Her Texas Cowboy Protector, page 10
Even in the gloom, deep bruises from the zip ties stood out starkly on her wrists. Her stomach felt sick. She remembered Rachel wetting herself, and the disgusting smell. She remembered it all, the bloody, awful deaths, every detail, and it was too much. Just too damned much.
The next morning, Landon paced the length of the front porch, worried sick about Natalie but unable to call her. When they’d dropped her off at her apartment, she’d barely said goodbye. It was like she couldn’t wait to see the last of him.
Debra poked her head out of the screen door. “Would you like a cup of coffee, son? I swear, the way you’re walking around this porch is going to set your healing back days if you don’t stop.” She emerged into the chill morning air and held out a steaming mug. “Now, take a seat and drink this.”
With a sigh, he sat in one of the comfortable padded chairs and took the mug from her. “Thanks, Mom. I know you’re right, but I’m a wreck with worrying about Natalie. I can’t stand not knowing how she is.” He took a swallow of coffee. “My imagination’s going crazy. I just need to know for sure whether she’s okay or not. She wasn’t at all herself yesterday when we dropped her off at her apartment.”
“I understand, honey. But promise me you’ll rest while you worry, okay?” The corner of her mouth drew down as she turned toward the door. “Let me know as soon as you hear something.”
“I will.” Honoring his promise to his mom, he stayed seated, sipping from his mug and looking out across the pasture at the grazing cattle.
He couldn’t just sit still. Not any longer. He walked down to the barn, taking his time so as not to jar his head on the uneven ground. After getting a bucket of feed, he called up the horses and put a halter on Reggie. He couldn’t ride, of course, but brushing him was a relaxing chore.
He tied Reggie up in the barn and, as the horse ate from the bucket, he moved the brush in small strokes.
Reggie flicked his ears back, liking the attention.
Landon curried both sides of the horse, taking his time, feeling his heart slow with the rhythm of his strokes.
By the time he turned Reggie out again, he was in a much better frame of mind. Despite having been careful, though, his head ached deep inside. He walked slowly on the gravel drive on his way back to the house.
When he walked in, his mother looked at him and shook her head. “Why do you have to be so stubborn? I’ll get your pain pill. Go lie down, and I’ll bring it to your room.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
After taking off his boots, he eased himself down onto the bed, wincing in pain as he lowered his head the last few inches. His mom was right. He was a stubborn fool to have gone down to the barn. But at least he was feeling calm.
Debra came in with a glass of water and his pill. “Take this and then rest.” As he took the pill from her, she said sternly, “And I mean rest for at least a couple of hours, mister.”
He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”
She waited for him to swallow the pill. As she took the glass back, she smiled. “I love you, son, and I just want you to mend.”
“I know, Mom. I’ll rest.”
She shut the door behind her as she left, and he closed his eyes.
His phone rang. When he answered, Carson said, “Hey brother, Haley and I want you to come over for dinner tonight. Are you up for it? We figure you must be going stir crazy by now.”
“Oh, you know I am. I’d love to. What time?” He smiled, already looking forward to getting out of the house.
“Be here at six. And, hey—we’re really glad that you all got back safely, bro.”
“Thanks, I am too. I’ll see you later.” He sighed and closed his eyes again. It was time to stop stressing about things he couldn’t change. He couldn’t contact Natalie, and until he did, he couldn’t help her. He’d have to learn to live with that fact until she got in touch with him. With that decided, he sought the dark oblivion of sleep.
The next afternoon, Natlie returned with her mother from a trip to the grocery store. They each carried several full bags of food and, more importantly, she still had several bottles of good wine to bring up from the car.
Before they’d left for H-E-B, her mom had helped her find the name of a good therapist. She’d called the office and after she’d explained her situation, the woman had fitted her into the schedule the following day at noon.
Before coming home today, they’d stopped by the phone store, and she’d gotten another phone. Luckily, she’d been eligible for an upgrade, and it hadn’t cost her an arm and a leg. They’d even been able to download her contacts to her new phone.
“I’ll go back and get the wine, honey,” her mom said as she put her bags of groceries on the kitchen counter.
“Thanks, Mom.” Natalie set her bags on the floor and began to put the items in them away. She was so tired her hands were shaking, but she didn’t want her mother to know. The last thing she needed was for her parents to insist again that she stay with them. She couldn’t bear that. She needed the quiet of her apartment. Being around others was like sandpaper on her over-stressed nerves.
As her mom walked back in, Natalie said, “I’ve got it from here, Mom. You can head out.”
Her mom frowned. “Are you sure, honey? I can help you put the groceries away.”
“It’s fine. I’m almost done. I’m going to lie down as soon as I’m finished. I’m exhausted.” That was sure to do the trick, and she felt a little guilty.
Her mom’s face fell. “Okay, then. I’ll let you rest. You call if you need anything, though. Promise?”
“I promise. I’m fine, though, Mom. I just need to take a nap.”
When her mom had gone, she let out a deep sigh and leaned against the cabinet, closing her eyes. God, it had been all she could do to leave the apartment. Being around company was utter misery.
She quickly finished putting everything away and opened a bottle of wine. It was early for a drink, but at this point she didn’t care. Taking her glass with her, she went out onto the balcony with the couch blanket. Wrapping it around her, she sat in the rocker.
The soothing back-and-forth motion and several sips of the full-bodied wine soon had her feeling better. She’d bought some of her favorite frozen meals and a thin-crust pizza and decided on the pizza for dinner. It would make tasty leftovers for the next day.
She knew she needed to call Landon. She was dreading it, though. Should she call him now and get it over with? Then she could cook her pizza and eat in peace.
She picked up her phone and stared at it for a moment, then dropped it into her lap. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t talk to him. Instead, she texted:
I’m sorry, I just can’t talk right now. I’m feeling really messed up after what happened to us. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see you for a while. I need space. I know this probably hurts you, Landon, and I hate that. I care about you, but I just can’t be around you right now. This is my new number in case there’s an emergency, but please don’t contact me otherwise. God, I’m so sorry.
She sent it, feeling like a total shit. Then she sent another:
I’m going to start counseling tomorrow and I hope it helps. Please don’t hate me. Please try to understand.
He texted right back:
Of course I understand, honey. Don’t feel bad. And I don’t hate you. I could never do that. Take all the time you need. Just get better. I’ll pray night and day for that, sweetheart. And, honestly, I’m having my own problems, so I do understand.
As she read it, she burst into sobs. She got up, hugging her belly. She didn’t deserve him. She strode back and forth across the small balcony, getting dizzy at the turns. When she finally tired, her hunger had fled. She went to the kitchen and, instead of cooking the pizza, poured herself more wine. On her empty stomach, though, it only made her feel worse.
Closing her eyes, she returned to the balcony and sat very still. Her ordeal was over, but it seemed her troubles had just begun.
Chapter Twelve
Landon headed to San Saba for his follow-up appointment for his concussion.
His doctor examined his head and then looked into his eyes. “It’s been two weeks. How’re you doing on pain medicine? That nose still bothering you?” The doctor gently removed the splint from his nose.
“I have some left, but I’m fine.” The last thing Landon wanted was to get addicted to the stuff. He’d removed the packing from his nose after the first week and that had hurt like hell. That had been the last time he’d taken any pills.
“Now, when you come back in two weeks, I’ll check your head again.”
Landon nodded.
“You take it easy on that head, okay? Follow directions and get lots of rest,” his doctor said.
“Thanks. I’ll do that.” He returned to the waiting room, where his dad sat patiently in one of the chairs. Landon still hadn’t been cleared to drive.
Instead of stopping at the ranch house, they continued down to the barn, where his dad loaded up the back of the truck with sacks of feed.
Out of sheer boredom, Landon had taken to riding around the ranch with his dad during the day. He just couldn’t stand hanging around the house after hearing from Natalie that she didn’t want anything to do with him.
He turned to look out his side window and grimaced at the remembered pain of that text. He understood, of course, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. And there was always the chance that she’d never want to see him again. Their terrible experience might have changed her irrevocably.
Later that afternoon, he sighed as his dad finished feeding the last herd for the day and turned back in the direction of Landon’s cabin. When they pulled up out front, he said, “Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You’re not coming over for dinner?”
He shrugged. “Nah, I’ll hang out here tonight.”
“Okay, son. Take care.”
Despite the driving restriction, he’d taken to driving short distances on the ranch. Just back and forth to his parents’ house or over to Carson’s place.
He walked inside and got himself a beer from the fridge. After staring around the cabin for a moment, he left his coat on and headed out to the front porch, where he sat in one of the cheap folding chairs. He normally loved sitting out there; it was peaceful and relaxing. But now nothing really made him happy.
He took a sip of his beer and frowned. Natalie, are you getting any better? Will you ever be better again?
Natalie walked into the small office building, dreading the coming session with her therapist.
This was her third appointment, and her first two had been so painful that each time she’d cried most of the hour.
She went to the window and signed in, then tried to read a magazine. But she was too anxious to concentrate. After just ten minutes, however, Dianne, her counselor, came to the door and called her name.
She followed Dianne to her office, her knees feeling weaker the closer she got to the door. She cleared her throat as she sat down on the couch.
Dianne took the comfortable chair across from her. “How have you been since our last visit?”
Natalie swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I’m still having nightmares and waking up several times a night.”
A slight frown appeared on Dianne’s face. “Have you been taking the pills your doctor prescribed to you for sleep?”
“Yes.” She clasped her hands together. They felt clammy and cold.
“I think you should call and tell her that you’re still not sleeping well. You might need a stronger dosage or a different medication, Natalie. It’s critical for your recovery that you get your sleep.”
“I’ll call today when I get home.” God, where would she get the energy?
“Good. Now, can you tell me about your dreams?”
Nausea overwhelmed her, and her hands began to tremble. She clenched them together as she hesitantly recounted the worst of them.
“It’s going to take time to find peace with what happened. You’re doing the right thing by coming here. We’ll work through this.”
Tears leaked from Natalie’s eyes as hopelessness overwhelmed her. “When I think of what could have happened to me, to all of us, I don’t see how I’ll ever feel safe again. And those dead men. God, I was right there. I saw Landon’s knife blade slice through the man’s throat. Saw how the wound gaped open. Saw blood pumping out of him. And Landon, sitting on him, holding him still like it was nothing. I saw the light go out of the guy’s eyes. How can I ever be myself again?” She covered her with her hands as a quiet sob escaped her.
“You may not be the old Natalie, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy. You can find joy in life again.” Dianne’s voice was gentle and encouraging.
Natalie wiped her tears and straightened her shoulders. “I hope that’s true. My parents are devastated. I can’t bear to see how worried they are about me.” She took some tissues from the box on the table beside her and blew her nose.
“They want to support you. Try not to worry about them while you’re healing yourself.” After a pause, Dianne continued. “Last time we spoke, you said that you’d been thinking about Landon a lot. Have you reconsidered contacting him?”
“I think about him all the time.” Natalie sighed. “I just don’t know what I’d say to him right now. My skin crawls when I think about leaving my apartment. I don’t want to be around people. I can’t even think about going back to work. The store’s always packed, and I have to interact with people. It’s not just the analytics, the books. At home it’s quiet, I’m safe, and I can manage. Even coming here stretches my coping skills.”
“What do you think causes this fear, here in Texas where you can expect to be reasonably safe?” Dianne’s face was calm, open, encouraging her to be honest.
Natalie grimaced, knowing that her fear was unfounded. After a moment, she said, “I guess it’s that I didn’t expect to be kidnapped. The men came out of nowhere. I had no control over what happened, and it happened so fast. Afterward, I was completely helpless, unable to protect myself. That was the worst of it. The helplessness and the fact that I didn’t know if there was any hope of rescue.”
Dianne nodded slowly. “And do you still feel helpless, Natalie?”
Fear stabbed her chest. “Yes, I do. Today I’d be just as helpless if something happened here in Austin.”
Dianne was quiet for a moment, as if sensing how panicked Natalie felt. Then she asked, “What can you do about that helpless feeling, Natalie?”
She shrugged, clasping her hands hard. “I’m not sure.”
Dianne nodded. “Here’re some suggestions: There are self-defense classes here in the city that you can take. You can attend a license-to-carry class and purchase a handgun. There are security agencies here that teach kidnapping prevention, and they can show you how to avoid becoming a victim again.”
Natalie pushed her hair back from her face as her mind whirled with these possibilities. The thought of no longer being a target had enormous appeal. “I’ll look into something along those lines. Thank you, Dianne.”
When she left several minutes later, she felt hope for the first time since escaping her captors.
Her heart pounding, Natalie opened the door of the gun store she’d found online the day before.
“Good morning, ma’am. Can I help you with something?” The man standing behind the counter seemed friendly enough, but his no-nonsense, faded BDUs and muscular build were a little intimidating.
She cleared her throat as she approached and said in a firm voice. “I’d like to purchase a handgun and, if possible, get information on a license-to-carry class.”
The man’s eyes narrowed slightly as he nodded. “Okay. Have you ever used a handgun before?”
“No, sir.”
“So, will this gun be for protection or for target practice or for something else?” He leaned both hands on the counter as she stood in front of him.
His gaze was intense, and she looked down. “For protection.”
“Okay. Let me see your hands.”
She held them up for his inspection.
“They’re not too small, and it looks like they’ve got some strength to them. I have something that I think’ll work well for you. Come on over here.” When he reached the end of the counter he said, “I’m Randy, by the way. I own this place.”
She gave him a quick smile. “Natalie.”
Randy pulled out a handgun from the glass case and held it in front of her. “This is a SIG SAUER P365XL. It should fit your hand well. The recoil isn’t bad, either. It’s a good, dependable gun. You won’t be sorry you bought it.”
She took it. It was weighty but not too heavy. And Randy was right. It fit her hand well. “Is there a shooting range I can practice at around here?”
He took out a flyer and gave it to her. “Tell Rex that Randy sent you. He’ll treat you right.”
“I’ll take it and a box of bullets.”
“How about I give you a box of target bullets and some bullets that will work for self-defense? Target bullets don’t have much stopping power but they’re cheaper.”
“Actually, that’d be perfect.”
“Okay. And would you like a holster with that? A lot of people like a belt holster.”
“Yes, that would be great.”
Randy walked back to the center of the counter and reached up to the wall behind him, taking down a nylon holster and putting it with the gun box and the boxes of ammunition. “Before I forget, let me give you this.” He reached around the register and came up with another flyer. “Here’s your license-to-carry class. Jackson’s a great guy. He’ll teach you everything you need to know. The next class is in two days.”
She took the paper, filled with enthusiasm. Everything was falling into place. “Do I need to go to the shooting range before I take the class?”
“Not necessarily. In fact, since you’ve never shot before, I’d say no. Let Jackson show you the ropes first.”
“I need you to fill out this paperwork and initial and sign where I’ve checked it off for you. Then I have to run you through a database before I can sell you the gun. It doesn’t take long, though. Why don’t you look around while I do that?”
