Hide and Seek, page 22
“What’s going on?” Dan demanded. He was struggling to sit up in bed, evidently feeling at a disadvantage lying down.
“How are you feeling?” Mum asked, and instead of exploding at her, Dan grinned.
“Like hell. But grateful to your daughter for getting me out of trouble.”
“She has her moments,” Mum said, trying and failing to hide how proud she was. Then her face went serious again and she looked behind her to Dad, obviously nervous.
What’s going on?
Dan looked past her and frowned. “Why are you here, Chris?”
Dad seemed to be roughly as cheerful as someone walking to the scaffold. “I have something to tell you. Something you need to know.”
“Stop,” Karen said, her voice faint.
“Dan, I had no reason to like you, but you put yourself in harm’s way for Jess. She told me what you did.” Dad swallowed. “And I’m grateful. So I want you to know the truth, no matter what happens.” He looked across at me. “I’m sorry, Jess.”
“Why? What are you talking about?” I was already sitting on the edge of the windowsill. Now I stood up. “What do you mean by the truth?”
“I’d like to know that too,” Dan said.
“I need to go.” Karen’s face was red. “Will, take me out of here.”
He stood up too, but hesitated beside me, not sure what to do.
“Leave her where she is. You should be here as well.” Dad took a deep breath. “You all know why I came to Port Sentinel. I wanted to persuade Molly to come back to me. I wanted me and her and Jess to be a family again. I knew she was happy here and would never come back to London. I thought we could make a new life together here instead, and maybe I could make amends for the things I’ve got wrong.”
Dan snorted. “As if.”
“I didn’t get the chance to prove I’d changed,” Dad said with dignity. “But I did get to talk to Karen. We have a lot in common, Karen and I. We’ve both suffered from the fact that you and Molly regretted breaking up in the first place, and getting married to other people.”
“This is ancient history,” Dan said. “I’m not hearing anything new.”
“I’m getting there,” Dad snapped. “Just let me explain. We never got a fair chance at making our marriages work. There was always a shadow between me and Molly, and I know Karen felt the same about you, Dan. But we got on with it, and we had children, and watched them grow up.” He took a deep breath. “And as they got older, we both became aware that the day would come when the children were old enough to be independent, and when that happened, the chances were that we would find ourselves separating—getting divorced.”
“So you thought you’d get in first and cheat on Mum with girls who were at least ten years younger than you,” I said, unable to bear the self-pity any more.
“I handled it badly. I’m not saying I didn’t.” Dad sighed. “Anyway, I set Molly free. And as I’d expected, once we’d split up she came down here.”
“That wasn’t because of Dan,” Tilly said. Her voice was tight with anger. “That was after Freya died, so she could support me.”
“Nonetheless, she was back where she grew up. Where you were, Dan.”
“Nothing happened.” Dan looked at Mum with a smile I’d never seen on his face before. “She wouldn’t, and I couldn’t, and you are lucky, Chris, that I’m stuck in bed because if I was fit, I’d be showing you what I think of you for even suggesting Molly and I would get together again.”
“But you did sneak around,” Will said. “You saw each other a lot. I saw you together, Dad, in your car.”
“Look, I’d be lying if I said we hadn’t thought about it. We loved each other very much, once upon a time. That doesn’t go away. But we’d both moved on since then. We’d changed.”
“We were just friends,” Mum said. “The only reason we didn’t want anyone to know we were meeting was because we didn’t want to upset Karen. Dan thought she wouldn’t like it”
Karen laughed, and it was a horrible sound. “Of course. No one wants to upset poor Karen.”
“Karen had her suspicions,” Dad said. “When I came down here, she confided in me. She wanted me to keep an eye on the two of them, because she was housebound.” He paused, probably for effect—in spite of himself he was enjoying being the center of attention. “Or should I say, she seemed to be housebound.”
“What do you mean by that?” Dan asked. His eyes were watchful.
“Christopher,” Karen said, “I hope you’re not going to suggest—”
“She’s lying,” Dad said, cutting across her. “She pretended to be ill. She told you she had motor neurone disease, but she’s faking.”
“The doctor said—” Will began.
“She saw Molly at Freya’s funeral. It was then that she started developing symptoms. She picked a disease that progresses in unpredictable ways. She found one that couldn’t be diagnosed easily, with symptoms she could fake easily enough. Your doctor referred her for tests. She went to London for them and you couldn’t go, could you, Dan? You had work, and she didn’t want you there anyway. And then she came back and said it was bad news. She was dying. So how could you leave her? You’d have to be some sort of monster. Even if the love of your life had come back and was living in her old house, practically within touching distance.” Dad waited for someone to speak, and when they didn’t, he laughed. “Don’t you believe me? She was convincing, I grant you. She fooled enough people to get by, and hid from anyone who might have spotted the truth, and you threw yourself into your work, Dan. You didn’t have a clue that she might be tricking you. You just wanted her to get on with dying so you could get on with living.”
“That’s a flaw in the plan,” Dan said. “How were you going to manage the dying part, Karen?”
She was as white as the bedclothes. Her fingers made little plucking movements on the blanket she had thrown across her knees.
“A miraculous recovery, I imagine,” Dad said. “A misdiagnosis. Wonders will never cease. Let’s all live happily ever after.”
“He’s lying,” Karen ground out.
“I’m not.” Dad smiled grimly. “She told me everything herself. She wanted me to help her. She wanted Molly to be safely out of reach, and preferably out of Port Sentinel, before she revealed she wasn’t dying after all. She knew that was the only thing that was keeping Dan by her side. She thought he would leave as soon as he heard she was healthy—but a brokenhearted Dan might stay.” Dad turned to Karen. “I have every reason to keep your secret, Karen, except that it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t stand it any more. Dan needs to know the truth.”
“I can explain,” Karen said in a low, terrible voice. She looked up. “Will, I can explain.”
For the first time I looked at Will, and my heart twisted. He looked stunned. Devastated. In the space of ten minutes, everything he believed had been turned upside down. He walked out of the room like a sleepwalker, stumbling a little, away from the sound of the tearing sobs that were shaking his mother’s thin frame.
“Jess, go after him,” Dan said. “Make sure he’s all right.”
As if a spell had been lifted, I found I could move again. I heard the front door bang and I ran down the stairs. A car engine started: Dan’s Range Rover, parked on the drive. I pulled open the door in time to see Will reverse into the road and accelerate away, his expression set. I ran out, too late to stop him, too late even to see him drive away. I listened to the engine sounds change as he went up through the gears, faster and faster, trying to outrun something he couldn’t ever leave behind.
25
The door was open. I knocked on it tentatively. “Hello?”
“Jessica? Is that you? Come in.”
I managed two steps before I had to stop, blocked by a stack of cardboard boxes and a roll of bubble wrap. I looked around, wrinkling my nose. Dad’s flat was even more depressing when he was halfway through packing. Every item of furniture was covered in books, magazines, clothes, and rubbish. What I could see of the living room was filthy. Gray curls of dusty fluff littered the floor and there were dirty marks on the walls where the furniture had been.
“Over here,” Dad said from somewhere behind the sofa, and I edged round the bubble wrap so I could see him. He was sitting in a ring of papers, and if he was trying to sort them out, it didn’t look as if it was going very well.
“How’s it going?”
“Fine, I think.” He looked around at the general mess, as if that was how he’d planned to pack, as if he was actually ahead of schedule. “They’re coming to pick up the furniture to put it into storage in half an hour. I have to hand the keys back at midday.”
“That’s not actually a lot of time.” I was trying to find somewhere to sit. I settled for the arm of the sofa, having removed a mug, and a plate that had once been used for toast. “You’re going to need to clean it properly. They’ll charge you if they have to do it. You might even lose your deposit.”
Dad waved a hand. “I don’t care about that. Let them sort it out if they care so much. I’m glad I’m leaving, honestly.”
“Because New Year’s Eve is the perfect time to move back to London,” I said.
“I don’t care about that, either. It’s time to go.”
“Are you going to miss me?” I wanted to know what he’d say.
“Of course.”
Let’s try that line again, I imagined a director saying. This time, try to put some feeling into it.
“Well, things will definitely be different without you.” I was being diplomatic. I meant better.
Dad stood up, brushing some of the dust off his jumper. “You know, I’m glad I told Molly and Dan the truth. I’m sorry if it makes life more complicated for you.”
I shrugged. “I think it’ll be OK.”
“Even if they get together?”
“Well, as it turns out, Dan has been having an affair with one of his detectives. So I think that’s his first priority.” It was the one who’d helped me at the police station, in fact. She was very pretty, and I was inclined to think he’d done well.
Dad raised his eyebrows. “Is your mother devastated?”
“She knew.” I looked at him pityingly. “Remember when she said they were friends? Friends talk. He’s been crying on her shoulder ever since she got back to Port Sentinel.”
“Poor Molly.”
“Hardly,” I said, thinking of the conversation I’d had with Nick Trabbet earlier, when he’d asked me, in an uncharacteristically tense voice, if I thought Mum would like to go on a date with him.
I was pretty sure she would.
I folded my arms. “Dad, you have to leave Mum alone. She’s got a new life now. It doesn’t include you. Go and make someone else happy.” If you’re even capable of that.
“I don’t like letting her go.”
“She’s already gone.”
Dad nodded slowly. “You’re one of them now.”
“Them?”
“Your mother’s family. You belong here, don’t you?”
I didn’t answer him straight away. I looked out to sea, to the Sentinel Rock that stood just beyond the harbor, the rock that gave the town its name. The storm hadn’t done anything to damage it. It looked just as solid as ever. White birds wheeled around it and the steel-gray waters lapped at it. It hadn’t changed. It might never change.
“I think I do, now. I think this is my home.” I stood up.
Dad looked even more disappointed. “You’re leaving? I thought you could help me pack.”
I looked around at the chaos he’d created. “I think you’re doing fine on your own.”
After Dad’s flat I needed some fresh air. I walked along the seafront, on the storm-battered promenade, muffled in my coat and scarf. It was cold out, but not raining, quite, and there were lots of locals around, inspecting the broken steps and missing pavement the council had yet to replace. People greeted me as I passed them—neighbors, friends from school, regular customers in the shop. I saw people I recognized but didn’t yet know, and picked out the strangers, the blow-ins, the ones who were looking around with that surprise and delight that I remembered from my first day in Port Sentinel. It was pretty, even with the gray clouds hanging low enough to brush the steeples of the churches. Port Sentinel was small, gossipy, and occasionally dangerous, but it was home now.
I was about halfway along the promenade when I saw Will. He was walking toward me, not hurrying, but there was something about the way he was moving that told me he was looking for me. I stood where I was and waited for him to reach me.
“Hi.”
“Hi, yourself,” he said, stopping before we were close enough to touch. “Heading home?”
“I just wanted a walk.”
“I can walk with you.”
“Now I’m more interested in standing still.”
Will took his hands out of his pockets and caught hold of me. He tipped my face up to his, tangling his fingers in my hair, and I kissed him with all the passion and love that I felt, that I knew he felt too. He’d been staying at Sandhayes since he found out about his mother, while Dan and Karen battled over splitting up once and for all. Tilly put him in the little room opposite mine, and everyone made a magnificent job of ignoring the creaking floorboard in the middle of the landing that announced, every single time, when he was sneaking into my room in the middle of the night. (Hugo didn’t ignore it, but I ignored Hugo, so that worked out in more or less the same way.) We’d spent hours together, wrapped up in one another, talking and not talking. Planning out the future. Teasing one another about the past. We’d been dragging so much baggage around with us since we met—Freya’s death, our parents’ romantic history, Karen’s illness, and Ryan’s feelings for me—and it had caused us nothing but trouble. For the first time it was all about us—just us. No one else. And it was like all the best times I’d spent with him, but all the time. We knew each other so well. We knew the worst of each other, as well as the best. And I loved all of Will, even though he had his faults. Maybe because he had faults. I couldn’t pretend to be perfect, and I knew he loved me all the same.
Sometimes I just looked at him, because that was all I wanted to do. That sweep of dark eyelashes. The straight line of his nose. The curve of his lips. I stared at them again, fixing them in my mind. This is how he is. This is how he looks. This is who I love.
“Nick is going ask Mum on a date.” I had to tell someone.
“Really?” Will looked genuinely delighted. “Are you pleased?”
“Of course.”
“Will she say yes?”
“Of course,” I said again.
He put his arms around me and held on to me. “I wonder what Dad will think.”
“He’ll think it’s good news.”
“If it was you,” Will said, “I wouldn’t. That’s why I could never believe they were just friends. I can’t imagine not loving you.”
“We’re not like them.”
“No, we aren’t.” He smiled down at me. “If it was you, I would want you back, no matter how much time had passed. No matter what had happened.”
“You’d have to let me go in the first place. Or leave me behind,” I couldn’t help adding. The shadow of him leaving was there all the time. He would go back to school, and then to university, and then on to who knew where. And I wanted to go my way too. I had my life to live. I had a dream that I couldn’t even voice yet, that I hadn’t even mentioned to Will—that maybe I could join the police myself. Become a detective, even. I didn’t know how that would fit in with Will’s life, or even if it would.
But the thought of not seeing him for even a day made me shiver.
“I’ll never let you go.” Will’s arms tightened around me. His eyes were the softest shade of gray, like cygnet down. “Wherever I go, whatever I do, you’ll be in my heart.”
Something caught on my eyelashes and I blinked. The air was full of tiny white stars that danced around us: snow, turning the ordinary day into something magical.
Will was watching me, waiting, and I knew he needed to hear me say it.
“Wherever I go,” I said. “Whatever I do.”
He caught me up, lifting me off the ground, swinging me round as we kissed. If there were other people walking along the promenade, smiling at the two of us or rolling their eyes, I didn’t care. I was lost in him, and he in me, and that was how it was supposed to be.
About the Author
JANE CASEY was born and raised in Dublin. A graduate of Oxford with an M. Phil. from Trinity College, Dublin, she lives in London where she works as an editor. She is also the author of the Maeve Kerrigan mystery series for adults. Hide and Seek is her third young adult novel. You can sign up for email updates here.
ALSO BY JANE CASEY
Bet Your Life
How to Fall
FOR OLDER READERS
The Missing
The Burning
The Reckoning
The Last Girl
The Stranger You Know
The Kill
Thank you for buying this
St. Martin’s Press ebook.
To receive special offers, bonus content,
and info on new releases and other great reads,
sign up for our newsletters.
Or visit us online at
us.macmillan.com/newslettersignup
For email updates on the author, click here.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Gilly Poynter’s Diary
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
