Inevitable, page 14
“Yes, except I can’t do those things anymore. Everything that I was is lost, and now all I am is nothing. This is going to happen to you, Nathan, when on September 15th a crane drops a metal slab of the new roof against the cement silo, and you choose to use your forklift to prop the scaffolding against it, saving the lives of your coworkers until your own is extinguished.”
Hearing the details of it struck Nathan, and he got up and started pacing around the room. He put his hand through his hair and started scratching his beard.
“I couldn’t let anything happen to Willy,” he muttered, deep in thought. Cammie was unsuccessfully trying to fight back the tears.
“Please, Nathan! She says you just have to choose to do something different. It’s all up to you. If you can just change your mind I wouldn’t have to lose you.”
But it all made so much sense inside of Nathan’s head, and it was clear he’d already become resigned to it.
“What choice do I have, Cammie? Maybe this is what I’ve been meant for all along. This could finally make it so that you have what you need.”
“Nathan!” she begged, but he was moving away from her toward the door. He didn’t look sad about his fate so much as awe-struck. In a daze, he grabbed his jacket and prepared to head outside. But he gave me one last look, the first one I’d seen in him tonight that showed the kind of passion I thought he’d felt for me before. It was curious, and I couldn’t look away.
“If you had just three months left to live, what would you do?” he mused, ducking outside.
Cammie and I were suddenly alone. She was a devastated wreck, and I was strangely apathetic. I got up to see where Nathan was headed, but Cammie grabbed my shirt by the chest and shoved me back into my seat. The fury made her surprisingly forceful, and it knocked some feeling back into me.
“How could you do this to me?” she growled, but I was not in the mood to take the blame.
“Because you didn’t believe me, you brought this upon yourself!” I countered. “Now that he knows about it, you made absolutely sure he’ll see it through to the end.”
The revelation that she had somehow made it worse by bringing it up incited her all the more. She was gritting her teeth as the tears streamed around her lips.
“Tell me everything you can remember about what’s going to happen!” she ordered, scaring me with her intensity. “Tell me everything!”
Chapter 9
Cammie extracted every single detail I could recall about the accident, digging information out of me for hours until Nathan came back. She quizzed me things I could only guess at, taking copious notes the whole time. I was relieved when Nathan returned, hoping I’d be able to come clean about what I’d put him through this year. Apparently he’d just been out for a very long walk, and by the time he returned it was time for bed. It felt like a pinprick in my heart when he didn’t seem to want to talk to me.
I continued to get lots of attention from Cammie though, so much so that I had to start sleeping on the couch downstairs because she’d spend the whole night explaining how she’d connect little bits of the story to things she was going to do to stop it from happening.
The first thing she did was try to blow the whistle on Manny the crane operator who would be drinking on the job, but her anonymous tip over the phone didn’t amount to much. Maybe they’d talked to him, but that would only make him more discreet. And it wasn’t like she had any proof about anything he’d done to make him lose his job. She quickly realized it would be a dead end, but that didn’t stop her from pursuing other options.
While she was in the midst of finals, Cammie made calls to Better Business organizations about the cement company’s overtime practices, trying to prevent them from being able to put workers like Nathan through such long hours. It turned out though that the company wasn’t doing anything wrong, especially when most workers were volunteering for their overtime hours.
Cammie resorted to just calling up company executives, describing in detail how the accident would happen and begging them to do something to shut down the construction. Her “crackpot prediction” was met with uniform resistance, and proved to be a futile effort. Getting anyone to do anything to save Nathan was apparently more unthinkable than the accident itself.
Even though I was living at his house now, things were weird between Nathan and I. Most of the time he was at work doing overtime and Cammie was working on her experiment. That left me with a lot of time to spend with Gladys. Let’s just say I learned how to play Scrabble and Backgammon very quickly. I couldn’t even tell if Nathan was in a funk or not over the news, because he’d always seemed pretty distressed.
A couple of times I tried to ask him about it only to be practically ignored. I can’t say I did much to create a lively atmosphere in the house though. Mostly I just alternated between sulking, feeling sorry for myself, barely concealing my animosity at everything, and watching TV. I was in the middle of that last activity one weekend when out of the blue Nathan actually did approach me.
“What are you doing?” he asked, but I was typically grumpy.
“Sitting on my butt watching The Price is Right. These games are so stupid. I don’t know how anyone can find this entertaining.”
“It’s probably a lot more interesting if you can’t tell how it’s going to end before you start,” he shrugged.
“I also seem to be leaking blood…that can’t be normal.”
“Oh,” Nathan winced, but then he came over to me and tried to pull me off the couch. That’s when I’d noticed he’d shaved, his strong face and enticing skin in plain view. “Come on, sluggo. Let’s get out of here.”
But I had no energy to get up, feeling like a useless lump of clay, so he tugged me by the wrist and lifted me across his shoulders. I whimpered but didn’t exactly resist when he carried me away. Getting the door was tricky, and he almost banged my head, but soon we were outside and he was setting me into the passenger seat of his car. I gave him an annoyed glance.
“Relax. You’ll thank me later.”
We started driving through town in his rusty red pickup. Traffic slowed us down a bit, but it soon became obvious that we were leaving the city behind.
“Where are we going?” I groaned, having no idea. I slumped back against the seat, dragging my fingernail over a spot on the window.
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out,” he smirked, and I shot him a look. I’d said those words to him before, and he looked just as playful and carefree as I had. Now I was the depressed one, and I couldn’t even say I wanted to feel differently. I felt like nothing could ever be good again, and it was irritating to see him so cheerful when he had just as much reason to be sad as I did.
“Why are you so happy? Aren’t you upset about what’s going to happen?” I asked.
“Right now, I’ve got you all to myself, and there’s no reason to think about what came before or what’s going to come after. So it shouldn’t be too difficult to enjoy this, right?” he answered, shooting me a devilish look. But I found it annoying not knowing what was going to happen. I can’t say I enjoyed having my own words come back to haunt me either.
“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?” I said, acid in my voice, but nothing seemed to get to him.
“Enjoy it while you can, because teasing is just the beginning for you today.”
I had no idea what he had up his sleeve, but I had a feeling it would be disappointing and boring. We left the city behind, driving out into the country. For a second I thought we were headed to the place where we’d played in the leaves and carved pumpkins with children, but we had taken another route entirely. Instead of forests crowding around the road, we were in the middle of farmland, and the plains rolled out in every direction, only broken up by the occasional farmhouse or silo.
Plenty of other cars occupied this road, and it made me wonder if we were all headed toward the same destination. I spotted a cluster of buildings and strangely shaped structures rising in the distance. One looked like a massive wheel spinning little pods around its circumference. A sign propped near the side of the road put the mystery to rest.
“The county fair?” I verified. Though I wasn’t enthusiastic at all, a big grin took to his face.
“Let’s just say you don’t have to know the future to figure out where to have a good time,” he reasoned.
We parked in a long row of cars just beside the fairgrounds. I climbed out of my seat, setting my feet on the dirt. The smell of manure hit me immediately. The place seemed noisy and packed full of people. At least big fluffy clouds were doing their best to block out the sun though.
All of a sudden, I felt Nathan’s hands pushing me from behind. He was so excited to enter that even walking there would take too long. In just a few seconds he told me all about how he loved coming here every year and all the wonderful things he’d ever done. Other people moving toward the entrance actually seemed to anticipate the fair just as much.
When we reached the ticket counter, Nathan pulled out his wallet to pay for our admission. It was pretty thin looking, and I wondered how deep Nathan would have to dig to cover this expense. And what was it all for? I felt sorry for him if he thought doing this would cheer me up.
“Which ride do you want to go on first?” Nathan offered as we entered the fairgrounds. There were a lot of rides, games, stands, and tents set up around the area. Other than the Ferris wheel, a house of mirrors, bumper cars, simple roller coasters, and rote-o-routers dotted the area. Each had its own flashing lights, music, and anxious riders. Of everyone I saw, the only people I could relate to were the apathetic carnival workers.
“Whatever,” I said, but then Nathan took my hand and tugged me over toward a ride as though I’d chosen it myself. This ride was called “Rock Around the Clock,” and it featured a train of seat cars following an uneven circular track. Disco lights and musical notes adorned the walls, which whipped by as the riders went around and around.
After waiting in a short line, Nathan and I sat down in one of the cars and waited for the ride to begin. He reached out for a circular wheel in the middle.
“Hold on tight!” he urged, nodding at me, but I knew the ride would go much too slowly for me to need to hold anything. I just crossed my arms and soon we were whirling up and down the loop. The wind carried my hair, and we spun around and around until the ride stopped and we reversed directions.
“Whoa, now we’re going backwards. Amazing,” I droned. After a few more minutes, the ride ended and we exited alongside other riders. Just as soon as we were out in the open again, Nathan nudged my side to get my attention.
“That was at least a little fun, wasn’t it?” he coaxed, hoping to get me to smile for the first time today.
“I’m sorry, Nathan, but maybe this was a bad idea. None of this looks interesting to me. We can still go home and then your whole day won’t be ruined.” I wished I could’ve given him what he wanted, I really did, but I just wasn’t in the mood for it. I didn’t see the point of any of this stuff, or how it managed to make all of these other people happy. But the look in his eyes let me know that Nathan wasn’t about to give up so easily.
“You’ve just got to trust me on this one, ok?” he teased.
We went on several more rides, the merry-go-round, the bumper cars, and the tea cups, but all produced the same disappointing results. Even though I’d warned him this would happen, I did feel bad when I saw his enthusiasm start to fade. He probably thought he was doing something really sweet for me, and now I was killing it.
“Why don’t we try something a little different,” he conceded, and I was grateful for it. Instead of taking me to another ride, we started looking at the different games set up around the area. Some of them involved shooting basketballs into oddly shaped hoops, squirting water into targets, or tossing coins onto small platforms. None of these looked at all appealing to me.
“Nathan, these are just like that stupid show. What’s the point of these games?”
“First of all, I won’t tolerate any more disparaging comments about The Price Is Right, ok? That’s off limits. Second of all, the point of these games is to challenge yourself and see what you can do. The point is you don’t know what will happen, and so it’s fun to see if you can do it.”
He led me over to one booth that had objects stacked on shelves varying distances away. Participants were given three baseballs, each one a chance to knock down one of the objects. Stuffed animal prizes wreathed the booth. Inside, a particularly grisly looking carnival worker licked his chops when he saw us coming over. Nathan promptly slapped a dollar bill on the counter.
“Take your best shot!” he urged, handing me the three balls.
“You’re sure this is going to make you happy?” I asked.
“Without a doubt, Apoxy,” he smiled sweetly. “Now go knock something down.”
Holding the first ball in my fist, I surveyed the targets on the shelves. There were cans stacked up, bull’s-eyes, and a few blocks in the back. Aiming for the blocks, I chucked the ball, but it didn’t get anywhere close to them. The carnie laughed at me, and he didn’t even stop when I narrowed my eyes at him. I jerked my arm to throw the second ball and it didn’t come much closer.
“You realize we have no control over what happens, right?” I argued to Nathan. “I’m choosing to throw the ball, but then something else takes over and decides whether or not I’m going to hit it.”
Nathan shook his head though, making me pout.
“Whether that’s true or not, you can’t think like that anymore. You have to think you’re in control, or else you’ll never be able to do anything. Focus your mind on knocking over those blocks, and use your body to make it happen. It’s got to be all up to you.”
Hearing about this silly human perspective didn’t help me any, but I did want to knock over the blocks to get back at the smug carnie. I almost wanted to throw the ball at him, but I focused my mind, kept my eyes on the blocks, and made the throw. The baseball flew through the air and clipped the side of one of the blocks. It bounced away, leaving them perfectly intact.
“But I hit them! Why didn’t they fall over?” I gasped at Nathan.
“Better luck next time,” the carnie gloated.
Nathan and I turned away, and that’s when he whispered something in my ear.
“That’s because these games are rigged and it’s almost impossible to win.”
“That’s not fair!” I snapped, feeling genuinely angry about it.
“You’ve got to get a dead-on shot to make them fall over,” he lamented. I felt like I’d been tricked and I was practically breathing fire. Nathan raised his eyebrow at me, and I spotted another dollar in his hand. Looking him firmly in the eye, I nodded.
“Just three more balls?” the carnie chuckled, as Nathan happily handed over the dollar. “I’ve got a bucket full if you want it.”
“I recommend you get out of the way,” I snarled at him.
Holding the baseball tightly in my hands, I glared at the blocks on the shelf. I had to hit them directly in the center, which was difficult, but I wanted to do it more than anything. Hurling the first ball, it sailed over them, and I kicked at the dirt. The carnie put his hand over his mouth to hide his laughter. My second shot tipped the edge but once again didn’t knock them over.
“Come on, Apoxy. Do it for me,” Nathan whispered, and glancing back at his determined, foxy face gave me a sudden thrill that was hard to describe.
It was like we were back in that basement playing beer pong, and I reached back as far as I could to hurl it forward.
“Rrraahhhh!” I snapped my arm, sending the ball sailing directly at the blocks. It struck them dead in the center and knocked them into the back wall. “Yes!” I shouted, so happy I’d done it. The carnie, on the other hand, grumbled. He didn’t move from his spot in the corner though and Nathan had to step forward. He put his hands on the counter and glowered at the greasy little man.
“Give her a prize,” he ordered, and the carnie begrudgingly plucked a teddy bear from the wall. It was cute and fluffy.
“Thank you very much,” I said, finding it much easier to be polite now that I’d had the satisfaction of winning. Nathan and I walked away, and I squeezed the bear in my arms.
“Ok, maybe that was fun,” I admitted sheepishly.
“That was all you,” Nathan nodded. “You made that happen. Just like when you hit the cup and spilled beer all over Sasha’s heels. You’re good at throwing fast balls!”
It felt nice being good at something, and so I spared him any argument. Glancing around, people were also winning prizes from other bitter carnival workers, and that made me feel like I was finally a part of what was going on. Nathan seemed glad I was finally having a better time too.
We stopped to have lunch next, and Nathan bought me a sausage sandwich and got himself a hamburger. There were rows of picnic tables nearby, and we sat down to eat. I can’t say I was entirely over my grumpy mood, and I still didn’t have much interest in any of the rides, but I did begin to appreciate what Nathan was trying to do for me.
And it’s a good thing I did too, because I started to notice a few other girls who seemed interested in taking my place. It was just the sound of laughter that got my attention at first, so I turned my head and was startled to find a pair of girls who were already looking at us. Well, I shouldn’t say they were looking at us. They really had their eyes on Nathan and the t-shirt that wrapped around his biceps and thick shoulders. His messy hair cast a bit of a shadow over his intoxicating eyes.
The girls were whispering to each other, obviously into him, and it must’ve looked like he was dragging around a drowned rat by the way I was moping. Honestly, what would happen to me if he went off with them? I couldn’t say I’d blame him. I didn’t even want to be around myself lately. But the least I could do was try to make more of an effort. Maybe he hadn’t completely forgotten the way I used to make him feel when I was cheering him up instead of the other way around.
