Love and Lies (Small Town Secrets Book 1), page 16
“God, you are so fucking hot.”
Only because Scott had gotten me there. He slid his right hand down my belly toward my pussy. Within seconds, I felt his fingers on my clitoris, already swollen, already primed to deliver a mind-blowing orgasm. He swirled his fingers around as my breath grew jagged. I wanted to turn around and demand that he fuck me properly, but his fingers felt too right, and I didn’t want him to stop. “Oh…” My vocal cords gave me away as my body built up to a climax and my fingers clenched against his head as I hit the top. I moaned and breathed his name as wave after wave washed over me, making me feel whole.
But I wanted more, so much more. As I regained my senses, I placed my hands on the tiles in front of me below the showerhead. Turning my head so I could make eye contact, I breathed, “Fuck me, Scott.”
His eyes were dark and primal, leaving no doubt that he wanted me, too. But he was hesitant. “Not here. I don’t have a condom.”
He didn’t have to worry about that, but I wasn’t going to go into any explanations right here, not when I just wanted him to take me. I thrust my ass out backwards, bending over farther, placing my hand on my hip before sliding my fingertips down my ass cheek. “Please, Scott, it’s okay. If you’re worried, just…just pull out when you come, okay?”
He was torn. I knew somewhere inside my head what a stupid idea it was, but I wasn’t worried about getting pregnant. I rationalized it, planning to explain it all later. And, even though we hadn’t had any discussions on the state of our sexual health, I’d seen his package enough to know everything looked okay…and I knew I was fine. So I let my stupid animal take over, the one that wanted to feel him inside me again now, and I used that against him. With my eyes, I begged him, and my body enticed him, pushed back, spread for him. I saw in his eyes the split second when he decided he did want to have me right then and there, consequences be damned.
Sliding his hands from my waist to grab my hips, he pulled me close and maneuvered himself inside. I cried out as he filled me up. “Yes…” In a matter of seconds, my orgasm took up where it had left off and I moaned again, my fingers curling against the wet tile as he pummeled into me, one delicious blow at a time. “Mmm, God.” After the longest time, I felt myself coming down off my high, and Scott pulled out before pulling me against his body. I felt his cock on me as it throbbed several times, releasing his seed against my lower back. One of his hands held my arm, but his other arm wrapped around my waist, and in that moment, I felt as though I belonged to him fully. I was his and he was mine, and something in me told me he felt the same way.
Oh, God. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.
I had officially, fully and completely, fallen in love—and the gentle, sweet kiss we shared as warm water continued dropping on us sealed the deal.
Chapter Eighteen
Unlike when I’d spent the night at Scott’s, he wasn’t going to bail on me, and I knew that almost immediately. We went to my bedroom and he drifted off to sleep as I rested my head against his chest. Even had he wanted to leave, I wouldn’t be cold enough to let him walk the couple of miles between our homes.
And, since I’d allowed myself to fall in love with him completely, he might as well stay.
We both fell asleep in that position, but it wasn’t long before I woke up again. I wasn’t used to sharing my bed. After readjusting and then my brain deciding it wanted to mull over events, I got up so I wouldn’t disturb his sleep.
Once I’d enjoyed a cigarette on the back porch, I came back in and started turning off lights, heading back to bed. But before switching off the light in the studio, I walked in to look at the drawing I’d started—which was nothing more than an outline.
But now I was inspired.
First, I picked up Scott’s shirt from his chair, holding it to my face. I could smell him, and it made me feel like the gods of creativity would shine down on me. I slid off my nightshirt and put his shirt on instead so I could imagine him still holding me. Then I sat down, taking my pencil in hand to start drawing Scott from memory. His face was emblazoned in my head, so I knew I could do it.
I worked for some time to get the details just right…the twinkle in his eye you could see from yards away, the curvature of his sexy jaw, his pecs and abs that I could now recreate from sense memory after feeling them earlier.
The drawing wasn’t perfect, though.
So I shut off the light and made my way to the bedroom where a lamp still blazed on the nightstand. I sat quietly on the edge of the bed and honed the details on the picture, seeing on the real man what I could fix to make the drawing more lifelike, tweaking the shading and slightly changing lines.
Try as I might, I wasn’t completely satisfied with it, no matter what I did, and I realized it would never be as perfect as Scott. By the time I decided I was done, I was sleepy. I propped up the drawing on my dresser so he could see it in the morning. Then I sat on the bed and looked down at him. He’d rolled onto his side, and I gazed at his back, running my fingers over the smooth, muscular skin. This was one place where he didn’t have any tattoos.
Crawling under the covers next to him, I wrapped my arm over his side, nuzzling the back of his neck. I quickly drifted off to sleep, content and, like it or not, completely in love.
I woke up early, and that feeling hadn’t faded throughout the night. Scott was still sound asleep but he’d since rolled over on his other side so I could face him. The stubble on his chin and cheeks made him irresistible, but I decided not to rouse him. He was breathing softly and looked at peace, not his normal expression, so I didn’t want to ruin that.
I could have lain there for hours staring at him, but a rare sensation overtook me. I was hungry. That was odd. But I wasn’t going to deny myself, not this morning.
First things first, though. I made a pot of coffee and then looked around the kitchen. I didn’t have much to make breakfast with. Being single again, I didn’t keep much around. I had half a loaf of bread in the freezer, butter, a few eggs, and two cans of peaches in the cabinet. I opened the cans of peaches and ate two slices to quell my grumbling stomach before pouring the rest in a big bowl and setting it on the table, planning to make the eggs and toast once Scott woke up.
When I peeked in my bedroom and saw that Scott was still sleeping, I decided to take a quick shower. Then I got out and dried off before slicking on a sweet-smelling lotion and combing out my hair. When I slid Scott’s shirt on this time, his scent seemed even stronger. It made me want to fuck him again…or hold him close. I went to my room and slid on a pair of panties fetched from my dresser.
I took a cup of coffee outside and enjoyed another cigarette, appreciating what an absolutely beautiful day it was already. The sun was shining and there were no clouds in the sky. It was warm with barely a breeze. Sucking down a deep breath, I felt happy just to be alive.
I’d just about finished my cigarette when I heard Scott. “Casey?”
“Be right there.” When I entered the kitchen, I had another gorgeous view to gaze upon. Scott wore his jeans, but his bare sculpted chest looked more like breakfast than what I’d had in mind earlier.
“Morning.” As he walked across the room, confidence in his stride, he raised his eyebrows as his eyes flashed with amusement. “That’s where that went.” I looked down at his shirt and giggled. “Now what am I supposed to wear home?”
I raised my eyebrows as he wrapped his arms around me. “A smile?” He swatted my bottom and kissed the tip of my nose. “Want some coffee?”
“Yeah.”
I left his embrace and poured him a cup. When I handed it to him, I said, “Have a seat. You like eggs, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Scrambled okay?”
“Sure.”
“Good. I can’t mess those up.” I put two slices of bread in the toaster and set the only skillet I owned on the stove. Once I turned on the heat, I put a pat of butter inside to melt.
Scott joined me at the stove. “Want any help?”
“No, I got it.”
“I saw you finished that drawing. That was fucking cool, Casey. Did you even sleep last night?”
I shrugged. “Enough. You can have it, by the way. Remember, I lost the bet.”
“The picture?” I nodded. “Why don’t you keep it? That’d be kinda creepy, framing a picture of myself and hanging it in my house. Kind of…egomaniacal, right?”
I laughed. “Don’t you like it?”
“No, I do…but I think you’d appreciate it more.”
I didn’t disagree. We were quiet for a few moments while I swirled the melting butter with a spatula, but Scott finally spoke. “So, uh, there’s something we need to talk about.”
I didn’t much like the sound of that, even though his words didn’t sound ominous. So I looked up from the egg in my hand. “What’s that?”
“Are you on the pill?”
I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until I let it go. “When it comes to protection, shouldn’t we be worried more about swapping diseases than accidental pregnancy?”
“Why? Is there something you need to tell me?”
I couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped my lips. “No, no. I’m clean.” Turning to the cabinet, I took out a bowl and broke the egg in it before returning to the stove. “Did you have something else to share with me that I should worry about?”
He laughed, too, even while I could feel the heavy blanket of discomfort smothering us. But he had the right idea. We did need to talk about these things—and, once we did, it would be easier. He looked ready to squirm, though. This was a side of Scott I’d never seen before. This strong, confident guy was nervous. There was something sweet and endearing about that. Clearing his throat, he stared into the cup of coffee in his hand. “No, nothing like that—which is why I’m more worried about the other issue—the nine-month kind of present I could have given you. Or would that be eighteen-plus years? The gift that keeps on giving?”
A too-loud laugh tumbled out of my mouth, underscoring my anxiety, but then I allowed the gravity of the conversation to overtake me. I held another egg in my hand and cracked it, because I couldn’t bring myself to look Scott in the eye. “You don’t have to worry about that. It’s okay.”
I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. “So you’re on the pill?”
“Well, no, not exactly…” I hesitated, drawing in a deep breath. This was a painful subject for me, but if I really cared about him like I thought I did, it was time to tell him. My voice was quiet when I prepared to tell him something that just might be a deal breaker for a guy like him. “I can’t have children.” And, right after I’d said it, I remembered the conversation I’d overheard between Wendy and another waitress just a few weeks earlier, about how great Scott was with kids and babies… I felt my gut clench, preparing for his response. Fuck. It felt too soon to have this conversation. But it was my fault, I guessed.
I forced myself to look in his eyes. There was a pained expression on his face, but I couldn’t really tell how he felt. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head as the bread popped out of the toaster. Then I took the slices and laid them on a plate before putting one more slice in. “Don’t be. I’m sure it can be taken care of when I’m ready. The things doctors can figure out and fix these days are amazing.” I started buttering the toast. “I’m just not ready.”
“So you don’t know for sure?”
“It’s a long story. Sure you wanna hear it?”
He stroked my cheek, causing me to look in his eyes. “Of course.” Maybe my secret wasn’t a deal breaker.
So, while I finished scrambling the eggs, I started letting it all out. “You know I just got divorced earlier this year, right?”
“Yeah, you told me that.”
“Well, a couple of years before my ex and I called it quits, we tried and tried to get me pregnant. I’m really glad now it didn’t work. But after all that trying and nothing happening, Barry went to the doctor and had a couple of tests done. We found out very quickly that he wasn’t the problem. So I went to the gynecologist. My heart wasn’t in it by that point, but I went anyway. She told me about all the factors involved and did some routine exams, told me all about different things we could try, including in vitro fertilization—”
“In vitro. Test-tube babies, right?”
“Right. Well, the way she talked, it sounded painful and…scary. She also said that because I’d been on the pill for so long, that could have been why I couldn’t get pregnant. You know, it wasn’t all out of my system or something…like my body had forgotten how to be fertile.”
“Wait a sec. Didn’t you say you’re younger than me?”
“Yeah. I’m twenty-five.”
His brow wrinkled. “How long had you been on the pill?”
Jesus, could this conversation become any more uncomfortable? “About ten years, give or take.”
He took a swig of his coffee and I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept mine on the eggs in the skillet. “So she thought it could have been from taking birth control?”
“Well, she said that almost never happened, but I could be that one woman out of a hundred who experienced those kinds of problems. But, she said, that was unlikely. It was more likely something else.”
“Like what?”
I sighed. “Like a problem with my body.” Turning off the burner, I buttered the last slice of toast. “I didn’t think it was because of the pill. I felt…dead inside. I’d always thought I wanted children someday, but I realized, after all the bullshit—you know, with Barry, and with all the stupid tests they’d already run on me—I didn’t want kids with him.” I pulled the skillet off the burner so the eggs wouldn’t overcook, but I still didn’t want to look at Scott in the eyes yet. We were in sensitive territory. “Maybe I can have kids someday. I don’t know. All I know is I’ve never gotten pregnant, even when I’ve tried. Even when I’ve tried hard.” But talking about it with Scott made me realize that it was still stupid to fuck without a condom. What if the problem had been Barry? What if Barry really hadn’t been tested like he’d assured me? Or what if the tests hadn’t been accurate? I’d never gone through with some of the more invasive tests for one simple reason: What were the odds of getting pregnant now after trying as long as I had? I didn’t believe it was possible.
“So maybe you could someday if you wanted to?”
“Yeah, with the right doctor…and guy.” I looked up in his eyes. Holy shit. Was my brain thinking Scott really could be the one?
Rather than dwell on it, I scooped the eggs on two plates, giving Scott the majority. My appetite was gone again, but I’d try to eat a little. Keeping one piece of toast for myself, I gave him the other two before we sat at the table. I didn’t even put many peaches on my plate, but Scott loaded up. Before taking a bite, he said, “We should probably keep using condoms just to be safe, though—since your doctor never figured it out for sure.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. It’s a good habit.” And maybe I should look into getting on the pill, too. It wouldn’t hurt anything.
We were quiet for a while. The silence was good for me, but I wondered what he was thinking. Maybe this was the end, and I didn’t even know it yet.
Scott looked over at my plate. “Is that all you’re gonna eat?”
“Yeah, I’m not too hungry.” Since my appetite was already shot, it was maybe time to delve into another delicate topic. I felt so much better about Jim in relation to Scott and me, but I didn’t quite understand their relationship. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you and Jim been friends?”
Scott swallowed the bite in his mouth before answering. “A long time, Casey.” Sighing, he picked up his coffee cup. “I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but Jim’s more like a brother to me.”
My heart started beating a little faster, as if I were a rabbit being chased by a famished coyote. “You’re right. I can’t see it. I know it’s none of my business, but I’d love for you to explain it to me.”
Scott polished off the coffee in his mug. “Let’s just say…I didn’t have the best childhood. I had a mom who had a string of boyfriends she cared about more than she did me. And when I finally ran away, Child Protection was going to put me in a foster home—but Jim’s parents took me in. So he really is like a brother to me.”
Suddenly, I felt chilled on that warm day. Now I knew why Scott didn’t talk about his family—and I also realized that maybe, just maybe, my own mother wasn’t so bad. Overbearing, nosy, pushy—but she loved me. I knew that.
Poor Scott, though.
But I knew he wouldn’t want pity.
My voice was quiet as Scott got up to pour more coffee in his cup. “How long did you live with them?”
“For a couple of years.”
“Why didn’t you stay with David’s family?”
The lopsided grin on his face said so much as he returned to the table. “I think I sometimes scared my aunt. I had a pretty violent temper as a kid, and I was this size back when I was in high school. She didn’t think she could handle me if I got out of control. But she at least had me over for holidays and stuff.”
I felt bad that I’d asked but also touched that he’d shared that with me. Reaching over, I touched his hand. “I don’t ever want to come between you and Jim.”
“I know he’s too much sometimes—but he promised to behave.” Scott put down his fork and gazed at me. “He knows how much you mean to me.”
Goosebumps covered my arms and the hairs in my ears perked up. “What?”
“I said he knows how much you mean to me.”
The corners of my lips twitched. “I don’t think I know.”
“That’s because I’m not very good at showing it. Casey, I don’t even know how to describe how you make me feel—but I’m starting to wonder if I’d be able to breathe anymore without you around.”
