Pretty Nightmare (Creeping Beautiful Book 2), page 3
Then his eyes unlock with mine and slip down my chest. When they come up, he’s smiling at me and I’m instantly annoyed again. “What the fuck do you want? And why are you looking at me that way?”
“You look pretty good, McKay. For an old guy. I’ve been meaning to tell you that.”
I feel one eyebrow rise up into my forehead. “You called me in here to tell me I look good? And fuck you. I’m not old. Yet. I’m only thirty-five.”
“I was just fucking with you. No, but for real.” His eyes do that tracking thing again, slipping down, then back up. “I look pretty good too though, right? I mean, I don’t work out like you and Adam, it’s mostly genetics.”
I laugh. I can’t help myself. “You look like a strait-laced asshole, that’s what you look like. You don’t even drink beer so I’m kinda pissed off that you’re wasting that bottle right there. We both know you’re only drinking it to bond with me. Or something. Spit it out. What the fuck do you want?”
“I’m trying to tell you. You’re just not listening.”
“You’re trying to tell me what?”
He smiles at me. It’s a weird smile, a little bit creepy like his eyes, and a chill runs up my spine. Then he shrugs. “OK. Forget it. I’m just gonna come out with it because I don’t really know how to talk to you, McKay. And pretending to flirt with you—”
I laugh. Like, I’m talking a serious guffaw complete with a backward head throw and closed eyes as I pretend to look up at the ceiling.
“What? It’s not that funny.”
“I’m sorry.” And I’m still laughing. “Did you… did you just say you’re… flirting with me?”
“Laugh all you want, asshole. But she and I?” He points to himself and then towards the front door. “We’re gonna fuck tonight. Whether you want us to or not.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. We’ve been skirting around the rules a little for the past few weeks. But she’s tired of waiting for you to figure shit out with Adam, so”—he shrugs like this is all just out of his hands—“I’m gonna give you some friendly advice. As you Southerners say. Just kiss the man and get it over with.”
“Who?”
“Oh, please. You know who. Adam, for fuck’s sake.”
I laugh again. “Now, why the hell would I kiss Adam?”
“Because you two have been in love for as long as I’ve known you. And you can pretend you don’t feel that way, McKay. That’s fine. It’s your life.” He sighs. “But Indie’s not gonna let you get away with that special little relationship you two have had all these years anymore. She wants us all. At the same time. She made that very clear when she left me in here and went outside to send you in. So I’m just letting you know, I’m done skirting the rules. I’m fucking present. And I’m giving up a lot to be here. I don’t want to play by your rules anymore and neither does Indie.”
I actually do not know what to say to him. But turns out, I don’t have to say anything because he just keeps going.
“Look, we all know Adam has a thing for you. You know it, I know it, Indie knows it. And if one of us confronted him, he’d admit it. But you, McKay? You just push back. On everything. I don’t know why you do that, but I have fourteen years of schooling and that means I’ve earned the right to take an educated guess. And my guess is you hate change, McKay. You hate it. You’re all about a fucking routine. You get up at the same time every day. You make the same boring cup of coffee, you read the same bullshit news, and then you go out to the shed and you work on something. That’s your routine. And you’re gonna do this, without fail, until someone fucks up your good thing.”
I point at him. “Fuckin’ up my good thing is my example A. I don’t want people fuckin’ up my good thing. No one wants their good thing fucked up. It takes a long time to get a good thing, Donovan. It’s not a gallon of milk. It’s not something you just go pick up at the Pearl Springs Market when you run out.”
He grins and shakes his head at me. “That’s fear talking, McKay.”
“So what?” I throw up my hands. “I’ve never pretended to be fearless. I’ve never pretended to be anything. I do my fucking job, and I do it well. And so far, that’s worked out for me. It’s kept me alive, at least.”
“What are you talking about?”
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair as I turn away from him.
“OK.” Donovan sighs too. “I get it. I mean, it’s an educated guess. But I think I’ve established my credentials in educated guessing. We put a lot of responsibility on you.”
I look over my shoulder at him. “That’s not what I’m saying. I didn’t do any more than you did. Or Adam.”
“That’s not what I’m saying either. You were responsible for a little girl with a fucked-up mind.”
“So were you. And so was Adam.”
“But you were responsible for her in ways that we were not. So I get it, McKay. She is something to you that she is not to me.”
“She is something to you that she is not to me as well.”
“That’s fair. But if we were five years younger, I wouldn’t be here talking to you about this. I’d just take Indie the way I wanted her and say fuck you both. She and I have been together lots of times, McKay. We practically dated when she was nineteen.”
“When did you two really start?”
“When she was seventeen.”
“You’re an asshole, Donovan.”
“I was only twenty-two.”
“She was a kid.”
“She hasn’t been a kid for a very long time, McKay.”
“Neither have you.”
He sighs. “We’re not five years younger anymore. That good thing we had? It’s long gone, dude. And if you really wanted to keep your current good thing, the one you have right now with that metal art you’re doing?” He shrugs big with his hands and shoulders. “Then you’d have stayed in New Orleans.”
“I’m not staying in New Orleans when this place is my home.”
“Exactly.” He points at me. “We’re building a new good thing. That’s why you’re here. But that scares you. Adam’s love for you is scary, isn’t it? And now that I think about it, it’s not just Adam. It’s everything. You’re afraid of everything. You don’t take chances. Ever. You prepare for shit. You plan. You study all the possible outcomes, and then you choose one path. Just one. And you go rigid. You plant yourself on that path and you do not step out of bounds. If I had a dollar for every time I heard you tell Indie not to take chances on a job, to just follow the fucking plan, I’d be a very rich man.”
“You’re already a very rich man, dumbass.”
He sets his jaw, then kinda juts it out a little as he chews on his lip. His eyes are locked on mine. Not as creepy as usual, but there’s definitely something behind them. Then he lets out a long breath and slowly starts to walk around the island.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask.
He shakes his head at me and smiles. “I’m gonna show you that this new good thing we’re building here, it’s not gonna kill you.”
I don’t move. Just stand there as he makes his way around to my side of the island.
“So I’m gonna help you out a bit, OK?”
“What are you talking about?”
He reaches me. But he doesn’t stop. Just comes right up into my personal space. I put both my hands on his bare chest and push him back. It’s a hard push too, one that says I mean business. And Donovan might be all muscle, but he’s lean, and I’ve got at least thirty pounds on him. So he takes that step back.
“We’re gonna kiss.”
“We are not.” I laugh.
“We are. Think of it as practice.”
“Donovan—”
“McKay? Shut the fuck up. I’m just gonna kiss you and we’re gonna get it over with. OK? That way you’re prepared. And when you go to kiss Adam—”
“I’m not kissing Adam. I’m not doing anything with Adam.”
“When you go to kiss Adam, it’ll be part of the plan. And then you don’t have to be afraid.”
I pause and look at him. “Are you… into dudes?”
He shrugs. “Whatever. You’re not just any dude. And look, one day, pretty fucking soon—like tonight maybe—you and I are gonna be in a heated moment with Adam and Indie. She wants it, McKay. Adam wants it. I want it. It’s going to happen. So I’m gonna kiss you eventually. And you’re gonna kiss me. And I’m gonna touch you. And—”
I guffaw again. I cannot believe I’m having this conversation.
Donovan reaches for my cock.
I stop laughing and push him back.
“Too soon?” He grins. “Noted. But you need to get over this. Because your only other option, McKay? Is to walk out. Like you did the day of Indie’s twentieth birthday. But if you do, you should know that Adam won’t come after you again. He’s in a different place now. We all see it. He’s got a new good thing and her name is Maggie. And I’m sure he wants you to be here for it—but if you walk away this time?” Donovan shakes his head. “He’ll let you go. You two have been in a relationship for nearly three decades. He’s been patient. He’s respected you and your beliefs. He did his part and now it’s time for you to do yours. Or just move the fuck on. Because Indie doesn’t belong to you. She belongs to us.”
I blow out a long breath of air filled with words I was gonna say back, but can’t.
Because he’s right. Everything he fucking said was right. I love Adam. I don’t know if I’m in love with Adam. It might be more along the lines of infatuation. But I can’t deny that he and I have something between us. And it wouldn’t be very hard to turn it into more.
When I don’t say anything, Donovan takes another step towards me.
Then his hands are on my face. His fingers thread up into my hair and he leans forward.
And then he kisses me.
CHAPTER THREE - ADAM
Indie gets up from the couch and lingers in the middle of the outdoor living room for a few moments like she’s waiting for me to notice her.
“Something on your mind, Indie?”
She walks over to me and sits on my stomach. I laugh. Then give her a shove to make her get up.
She doesn’t though. She lies down on me, resting her cheek on my chest. I put my hands behind my head because I suddenly don’t know what to do with them and she’s always had a talent for making me nervous. “What’s going on?”
“Hm. Just thinking about stuff.”
“Sounds dangerous.”
“It’s not.” She lifts her head up just a little and smiles. “I have to tell you something.”
“OK.”
She sighs. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t need to ask about what. I know what. “That was a long time ago.”
“That’s not the point. And that’s not even what I mean. I am sorry, Adam. But here’s the part I never told you. I never told anyone. But. I don’t remember it. Time skipped, or something. I can’t explain it, or prove it, and I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t remember hitting you with that candlestick. It’s just… one minute I was standing there watching you—” She stops.
“Watching me beat the fuck out of Nathan?”
“Yeah.” She breathes out. “And then the next thing I knew you were on the ground with a huge gash in your head. Blood was spilling out all over the place and I was holding a candlestick. I don’t know how it happened. And I tried to tell this to you that one summer we spent all our time gardening. Remember?”
“Of course I remember. I’m the one who told you to plant those damn daphne bushes.”
“Yeah.” She inhales deeply, then lets it out slowly. “I don’t like to think about it.”
“Me either. So we don’t need to talk about it. I know you didn’t mean to kill me.”
“I don’t know how you can even think that, Adam. Because I tried to kill you again just a few years later. And…” She stops again.
“Indie,” I say, bringing my hands down so I can place them on her shoulders. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is.”
I shake her a little. “Listen to me, OK? Because this is important. It’s not your fault, kid. It’s just not. They did things to you, Indie. Terrible, evil things. And they fucked you up long before you showed up in that auction. And by that time, there was nothing any of us could’ve done to change it.”
Her face falls into a deep frown. “Oh.” She sounds sad.
“OK, wait. Let me say that again, in a different way. Because that’s not really what I meant. They did things to you. They changed you. And then McKay, and Donovan, and I did our best to… take it back and make it right.”
“It just wasn’t good enough, was it?”
I lift my head up a little to see her better. “It was good enough. We’re still here, right?”
“Yeah.” She doesn’t sound convinced.
“We changed you back a little. You’re much better now, Indie. You learned a lot of truth over the past few months and you’re dealing with it really well.”
She nods and sinks a little deeper into my chest.
I want to hug her. I want to hold her and tell her everything’s gonna be OK. But she scares me.
And it’s not about how dangerous she is. Or if she’ll snap one day and succeed in killing me. All of us, really. It’s just we’re really, really far away from being OK.
“Do you love Maggie more than me?”
I laugh. “Why the hell would you ask me that?”
“Because you act like she’s yours.”
“You’re mine too.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
She takes yet another deep breath. “I don’t know. It just is. The two of you are a team. Everyone sees it.”
“Yeah. We are. And I’m real sorry about that, kid. Because I didn’t take her away on purpose. I just didn’t know what to do once I knew she was gonna recover. McKay thinks I just up and left, but that’s not how it happened. I didn’t have a phone, or my wallet, or anything. I was still a little fucked up from the drugs. And I was worried. I was very fucking worried. I wasn’t thinking about anyone but Maggie. And the day just slipped by without me noticing. Then suddenly it was two days later, and Maggie was out of danger, and I needed to go home. But I didn’t come here. I went to the house in the French Quarter. I didn’t know what to do. My head had cleared and I didn’t know you were gone. If I had known you were gone, I’d have come back for McKay and then Donovan would’ve eventually shown back up too. And we’d have figured shit out differently.”
“But that’s not how it went.”
“No. That’s not how it went. So I just… took her. I didn’t know what to do. I just thought it was better if we hid out. So that’s what we did.”
“Hid out.” She sighs. “From me.”
I want to take that back and make her feel better about it. But it’s true. We were hiding from her.
“It wasn’t just you I was hiding from, Indie Anna. I didn’t know Carter was behind that day. Not right away. I had a list of people it could’ve been.”
“A whole list?” She looks up at me.
“It was a short list. Carter wasn’t even on it. It took a while for his name to come up. But I run hundreds of dangerous men, Indie. It’s not a big leap to figure one of them was trying to take me out.”
She’s quiet for a little bit. And I get a little lost in the past, thinking back on those first days. “I was trying to make sense of things, Indie. I was wishing so hard that my father was still around. And then, out of nowhere, it hit me that I had killed him.”
“You didn’t kill him. I’m pretty sure that was Sasha Cherlin.”
“Maybe she did do it. Or someone she was with did it. But I helped her get to that Company resort in Santa Barbara. I put her there. And I only did that for one reason and that was so she could… clean it all up. Do the dirty work. I feel a lot more shame about that than I do about my father dying.”
Indie turns her head so she can meet my eyes. “You do?”
I nod. “I do. I don’t like who I am most of the time.”
She pushes herself up now, bracing her hands flat on my chest so she can look me in the eyes properly. “You’re not a bad guy.”
“Says you.”
“You’re not. You saved my life so many times.”
“I used you.”
“You saved me. You saved me from that snake.”
“Shit. There were half a dozen men from all around the world trying to outbid me that night. You were never in any danger from that snake.”
“Yeah, but who were they, Adam? Who were all those people who wanted to buy me?”
“I don’t know. They were calling in bids. They weren’t there in person.”
“They would’ve used me differently, Adam. We both know that. So no. I’m not gonna hate you. Not for any of it. You did save me. It took me a really long time to understand that, but I do now.”
“All right. I’m not gonna fight you over that. I know when to pick and choose my battles.”
She grins at me and then settles back down on my chest.
This time I hug her. And she slips her hands under my arms until I can feel the tips of her fingers pressing against my shoulder blades.
She sighs. “What do you think they did to me? Before I came here?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea who had you before the island. And I’ve looked, girl. I’ve looked pretty hard. There’s no record of you.”
“Do you think Donovan’s grandfather knew?”
“Yes. One hundred fucking percent.”
“Do you think Donovan knows?”
“He better not. I’ll kill that fucker with my bare hands if I find out he’s been keeping that secret.”
“But wouldn’t he have gotten all the files when he inherited the estate?”
I know the answer to this. It’s always bothered me too. But I don’t want Indie thinking about the past. I just want her focused on the future. So I change the subject. “What did Donovan want with McKay?”
“Oh.” She laughs a little, then squirms in my embrace and props her chin on my chest as she smiles at me. “He’s gonna flirt with him.”
