The Player, page 17
She made herself get going and Gray followed her inside the hospital. After kissing her grandmother on her cheek, Joy and Gray walked out together. He led the way over to a nondescript rental sedan.
As they pulled away from the complex, she said, “You know, it just dawned on me. I don’t know if I thanked you for what you did last night. You saved Grand-Em’s life. At the risk of your own.”
He shrugged. “There was no way I was going to let your grandmother die while you watched. Not when there was some way I could get to her.”
They were silent until they reached the ferry that would take them back to New York State.
“I thought you had to return to the city,” she said as they drove onto the boat’s flat deck.
“I do. I’m heading down as soon as I drop you off at my house.”
“Oh.” She knitted her fingers together in her lap. “It was generous of you to let my family stay with you last night. I promise we’ll find somewhere else to live as soon as we can.”
“The hell you will. And don’t start. I’ve already had this argument with your sister. She didn’t win it and neither will you. The house is empty and Libby loves taking care of people. You and your family will stay for however long it takes. Through the spring. I don’t care.”
As the ferry trudged across Lake Champlain, Joy looked out the car window at the water. The waves were dark and choppy, reflecting the fast-moving clouds overhead.
“Gray?” She glanced across at him. He was staring out the front windshield, at the opposite shore. His brows were together, his eyes unblinking.
“Yeah?”
“Am I ever going to see you again?” The question was out before she could stop it.
“Do you honestly want to?” he said softly.
Good question, she thought. And probably one she shouldn’t answer, at least not out loud. Because what had really changed between them?
She opened her mouth anyway. “After I saw you go into that fire last night, and the second explosion hit, I was convinced you were dead. I couldn’t breathe I hurt so much.”
When he didn’t answer, when his expression didn’t change, she turned away.
There was a long pause and then she heard him shifting in his seat. “Here. Take this.”
She looked back over to him. He was holding out a thin card. “What is it?”
“The key to my suite at the Waldorf. I talked with Cassandra this morning. She’s leaving for a couple of weeks so you won’t be able to stay with her when you come down to the city. I want you to use my place. I’m going to be in Washington for most of the next month.”
It was a logistical response, addressing nothing of what she’d been getting at, so she could only assume things really were over.
“That’s very kind of you,” she said stiffly, thinking there was no way in hell she was going to take him up on the offer. “But I can find—”
“You will stay with me when you’re in the city. It’s safer.”
She frowned at his dictatorial tone. “Gray, I’m not your responsibility.”
“I want to take care of you.”
“Why? I’m operating under the assumption that we ended things last night.”
He ignored the statement. “Two weeks from today I’m throwing a party in your honor at the Congress Club. Cass is contacting the fashion editors of Women’s Wear Daily, Vogue and the Times. They’ll all be coming. And she’s going to try and get back to the city in time for it, as well.”
Joy stared at him, dumbfounded. “Why are you—”
“I suggest you bring a number of your sketches so they can be posted in frames around the reception area. You will also address the crowd, so start thinking about your remarks. No more than six to eight minutes and I’ll look them over for you before the event, if you like.”
“Answer me, Gray,” she said sharply. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want to help you.”
“Why?”
“After the event, when you’re written up in the three publications, you’ll get a big response. You’re going to need to hire an assistant and get a New York phone number, but the folks in my office will help set those up.”
She shook her head. “I can’t let you do this. I won’t let you.”
“I already have. All you need to do is show up.”
“Which I’m not going to do.” God, she was never going to understand the man. There was nothing between them, and he was planning all this for her?
“Don’t be silly, Joy. Of course you’ll be there.”
“No. I. Won’t.”
In the long silence that followed, she thought perhaps that was the end of the conversation. But then he reached across the seat and took her hand.
“Do you know what kept me up last night?” His words seemed slow, rusty. As if he were forcing them. “After the flames were out, some of the firemen were walking around with flashlights. One of them stood in front of what was left of that stove and said he was surprised that no one was killed. I, uh, I pictured you, reheating that stew you were having, stirring a spoon in a pan. And I imagined what would have happened if I hadn’t showed up. If we hadn’t been talking in the study when the thing…”
His hand squeezed hers so hard she nearly cried out. But then he loosened his fingers and stroked her wrist.
“Look, I’m lousy at relationships, Joy, but I know all about positioning people for success. At least I can do right for you in one way.” When she stayed silent, he rubbed his thumb over her palm. “Okay?”
“No, it really isn’t. I feel like we’re back where we were, skating around each other, not really committed to anything. Tied together, but not really.”
“Then just take me out of it and think in terms of your designs. You loved working with Cass, didn’t you? And the result was fantastic. She said she was beating compliments off all night long at the Hall Gala. Now, you’ve got some other clients. You play this right and you could make a living doing what you love. This reception will help you get there.”
She forced herself to get past her frustration. He was right in one respect. She did love working with the clients and making the gowns. And this kind of opportunity for a young designer starting out on her own was like winning the lottery.
But how could she let him do this?
“Joy?”
God, the girl in her wanted to turn him down because the whole thing was linked to Gray when she really wasn’t. But the woman in her pointed out she’d be nuts to pass on the exposure.
“I just wish I understood you better,” she said softly.
But then she thought, No, that’s wrong. She understood him perfectly well. What she wished was that he could commit to her and to hell with her career plans.
“I want to do one thing right with you,” he said. “Just one thing, I want to do right. I’d consider it a…favor, if you’d let me do this.”
The rest of the trip back to his house was a quiet one. After he pulled up to the back door, he led her inside.
“I’ll bet you want a shower and a lie-down,” he said. “Let me show you where you’ll sleep.”
She followed him upstairs and down a corridor that ran to the lake side of the house. At the end, he opened a door into a room that was done in black, cream and gold.
“You’ll be staying in my room.”
Her eyes immediately went to the bed.
“Don’t worry, Libby changed the sheets.”
When she heard the door shut, she turned around, thinking he’d left her.
But no. He was still in the room.
“Bath’s through there,” he said, nodding to a corner.
She looked over. “So it is.”
There was a long silence. She frowned, thinking he had an odd expression on his face, one she couldn’t quite read. He was staring at her, his big body very still.
“Forgive me,” he said in a low voice.
“For what?”
“This.”
He crossed the distance between them in two strides, took her face into his hands, and kissed her as though he really meant it.
Hard. Demanding. Deep.
After she got over the shock, she fell against his body, grabbing his back. Too soon, he was breaking the kiss and putting his head down on her shoulder.
“Joy…” He took a deep breath. “It kills me to think of you with another man, but I’m not going to curtail your life. I hope you see whoever you want to up here. Just know that I’ll be thinking of you. Wanting you. And I hope when you’re down in the city, we can…be together.”
“Together how?”
He lifted his head and kissed her, burying his hands in her hair. The force of his passion burned through her clothes, her skin, her heart.
“I keep thinking I’ll be able to let you go,” he murmured. “But I can’t seem to do it.”
Well, at least that was something she could understand. For all the reasons she needed to cut him loose, the idea of never seeing him again gave her the cold cringes.
But she just couldn’t comprehend how he thought she’d be with anyone else.
“What’s it going to take,” she whispered, “for you to trust me?”
Gray shook his head. “I don’t have to trust you.”
“You’re wrong about that.”
“No, I’m not. I want you. That’s enough.”
After he left, she sat down on the bed, thinking she’d phrased it wrong. She needed to feel trusted if they were going to be together.
God, they were back where they started.
Nowhere. Except for the passion.
* * *
A COUPLE OF NIGHTS LATER, Joy woke up in a cold sweat, jolted from sleep by the bad dream that had been dogging her since she’d watched Gray go into the fire. In her nightmare, everything was just as it had happened that evening. The smells, the sights, the sounds. Except Gray didn’t come back out of the house.
Shaky, overheated, she slid from his bed and padded over the Oriental rug to the bathroom. The marble floor of the bath was cold under her feet and the water she splashed on her face was so icy it numbed her cheeks.
There’d be no going back to sleep, at least not for a while, so she pulled on a black cashmere robe that smelled like Gray and went downstairs. When she got to the first floor, she saw a glow coming from the back of the house.
“Frankie?” she called out.
“No, Alex.”
She walked into the kitchen. Her brother was warming something on the stove, wearing nothing but flannel pajama bottoms. One side of them had been ripped open to accommodate the cast and a couple of safety pins held the fabric together above his knee.
He must be cold, she thought, though she knew better than to suggest he put on more clothes.
“You hungry?” he said without looking up.
“No. Do you want help?”
“I think I can handle Campbell’s chicken noodle by myself.”
God, he was so thin now, she thought, easing herself into a chair at the table. Years of hard physical labor on sailboats had put pounds and pounds of muscle on his big frame and much of that was still with him. The difference was that any small layer of fat he’d had had been stripped from under his skin. His muscles were set in such stark relief, she could see their individual striations.
He took the pan from the stove, poured the steaming soup into a bowl, and then grabbed for his crutch. He carefully limped over to the table and spilled a little broth as he sat down. His face got fierce as he used his napkin to mop up.
He dunked his spoon, but he didn’t bring any of the food to his lips. He just stirred.
“Not sleeping well?” he asked her.
“No.”
“Nightmares?”
“How did you know?”
“Been there. Still doing that.” His brows came together, as if he were forcing himself to focus. Slowly he lifted a spoonful up from the bowl. He blew on it and then put it into his mouth.
Joy let out a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding.
The soft sound made Alex frown, as if he knew she was glad he was eating and he didn’t appreciate her concern.
“It’s not just the dreams,” she said quickly. “I really can’t sleep at all.”
“You didn’t burn down White Caps. You read the fire inspector’s report.”
“That’s not what’s keeping me up.”
“So what is?”
“I watched the man I love go into a flaming room. It’s not something I’m going to forget.”
Alex’s eyes snapped up to hers. “So you’ve got it that bad for Bennett?”
“Yes. But don’t tell Frankie. Don’t tell…anyone.”
He shook his head. “Watch yourself, Joy.”
“I know. He’s a lady killer. I’ve heard it all before. I tell it to myself.”
“Doesn’t help, does it?”
“What?”
“Telling yourself what to feel.” He went back to his soup.
“No, it doesn’t.” She watched as he ate some more, wondering about his private life. It was odd to know so little about the brother she loved so much. “Have you ever been in love, Alex?”
“Yes.”
Now that surprised her. “Really?”
He nodded.
“What happened?”
“Nothing good. That’s why I’m telling you to watch yourself. Even if Gray Bennett was a model of monogamy, and he isn’t, love is one long, rough road. To be avoided if possible.”
“Who was she?”
But Alex was finished talking. She could tell by the way his mouth had flattened. The closing down, shutting off, reminded her of Gray.
God, maybe the two of them should go out together. They’d be so damned comfortable in each other’s oppressive silences, reveling in the utter lack of intimacy.
“So when are you heading back to the city?” Alex asked.
“Now that Frankie and Nate aren’t having a big wedding, I guess I’ll go down sooner. And with Libby agreeing to watch Grand-Em, I feel a little more free about leaving.”
“Are you going to stay with Cassandra?”
She narrowed her eyes. His tone was so casual, too casual. Especially in light of the tension that had lifted his shoulders and made him grip his spoon as though it might slip out of his hand.
“Is it her?” Joy asked quietly. “Is she the one you loved?”
“No.”
“I think you’re lying.”
Alex lifted the spoon to his mouth. He paused, staring down at the bowl. “Doesn’t matter if I am.”
“Damn it, it matters to me,” she snapped.
Alex’s eyes shot across the table.
Before he could say anything, she linked her arms over her chest and glared at him. “Why the hell am I so untrustworthy? Will you please tell me? I mean, do I give off some kind of disreputable vibe? Because I just don’t get it.”
Her brother slowly put the spoon down. “Who said you were untrustworthy?”
“You are, right now. What do you think I’m going to do? Race up to Cassandra and spill your secret?”
“No,” he said slowly. “You won’t do that because I don’t have a secret to tell.”
“Oh, right. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that I have some integrity.” She got up. “My mistake.”
He grabbed her hand. “What the hell’s going on, Joy?”
“Nothing. Nothing is going on. Absolutely nothing is going on.”
“Sit down.”
“I don’t feel like it. Now let go of me.” She wrenched free of his grip and went over to a window. Outside, the full moon gleamed in a cloudless, cold sky.
“Yes. I love her.”
Joy wheeled around.
Alex wasn’t looking in her direction at all. And he seemed to have retracted into himself, his big body more compact than usual.
“Alex…”
“I started loving her the moment I first saw her run into my best friend’s arms. It’s been a hellacious six years and now that Reese is…gone, there’s no end in sight.” His vivid blue eyes flashed up at her. “I don’t like admitting this to myself. It’s got nothing to do with trusting you.”
Joy went back to the table. “Does she know?”
He shook his head. “Only you and God do. And it has to stay that way. Do we understand each other?”
She nodded, sinking down into a chair. “Perfectly.”
In the silence that followed, she watched as he ate.
“So I’m leaving soon,” he said abruptly.
“Going where?” She tried to keep her alarm to herself.
“There’s a bathroom with a shower in Dad’s old workshop. I figure I can move a bed in to the space.”
“But the shop’s not heated.”
“There’s a potbellied stove. I’ll be okay.” He fiddled with the spoon, running it in circles through the soup. “There are too many people in this house. And I don’t like living off Bennett’s hospitality.”
“Have you told Frankie?”
“Yeah. She blew a gasket, but she knows she can’t stop me. I did promise to stay here until my next check-up with the ortho doc. But then I’m gone.”
A feeling of unease curled around Joy’s heart. “Alex, if you slowly kill yourself, I will never forgive you.”
He smiled coldly into his soup. “Trust me, if I wanted to be dead, I’d be in the ground already. I’ve always known where the shotgun was in the house.”
Chapter Fourteen
THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND, Joy watched Frankie and Nate get married in the county courthouse. Spike was the other witness. Frankie wore a tailored pantsuit because the gown Joy had worked so hard on had been ruined by smoke and water. Nate was in a jacket and tie.
Seeing her sister dressed as if she were going to a job interview instead of taking a husband made Joy want to cry for everything Frankie had missed out on. The dress. The veil. The big party.
But the funny thing was, Frankie and Nate didn’t seem to mind the change in clothes or venue or plans. Heck, they didn’t even seem to notice they weren’t in a cathedral when the judge addressed them in his chambers. The two of them were glowing like stars, especially as they shared their first kiss as husband and wife.
