single second, Irina’s father blackmailed me. He took a video and said I could spend the next fifteen years married to his daughter and making his organisation the most formidable on the streets of London. Or I could join Yosef. Sometimes they threatened me with jail, always threats, none I thought I could escape until they got what they wanted, and I’d served my time by being the good little puppet they wanted.”
“And now?”
“Lev was a lot more reasonable than he should have been.” He shouldn’t have let someone like me walk away. “It’s my past. I’m done. Lev promised, and I have to trust he keeps his word.”
“Is it safe? Will you be safe?”
“I’m safer than I’ve ever been, you are too, if that’s what you’re worried about. Getting involved with me does not make you a target. Lev and Tayte have both sworn, and Tayte is the kind of man who doesn’t break promises of such magnitude.”
Jolie took a deep breath, her hand at her neck, then nodded. Shocking the hell out of me, she climbed up the bed and huddled into my lap. With her hands on my cheeks, she pressed a kiss to my mouth then took the longest of times searching my face.
“Understand how difficult this is for me to say this,” she said. “I want you to leave. This is a lot to take in and I can’t even begin to process what you’ve told me while you’re here.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat, agreeing with a nod. I could have full-on cried, a grown man who had cut off fingers and broken bones without wincing, yet this woman had almost reduced me to a blubbering mess. When she bumped her forehead to mine, I knew I hadn’t heard the worst.
“I don’t know if I’ll see you again, if this stops right here or not. You need to leave me be for now, Yannick. Please. It’s all I ask. Give me some time.”
“Okay.” The word was croaked and forced, all I could get out.
“Thank you. Whatever comes, it was such a pleasure to have met you, to have spent time with you. You’ve taught me a thing or two, you know?” She laughed - this sad, pathetic thing that made me close my eyes and draw in a breath - then she kissed me gently again and ran her hand around to cup my jaw. “You are such a beautiful man. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t protest or reach for her when she climbed off the bed and left the room. Instead, I got out of bed too and dressed in silence, my heart tripping over itself, the clothes feeling heavy and restrictive, much like the tightness clenching my throat.
Time. All she’d asked for. Such an unselfish woman and hell, I may have already lost her. Leaving Jolie’s flat not knowing if I’d ever see her again was too much to contemplate. I’d known the risks about opening my mouth and spilling it all. There’d been nothing else for it though and I shouldn’t have been surprised at her reaction, it was the most honest thing I’d seen in a long time.
I’d made my bed long ago, and I was still going to lie in it. There was a slither of optimism Jolie could bring herself to see past my act of betrayal against my brother and give me a chance. I’d grasp the thin thread of hope and hold on to it for dear life until she told me otherwise.
Because if I knew anything at all after today, it was that nothing was worth it without Jolie.
Jolie
It had been seven days since the altercation with Irina, six since I’d heard Yannick’s ugly confession and told him to leave. I wasn’t doing well, not at all. I’d sat and cried for a long time after Yannick had left - for the man whose life had been stolen and for the man whose life had been taken. My head was no clearer now than it was then. In fact, it was more muddled than ever, being pulled in opposite directions, and impacting every facet of my life.
There had been no teaching for the third week in a row which had left a lot of time on my hands. I tried to ignore the growing unease, knowing I’d have to take it up with the agency soon. Caulder’s was its usual. Busy, which meant little time to think past the next drink ordered and was a welcome reprieve from the days spent at home. Yannick didn’t show face, for which I was eternally grateful for. Didn’t mean I’d stopped thinking about him and everything he’d told me.
“You all right, Jolie?” Carol leaned over the bar after our shift was over and handed me a bottle of diet coke with a straw stuffed in the neck.
Hitching up on to a bar stool, I kicked my heels off and sucked the fizzy juice into my mouth too quick, bubbles snorting up my nose. “Fuck,” I laughed, feeling stupid.
“First time I’ve seen that laugh all shift, and we’re closed.”
“Just a long week.”
“Those kids at the school giving you a hard time, huh?”
“I wish, but no. I’ve not had any temps for a while.”
“That’s unusual, right?” she asked.
“A little, I guess. Schools are winding down for the holidays, could be that.” I still had time to be concerned, it just meant over the holidays, money would be tighter, and a second job serving would be on the cards. “Tell me what you know about Yannick Ischmov. Not the gossip, the actual stuff. The man you know.”
Carol grabbed another bottle of coke and came around the bar to sit next to me. “I don’t think we’d have a very long conversation,” she smirked.
“No?”
“Most know him by reputation only, he has a tight circle around him, keeps himself to himself, you’ve seen that. Doesn’t bring trouble into the bar and gets on really well with Bill. I’m guessing the only ones who know him well are the guys who come into the VIP with him.”
“Bill knows him though?”
“Maybe. I can see they’re friends and like one another, they talk a lot when it’s not busy. Bill would do anything for Mr Ischmov and it’s not out of fear.”
“It’s out of friendship,” Bill shouted from the other side of the room.
“Bloody hell, Bill!” Carol clutched her hand to her chest. “Warn a girl, would you?”
Walking across the floor, he grinned at Carol. “Hey, you want to talk about your employer, you shouldn’t do it at your place of employment.” He winked at me. “Or you should straight up ask me the questions you want the answers to.”
“Friendship or fear?” I asked boldly.
“Friendship. Yes, I work for Yannick, but we’ve known each other a long time. I’m not in his inner circle, nor do I want to be. The man’s not disrespectful, treats me like a friend and not an employee. He’s a good bloke, one of the best I know if you can get past the mile-high guard he puts up.”
“Ah, but you’re biased. Mates are meant to big up their friends, especially to women,” Carol pointed out.
“Why are you asking about Yannick?” Bill turned to me. “You’ve been spending time with him, you know who he is.”
“I thought I did, now I’m not so sure.” No, that was wrong, I did know the man behind the guard, I was just having trouble getting over myself.
“Yosef,” Bill said, dipping his head. “You found out about Yosef.”
Carol looked away, such a tell sign, she knew about Yannick’s brother too but I figured it wasn’t a topic people discussed because it was so ugly.
“Yannick told me, yes.”
“Oh well. At least you’ll have had the truthful version and not the putrid gossip that’s been twisted over the years. Honestly, Yosef is the worst kept secret in London bar the fact the Crown Jewels are fake,” he laughed. “That’s why people fear him, Jolie. Sure, he can be a mean bastard, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you it’s usually for justifiable reasons.”
“I don’t know what to do, how I feel about anything anymore,” I admitted.
“If he told you about Yosef, he told you for a reason. He has never opened his mouth about his brother as far as I know, he never talks about him, not to me anyway.”
Sighing, I said, “I know.” Lowering my voice, even though the bar was empty apart from the three of us, I admitted what I was struggling with the most. “He killed someone he loved. I don’t know how to deal with such a specific thing.”
Bill placed his hand on my arm, his fingers giving a gentle squeeze. “If he promised you himself, then you are a fool to turn your back on him. He is a man of integrity and what he craves is most likely everything you are, Jolie. His family manipulated him, used his love as a weapon, he wouldn’t do that to anyone else. If he loves someone, he loves them hard. Try, honey, because I don’t think he’d let you regret it for a single second.”
I smiled at Bill for saying all the right things. “He talks to you about me?”
“What if I told you he doesn’t need to? I have eyes in my head.” Clapping a hand on Carol’s shoulder, he winked again. “Now, ladies. It’s late, and it’s time to go home. Thanks for all your hard work, I really appreciate your efforts.”
“Cheers, Boss,” Carol chuckled. “My feet are definitely hurting tonight.”
“Make sure Trevor gets you to the Tube.”
“We need to worry?”
“No. We should have been doing it before. Yannick wants everything done right from here on in. This is his sole business now and we’re going to make sure it’s a place he can be proud of. So, Jolie, go on home and think about what you’re doing, but don’t take too long because Yannick is intending on being hands on in the bar and he won’t stay away forever, you’re going to have to face him some time.”
* * * * *
On my next day off I took a trip to the cat rescue. I’d got it in my head after my mother had died that a cat would be a pleasant companion. I’d always wanted one, mum never allowing it - they were dirty, hairy, weird, blah blah blah. My current flat allowed one pet, whereas the other hadn’t, so it was time, a decision I’d made on a whim. Kind of. The closer I got to the shelter, the more confident I felt I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t impulsive but getting the cat on this day felt positive and right.
The lady I met was wonderful, and when I admitted I’d never had a pet before, she took her time to advise and recommended things to read up on before taking me through to the actual shelter where the animals were. It was noisy and a little chaotic, and I fell in love with every single feline I stopped to look at.
“This is where I make the joke about crazy cat lady,” she laughed jovially.
She was possibly right. There was one little cat who absolutely stole my heart more than the others. Tinky, a peach coloured lady with the biggest yellow eyes I’d ever seen, had peered up at me and I’d melted on the spot. She was gorgeous, in nature too, and I made up my mind right there and then when she batted her head against my hand and purred loudly. So affectionate, I could definitely cuddle back.
“Can I take her picture?”
“Of course. If you give me your phone, you can take her out and I’ll snap a pic of you together. She has such a beautiful temperament.”
“Really?” I asked, already handing over my phone open on the camera app.
Tinky didn’t hesitate huddling in when I gently lifted her from the sheepskin mat she was lying on, she’d sealed the deal.
“Come back next week. I’ll put a reserved sign on her cage until then. Take some time to do your homework, you’d be surprised the amount of people who change their mind once they leave here. Cats are an immense responsibility and you need to be absolutely sure.”
“That’s a good idea,” I agreed. “I’m sure now but I appreciate your concern.”
Her smile was kind, yet wary. “We just like to be cautious. And she’s a house cat, so you would need to get things ready for her, line up a vet too and get her registered.”
“I will, and homework,” I promised, my grin stretching wide.
“I truly hope you come back and get her. They say cats pick their owners, not the other way around, and she certainly likes you.”
Reluctantly putting Tinky back into her cage, I gave her a little kiss on the head, totally smitten with her. Saying my goodbyes for now, I followed the owner back out to the front of the shelter and filled out the relevant paperwork. I was coming back for my spirit animal because I’d clicked with the beauty and I think she needed me as much as I needed her.
On the way home I stopped by the park, sitting on a bench with my head tipped toward the sky, the sun warm on my face. It was the first time I hadn’t been filled with turmoil in a while, my head not running away with itself. I’d had enough time to sort through the mess of emotions, the decision made. Chaos had given way to calm, and I saw clearly everything was meant for a reason. Keeping my distance from Yannick was doing nothing for either of us except shortening the future we were destined to have together.
An idea came to me, a silly one which made me giggle, because I was always, always going to see him again. I was always going to accept the man he had been because it had shaped him into the man he was now. Our future was one that promised everything, and I refused to walk away without at least trying.
Pulling up Yannick’s number on my phone, I opened up a new text thread, the picture of me and Tinky the perfect way to break the ice. Firing off the text, I sat back and grinned. Yannick was going to love it, and I was going to love him like no one else ever had. All was right in the world.
Yannick
What the ever-loving fuck?
Someone had hacked Jolie’s phone, there was no other explanation for the text I was currently staring at slack jawed. When her name scrolled across my screen, my heart had galloped, until I opened it up and saw the bloody words.
