Damned Sinner, page 11
part #1 of Jayne Series
“He was a drunk, and he resented all of us. My mom was young when they met—pretty—and I don’t think he figured us in that much. We were a burden, and then he found himself stuck with us.”
“That’s terrible,” she said sympathetically. “So he was abusive when he drank?”
I snorted. “He didn’t need to drink to be abusive. He was just a miserable son of a bitch. He was an asshole no matter what. The liquor just made it worse.”
I had the urge to touch the faded silver scar above my eye; a scar I’d had to look at every day in the mirror for twenty-five years. That was the first time I caught him cheating on my mom, but it was definitely not the last.
“My mom was only twenty-one when she married him. She was only a teenager when she had me, and from what she always told me, my father hadn’t been a walk in the park either. She stayed with him, though, because she had nowhere else to go, and then my sister came. He left her before she was born.”
She reached up and touched my cheek with a sad look in her eyes. The pity I found there was the very reason I never told anyone anything about my past. I didn’t like it, or need it.
I moved, sitting up in bed, and sat against the headboard. I needed a little space from her. As good as she felt in my arms, her eyes did things to me, and I couldn’t stand the weakness in my head.
“I didn’t even know you had a sister. Where is she now?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
She looked puzzled and sat up on her knees so she could see my face. I wanted to push her back against the mattress, pin her down, and hold my hand over her mouth. She’d finally found a way to cure the constant erection she’d created with her damn questions. At that point, I was so flaccid I wasn’t sure the old boy would ever work again.
“Haven’t you tried to find her? Get in touch with her? What’s her name?”
I’d finally had it. Talking about my family was like pulling the key from a grenade. I sprung across the bed and got on top of her, pressing my lips against hers and thrusting my tongue in her mouth to shut her up. Twenty questions was over.
I kissed her until we were both breathless, and the worries I had only seconds before about the virility of my dick disappeared. I pulled away from her, and before I could change my mind or she opened her mouth, I flipped her over.
“Get that ass in the air. I’m done talking.”
She moaned, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Gripping her hips, I pulled her backward and shoved her head down into the pillow with the flat of my hand. My jaw clenched and my back tensed when I looked at the sight in front of me. Her skin almost glowed in the dark of the room, as pale as pearls and soft as silk. I ran a hand over her back and down over the small globes of her ass.
“Grab a hold of the sheets, baby. I’m going to make sure the only thing you have left to say is my goddamned name.”
I reared back and slammed into her with a force I didn’t even know I possessed. I didn’t stop to give her time to adjust before I pounded into her again and again, harder and deeper with each snap of my hips. Her body jerked with the intensity. I wanted her to hurt, to feel my cock every day for the following week, and to remember the way I fucked her every time her back ached.
I reached forward and wrapped her long blonde hair around my fist and pulled, bringing her face up to mine. Her eyes were closed, her mouth open in a state of awe, and I took the opportunity to kiss her again. I couldn’t get enough of that mouth—as long as it was quiet.
“”You’re under my skin,” I said when I let go of her mouth. “I think about you too much. I’ve thought about you—and this—for too long. Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
She tightened around me and dropped her head, but I brought her back up to face me with a jerk of her hair.
“You know, don’t you? You like distracting me?”
She let out a slow moan and pushed back against my pelvis. I pivoted my hips and pushed further into her and then pulled out slowly, slamming back into her with more vigor.
I was close, but I wasn’t ready to stop. The first time, I’d wrapped it up, but this time I was bare. My eyes nearly crossed thinking about the way she felt skin on skin.
“You’re still on the pill?”
Her head was still down, and she nodded awkwardly, my hand still knitted in her hair. I sighed in relief and reached underneath her rubbed her clit rapidly.
“Come on, baby girl. I’m almost there. I want to feel you come.”
She was getting there. I pinched the small bud between my fingers with just enough pressure and felt her flutter around me and then tighten, almost too fucking tight.
That was all it took. I grabbed onto her hips, holding them still as I pumped twice more before letting go, blasting inside of her with the most powerful orgasm I’d ever had.
My bell had officially been rung. My brain thrummed inside my skull and bright lights flashed behind my eyes. I let go of her, letting her fall flat and jumped off the bed, standing back to look at her.
The evidence of my orgasm coated her lips and the inside of her thighs. The sight of it made my legs shake. I stood for a few moments, watching her body heave with panting breaths, and then walked over to the bathroom to grab a cloth.
When I walked back in, she’d turned over and covered herself with the sheet. She smiled shyly, and I returned the smile, but mine was much more sinister. I’d had her twice, but I wasn’t done. The charm was broken, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get enough.
“C’mere,” I told her, lifting the sheet.
She started to protest when she saw the wet cloth, but I shook my head. Her modesty had no place between us, but I was beginning to notice that it was part of her, that timid little post-coital self-conscious thing she was doing.
I kept my eyes on her while I wiped her clean, and then tossed the cloth on the other side of the room. Reaching forward, I brushed my finger over her cheek and smiled.
“Was that okay?” I asked. “What I did?”
Her eyes sparkled and she ducked her head, nodding. “It was more than okay.”
I chuckled. “Good to hear. No, what I mean... I didn’t use anything. I got carried away.”
I hadn’t gotten ‘carried away’ since I was fifteen years old. It was my first time, and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I didn’t have any condoms, didn’t think I’d need them at the time, and the girl didn’t either. Thankfully, my swimmers hadn’t made shore that night.
The memory made me shudder.
She sat up, causing the sheet to drop away and expose her breasts. Impulsively, I ran my thumb over her soft pink nipple and watched as it hardened under my touch.
“I’m still on the pill. Jayne made sure of it,” she said with a soft snort of laughter. “My mother never even talked to me about safe sex, but the hooker was sure to do it.”
I smiled at her. “She loves you, you know?”
She nodded. “I do know. She cares about me more than my own family. How fucked up is that?”
I frowned. “Why did you come back here? What happened after I dropped you off?”
That day was still a very dark spot in my memory. Being what—and who—I was, I couldn’t exactly walk her to the door. I dropped her off at a bus station, and she called her parents. They showed up about an hour later, and that was that. From that point on, I watched her from afar for as long as I could. And then I’d left, assuming she was transitioning back into her life just fine.
“They are so messed up about Kristine. They hate her—she’s an embarrassment. They knew she was a prostitute because the cops went to see them when her name came up in their investigations and her disappearance, so they think she ran off with some guy... they have no clue. I didn’t want to make it worse, so I made up a story. They bought it, but they were just so angry. They were just as angry with me for running off to find her.”
I nodded. I could imagine they’d be distraught. Both of their daughters were in grave danger, not that they knew it, but as far as they knew for months, they’d both disappeared.
“They were just worried.”
I didn’t know what I was talking about, but it sounded good. I just wanted her to stop feeling guilty.
“They weren’t worried about us; they were worried about how things looked. That’s how they are. They were pissed because I fucked college off to go to Vegas...” She lowered her head and then snapped her eyes back up to meet mine. “I stole my college fund money to get to Vegas. Well, some of it.”
My eyes widened. “Yeah, I think I’d be pissed off, too.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want to go to that school anyway. I wanted to go to school in California—Berkeley. My father wouldn’t allow it.”
I shrugged. I had no idea. “What did you do when they confronted them?”
Her lips pursed. “I told them I was going back as soon as I could... that I’d fallen in love.” The last word fell from her lips in a whisper, and I could see her cheeks darken with blush. “My dad took away my phone, my car, and my bank account. He’s a controlling bastard, and I was done with that bullshit. I got a job, and I saved up some money. Then, he said if I didn’t enroll for the coming semester, he was kicking me out. I flat-out told him I wasn’t, and he told me to leave. I called Jayne that night, and she sent me the money to get to Nevada.”
Everything was starting to make a lot of sense. It wasn’t only me she was a sassy pain in the ass with—she was just an overall little bitch.
“Your dad wanted a future for you. You could have been grateful.”
She let out a very unladylike laugh. “Grateful? He wanted to control everything I did. He didn’t want me to go to college for my own good, otherwise he would have let me go to school where I wanted to go and let me do what I wanted to do. No... he wanted to tell all his friends his daughter was at Vanderbilt; becoming a lawyer just like him.”
“So...” I said slowly. “Wait a minute, didn’t you tell me you wanted to be a lawyer?”
She shook her head. “No... I mean, yes I told you that, but no. I don’t want to be a lawyer. That’s just what they’d drilled into my head since I was old enough to speak. They did the same to Kristine, and look what happened to her. I wanted to be a nurse. My parents were appalled.”
That seemed crazy. “What’s wrong with being a nurse?” I asked. It seemed to be a pretty reasonable and good career. Maybe she was on to something with her parents.
“Nothing’s wrong with it. It’s hard to explain. My dad is just a dick. He gets something in his head, and he’s stubborn. There’s no telling him otherwise.”
I raised my eyebrows and smiled. “Sounds like you take after your dad.”
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe so, but I’m not a judgmental asshole, and he is.”
I chuckled and pulled her closer. “Calm down, toughie. I didn’t mean anything by it. You are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met—and I know Janie.”
We fell quiet again, and I hoped to God the interrogation was over. I wasn’t that lucky.
“Is that why you went to prison?”
I clenched my eyes closed and grunted indignantly. “No. Just drop it, Kelsey. I’m not talking about this anymore.”
She huffed. “Fine. Goodnight.”
I wrapped my arm tighter around her and drew her head down against my heart.
“It wasn’t self-defense, Kelsey. I killed him, and he was defenseless. That’s not the way the cops saw it. They came in, saw the bruises on me, my mom, and my sister, and they wrote it out as self-defense. I was a minor, so that was that.”
Her breath hitched, and I felt the tightly wound strings inside me unravel some more. She’d taken the step into my lair, and it was time she had the whole story. I owed her that much. I’d let her hang for long enough.
“I went to juvie for holding up a gas station with a knife. There was this neighbor... he was older, and a real prick. We were broke—really broke—and we were hungry. He always had cash on him, you know? So I followed his lead and did what he asked me to. I held the fucking place up, walked outside, and they were gone. I started walking back toward town, and the cops picked me up off the road. I was still carrying the fucking knife,” I said with a sardonic laugh. “Idiot.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
I kissed the back of her head and gave her a squeeze. “Don’t be sorry. I learned my lesson, baby.”
After a few minutes, I could feel her breathing start to slow down, and then finally, the soft sound of sleep took over.
****
Dear Vince,
I meant what I said last night. I love you—more than anything.
I love you enough to walk away and let you go.
I was selfish. I knew last night was our moment. I also knew it would be the only one for us.
I took it anyway, and I’ll keep it always.
Love,
Kelsey.
My hand shook as I read the curly script of her handwriting, and I let it float to the floor ungracefully.
I’d stayed awake most of the night, thinking and planning. Throughout our time in that room, my emotions had run the gamut. By the time my eyes fell shut, I had a plan in place. I knew what I wanted. Her. I wanted her—any way I could, no matter what. I was ready to figure it out and make it work.
And the bitch walked out on me.
I closed my fist and crumpled the crisp white envelope her soul-sucking letter was in and fired it across the room. Grief gave way to anger, and rage took over both.
“Fuck!”
I jumped out of bed, ready to find her and drag her back by her throat. I didn’t take well to people betraying me, and she’d gone and done it in the worst way possible. Breaking down my walls, teasing me with her bullshit, and making me believe that she was being honest. I was furious, and she would pay for it. I’d threatened to tie her up before, and when I got my hands on her, I was going to wrap the biggest, thickest steel chains around her tiny little lying wrists so I could make sure she never did it again.
“Fucking bitch!”
I wasn’t sure what kind of game she thought she was playing, but little girl had wound me up one time too many, and my string had finally snapped.
I stomped through the suite in search of her, slamming doors open and shut with enough force to knock the place down.
“Kelsey!”
I yelled for her several more times, knowing my screams were falling mutely in the empty room. She was long gone—where, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that she was gone, and I was fucking pissed.
I picked up the closest thing I could find and tossed it across the room, shattering it into a million pieces. Next was the end table, then the coffee table, the lamps and the vases and the crystal bowls full of fucking nothing. I kicked over every piece of furniture left standing and then went back to the room to find my pants.
I walked back through the shambles and destruction, thinking how ironic it all was. She wanted to push me, well... she got what she wanted—and more.
I wasn’t some broken-down little boy she could kiss and make better. I was a minefield and she’d stepped on every target in my heart.
I gathered up my shit, pulled my pants up my legs, threw my shirt on, and headed over to Flynn’s suite to see if he’d heard from her. Taking one last look at the room, I shook my head. Jayne was going to kick my ass.
It was still early, not even six in the morning, and Flynn was going to flip his shit. I didn’t care. I needed answers.
I reached into my back pocket and realized I’d left the damn card... somewhere. “Fuck!”
I took a deep breath and steeled myself to wake up the cranky fuck. It was the last thing I needed.
I knocked a few times and stood back and waited. It didn’t take him long to answer, and when he came to the door, he was fully dressed.
“What are you doing up this early?”
He raised an eyebrow at me, letting his gaze take in my disheveled appearance. “I could ask you the same thing.”
I glared and charged past him. “Have you heard from Kelsey? Is she here?”
The door clicked closed, and I heard his footsteps behind me as I took in the room.
“She’s not here,” he said.
I turned and narrowed my eyes. “But she was?”
He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. “She came by and told me she needed a few days off. She was going out of town with some friends. What the fuck happened?”
I swung at the wall with my fist, pushing it straight through the plaster. “She’s a lying cunt!”
My blood was boiling. All I could think to do was damage. I pulled my arm back to fire another fist through the wall, but Flynn yanked it back behind my back and slammed me against it.
“I’ll warn you one time. You do that again, and I’ll fucking hurt you.”
I shrugged out of his grasp and walked away so I could get some room. “You just took that bullshit excuse from her? When did she come? Last night? This morning? You didn’t think that was kind of strange?”
He shook his head slowly. “Didn’t we have this discussion before? I’m not her damn father. I’m her employer, and I’m her friend. She came by last night around midnight and asked for some time off to go to the river with some of the girls she works with. Was I supposed to question that?”
He looked pissed, and I didn’t blame him. I’d never been one for drama—ever. I handled my shit, always. That was before I started dealing with little girls with wild ideas about dangerous men.
“She didn’t say anything else? Has she talked to Jayne?”
“Why don’t you tell me what happened. Sit.”
My fists were clenched at my side, but I decided the only way to get to the bottom of the situation was to get his help.
I sat on the couch, dropped my head in my hands, and rested my elbows on my knees.
“I slept with her.”
He snorted. “That bad, eh?”
“Fuck you, asshole. No... it was... she played me.”
I looked up at him and glared. “This isn’t the time for jabs.”
