At the nurse’s station, he asked for Dakota’s nurse and waited a few minutes for her to show up. At last, he spotted her striding down the hall. When she was a few steps away, he said, “Dakota’s awake now, and she says her broken leg is hurting. Did the doctor prescribe any pain medication for her?”

  “Let me check her chart.” She walked around the desk and sat down at the computer. After a moment, she said, “Yes, he did. I’ll need to order it up from the pharmacy, so it’ll take a little bit.” She looked up and smiled. “I’ll bring it in as soon as it arrives, I promise.”

  “Thank you. I hope it won’t take too long.”

  “It usually doesn’t, and I’m sorry for the wait. I know how anxious you are.” She smiled at him again and got up from the desk.

  He headed back to the room to give her parents the news.

  An hour later, Dakota had been given her pain medicine. She seemed more alert and was talking in small sentences. It seemed obvious that she was going to be okay.

  “I called Aiden and gave him the good news,” Pete said. “He’s coming over in a little while. I also let Jules know.”

  “That’s great.” Beau couldn’t take his eyes off Dakota. His prayers had been answered. She’d come out of the coma with all her faculties. She didn’t need him anymore.

  He closed his eyes as pain swept through him. He didn’t deserve Dakota. Didn’t deserve to have her in his life. He’d told himself that over and over, and it was true. She needed a man who would think ahead, who would plan for danger and protect her from it. He’d done none of those things. He wasn’t the kind of man who could look after her. He’d proven that, and he wasn’t about to let her get hurt again.

  He rose to his feet, his eyes filling with tears. As he wiped them away, he went to her bedside and took her hand. He said, “Goodbye, Dakota. You’re going to be fine.”

  His voice broke, and he brought her fingers to his lips. “Your parents are going to take good care of you, honey.” He laid her hand on her chest and turned to Pete and Fran. “Thanks for letting me be here with Dakota through all this.”

  Pete’s brows drew together. “Of course, Beau. We’re glad you’re here.”

  His throat tightened, and he couldn’t say anything more. With a nod, he strode from the room.

  He’d done what he could, and now he needed to let Dakota get on with her life. She’d find a man with the right instincts, a man who could protect her and keep her safe.

  A strangled sob threatened to escape him, and he bit it back. Desolation settled over him as he rode the elevator down to the lobby. He couldn’t imagine his life without Dakota. All he knew was that it wouldn’t be good.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dakota lay awake in the middle of the night, alone in her room in the ICU. Jules had come and stayed a few hours, and her parents had finally gone home to get some sleep. They’d only left in shifts since she’d been injured.

  She missed Beau. Would he come back in the morning? God, she hoped so. She ached for his presence and the comfort of his touch.

  At least she was mostly out of pain. Once it had been determined that she was more lucid, the doctor had approved a morphine pump. She could now give herself a top-up anytime she felt pain until she’d reached her maximum dose.

  She reached up and scratched her nose. Her face was still a little irritated from wearing the ventilator for so long.

  Her thoughts turned back to Beau. He’d been there when she’d first opened her eyes. Emotion had overwhelmed her, but she hadn’t been able to move, couldn’t say the words that had filled her mind. And once she was able to really speak, he hadn’t stayed to talk to her. He’d left so abruptly that she hadn’t been prepared. God, he had to come back.

  That look on his face, though, as he’d told her goodbye. He’d seemed almost desperate. And then... Then he’d seemed very alone.

  Beau glanced at his phone and then let it ring as pain stabbed his heart. It was Dakota again. She’d been home from the hospital for several days now, and he hadn’t been over to see her. Fran had told him that she hadn’t needed surgery on either of her fractures. The bones were in alignment, and the only thing the orthopedist had done was change out the type of splints she was using and prescribe rest and recovery.

  Beau closed the loan folder he’d been looking through and tossed it into the file tray on his desk. His stomach burned like hellfire, as it had been doing for more days than he could count.

  Triss, the new accounts representative, stopped by and knocked on the door jamb. “You going to lunch now, Beau?”

  He shook his head. “You go on ahead. I’ll go later.”

  She smiled. “You sure?”

  “Yep. I’ll wait.”

  “Just so long as you eat. You’ve been skipping too many lunches lately, and that’s not healthy. I’m just saying.” She smiled again to take the rebuke out of her words and walked toward the exit.

  It was true. The thought of food made him nauseous nowadays. He missed Dakota terribly, and the guilt he felt hadn’t lessened despite the fact that she was back home.

  Fran was staying with Dakota for now, since she couldn’t look after herself in her condition, and she had come by his house the night before to ask him to go and see Dakota.

  He’d wanted to make up an excuse, but instead he’d told her the truth, that he felt he wasn’t the right man for Dakota. That she deserved a man who could protect her and make the right decisions about her safety. Fran had tried to argue with him, but he’d politely asked her not to. She’d left shortly afterwards.

  And now Dakota had called him for the second time since he’d arrived at work that morning. It was obvious that he’d have to speak with her, and he was dreading it. After a glance at the deserted lobby, he tapped her contact.

  “Beau, thank God you called me back. I need to talk to you—”

  He interrupted her. “Dakota, like I told your mother, I’m not good for you. I’m incredibly happy that you’re at home and on the mend, but I can’t be a part of your life anymore. I’m just not right for you. I want you to find a man who can take care of you. A man who can protect you and keep you from harm. Please accept that.”

  “Beau, you’re wrong. I trust you—”

  “And you shouldn’t!” he said, more harshly than he intended. In a calmer voice, he went on. “I didn’t do right by you, Dakota. My judgement is flawed. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m sorry.”

  Before he could hang up, she said, “I love you, Beau. Do you think I care that we were in a car accident? That I was injured? I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have your babies and grow old with you.”

  Grief hit him like a sledgehammer. He’d lost all of that. Everything. “Dakota, I’m not that guy. You’ve got to see that. If we were together, I couldn’t protect you—protect our family.”

  “Beau, it was someone driving like a madman in that terrible storm who caused our wreck. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  He sighed. “I’m not going to argue with you, Dakota. I know whose fault it was, and I take full responsibility.”

  Her voice breaking, she said, “Don’t you care that I love you?”

  “Of course I do.” He took a shuddering breath, reaching deep for some kind of control. “It means the world to me,” he said softly. “And that’s why I have to stay away, honey.”

  “Oh, God, Beau—”

  “Goodbye, Dakota.”

  That evening after he put Cat to bed, he called Carson. When his brother answered, Beau said, “I finally spoke to Dakota today.”

  “Well, it’s about time, big brother. How did it go?”

  He leaned back in his recliner and put the footrest up, emotionally and physically exhausted. “Terrible. She told me she loves me.”

  “Beau, that’s great news. I just don’t understand your attitude, man.”

  He gave a frustrated growl. “She can’t love me. I’m not the right man for her. I’ve explained that.”

  “And I’ve told you the last three times we’ve talked that the damn accident wasn’t your fault. Beau, come on, you’ve got to get over this misplaced guilt. That asshole caused the wreck, not you.”

  Why couldn’t his brother understand? He and Dakota shouldn’t have been out on the roads in the first place. He should have called off their theater night when he saw how hard it was raining. But he wasn’t up to arguing the point again after doing so several times before.

  Carson tried again. “Beau, Dakota’s such a special woman. Don’t throw her love away. You need to think about what you’re doing. This is important.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? God, I’d love to be with her—but how can I do that?”

  “You just do it. You realize that anyone could have been hit by that crazy guy. It just happened to be you in that intersection, and you need to let that go.”

  Could it really be that easy? He closed his eyes, too tired to think. “Maybe.”

  “Just think about it, huh?”

  He sighed out a long breath.

  Carson said, “Hey, didn’t you say that Kara was coming for a visit tomorrow morning?”

  Beau wiped his palm across his forehead. “Yeah, just for a short trip. She’ll be here Saturday morning and leave Sunday afternoon. I’m so not looking forward to it.”

  “I can imagine,” Carson said. “You’re a good guy for allowing her to stay with you.”

  “I’m going to lay out some guidelines when she’s here this time. I know she’s broke, but she can’t keep staying with me like this. From now on, she’ll have to save up her money and find a cheap hotel.”

  “That sounds like a good idea, brother. Listen, hang in there, okay? You’ve been through a tough time, and I know it’s taken a lot out of you. Call me anytime.”

  “Thanks, Carson. I love you, brother.”

  After a long, hot shower, he climbed into bed, his brother’s words still going round and round in his head. God, could it really be that easy? Could he just decide to turn off his guilt?

  He knew that ultimately the other guy had caused the accident by driving too fast in poor visibility without lights, but what about his own mistakes? Weren’t they just as bad? Didn’t his judgement of the situation make him unfit for a life with Dakota?

  Carson definitely didn’t think so. He’d told Beau the first time they’d talked that he would have done the same thing, given the circumstances. That there was no way Beau could have known that someone would be stupid enough to drive without their lights in a downpour. Especially as fast as that guy had been going.

  He groaned and turned over. Maybe Carson was right, but his guilt overwhelmed him. He didn’t see how he could just make it go away.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. God, please help me. Help me to know what to do. I can’t endanger Dakota, but, oh Lord, she loves me. I don’t want to lose her now that I know that. God, I need you now. I’m turning this over to you.

  With a sigh, he turned onto his back. There was nothing more he could do.

  Dakota lay in bed fighting back tears. She’d bared her soul to Beau, and it hadn’t made any difference. How could she go on without him? And why did he insist on taking the blame for their accident?

  Despite the pain medicine she’d been sent home with, her arm and leg ached badly. Her mom was going to call Dakota’s doctor for something stronger in the morning. If only he could prescribe something for the pain in her heart too.

  She’d talked to Jules for a long time before going to bed, and her best friend had tried to make her feel better. But nothing had eased the hurt of Beau’s words.

  She’d spoken with Johnathan again earlier in the day, and at least he was doing well. He missed her, of course, but he was doing fine at his temporary foster home. Brian, his backup foster parent, was a kind, attentive person, and Johnathan had never minded staying with him.

  She sighed, wishing she could turn over. She’d never been one to sleep on her back, and now that position was her only option. Suddenly, the tears she’d held at bay all afternoon slipped from the corners of her eyes. If Beau were beside her, everything would be better. He’d have his arm around her, and she’d be able to fall asleep, safe in the comfort of his embrace.

  A quiet sob escaped her, and she picked up her phone. Pride be damned, she had to tell him how she felt. Before she could change her mind, she texted:

  I’m lying here in bed with my heart breaking, Beau. You’re my everything. My lover, my friend, my comfort when I try to sleep. Beau, please, put this guilt behind you. Love me. Be with me. I need you. No, strike that. I want you—forever.

  She bit back a sob and continued:

  I can take care of myself. I make my own decisions about my safety. That’s not your responsibility, and you’ve got to quit thinking that it’s on you. I could just as easily have told you that I didn’t want to go to the theater because the storm was too bad. I didn’t think it was, so I didn’t say anything about staying home. See? If anyone’s to blame, we both are. But I still maintain that neither of us is at fault. It’s the other driver who caused the accident. Please, quit feeling guilty, Beau.

  She laid her phone on her chest. Long moments passed. Finally, her text tone sounded. Afraid to hope, she read:

  Honey, I want you more than anything. I wish I knew the right thing to do. Your well-being comes before anything. I’m praying about this—hard.

  She cried then, her phone forgotten beside her. Not knowing if there was any hope was more than she could bear.

  At last, she said a prayer of her own. God, please take Beau’s guilt away. Help him to realize that the accident wasn’t his fault. And please give me strength. I’ve never felt more alone. I need him, Lord. I need him to know that he’s not responsible for me. If we have a life together, I don’t want him to bear the burden of fearing for my safety. Please, God, take this weight from him. Let him come to me free and whole. I love you, God, and thank you for my blessings, for they are many.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Beau opened his eyes from prayer and glanced around the living room. Cat crawled across the floor, heading to the couch. She’d been doing that for a while now, and he was so proud of her. She was also pulling up on things. Now that she’d started on independent movement, she was going like gangbusters. Her PT and OT were both pleased with her progress and wrote glowing reports in the notebook that they commented in each day.

  He’d been praying off and on since he’d spoken to Dakota, and her text before he’d fallen asleep had only spurred him on. He hated the thought of her hurting and that he was causing it. He was thinking long and hard about his outlook on the accident now. Carson’s input also meant a lot to him, and every time he prayed, he felt a little bit lighter.

  He glanced out the living room window. Kara would be arriving anytime. He had his speech to her all prepared. He knew her well and figured she’d try to play the sympathy card. Although he understood her wanting to see Cat, and even wanted that to happen, her staying with him was no longer an option. He was firm on that decision.

  Cat crawled over to him and pulled up on his legs.

  He smiled and put her on his lap. “You’re such a big girl now. You’ll be walking pretty soon, I just know it.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Daddy sure is proud of you, honey.”

  Just then the doorbell rang, and his heart sank. He rose and put Cat on his hip.

  When he opened the door, Kara said, “Look at my big girl!” She held out her arms. “Come to Momma, sweetheart.”

  He gritted his teeth. Although he knew that she was technically Cat’s mother, it really bugged him that she used that word so freely after doing absolutely nothing to raise her daughter.

  He handed Cat over and reached for Kara’s small suitcase. As she talked baby talk to Cat, he rolled the case into the guest room.

  When he came back out, Kara was sitting on the couch with Cat on her lap. “She’s grown so much since the last time I was here, Beau.” Her eyes sparkled as she gazed at Cat.

  He nodded. “Yes, she has. She’s crawling now and pulling up on things.”

  “Oh my God! That’s fantastic!” Kara kissed Cat’s cheek and baby-talked to her some more.

  He sighed and leaned back in the recliner, preparing to endure more nonsense from his ex.

  Later, when Cat got fussy, Kara asked to feed her lunch. While she was busy with that, he made sandwiches. Afterward, Kara rocked Cat and put her to bed, giving him a much-needed respite from his ex-wife’s presence.

  He was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and looking out the back door when Kara came back from putting Cat down.

  She came up behind him and he turned, intending to offer her a cup of coffee. Instead, she slipped her arms around his waist and slid close to him. In a sensual voice, she said, “Beau, I still love you. I’ve thought a lot about this, and I want us to give our marriage another shot. Please, can we do that?”

  Shock froze him in place. Then he took a quick step back. With firm hands, he removed her arms from around him. “Kara, I want to be clear about this.”

  He made sure she was looking into his eyes. “I don’t now—and I never will—want a relationship with you. And, from now on, if you come to see Cat, you’ll have to make other arrangements. You can’t stay with me anymore.”

  She gasped. “Just because of this, now I can’t stay here?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’d already decided that. I’d planned on talking to you about it this evening. However, your actions just now precipitated that conversation.”

  Kara shook her head angrily. “It’s not fair! You know I can’t afford that.”

  “Kara, it was your decision to move to Houston—your decision to take yourself out of your daughter’s life. If you want to see her regularly now, I suggest you move here to San Antonio.”

  She balled her fists. “How can I do that? How can I afford a place of my own?”

  He shook his head. “Other people do it. You’ll just have to work full-time instead of part-time.” He sighed. “Frankly, I don’t care what you do, Kara. It’s up to you how you go about seeing our daughter. I just know that you can’t stay here with me any longer.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18